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The Honest Courtesan

Frank commentary from a semi-retired call girl

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« BDSM (Part Three)
April »

Black Men

September 18, 2010 by Maggie McNeill

Every writer, especially when first starting out, writes a few things that, on looking back, cause her to say something like “What the Hell was I thinking when I wrote that?”  In fact, there are a LOT of things I wrote my first year that make me feel that way.  However, I’m a big believer in transparency; before the Internet, one couldn’t just “un-publish” embarrassing articles, and I don’t think it’s ethical or even wise to try that now just because one can.  You can’t un-ring a bell, and you can’t unsay hurtful things, and to attempt to do so by shoving mistakes – even ugly ones – down the memory hole is to attempt to rewrite the past, a favorite pastime of censors and tyrants through the ages.  I’m a real, flawed human being, and though I believe racism and bigotry are deeply wrong, sometimes things don’t really come out like I wanted them to.  The post which appeared on this date was hands-down my most controversial; a lot of people called me a racist and worse because of it, but because I also received a lot of mail from black men thanking me for explaining it (even if they sometimes rightfully chastised me for the crappy, sloppy, careless, insensitive, amateurish, assholish, and unnecessarily hurtful way I expressed it), I’ve always felt it was best to leave it up.  However, the essay has recently become a major bone of contention in the sex worker rights movement, and some people whose opinions and feelings I care deeply about have told me that they are offended or upset by it.  As many of you know or have surmised, I consider loyalty to those I love to be among the highest of virtues, so when a loved one says that something I did – even inadvertently, and even six years ago – hurt her in some way, you can bank on the fact that I’m going to try to correct that in any way I can.  And so, though I know the decision will annoy or upset some people as much as the original essay did, I have decided it’s time to take it down.  I am not doing this in order to pretend it never existed; as I wrote above, I own my mistakes as much as I own my accomplishments.  And even if I wanted it to vanish completely, the internet has made that impossible.  The reason I am doing this is, quite simply, because some people I respect and some people I love and respect asked me to, and that is reason enough for me.   I apologize to any readers who may have been offended by my language, or who may be offended in the future by copies of the essay which exist elsewhere; please believe that any hurt I caused was wholly unintentional.

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Posted in Call types, Perception | Tagged anecdote, bad customers, dirty, ethics, psychology, racism, stereotypes | 39 Comments

39 Responses

  1. on September 18, 2010 at 11:01 am TheHumanScorch

    Wow.

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  2. on September 18, 2010 at 11:26 am Maggie McNeill

    “Wow” meaning you’re surprised at this, or “wow” that I had the nerve to say it? Because honestly, I don’t think I said anything new here except insofar as it relates specifically to working girls.

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    • on September 18, 2010 at 11:34 am TheHumanScorch

      I meant, wow that I’m surprised at this.

      So it’s all about ego, and bruised feelings over the fact that the women are not just delightedly surrendering to the ebony maleness.

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      • on September 18, 2010 at 11:40 am Maggie McNeill

        Yeah, that’s what I think anyhow. I’m not a psychologist, but that’s the only explanation I can come up with which makes any kind of sense. If a professional sex researcher has a different idea I’m all ears.

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  3. on September 18, 2010 at 11:58 am thehumanscorch

    Some of that aggression and “need to prove something”ness comes from having ball busting, emasculating mothers and aunts. The kind that provoke men to anger with massive amounts of disrespect, and there’s no way to retaliate.

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    • on September 18, 2010 at 12:01 pm Maggie McNeill

      As I said, other people are far more qualified than I to analyze where the hypermasculinity and misogyny come from; all I know is the way they affected me in my business.

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  4. on September 19, 2010 at 9:42 pm Sailor Barsoom

    It would be interesting to see how this differs from nation to nation. A black man from the UK, France, or Zimbabwe might be completely different. If there wasn’t such a social stigma on prostitution, we would probably have this information.

    You’re not the first call girl I’ve talked to online. There was one from Houston who was asked (by a black poster) about black clients. She stated that she didn’t have a racial bias, but she did have a cultural bias. A black man who simply called and talked was fine, but one who called up and sounded like a parody of “Boyz In the Hood” was turned down. These were the ones, she said, who were determined to make every minute count, and who liked to talk down to her.

    So when I saw what this post was about, I remembered BustyGirlInHouston, and what she said.

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    • on September 19, 2010 at 9:58 pm Maggie McNeill

      She stated that she didn’t have a racial bias, but she did have a cultural bias. A black man who simply called and talked was fine, but one who called up and sounded like a parody of “Boyz In the Hood” was turned down.

      Yep. As I used to say to young escorts who asked me about it, “If you can’t tell he’s black on the phone it usually doesn’t matter.”

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  5. on September 21, 2010 at 1:34 am Brooke

    Hi There,
    Interesting discussion. I do think though, being a european provider, that many men are like this, regardless of colour, but probably the ones who have to please women (their wives or whoever) on a daily base, so they can get rid of all their aggressions by finally finding a subordinate to boss around or feel powerful about – aka the same happening with SM style relationships, where they live a plain vanilla life officially and a BDSM life secretely. Where prostitution is legal and authorized, all men behave that way. Its a character thing. So what you describe here i have experienced with white men as well, and so i do chose my clients based on character rather than skin color. And unfortunately – in our western society many men behave that way. Especialy in times of Viagra or having younger clients. I avoid boys for example since they tend to watch to many porn movies (mysogynistic ones of course – aka Rocco Siffreddi) and then really do think a woman gets pleased by that style. People have to get – generally speaking – more in contact with sensuality than with stereotypes, role models or expectations of others.

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    • on September 21, 2010 at 8:28 am Maggie McNeill

      Hi, Brooke! I have indeed run into a few white men in the US who are like that, though this particular combination of characteristics is more common in black men here. I talked about examples of two of the types you mention (clients who are sadistic with prostitutes and young guys who watch far too much porn) in my column of August 11th, so you may be interested in that one as well.

      Welcome to the site; I hope we hear from you often!

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      • on September 21, 2010 at 12:34 pm Sailor Barsoom

        Young men who watch a lot of porn are probably OK if they also watch a lot of science fiction and fantasy. Those young men will more aware than most that what you see on the screen isn’t real.

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      • on September 21, 2010 at 1:50 pm Maggie McNeill

        Young men who watch a lot of porn are probably OK if they also watch a lot of science fiction and fantasy. Those young men will more aware than most that what you see on the screen isn’t real.

        🙂

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  6. on December 18, 2010 at 9:16 pm Newbie Havana

    I myself am black and been in the business now for 6 months. Of the few black men I’ve seen i can honestly say i have been completely disgusted and horrified. They have been rude, cheap, insulting, displayed poor hygiene and unpleasant in general. My second month in the business i was raped by one and haven’t had interest in them professionally or personally since. Also i find alot of the one that call are pimps but i think that has something to do with where i advertise.

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    • on December 18, 2010 at 9:27 pm Maggie McNeill

      I’m sorry to hear about your bad experiences, Havana, especially the rape; no matter how common it is in our profession I’m always sad when one of my sisters has to go through that. 🙁

      I have heard that different advertising venues do draw very different sorts of customers; have you researched other sites that might potentially attract a higher class of clientele?

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    • on December 18, 2010 at 9:51 pm Brooke

      that is terrible to say, but i can state the exact same about white men. And i am white. So – the bias about colour is obsolete in my point of view. I have been abused by white men, white men have bad hygiene, especially when not circumsized and a lot more. Maybe the area where you (or i) work contributes a lot to that matter.

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      • on May 11, 2011 at 5:17 am Kola

        Brooke……God bless your soul

        Questions for Newbie..

        (1) Which men have the highest proprtion of uncircumsized willys??…how does an uncircumsized willy smell??

        (2)New bie…blk men always had poor hygine..and wht guys always smelt mint fresh???

        (3) I hear a sweaty unclean wht man smells like a wet chicken…i hear the smell is different from that of a sweaty blk man…is this true??..u probably wont know as u “dont come across unclean wht men”..but if u do know ill be grateful to know if dirty white men smell different from dirty blk men…by the way newbie…kindly also let me know if clean wht men do smell different fom clean blk men..and which of the “clean” smells you prefer….or u have never smelt a clean blk man ??

        “And you shall know the truth , and the truth shall set you free”………which passage in the bible says this ???

        “The tongue is a double edged sword”……..i didnt finish this quote…….i dont know the rest of it, but i know there is a passage in the bilbe which talks about the horror of a slanderours tongue……newbie, can you hlpl me complete the quote and remind me which passage in the bible talks about the slanderous tongue??

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        • on May 11, 2011 at 9:24 am Maggie McNeill

          You are barking up the wrong tree, Kola; as I said in the essay smell has NOTHING to do with it. You are trying to make this about prejudice when it isn’t; it’s about the natural aversion of women to a group of men who tend to treat them badly. Havana has “slandered” nobody; she told the truth. I find it interesting that so many men are still averse to it that they feel compelled to call women who speak it “liars”.

          You have had no problems with women because you don’t belong to the American black subculture, yet you can’t accept that the culture s the problem rather than the “bigotry” bogeyman? This is not rational thinking.

          To answer your questions: in the United States there isn’t much difference between circumcision rates among black men and white, and black men smell differently because they have a higher concentration of sebaceous glands than white men do.

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  7. on December 21, 2010 at 6:36 am Newbie Havana

    Well I have found a couple of sites that screen and work only with verifiable members. Also Ive moved and work in a more affluent area of my city. Its amazing really. The better grade of clients are a dream to work with. I hate asking for the “donation” and that awkward are you a cop on the phone and in person screening but i still have a lot to learn i suppose. Ive spoken to a few other girls and they not only have a no black men policy, but no one under 30 which I think I’ll take on also. I really don’t mean to exault one race over the other. However my Caucasian clients get it. They understand this is a service and have more of a live and let live attitude.

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    • on December 21, 2010 at 9:24 am Maggie McNeill

      You sound like you’re learning fast, and that’s great! Regarding black men, I found that the more educated and affluent ones weren’t any different from white men; it was only among the poorer and less-educated that the differences became obvious. So once you have a clientele you’re happy with, you might try accepting black men from that sphere. But whether you do or not is YOUR decision and nobody else’s, and you must never let anyone make you feel bad about it. You have to do what is right for you, regardless of what others think, and if that means refusing to see black men, fat men, young men, old men or whatever it’s your business. 🙂

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  8. on December 22, 2010 at 1:04 pm BC

    Gee Maggie, do you know of any black males outside of the hobby?

    You mean to tell me not one white client has been disrespectful towards you in any matter? Or is just black men?

    There is a popular website that is based in Dallas. I’m sure you are aware of it. Seems like the majority of the major alerts that are posted on this site are about some creepy old fat white guy.

    “..; he lacked either the dialectal accent or the characteristic vocal timbre of a black man. :

    Just terrible! And what might that might be?

    Your whole article/post just reeks of stereotypes. I suggest you meet some black males outside of the hobby.

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    • on December 22, 2010 at 1:22 pm Maggie McNeill

      And I suggest that you A) learn to read; and B) learn to stop projecting your own inability to think rationally onto others. As I stated in the article, I personally had no problems with black clients; it is, however, a FACT that many escorts do. Your denial of this easily-provable FACT (for starters, you might try looking up the thread at the post from a black escort just above yours) is indicative of your defensiveness, not any prejudice in me. And if you don’t recognize that the voices of most black men tend to have a certain timbre, you’re either tone-deaf or don’t know what the word “timbre”means.

      I think it’s sad that some people are so wound up in their own emotional issues that they imagine those issues in others where they don’t exist. A number of black men have written thanking me for this article, but obviously they would rather know the truth than wallow in the belief that any criticism of them constitutes a “stereotype”.

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      • on December 22, 2010 at 2:43 pm Sailor Barsoom

        I’d like to put in that while I’ve never met Maggie in person, I have known her online for years before she started this blog. She is fond of speaking her mind, and rather disparaging of political correctness. I do believe that I would know by now if she were racist, and I do not believe that she is.

        As for “characteristic vocal timbre,” yes, black men tend to have a certain quality of voice which is recognizable. You can hear it when Barack Obama speaks. He certainly isn’t speaking in any stereotypical way, but you can tell from his voice that he is a black man. Now, not every black man has that, and a few white men do (Elvis Presley got a record contract because he had it). But it isn’t a slur to mention it, any more than saying “black men tend to have darker skin than white men” would be a slur.

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      • on December 22, 2010 at 6:56 pm Maggie McNeill

        Thanks, Sailor! This ignoramus really pissed me off earlier; if his head were not lodged firmly in his own rectum he would know that, since New Orleans is majority black, I’ve known dozens of black men outside “the hobby” (Aphrodite, I hate that term, especially when used to include the escort’s side!)

        It’s just sad that some people have so much ugliness in their hearts that they tend to see it in everyone else even when it isn’t there. But there is one heartening thing: In 103 views in the three months since this was posted, this was the first poster to scream “racism”! I take heart in the fact that at least 99% of my readers have more sense.

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  9. on December 22, 2010 at 10:07 pm Newbie Havana

    Omg, BC, really? I’m Black and know for sure there’s a difference between the base, dialect and tone of various races. I can tell almost instantly if the guy is Black, White, Hispanic and so on. Personally I can appreciate the differences. And the issue isn’t about race its about protecting yourself when you see a pattern. Though I’ve probably past up many an opportunity because of my no Black men policy, I have been incident free since implemented. And don’t think that every other race has a free pass. If I get a feeling or you sound creepy in the least bit its a no go. And I think its funny you suggest Maggie to meet men outside of the hobby as if to admit to some truth to the post.

    Maggie:
    I applaud your honesty and I don’t feel threatened at all. Thank you for stating your, and and many women in this businesses truth. I hate how everyone is so caught up in political correctness. I know, and am related to many wonderful Black men but in this business there different. Its just the truth. By the way, something I’ve noticed is that you really don’t see successful educated Black men “entertain” Black women. Go figure huh?

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    • on December 22, 2010 at 10:13 pm Maggie McNeill

      Thanks for your support, Havana! It’s obvious that BC is very defensive, so he prefers to “shoot the messenger” than to listen to a message which makes him uncomfortable. He did try to respond again with more of the same kind of snide remarks and implications, but I just spammed him so future attempts will be trashed. That kind of nonsense is not welcome here.

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    • on May 11, 2011 at 4:52 am Kola

      New bie Havana – You really dont see succesful blk men entertain blk women ??….do you live on the planet earth or planet mars??

      So lots or most succesful blk men flock to wht women???

      I think men would generaly look for something new or different from an escort agency

      Thus a lady who sees the world from the prism of an escort agency alone may misunderstand……and not realise that an escort agency provides ample and free ground for sexual experimentation and discorvery which all males love. A blk man who has had blk women all his life may thus see no need to pay for another blk lady…its free ground to explore….a natural primal instinct of men of all races

      Read the “mayflower madamme’s book” …in the late 70’s and early 80’s when the UK was not such a multiracial society she noticed lots of Englsh and European men who visted the US asked her agency for blk women…reason??…in those days fewer blk women lived on the continent of europe , thus lots of European men quickly explored thier curiosity of blk womnen when they visited continental US which had the largest number of Blk women after Africa.

      Should she then conclude that succesful European men dont entertain wht women??

      If New Bie Havan’s deduction is right i guess then over 50% of succesful blk men have chosen wht women as permanent partners or wives??…me thinks its as low as 10%.

      Its obviously necessary to understand some of the reasons why men patronise escorts….to think that statistics of preferences based on the analysis of data from a whore house is a reflection of the totality of mens sexuality is a flaw….there is a world beyond the world of escort agencies.

      I wish the world wide data of companions and wifes of succesful blk men was available…i wish so

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    • on May 11, 2011 at 5:29 am Kola

      Havana..u are related to many wonderful blk men, but in this bussiness they are different??

      Perhaps u may also ask God to sexually re porogramme the blk man….so that in this bussiness he may be the same as the wht man??

      Or as a contribution to the progress and upliftment of the image of your race you may embark on a massive awarness campaing to change the sexual orientation and attitude of the blk man

      This would be a great contibution to your race , you may even win a nobel price if you succed, and perhaps after your success in re orientating the blkmen sexually ,you may consider seeing blk men ??

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      • on May 11, 2011 at 9:15 am Maggie McNeill

        Kola, you are from Africa and so may not recognize the direction American black culture has taken. As I said in my essay, this has NOTHING to do with prejudice or biology because black escorts are the MOST likely ones to have the rule. It’s about cultural baggage and assumptions and nothing else, and it’s certainly not about the “prism” of escorting except in the sense that the misogynistic attitudes of many young black Americans are concentrated and increased in relation to prostitutes. Neither Newbie nor me nor any other woman can change this; it will have to come from within the American black culture. As American blacks take the chip off of their collective shoulder and join the mainstream, I’m sure “no blacks allowed” policies will vanish; the black customers I saw and liked were those who didn’t share the destructive attitudes toward women.

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        • on May 11, 2011 at 1:36 pm Sailor Barsoom

          It should be remembered that until the Loving v. Virginia case in 1967, interracial marriage was illegal in many American states. For comparison, both Maggie and I were born the year before that, and Laura two years. When Star Trek first hit American television, marrying a person of a different race was still a crime in some parts of the same nation that was rapidly closing in on a manned mission to the Moon.

          Today’s middle-aged black men (and women, of course) are but a single generation removed from segregated schools, rigged literacy tests used to restrict black Americans from voting, anti-miscegenation laws, requirements to sit at the back of the bus, etc. My nation is only a few generations removed from slavery.

          It’s easy for white Americans to forget this, and for non-Americans of any race to neglect the impact of this fairly recent institutionalized racism on the American population, be they black, white, or “other.”

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  10. on January 30, 2011 at 4:06 pm Rick Jones

    Some of it may be true, but most black men are brought up to know prostitutes are prostitutes, doesn’t matter if you call yourself “courtesan” or not. You have sex for money, it is what it is.

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    • on January 30, 2011 at 4:34 pm Maggie McNeill

      Your point being…?

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  11. on May 10, 2011 at 10:13 pm Kola

    Maggie….Your article is Interesting. Am a black man. It makes me fantasise about meeting you. I sense an intelligent and sharp mind….i sense great company..something i value a lot when i see an escort. For me , one great part of the thrill of meeeting an escort is interacting with a great personality . You sound like one….But i guess its too late..u are retired

    I have travelled a lot in my life,my work takes me around the world, i have met escorts of all races, i am aware of this steroetype.The stereoptype does have an effect on me as follows;

    When i choose to see a white escort it takes me a while to “relax” and be myself.Am always thinking “whats going on in her mind” and trying hard to bust the stereotype…ie make her realise she isnt in the company of an ill mannered,and uncouth man.

    Being with a white escort always involes “walking on thin ice” watching my mannerisms and ensuring i come across as a gentle man in the first few hours of our meeting ( i dont do one hour quickies and prefer all night appointments).Not being able to just be myself straight away puts a burden on me for sometime.I have met many white ladies whom i think found me intruiging and interesting…..probably because i didnt conform with the stereotype…and especially bcos am African ( They jst dont expect an African to be a financially upscale and a well bred gentleman).

    Racial and cultural curiousity..and the desire to unravel an alien but inteligent and interesting character, whilst having company is usually the driving factor for me.

    I do see Asian and latino women too, its all part of unravelling new mysteries and having company.But i dont see oriental women. Nothing to do with racial bias…i just like women with some some flesh….and oriental women tend to be really smallish and not as physicall endowed as women of other races ( not busty and flat assed)….i am physically attracted to women with ample proportions.For me ,a lady may be thin….but should not smallish ..she may be thin ..but some eye catching cleavage should exist

    The ultimate for me however is the black woman..i dont have to spend the first few hours trying hard to come across as a gentle man…..i am at ease from the first few minutes of the meeting..she would suit my sexual prefernce by her physical attributes..( blk women tend to be endowed the way i really like, busty and big bottomed)..and i am in my natural domain the inhibitions of two strangers meeting tends to melt away faster

    As regards what you said about “the white woman being off limits to the blk man in the past” hence the tendency of blk men to seek white escorts, i think u may be wrong. All men ( wht , blk, arab,latino, oriental or non oriental asian)have a certain degree of curiousty about women of other races.

    Man is inherently polygamous and sexually curious always wanting to “taste that which is outside his normal domain”.My guess is lots of escorts have men of races other than thiers wanting to see them.One of the easiest ways of satisftying such curiosity is seeing an escort of a different race.Blk men inclusive….it doesnt have to do with any race being off limits to another race in the past…those days are long gone over 160 years ago

    I have seen and talked with hundereds of wht,arab and asian and latino bussiness partners who visit Africa for the first time and are driven by that curiosity to “find out what a blk woman looks and feels like naked”. I have had to help many bussiness buddies fulfil that fantasy after a one man to another confession about thier curiousity.I think Its just primal instict to explore new grounds, which is common to all men.

    Lots of succesful blk men seek white females as trophies to show off??…this is an observation you made. Maggie….there are lots of interracial marriages in the world today….between all kind of races and simply driven by love.Furthermore a lot of succesful blk men marry thier own kind…if we take a world wide statistics of how many succesful blk men are married to wht women do you honestly think more than 10% of them are married to white women??.

    I think most sucessful blk men by virtue of the intelligence that made then succesful are smart enough to comprehend what life would be like walking dowm the street with your wife and having so many dissaproving stares in a world where subtle racism is still prevalent.Interacial marriages do have thier own problems…lots of succesful blk men prefer to avoid such problems.Most succesful blk men have enough common sense to choose a blk wife who would stand by them if the fortune dissapears, and most know the white woman who dates them would never have if they wherent that rich.The average upscale blk man knows that a sister is an ideal “for better for worse, in richness or porverty, in sickness or health….till death do us part companion” . Not many blk men consider a wht woman as a trophy to show off thier upper class status.

    Besides a succesful blk man would most likely have had quite a few wht dates in his life , and when you have dated or slept with women of other races you soon realise one thing……. “what ever the colour of a woman – pussy is all the same its always pink inside”.

    I however agree that certain character traits such as as u mentioned may be perculiar to blks of the lower socio economic group…..but then are whts of the lower socio escnomic group saints or gentle men..????…take a booking from the average red neck and find out

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  12. on May 12, 2011 at 3:11 am Newbie Havana

    Kola:

    Your taking this kinda hard. To the point that you completely missed the message. I said before and will restate, its not about racism or self hate on my part, its all about patterns. It would be insane for me to do the same thing over and over again, and to expect different results when I’ve still yet to see positive change. Misogyny and violence doesn’t have a color but in the black community its publicly encouraged. There is a boldness and a pride to the degradation of women in the black community. Also you’ve never been a female or an escort so you opinion on this subject is limited along with your pseudo intelligence.

    And I didn’t say that successful Black males choose white women, I said they choose out of there race. Thats Asian Latina, White, etc. Personally I have no prob with it. You like who you like. But to make me feel as if I’m being disloyal to my culture for protecting my self i just gotta say NEGRO PLEASE! Is that black enough for you? I’m not going to sit here and lie to protect the fragile ego of the black male. Yes I am black but I’m a woman before anything. In this business and in general black males are not my cup of tea, and as far as re orientating the black men sexually I’ll leave that to the black women that still feel that unhealthy loyalty as expected. Good day (^_^)

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  13. on May 12, 2011 at 10:22 am Kola

    Havana;

    violence is publicly encouraged in the black community??

    There is a boldness and pride to the degradation of women in the black community??

    i have pseudo intellience??

    you just gota say NEGRO PLEASE!!!…..is that black enough for me ???

    You are not going to lie to potect THE FRAGILE EGO of the black male??

    re orientating black men sexually is for those black women who still feel UNHEALTHY LOYALTY to black men??

    Am taking this kinda hard??

    …sweetheart i wish you the best in life …i honestly do…no sarcasm……take care protect your self and stay safe

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  14. on May 21, 2011 at 8:33 am Kevin

    This is the kind of nonsence that makes my blood boil. A bank account balance and a certain skin color doesn’t gurantee class. I’m sick and tired of black men being painted with the same brush. The black man treating ladies they way anyone should treat them and being responsible is the normal black man; the thugs are not! White men are judged on an individual basis but never are black men. I suspect racism is at the core of this crap. Let’s protect the “our” white women from the rapist black man lie. I don’t diminish the experences of the ladies in question. I definetly understand where their conclusions are drawn from. But I can tell you it doesn’t feel great when you’ve paid for time and you detect an attitude from the provider and you haven’t conducted yourself in any manner other than a gentleman. When someone doesn’t like black people you can feel it right away. Yes there are some knuckleheads that weren’t taught at home but that is true of every race. White men are hardly the standard of morality when it comes to behavior. I think you should be able to see whom ever you want. The young “Black” lady that says she was raped by “one” let me tell you all those white business men in suites are sometimes guilty of the same thing. But you won’t lump them in the same category. No, you couldn’t tell I was a sterotypical black man on the phone neither. I’m not a thug nor any of my friends. I wondered why in the city I live in, providers felt the need to mentioned skin color wasn’t a problem for her services. I have often heard of the climate in New Orleans and it’s history but thought it wasn’t completely true. You obviously thought strongly about this to write a blog about black men so it still is an issue in you city. I’m sure you sit on one side of the issue also. It really doesn’t matter anyway because I won’t change anyone’s mind that has though to take this stand short of Jesus coming back and once and for all showing he wasn’t a pale white man with long blond hair (no insult intended nor implied). Thankyou for at least reading my reply. I wish you the best.

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    • on May 21, 2011 at 9:18 am Maggie McNeill

      Kevin, it’s not “nonsense”; just because YOU don’t fall into a pattern doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I get angry at statements people make about whores, but that doesn’t mean some of those statements aren’t true in many cases; the difference between us is that I discuss those cases rather than trying to pretend they don’t exist and insulting people who bring them up. As I said in my post above, escorts are among the most pragmatic of women; they don’t generally do things without reason. The “NBA” attitude is not based in “racism” because, as I said, those who adhere to the policy most rigidly are black women.

      Nobody here is “painting black men with the same brush”; in fact I took the time in the post to explain that, and a number of black men have written to thank me for the post. But others want to go off half-cocked and shout “racism” where none exists. I totally believe that you’re not a thug, and as I said above I had many black clients that weren’t. And yes, there are certainly white clients who are. But that doesn’t change the fact that the number of bad black clients exceeds the number of bad white clients by a considerable enough margin that many girls refuse to see them. That is a FACT, whether you like it or not.

      Kevin, let me give you a thought experiment here. Let’s say you owned a business which catered solely to women, such as a women’s clothing store. And let’s say you noticed after a while that while 5% of brunettes were problem customers, 25% of blondes were. That STILL means that 75% of blondes were good customers, and that SOME brunettes were bad ones, but don’t you think after a while you’d begin to get a bit gun-shy when you saw a blonde walk through the door? Now let me add one more level to the model: You don’t have employees, and EVERY ONE of those customers has to be waited on by you. How many annoying encounters would it take for you to get fed up? Well, that’s where these women are. They have noticed a trend, and since they’re the only ones who have to deal with it they eventually give up trying.

      Personally, as I said in the article above, I considered “no black” policies to be throwing the baby out with the bathwater. But I do NOT have the right to make that choice for other women! No male can even begin to understand how personal prostitution is for women, because men don’t experience sex as we do. And if in that thought experiment above you might be annoyed at letting a certain group of customers into your store, can you imagine how a woman feels letting a troublemaker into her BODY?

      Finally, just listen to yourself! You write “I wondered why in the city I live in, providers felt the need to mentioned skin color wasn’t a problem for her services“, but then follow it with “I have often heard of the climate in New Orleans and it’s history but thought it wasn’t completely true.” Talk about prejudice! After admitting that you’ve encountered the “NBA” syndrome elsewhere you still feel compelled to cast it as a “Southern thing”! In the time since I wrote this column, I have discovered it’s common throughout the US, and I get Google hits every single day from searches like “Why won’t escorts see black men?”.

      Then you come out with “You obviously thought strongly about this to write a blog about black men so it still is an issue in you city.” WTF? I mean seriously! I have a blog dealing with every aspect of whoring, which answers reader questions every month, and I’ve written numerous columns about every conceivable issue I can think of, but you’re going to sit there and pretend that my covering an issue so freaking common that it gets searched EVERY DAMNED DAY and generates threads on every escort board at least once a month, derives from some personal prejudice in me? I find that highly insulting and not a little disappointing. Then last but not least, you follow it up with “I’m sure you sit on one side of the issue also“, practically accusing me of racism! But I’ll answer your question. I do indeed sit on one side of the issue, and here it is: A woman has the right to grant sex or refuse sex to ANYONE SHE WANTS, regardless of the reasons. Period. End of discussion. I don’t care if she gives it away to anyone whose name is “Joseph” or denies it to anyone below 6’3″, the reasons are HERS and HERS ALONE. That’s the “side” I’m on, and if you don’t like it, tough.

      In closing, I am DONE with this subject. I wrote this column so black men could understand why escorts are skittish about seeing them, and some wise black men have thanked me because they understand that KNOWLEDGE IS POWER and one can’t defeat a fear or prejudice without understanding why it exists. But others prefer to cover their ears like children and scream “racism”! Well and fine. The post is here, and will remain here for men who have the wisdom to learn. But the comments are now closed and I won’t waste one more minute responding to insulting attempts to deny reality at the expense of my reputation.

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  15. on July 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm The Honest Courtesan and the Black Male « Alexandria Fox Speaks

    […] as outlined in depth by The Honest Courtesan in New Orleans, there are certain things that come with seeing Black men as clients.  I want to […]

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  16. on December 11, 2015 at 11:17 pm Remembering to Return Our VideoTapes | AltLeft.com

    […] searching through escort ads on Backpage and notice how many hundreds of them explicitly say “No Black Men.” People often talk about how communism is often romanticized among bougie western hipsters […]

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  17. on January 28, 2016 at 7:41 pm Maggie McNeill | Jeff Pearlman

    […] One of your posts contains a really loaded point: “The typical black man seems to believe that the point of intercourse is to damage a woman’s […]

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