Today is Valentine’s Day, or as men like to call it, Extortion Day! – Jay Leno
A few Februaries ago my husband called me from the road one day to tell me what a fantastic wife I was, and how lucky he was to have me; I replied that although I wholly agreed with those statements, I was at a loss to understand what exactly had precipitated them in the middle of an afternoon when he wasn’t even nearby to observe my glory firsthand. He then explained that all his coworkers were talking about how they were going to catch hell from their wives for not being home on Valentine’s Day, and how their gifts were going to have to be that much more expensive to make up for it; this reminded him what a rational woman he had married, and he felt moved to express his gratitude.
Though Valentine’s Day is not one of the governmental or artificial holidays for which I have a strong aversion, it might as well be; as I explained two years ago it’s nearly as old as Christmas, and its origins are just as pagan and every bit as dark. But from the time of its repurposing as a celebration of romantic love in the late 14th century, it has become steadily more commercial; the first mass-produced greeting cards were valentines, and in the 1950s merchants began to market it as an occasion for giving flowers, chocolates, etc. Then in the 1980s, jewelers convinced American women that they “deserved” diamond jewelry on the day; at that rate it’s about time for another escalation, and I shudder to think what may be next (expensive “romantic” vacations, perhaps?) I’ve told every man in my life the same thing about the occasion: don’t buy into the hype. While I like getting thoughtful cards and might appreciate a small gift or being taken to dinner, I only want those if they’re heartfelt and freely given. An obligatory “gift” of a certain expected value which must be presented at a certain time in order to retain a woman’s sexual favors is not a love offering, but rather a whore’s fee. And while I obviously have absolutely nothing against that, I prefer for it to be an honest and consensual arrangement mutually agreed upon by two adults, rather than a coercive charade designed to mask the transactional nature of a sexual relationship.
Don’t give them ideas! 🙂 I knew a guy who surprised his g/f on Valentine’s Day with a trip to Venice and proposed to her under some bridge of historical/romantic import. Every guy I knew wanted to murder him.
I’m fortunate to also have a wife who doesn’t place much import in Valentine’s Day (and is also appreciative that I hate the holiday because of various non-romantic calamities that happened to occur on it).
I do housework all year long. There, I admitted it.
I do that because about two decades ago I realized that sex came in much greater quantities because my wife uses it for “positive reinforcement”. Fine with me – tell me the rules of the game and I’m IN baby!!
A study that just came out suggest that men who do housework, get less sex …
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barbara-risman/housework_b_2641183.html
I think this might be true for most men – but it’s not true for me and I think I know why. It’s because I’m REGULARLY GONE … on the road … traveling … sometimes for months and, when I’m not at home – my wife handles the whole shebang. Soooo … when I come home and start picking up the load again … she’s reminded that I’m worth my keep!
So I don’t have to buy expensive gifts – I didn’t get my wife anything this year but I’ll take her out to dinner tonight. And after that, hehe … 😉
I’ll come home and do some laundry! 😀
Oh and don’t get the idea that I’m some whipped “beta male” for doing housework. There’s ONE REASON I do it and I constantly remind my wife of what it is. I was cleaning the kitchen the other day and she said … “Oh thank you sweetie for cleaning the kitchen”. I told her … “No problem, I’m just cleaning up some space on this counter that I can throw you down on later and have my way!”
I absolutely CANNOT abide men doing housework. There are several reasons, but the “ick” factor is the least of them; a much greater one is that it triggers far too much guilt, and a larger one than that is that it reminds me of the way my father would every once in a while decide our rooms needed to be cleaned up and would suddenly burst in early on a Saturday morning with a garbage bag and start throwing everything that wasn’t nailed down into it. The only way to protect oneself was to stay close behind him, grabbing things out and putting them into other places until he got frustrated enough to leave it to us…and that might take over an hour. I lost many of my early writings that way, in a “purge” he did soon after I went off to UNO; one of the losses was over four years’ worth of a monthly parody magazine I used to write for my younger siblings. Another was a long series (over 20) of funny sketches called “The Road to Mudville”. So for a man to do housework in my house triggers an icky, guilt-ridden panic attack, which is absolutely NOT good.
Damn … did you and I have the SAME DAD?? WTF … that’s creepy.
No my wife has no problem with it. I was doing dishes in my jeans and no shirt one day and she walked by and said … well, I won’t tell you what she said because it was so dirty! 😉
You and Maggie do seem like brother and sister…
I fail to see the importance of attaching a sex to the housework job, and, moreover, I think that ‘entitlement’ aspect of it is based on a society where all women are stay at home, and all men are the primary money earner. Its fine to say “whoever is the homemaker should do the house work” but attaching any gender to it is idiotic. I don’t care if most homemakers are still women- in the absence of a homemaker, both parties must do housework or it does not get done, and encouraging one half of that team to claim that they are doing the other a “favor” is flatly wrong.
My husband and I both work full time jobs- it would be nonsensical for just one of us to be in charge of housework! Each of us just does the jobs we are best at/most comfortable doing, and because we’re both new at it, we’re building out housekeeping skills together, and our genders have nothing to do with it.
I hate to call you sexist on this one, but there is no other way to describe your attitude. Its not about gender, but experience.
You can argue whether it’s innate or learned, but a single woman will generally do more housekeeping than a single man. You say that housework is divided equally with your husband, but who is really directing the effort, who is keeping track of the balance of work, and who will be annoyed and who will face sanctions if a task isn’t performed?
That is a meaningless argument. I’m saying the status quo is either wrong or irrelevant(in that it is out dated)
And yes, its divided equally. I don’t think I do more than my share, nor do I think he does less than his. End.
There is no such thing as men’s and woman’s work. Quoting the status quo at that does not take away from my argument that its a sexist way of thinking.
I’m not saying everyone has to be like me and my husband, all I’m saying is that anyone could be, with the right mind set.
Except that I don’t want to be. As I told the guy who thought I should discard my few irrational ideas to become a “pure rationalist”, I’m happy with myself the way I am and see no more reason to waste my life attempting to change it to suit some other person’s idea of “enlightenment”, than I see in changing my diet to suit someone else’s notion of “good nutrition”.
Let me clarify- I also don’t think everyone should be like me and my husband. All I’m saying is that there is no need to limit what people can and cannot do, or how people should and should not act, based on gender.
I have no problem with people who want to be homemakers- if a couple can afford it, I think its great! But I also don’t think that is should be limited to only women can do it. There is nothing wrong with being a homemaker, whether you are a guy or a girl, and there is nothing wrong with being a bread winner, whether you are a guy or a girl.
I certainly don’t think you are less of a person, and I hope I didn’t give that impression. I know alot of ‘female empowerment’ type folks claim or imply that homemakers undermine their work, but that’s not what I think, mostly because it isn’t true.
The only thing that is undermining is to say its ‘unnatural’ for a person to do a job because of the flavor of their sex organs. The only limits on who can and cannot do a job should be based on capacity and willingness.
All I’m saying is that it is sexist to be uncomfortable with someone doing a thing, anything at all, based on sex alone. Which it is.
and you shouldn’t have to be either…..everyone has different needs and desires they want from life. Some for example want to be a mother……others don’t. Neither one is wrong for how they think, it’s just how they are. If you’re more comfortable doing the work in the house and you have a man that understands that and you are both happy with the arrangement of things, that’s all that matters. We all have to find our own happiness and contentment in life, in whatever places we may choose to find them. There’s no right or wrong way to go about it in the end.
We’d do better to accept differences in how we do things, rather than try and force each other into one box over another. Would have a lot less conflicts that way.
“There is no such thing as men’s and woman’s work.” Barring the fact that it’s biologically impossible for a man to carry a child to term and nurse his offspring, both of which are extremely labor and time intensive. There is biologically based division of ‘men’s’ and ‘women’s’ work that absolutely has import with the household and family. Denying this is silly.
Nonsense- I did admit pregnancy is the exception, but that is they only exception.
A family does not need a female homemaker or a male breadwinner to be functional, happy and healthy. It doesn’t even need a male and a female.
There is no biological basis in the division of ‘man’s work’ and ‘woman’s work’ that has anything do do with gender. Strength, maybe, but I can testify that strength is less of an issue than sexists would like to believe.
That’s an illusion – and a fragile one too.
It’s based on a few things remaining intact and the illusion is maintained for only as long as they do. The first is technology – specifically power grids. The second is law enforcement – such that it is, it still manages to control at least some of the criminal element. The third, and most important one … IS GOVERNMENT – which takes care of everyone no matter what – including single Mom’s.
After Katrina … my wife and I found ourselves without Government, without Technology, and without Law Enforcement. I don’t know of any single parent, male or female who returned to my neighborhood to rebuild until MONTHS after the hurricane. My wife and I were in there five days after the storm, and one day after the water was pumped out. I actually hiked 10 miles the day after the storm to get to my house (wanted to save my Goldfish :(). I carried a .45 cal 1911 pistol in with me because of the hungry dogs and looters and I live in a subdivision where I’d never carry a firearm on my person. We weren’t the only ones, looking around I could tell that the people who came back in to roll up their sleeves and fix shit were families with two parents. The other folks didn’t return until GOVERNMENT reappeared on the scene to take care of them.
I try to tell people – you’re making a mistake by assuming that government will always be there to help you. From the beginning of humanity until the birth of the nanny state … the Male / Female model of marriage was absolutely critical to survival. No, it wasn’t perfect but it was the primary means of survival. Only the rise of leviathan governments that DO everything changed that.
And when those governments go away … that will all come crashing down.
Don’t take any of this to mean I’m not supportive of gay marriage … I absolutely do support it but, even when fully implemented those marriages will be an anomoly … since the vast majority will still be hetero.
I think when it comes to marriage, we are really asking the wrong question. It shouldn’t be….are gays allowed to marry necessarily, but rather……WHY is the state involved in our relationships at all? What business or right do they have in it?
I agree that single parent families are risky, but I wasn’t talking about single parent families specifically.
I’m not sure what your disagreeing with? I meant the comment to point out that a ‘family’ is not necessarily a woman homemaker and a male bread winner. I was thinking not only of two working heterosexual or any homosexual couples, but also of several generations living as a single family unit (a matriach/patriach and children and grandchildren) or a two breadwinners and a nanny, or sibling, or even of polygamous type arrangements.
OH, and I disagree completely that male/female partnerships of homemaker and breadwinner were ever “absolutely necessary” or even possible in the days of old- keep in mind, per-industrial society did not have the nuclear families of today, there were several generations all on one homestead/castle w/e, and the entire community worked together for survival!
Really I’m not offended by someone calling me “sexist”, to a large degree I am (unapologetically) guilty as charged! 🙂
Cuz … here’s the thing. Regardless of what you think (based on your relationship) … the VAST MAJORITY of men do little to no housework and … that’s true even when both spouses work.
http://www.womenofspirit.com/index.php?id=147
^^Check out the number one complaint!
So you may have a husband who supports you in the housework – and you choose not to reward him with more sex even though … most any other guy you’d have married would have left it all for you to do. Sounds like a great deal for you, Sister!!
But, my advice for women is, if you have a guy that helps you around the house and you’re thankful for that – then the best way to reward him is with a small slice of thigh. (seewutIdidthere?) 😀
And sexist? Hell, I do all the yardwork, the vehicle maintenance, the home improvement chores, and bathe the dogs and kill the spiders and open peanut butter jars and child proof medicines. That’s all MAN’S WORK.
I’m not overworked. If I’m busy doing man’s work – then my wife has to do more in the house. But … since it’s winter time here and I can’t even step out into my yard because, right now, it’s so saturated with water I sink up to my knees … I have nothing else to do when I’m at home except play guitar and surf “The Honest Courtesan” … so I figure … “why not do a little housework?”
Especially when there’s a reward. 😀
Pff. I do all the yard work- he hates lawn care.
And as for work load management and distribution, I don’t keep tabs more than a passing acknowledgement, and it seems fair enough to me. He’ll let me know if that changes, and vice versa.
I would not marry a guy who was sexist- which is what it is to believe that ‘woman’s work’ is a thing. Its the same reason I didn’t change my name, and he didn’t expect me too. I’m an engineer, he is a physical therapist- both traditionally work for the opposite sex. My femininity has literally nothing to do with my capacity to do a job.
Like I said, I don’t care what the majority is- I merely challenge the idea that gender has anything to do with a particular type of job- There is no such thing as ‘man’s work’ or ‘woman’s work’ except pregnancy, maybe.
I never “reward” with sex, because I don’t think its something I should have control over. He wants sex more than I do, and I do my best to be accommodating and only turn him down when I really feel the need, and vice versa, believe it or not (I have a tendency to get randy at inopportune moments) and I don’t ‘bargain’ an expect compensation for it.
Hey look, it’s up to husbands and wives to negotiate their own work sharing arrangements and frankly – there is no “right” answer. If it works for both then it’s probably a good arrangement. If you’re happy – then I say … GREAT! 🙂
It actually does. As a guy – I have at least twice the upper body strength that you have (and since I deadlift 450lbs twice a week – it’s probably a lot more). When women say … “I’m a woman and I can do whatever a man can” … well, the “man” in their heads when they make that statement is someone like Pee Wee Herman. And, I hate to say this but sadly, that’s a valid comparison in a lot of cases because a lot of men “shirk” their masculine side and fall woefully out of physical shape.
Now, women are more than capable of handling yardwork … especially if the lawn is small or … non-existent (as it is in many urban areas). But … try to shingle a house, Sister. You have to get squares of shingles up on that roof, and the only way to do it is to heft ’em over your shoulder and walk up a ladder to the roof. You might be able to do it – but most men would do it faster and could do it longer.
All this business about women being physically equal to men is ridiculous talk. Announcing a policy to put women into combat roles doesn’t make them equal. Even the people who support the policy realize this. If women were equal – then along with lifting the combat restrictions – we’d have also required women to register with the Selective Service as we do EVERY male who is 18 years or older. We won’t do that though … because women are used only in an ancillary capacity in the U.S. military (and, indeed, most militaries of the world) – and this is because it’s still more desireable to have the bulk of the duties handled by the people who have the physical capacity for it … and nature has dictated that role to males.
My yard is two acres. Last summer, I helped my dad re-shingle his roof, and I carried several 100 lbs stacks up to the fourth floor. When I got tired, I asked for a second person to help me carry. If I had to do it alone, I’d have rigged up a pulley system. There is always a way.
Now, admittedly, I’m strong for my size (I’m 5’2″), but I’m not as strong as a larger, in shape man. Where my strength fails, I can always compensate. I said “my capacity to to the job has nothing to do with my femininity” and that is exactly what I meant. I didn’t say I was physically the same- I’m not, but I can accomplish the same results, and if I need some extra time, tools, or I just do it differently, so what? It has nothing to do with my ability to get the job done. And it really has nothing to do with my breasts and vagina.
Saying that having a penis has anything to do with what work you can and cannot do is nonsense.
And as for the military, if the job requires a certain level of physical prowess, then set up a limit for everyone, and anyone who passes that limit is good to go. If more men then women pass the test, so what? Its not a matter of sex organs, but of meeting the requirements.
The only time sex should matter is, well, during sex.
Krulac can correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the US Marines are moving toward one physical standard; any woman who can’t do it can’t be a Marine, period. And that is as it should be, and should always have been.
Agreed. I don’t know what the current standards are, I just know that their has been a double standard, and recently.
I don’t know anything about the Marines doing that … but it well could be. However, it’s going to be disasterous if they do it and I’ll tell you why.
If every female in the Marines has to meet the same standard as the males do then there are only a couple of ways to do that …
1. Give them the current male standard to meet – hey, makes sense right? These standards are supposed to be calculated according to what a Marine might have to perform in combat right?
— Well, if they do that … A LOT more women will be excluded from serving as Marines and I’m highly doubful our politically correct society would stand for it.
2. Lower the men’s standards to meet the women’s – or even just choosing a “mid point” between the two standards. And that’s lowering the standard for ALL Marines. It also begs the question … why have we been making all these male Marines live up to a higher standard in the past when they didn’t have to.
There is a “third” route – and that is … to “rationalize” the differences. Meaning … the standards aren’t applicable to job performance – but more toward fitness for that gender. For instance, max bodyfat for males in the Navy is 22 percent … max for females is 33 percent … so we just keep that particular separation since maybe 22 percent males and 33 percent females are about “equal” when compared to the rest of their gender. But – this still acknowledges a higher performance standard for males – and therefore it’s an acknowledgement of their physical superiority. However, it will allow women to serve where they want without kicking a bunch out or reducing their overall numbers. My prediction is – this doublestandard is the route that will prevail in our politically correct society.
Your likely correct- but I hope that however they sort it out, its the safest and most efficient way of doing it, and no one is making rules because they are hung up over gender stereotypes.
Oh, and also, the body fat thing- Your right, that has nothing to do with the ability to do the job. 22% in a female is actually unhealthy, so its not an equal standard for women… its a lower one. >_>
I guess the important thing is to have “equal” standards, not necessarily identical ones. Where that line falls… oh, boy, am I glad I don’t have to figure it out.
No it’s the testicles that make all the difference in the world. 🙂 I mean, that’s a joke but it’s true. The penis is a hunk of flesh – it does nothing for us but make it uncomfortable for us to sit down. Testicles – well they provide the chemistry for all the male magic.
But, I mean – I’ll defer if you can find me one valid scientific study that holds women to be the physical equals of men. They aren’t. On my last ship … I assigned all the “damage control” positions. I used strong men for the fire teams – the people who would be putting themselves right into the middle of danger and would need that strength in emergencies.
The women? I assigned them to several roles … first communications – because the women, for whatever reason, were usually more articulate than men on phone circuits. Second … I put them in DC Central tracking the fire team members. These women would track the physical status of every member of the fire teams. In other words … “how much air does he have left?” … “how much time can he remain on station?” … “do we need to pull him the fuck out now?” They were responsible for these men’s LIVES and I only put them in charge of it because, by and large – they were better than men at doing it.
I only had four years on a cruiser to watch men and women and how they perform in the same environment and all I can say is … there are differences. Men are good at this … women not good at this. Women good at this … Men not good at it. At the end of the day – the differences balance out and so that is why I’ve always been a supporter of integrated crews for surface ships (I’m still not sure about subs) …
I personally believe my ship was superior, performance wise, to any other male-only cruiser in the fleet – and that was precisely because we had the women. However, were there a “female only” cruiser – I have no doubt we’d still have been superior because of our men.
By the way … my cruiser tour produced 3 “Battle E’s” … meaning, finest ship in the fleet and a big part of that score was damage control readiness. I think a big part of that was because I never said … “Hey I NEED to have women on the fire team” or … “Hey I need more men in DC Central” … I assigned people according to their skills and, not suprisingly, I noticed a gender difference there.
So … I am “sexist”. But I’m NOT … and never have been a “Male Supremacist”. In fact, I believe that women are smarter than men, more intelligent. Capable of better multi-tasking, or “task-switching” (whichever term you prefer.)
Nature divided human strengths and weaknesses between both sexes – I think that’s scientifically provable even.
I think you misunderstand what it is to be sexist-
to say its “wrong” for a man to do a job because its girly is sexist.
I actually wasn’t objecting to your deal with your wife, my initial comment was directed at our lovely courtesan for implying that there is an inherent ‘ick’ factor in a guy doing work, and that because her dad was terrible at doing housework, all men must be.
So… um… in short, your not actually being sexist when you acknowledge there is a biological difference between men an women. Your only sexist if you let that close your mind to the possibility of a person having the ability to do a job who is of a different-than-the-average sex. I’m sure if you has a girl who was abnormally strong and well suited to physical emergency situations, you’d have considered her for the position, and if you had a guy who was better suited to communications than physical labor, you’d have dealt with that appropriately as well.
I’ll repeat myself- I did not say there are no physical differences. I only say that the differences in job application should be based on those physical differences, and not the gender.
I think its great that you assigned people to jobs based on their skill sets, and its interesting that you noticed that girls tends to be better at somethings and men at others, but I’ll bet you didn’t give them the roll “because they were x gender” but because “this person is is good at this.”
I’m not arguing against stereotyping. Its unavoidable, and its not invalid. I’m arguing that a stereotype is not the same as a fact.
“People who wear glasses are all nerds, so that guy with glasses over there is definitely a nerd” is not the same as “I’ve know a lot of nerds who wear glasses, I wonder if that guy over there is a nerd”
All I ask is that the distinction is kept for gender differences- “Women are more suited to x” is not the same as “A lot of people suited to x task are women” and the distinction is important.
I lied (a little). I had ONE woman on my fireteams. Her name was “Tully”. Not a feminine woman especially, but I witnessed her lift an acetylene tank … it was prolly empty but still … she hoisted that damn thing over her shoulder – climbed a flight of stairs and marched across the quarterdeck of the ship, across the brow, stepped down to the pier and walked the rest of the way to end of the pier with that tank over her shoulder. Yes, it kind of concerned me that witnessing a woman with this much strength actually turned me on a bit. 😛
A month? Later – Tully came and asked me if she could be on the fireteams. I told her … “For you Tully, absolutely”. I knew she had the strength and she was a Damage Controllman by rating – so that was her job. Furher – I’d seen her charge real fires in a DC trainer and I couldn’t tell her from the men in full DC gear. Even though I didn’t normally put women on the fire teams – I did make them TRAIN in the trainer on it … because eventually, any Sailor may be called to the task in an emergency. But – some of the women were pretty comical fighting fires.
By the way – in spite of Tully’s little “tank carting” incident turning me on a bit … I found out later that Tully was a lesbian. That didn’t matter to me – but I thought it was interesting.
[quote=”StormDaughter”]I only say that the differences in job application should be based on those physical differences, and not the gender.[/quote]
Couldn’t agree more with that. From your reply, it seems you do the same, Krulac.
Here: 12 – 16 acres, ca. 5 acres grass. Log >1 tree/year. Powerclean forecourt. Unclog sewer regularly. Walk 3 dogs; deshit yard. Change nappies…
There: empty, clean pond; relay patio 2x; clear snow by hand; fix internet; do all paperwork; cook; wash up; do laundry…
Counted for nix 🙁
Maybe you needed to take your shirt off?
Lots of fine neofeminist rhetoric. Here’s the reality–
Wives are more finicky about housework than husbands, 99 percent of the time.
So “sharing the load” devolves into “George, those dishes aren’t clean enough. Clean them to my standards, or you can forget a blowjob tonight. Which reminds me — the hallway carpet needs vacuuming.”
So the man goes to work and is bossed around by his boss, or otherwise he doesn’t get a paycheck; at home, he’s bossed around by his wife, or otherwise he doesn’t get sex.
For the wife, it’s a great deal — she gets a maid, whom she’s required to pay only with (occasional) sex.
“Daddy issues” pay off once again!
I had the opposite experience – if we ever wanted to get a major cleaning project done – garage – basement – storage room – my siblings and I had to wait until Dad was gone for a period of time and present him with a fait accompli. Otherwise, all we’d end up doing would be taking stuff from one place and putting it in another.
I remember that one weekend, I enclosed the carport and installed a garage door opener with remote – at my expense – and he still wasn’t happy with the change. I think that part of it was probably his father – who was a control freak and a neat freak (and there were reasons for that!) – had overridden his independence so egregiously that Dad wasn’t happy when he thought his kids were doing the same thing.
Did your Dad cross dress? I swear I married him. My daughters and I have a pact that we only throw things out, hiding them well, when Wife is gone. Otherwise the damn stuff stays around in a pile for up to a year until she gets around to approving it for discard.
I’ve moved the equivalent of an SUV and a Compact, I’m not kidding, around my house for about 20 years. One model eventually gets discarded, but before I can get the other one gone a new model appears.
I do not understand pack-rats. OK, I do if they aren’t the ones doing the lifting.
Well not that I ever saw. I do have to say that his reluctance to throw things away probably came from growing up during the Depression. He said some of his earliest memories involved scavenging for coal and onions along the railroad tracks – they were two major products of the area he lived in – so they’d have something to heat the house and to eat. He was about 6 yrs old at the time.
It’s probably because of the type of women I’m attracted to, but I’ve yet to find a woman who was satisfied with the way I do housework. My girl used to express such disdain whenever she’d come over my place (even when I had put a real, solid effort into cleaning it up) to the point that I would always try to steer her into letting me come over her place instead. Of course, her place looked like something out of Better Homes and Gardens (a magazine she particularly enjoys) so it wasn’t like I had a fair chance. It’s not like she’s going to let me do the housework even if for some reason I really wanted to, anyway.
So good to see we all have different life experiences. I was raised by grand-parents and thought my grandmother worked more than my grandfather, after all they worked together running a business and she cooked after the business closed. He worked around the house on weekends but so did she, more so because she still cooked and cleaned up, with my reluctant help. I did the laundry with her at a laundromat. That was the work for women and children.
It wasn’t until I was 14 that I realized what my grandfather’s workday really was. My grandfather said I should go with him to the LA Produce Market to help him, and I was more than willing. He changed his mind in a day with the reason that he didn’t want me to experience that place; it was harsh and he wanted better for me. That same week my grandmother explained that he had been getting up at 1:30 to 2:00 AM three days out of a week to go to that Market, loaded two tons or more of produce by hand onto his truck each time, off-loaded it while I was asleep, and worked the whole day. He went to bed when she did. I never knew.
Work is work. I do housework because my wife won’t and because it needs to be done. Work is work. The shame isn’t on the one doing it.
Yeah, I have a great deal of respect for my grandfather. He was a cast iron son of a bitch, but talk about resolve; he suffered from acute claustrophobia but during the Depression, he worked for a year in the coal mines because that was the only job he could get at the time.
He later started a business – a restaurant – and had the same kind of hourse that you mentioned your grandfather had.
Valentine’s Day: “Bah, Humbug”.
Perhaps it’s not an entirely bad thing to remind men that a little romance and expression of emotion is appreciated by many women.
I do housework because of reading ‘Taran Wanderer’ as a teen. One of the characters comments “I’ve heard men complain about doing ‘women’s work’, and women complain about doing ‘men’s work’. But I’ve never heard the WORK complain about who’s doing it, as long as it’s being done.”
Housework is something that need to be done. Whoever is handy and has the time should do it.
😀
Yeah, in our household, the one way to get a double dose of “women’s work” was to describe it as such. Of course, he also made my sisters learn how to troubleshoot engines and change the oil on their cars too. He was a mess sergeant in the Army in WWII and Korea – he and mom split the cooking, but his bread was better than hers.
Men are reminded all the time in all ways. Can you think, even short list, of what women should be reminded of that men appreciate? Don’t do the sex and food, as if women don’t want the same. My wife likes the NFL, I’ve never seen a Superbowl, so leave that off too.
I expect crickets.
I so agree with this……really I am not a fan of most commercial holidays for this reason. I’d rather do stuff cause I wanted to, or wanted to be with the person/people, not out of obligation. In the case of Valentine’s Day in particular, the pressures are just insane. If you really need one day to validate someone’s love for you, I’m not sure your relationship is that strong to begin with you know? If it is, you don’t need to worry about what they’ll do on a specified day, you know they love you. That should be more than enough. All this pressure to show it on one arbitrary year just bothers me.
If or when I ever get married, and there is one girl I could see myself with who shares this idea about holidays, I’d rather take a few days out of each year and do special things just cause, not telling her when or what I’d do, much more fun and romantic that way than doing something the same day every year. Becomes a bit of a chore then.
You can thank Hallmark and Do Boers (I love the latter, they pushed the concept of diamond engagement rings in the early 20th Century, even to paying Hollywood to push it in movies from the 20s on, so that now we think it was ever so).
Damn. De Beers. Do Boers might have been a South African campaign to make farmers smile but nothing to do with diamonds.
Amen, Maggie, Amen! 😉
My girl and I celebrated it on Sunday because she’s out of town for work today. I bought her some sexy outfits and she modeled them for me, so it was pretty fun for me this year.
But to me, the fact that the discussion of Valentine’s Day on here has devolved into a discussion of how couples should divide up the housework tells you everything you need to know about this wretched “holiday.” (Particularly given that this is usually a pretty erotic blog…).
It’s not a day off. It usually doesn’t fall on a weekend. To enjoy it you really have to be in a couple or at least have a date. Businesses usually treat it as just another work day. It’s devoted to… ugh… courtly love instead of erotic love.
Thankfully, I get “President’s Day” off on Monday. Oh, who to dress up as this year? Garfield or Taft?
Go with Taft. He’s the bigger man.
But with Garfield you get the lasagna….
;-()
So much more than any man after him.
I’ve always liked valentines day, but not as a holiday where by significant other has to buy my fancy presents in proportion to his love for me (Ugg, what a horrible concept).
I like the affection. I’ve always seen it as a holiday where you give candy to people you love, but not necessarily romantically- I give my sisters and mom all some chocolate, and I offer some to my dad (though he hates chocolate, so he usually passes) and I give chocolate to my husband, and my dad gives us all an ice cream cake.
Its a sweet holiday, for being sweet to those who you love!
I was actually a bit horrified and a lot saddened to learn that this is not what people normally do. 🙁
I am wondering about Valentine’s Day for whores… is it okay to email my regular to wish her a happy V-Day? I am a little worried she might become upset if I email her for a non-professional reason.
Sorry this is so late! Yes, I think it’s OK to email your regular to give her a holiday greeting, unless she’s made it clear in the past she doesn’t like that.
While you Maggie have become one of my favorite bloggers since I stumbled upon this site a few weeks ago. I have to disagree with your and other’s attitude on “commercialization”. If no one bought those greeting cards, flowers, jewelry, candy, etc….then no one would be marketing them. The reason they sell so much of this is because people like and want greeting, flowers, candy, jewelry, etc. As far as jewelers “convincing” women they deserve jewelry or the fast industry that their food is delicious if in fact it is terrible. Not even the most subliminal marketing tactics by the best minds in the advertising industry will convince women they “deserve” jewelry made out of rusty iron and cement pebbles nor could the fast food industry convince us that sandwiches made with cow manure are delicious.
My lovely wife of 18 years sent me a a gift basket of balloons, candy, and Pacifico beer while I forgot to call a florist to send her flowers. I am currently working out of town but this weekend she is taking me to a nightclub that doesne’t allow singles. I think Valentines day is a good way to encourage people to appreciate the ones who love them, even if but once a year.
That being said, keep fighting the good fight Maggie. I’d love to see you and someone like Andrea Dworkin on TV in a debate one day, you would utterly crush her.
Thank you! I do have to point out that I have an unfair advantage against Dworkin in a debate, though. 😉
I can only guess it apparently, but I’m sure it’s deeper than that.
duaneh1,
You might look up the De Beers’ diamond engagement ring campaign in the early 2Oth Century. That really gives an example of convincing people they wanted something they didn’t want before, then had to have it or they were socially unfit. De Beer’s even set the tradition of how much of a year’s pay an engagement ring should be. Greatest damn marketing campaign I’ve seen.
Marketing in the large sense isn’t about convincing you to buy crap. It’s about why you should buy something, even if you never knew why until they told you. (OK, I’m skipping “supermarket” placement, or all the other techniques used to get you in or used once you are in the store.)
And to add to that about the fast food…….all one has to do is look at the ingredients of what goes into a lot of it these days to know that they very much HAVE convinced us that crap is good. So yeah, duaneh you are wrong on both counts here.
Valentines day is usually lame. But last few years we have been trying to make it a week of erotic behavior.
This week we’ve managed to meet for lunch or drinks three times so far during work day. With appropriate consensual but criminalized activities afterwards (elevator, conference room, parking garage )
And any request or kink before work or after kids go to bed has to be seriously considered for then or later.
Way better than the old roses and expensive dinner tradition. 🙂
A couple in the midst of divorcing chose today to come into the tax office. I managed to suppress the giggles until they were gone…
It’s just another day of the rest of world reminding me how I don’t measure up. People aren’t really worth the effort.
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I surprised Laura by bringing the flowers, card, and chocolate to her workplace. She knew we were meeting, but thought it would be at the train station after work. I like to do extra special things now and then, and Valentine’s Day is an excuse for me to do them.
However, last year I didn’t do much of anything, because I’d just bought her a graphics card and couldn’t afford flowers or a card. I should have drawn a heart on the box or something.
I live alone, so yes I do the housework. If I don’t do it, who will: leprechauns? When it’s time for me to get ready for inspection and my standard level of housework won’t cut it, Laura helps out. She’s not really any better a housekeeper than I am, but we’re better at it together. And of course she does it at her place. She lives with a cat, and those things are useless at housework.
When she and I are together (most weekends, etc.), I do the dishes. This isn’t because she demands it or because she rewards me with sex, it’s because I can’t stand the way she does dishes. I can either bitch about it (and how manly is that?) or I can do it myself. I do it myself, and it gets done right. Laura is much better than I am at some things, but washing dishes ain’t one of those things.