I don’t have experience in the sex industry, but want to learn what my options are; how can I do this? How I might get started? What the pros/cons are for each segment? What are the specific qualities that are suited for each profession? I’m 31, intelligent and already have a good job, but I’ve ALWAYS had a desire to make money with sex, though I worry I’m not pretty enough.
Different kinds of sex work are better for different people; for example, I really didn’t like stripping, and I hate domination, but GFE (Girl Friend Experience) escorting was a perfect fit for me. However, I have friends who stripped for years and love it, and some who enjoy domination much more than escorting. Unfortunately, I can’t think of any way to figure out which one you like best other than trying them. Many sex workers try several before settling on the one they like best; some even go back and forth between different types at different times in their lives. Since you live in a large city it should be relatively easy for you to try a number of things, especially stripping and agency escorting; if you enjoy the work with the agency you could then go on to independent escorting. The reason I’m suggesting an agency at first is that, since you already have a “straight” job, that would let you get your feet wet without risking undue exposure until you’re sure you’ll like it. Don’t worry about whether you’re pretty enough; if men make passes at you, you are. I’ve known some stunning girls who didn’t do as well as others who were just normally pretty, because they had less attractive personalities. Looks are good bait, but unless there’s some substance underneath she won’t get either repeat business or referrals. The women who do best at escorting are the ones whose company men really enjoy, and each of the other types of sex work has its own skills and characteristics that are just as important as looks.
One good place to start is my Questions page; about halfway down there’s a section called “mentoring” with questions other ladies have asked me, hyperlinked to the posts where I answered them. Take a look at those, then go online and look at the strip clubs and escort services nearby. Most are ALWAYS hiring, so that’s not usually an issue; after that it’s just a matter of getting your courage up! If you have any other questions after reading those posts, please feel free to ask.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
Do you think it’s a good idea to “practice” for a non-paying trusted friend? I’d hate to go out on a call and realize that I find it funny/disgusting/scary/ridiculous in the presence of a paying client. Especially for sub-specialties such as pro-domme, but also dancing, nude modeling, and the like.
My recommendation would be to do some research – and find one of the best escorts in her area to “mentor” her.
That’s what my ATF did. She met an escort who was willing to teach her. She had a couple of trusted clients and she brought my ATF in for some sessions with them … they were really “doubles” sessions because her mentor was in the room the whole time – demonstrating things for her and then having her do them to the client.
The client paid full price – what guy wouldn’t? It’s a fantasy to have two girls at once. It’s a fantasy to be involved with “training” a new call girl. I’m getting hot just thinking about this.
I really don’t think there is a woman on the planet who can give better oral than my ATF … and she learned it all from her mentor and the clients she was “training” with – who gave her feedback. She knows things about me that EVEN I did not know and she knows exactly what to do when … and when to stop … and start again. She adds a delicious little aspect of some pain into it too.
Her mentor also taught her the “TCB” – Taking Care of Business, side of the job. She taught her how to do proper screening.
I think my ATF is very beautiful … but I’m not a great critic of female beauty – something on the inside of them lights my fire more than looks alone. So there are better looking escorts in my area – but my ATF is one of the more successful ones because she has SUBSTANCE.
She’s also a therapeutic masseuse (this is her “cover”) and she has the table and all the shit for that. I’ll schedule three hours with her and the first hour might be all massage – and she gets off on giving me one because my muscles are like a visual lesson in anatomy and physiology (which masseuses have to take!). But seriously, she can grab a muscle – a big chunk of muscle and work it until I feel outstanding. AND – of course – this isn’t JUST a therapeutic massage – she’s nude as she gives this to me and she “works” a lot more than muscle.
Most escorts advertise a “massage” – but it’s what you get from your wife – kind of a “rub down” thing. It’s fine – but my ATF can put a guy into outer space with hers!
Back in the day I had two massage therapists. There was Jodie, a flaky old-school hippie with crystals and chakras and aromatherapy. 90% was nonsensical trappings but he did a good tension-relief rub.
But when I was in serious pain it was time to visit Svetlana. She’d been in the Soviet army (doing what exactly I’d rather not think about) and had arms like hams, Completely gruff demeanor, no fluff, no oils. Just “Ver do ve vork today?” and after I told her, she’d start her torture massage. HOLY MOTHER OF JEEBUS it hurt like a son of a bitch because she really got into your muscles and turned the fasciae inside out, or something (I admit I didn’t catch it since I was too busy wincing to decipher her accent). It was deep and intense and painful, but when I walked out of her apartment I felt like a million bucks.
Not a true happy ending, granted. The only “happy ending” I got from a massage was one I didn’t expect, and it wasn’t very happy either. 🙁
Avril dosen’t do the “happy ending” on me – I suppose she would but I never like to finish that way – there is really only one “hole” I’m interested in. So she’ll play around until I get enough stressed out to come off the table like a TIGER … and that’s when the fun begins! 😉
The main problem I can see with that is, with a friend there is a different kind of tension. I’m honestly not sure the experience with one would really tell you anything about how you’ll react to the other. A call is basically just a profitable blind date, so the dynamic is quite different than it is with a trusted friend.
Understood, I’m just worried about realizing, at the moment of truth (as it were) that something isn’t suited. I’d hate to tie a paying sub to the bed and realize belatedly, “you know this isn’t really my thing”. LOL.
Absolutely true. I dated a bikini-model once who did extra work on TV shows in the ’80s … and she was a plank of plywood in the sack. Just laid there. I dated her long enough for all my friends to see that I **COULD** get a hot girlfriend – and then I dumped her.
She was also EVEN DUMBER than I am – so it didn’t make sense from a Darwinian standpoint to procreate with her. Mix my DNA with hers? Those would have been some dumbass kids! 😀
/smacks Krulac
You’re not dumb.
And yes, having sexual partner who is a status symbol can be a trip. You’ll be reading more on that topic soon.
Monday, to be precise. 😉
Sue was not a “status symbol” … she was a piece of arm jewelry.
One of my friends … first time he saw us together he took me aside and said … “What’s up with her? That’s one hot little bunny rabbit there – did your license to hunt coyote expire or something?” Funny guy.
I HAD dated good looking women before, like before I went in the Navy and – Michelle, my provider girlfriend was hot – and all the guys knew her – but they also knew she was a prostitute and although they treated her like gold – I guess she didn’t count for them.
To say she’s dumber than you isn’t much of an insult, because you’re a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. But if she’s too dumb for you, that’s a legitimate reason to dump her.
What I used to marvel about her (her name was “Sue”) … and I watched her for a long time before we started dating … and actually we didn’t even start by dating – she locked herself out of her apartment one night when she knew all my roomates were on duty on the boat. So I let her sleep in my apartment and … well … I wasn’t going to “hit” on her. But she chose to sleep in my roomate’s bed right across from me and she walked into the room wearing tiny panties and a little bra … and then she laid on the bed and did this fucking “cat stretch” and I’m like … “What the fuck is MY name again? I’ve forgotten!” I’m certain I was drooling.
But as dumb as she was … she was an expert at manipulating men. She knew exactly what kind of “look” to flash a guy with to get a response out of him. She knew exactly how to “warm” a guy up before she asked him for something she needed. And she would always get what she wanted. So my lesson there was – it doesn’t take much intelligence for a girl to be expert at manipulating men. Which is a bit depressing if you think about it – we’re not complicated, we’re predictable – and EASY … even for dumb girls as long as they have the looks and know enough about how to use them.
This never permeated the sex though … I think Sue thought she was so beautiful (and Goddamn she was) that any man was LUCKY as hell if she allowed him to have sex with her. So she just laid there like a “Queen” or something. She DID always orgasm – but you never knew when she was about to do it – you didn’t get any feedback until it happened and even then, she repressed her “expressiveness” of it. Maybe she’d hold you a little tighter or give one faint “whimper” and then she’d immediately be … “well that was nice … wanna go to the beach?” LOL
Tomato, tomahto… 😉
She was hot and sexy and of high sexual market value, as they say on the PUA sites. You dating her therefore increased YOUR value and thereby, your status among your men.
It’s like a woman wearing a Prada handbag and Ferragamo pumps to advertise to other women, “see? I’ve got a man who will buy me expensive accessories. I am worthy.”
You are correct. 😀
Only at this time in my life … nobody was “my men” … this was back when I was a baby submariner basically … E-5. On subs, everything E-5 and below is almost equal. You really didn’t get into “made man” status until you reached E-6.
And submariners are BRUTAL. They will find your weakness and pick you apart with it. It’s very close knit – like a boat of brothers but man, they can really pick you apart. I was lucky though – I only got gigged by them for nailing ugly chicks.
First day on the boat one of them called my Mom a “whore” just to test me. This was confusing to me – because the guy was half my size and anywhere else I would have beaten him within an inch of his life. But that’s what he was testing – to see if I’d lose control.
What they NEVER did – is call my girlfriend, the provider, a whore. I never got teased about her. I took her to parties and Submarine Birthday Balls and they loved her. The Chief of the Boat even got everyone together and told the whole crew they were welcome to visit the “Pearl City Health Spa” (where she worked) – but they were to stay clear of “Krulac’s Woman”. I thought that was nice of him – he did it when I was on leave – so I wasn’t there but the guys told me about it.
Maggie is totally right, each different area has different pros and cons. It also depends on how “out there” you want to be, and your boundaries.
While porn is fairly safe, you get exposure, the kind that never goes away, and if you are planning on a professional career later in life, it’s not a good choice. Also, these days there’s a good bit of competition, and you might end up having to do things you are uncomfortable with to get enough work. It’s also hard work.
Domination is, I have heard, great for those who have the personality to do it well. The only experience I have with that is that I make a terrible dominatrix.
Stripping is ok, but there’s a good bit of hassle, dealing with clubs and customers, and keeping everything balanced.
As for escort, the field is so wide.Start with who you are, and what you are comfortable with. The “GFE” thing is very popular it seems, now days, but I found it boring. I wasn’t enough of a people person. Eventually, you’ll find a niche that works for you, and if you can work that niche, it’s great. In a large city, millions of people, only a couple of us worked my niche seriously.
Being independent requires a lot more exposure than working for an agency, so consider that. Also consider the risk you put yourself at.
So, my advice, know, or discover who you are, and let that guide you.
Slightly off-topic, but that’s a beautiful picture by Renoir you use for a background pic. Do you ever get complaints by antis who complain “How dare you associate such a beautiful work or art with prostitution!”? (Even if the model the painter uses is a prostitute?)
Nope. I think they know better. The only complaint about an illustration I can ever remember receiving was against the second picture in “Chupacabra”; an animal lover was upset by it.
And BTB, Renoir is one of my favorites. Here are two others I’ve used: The Theater Box and Sleeping Bather. Helpful hint: Whenever I use real art-art I load as large a copy as I can get, so if you click on the picture you can see it in much better detail. That’s especially true when I use anything by Gustave Dore, since I love the detail in his work.
How could they complain? The connection between the arts and prostitution are documented and clear. The allure and performance is an art form in itself.
I learn a lot here. Thanks Maggie!
When I got into sex work, I was already very aware and very comfortable with what my limits were sexually. I had absolutely no urge to be a stripper, dominatrix, phone-sex operator, or anything else; just as I have absolutely no urge to be a pediatrician, attorney, politician, or any other varied professions. They simply do not fit my personality and attempting to “act” otherwise would just create displeasure for everyone involved.
I went straight for multihour, companionship escorting because that’s who I am as a person. I like interacting with people and vice versa and I don’t do well with short-term encounters.
Would a psychometric evaluation be helpful? Perhaps a Myers-Briggs test, or a test of the ‘big five’ (conscientiousness, agreeableness, neuroticism, openness and extraversion. Just a thought.
I took one of those, and it said I was a cross between Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Saturn… which doesn’t seem right to me at all. Saturn?
I was a stripper and topless dancer when I was young. I absolutely loved it. I also worked as a live girl (private dancer) for a short time, and I was horrible at it.
I’m a very shy person one-on-one, so the more impersonal the job, the better I did. I loved classic stripping, but I don’t know if that even exists any more except with the burlesque revival scene. I liked topless dancing in the bars, but not as well as stripping. Since the bars are loud and you can move around at will, I did okay with talking and interacting with customers (but not as well as the girls who are really extroverted). Stripping is perfect if you like sexy dancing, being in control of the interaction, and exhibiting yourself in public, without getting very intimate with the customers. The customer pretty much sits there passively, while you take the active role.
At the bars where I danced, it was pretty unusual for any girls to be over thirty. There were some who were, but not many. So if you’re thinking of topless dancing, I’d visit different clubs and see what the dancers are like, and which bar you’d feel most comfortable working at. I’ve visited lots of topless bars, and they all have a unique vibe.
I wanted to be a girls’ sex coach at the local high school, but they weren’t hiring. Ah well.
And yes I’m joking, but remember the joke if it takes you a while to find what you like. It could be worse. 😉