My new boyfriend is into cuckolding. Some previous boyfriends have expressed interest in seeing me with other men, but not to this degree. Also, I’ve thought about being in this sort of sexual situation, but never really felt as though the others were truly OK with it. But this guy has detailed fantasy scenarios, such as my going on dates with other guys then coming home and telling him about it; he even fantasizes about my becoming pregnant for another man. I’ve told him I am willing to have sex with other men, but it must be with protection. He says he’s thought about this for over 5 years but never fully acted on it, except for watching one of his exes perform oral sex on another man. I’m not afraid to participate, but I just don’t know how to go about doing it so as to make it really good for him; how should I act and what should I say during the scenes?
Since you haven’t been with this guy for a long time yet, it’s important that you feel him out so you can get a good sense of how seriously he’s committed to living this fantasy. What I mean is, some men have desires that excite them very much when they’re horny, but then once they climax they feel very ashamed and guilty. Does he talk about the fantasy even when he’s not really aroused, like after sex? Because if he does, that’s a good sign it’s not something he’s ambivalent about. The reason that’s important is that you don’t want to get involved with this kind of thing if he’s going to be excited by it at first, but then use it to attack you whenever you have an argument. I suggest taking it slowly; talk about the fantasy and find out exactly what he wants, then go in gradually. I think it’s very important that the first few times y’all do it should be 3-way situations, with him present; if he seems to really enjoy it and he’s glad that it happened once your “date” leaves, then you can move on to the more adventurous things like seeing guys on your own and telling him about it. I think you’re very wise to insist on protection for the other men; guys often don’t consider practical things like that when they’re all excited by a fantasy. And that’s exponentially more true with the idea of getting pregnant for someone else: in these days of DNA testing, that would be a spectacularly bad idea for reasons I’m sure you don’t need me to explain.
I wouldn’t worry too much about the mechanics of the role-playing if I were you; he’ll probably make it clear what he likes, and I’m confident you’ll pick it up as you go along. Just take it slow, enjoy the experiences, don’t let him push you into doing things you feel are unsafe or that you aren’t quite ready for yet, and make sure you reserve the right to turn down any specific person he might suggest that you don’t want to go to bed with for whatever reason. That way, this will be fun and exciting for you as well, and will minimize the chances of building up resentments (in either of you) that could harm your relationship in the long run.
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Seriously? I have never experienced that personally.
I don’t like the word “cuckold” or however you spell it. Look, I’m not like most guys so I’ve never minded if my lady played around on the side every now and then. When I dated a provider – I thought it was extremely hot and she used to come home and tell me things she did when we had sex. Maybe she made up some of the stuff – I don’t know but I found it to be very stimulating.
I never wanted to do a MMF threesome with her though – because another male in the room is a huge turn off to me.
That relationship ended for two reasons … (1) She enjoyed her job as a provider and felt there was something inherently wrong with her – since most women apparently would NOT enjoy the job. (2) She felt I was “fucked up” to for not minding … and even getting off … on the fact that she was having sex with other men. She felt “normal” men would be furious – which I can’t argue with her logic there. She used that word “cuckold” on me one night when she was drunk. As in … “You get off on having your girl worked and “cuckolded” by other men.” That was hurtful – and completely illogical because if a provider is going to have a relationship – it would have to be with someone who can deal with her work.
Well, the word “cuckold” to me has always applied to beta males – and that wasn’t what I was about. My deal was – I simply didn’t feel the other guys were serious competition for me.
I did have fantasies about her getting pregnant – but by me – and no one else.
And the one time someone hurt her – I went out to kill the guy, and I would have had she not stopped me and threatened to leave me then and there. I DID catch up to him later after she left me though – i didn’t kill him – but I did bounce his face off the floor of Moose McGillycuddie’s in Waikiki (about ten times before the bouncers – who were my buddies – pulled me off him).
Since being cuckolded merely requires that a man’s wife be sexually unfaithful, I don’t think any man, be he king or beggar, is immune from “wearing the horns”.
If the wife has extramarital sex at the bequest of her spouse for his pleasure, I doubt if that makes him a cuckold.
If I had made enough money back then – I would simply have told her to quit. I doubt she would have stayed “quit” … but she certainly wanted to give it a shot. As far as I was concerned – it wasn’t worth losing her even if I did get a “thrill” out of it from time to time (it wasn’t always “roses” – I missed her on the weekends if she had an “allnighter” and I wasn’t in port for every weekend). The problem was, this was the early 80’s my pay as an E-4 submariner was like … $300.00 every two weeks – so around $600 a month and I had a couple of allotments like one paltry savings allotment and a $100 a month car note. There was no way I could have supported her on that salary. I took a second job as a bouncer (at Moose’s on Lewers) but that only paid minimum wage.
Had she only waited a few years – I got advanced really quickly and was a Master Chief before my 15th year of service and I could have supported her. Then again, by that time – she would have been a liability to me because of the political correctness the Navy became infested with about then. Everyone on my first sub knew what she did – they had no problem with it. Why should they? Most of them were married to Filipinas they had met as hookers in Subic Bay. It wasn’t a big deal back then.
But things changed for the worst. Still – I would have stuck with her and told anyone who had a problem with her to “fuck off”.
I have seen more relationships destroyed by lack of communication before experimenting that almost anything else. Spend a night in a swinging club and you will come across the couple who have found jealousy, anger and hurt instead of the sexual fun they arrived claiming to both want.
I also know exceptionally happy hot wife and cuckhold couples. The talk, they both get sexual and other satisfaction from it and they constantly check how the other is about things.
I find your letter worrying because at no point do you say you find this idea hot, or have any other motivation than pleasing him. Been around the block too many times to see a happy ending to sexual experimentation where that is the main motivation of one of the participants. Yes, wanting to please your partner is important, but doing this only to please him not only misses the point of cuck relationships but may lead to resentment and uncommunicated anger on your part.
I disagree on a small point – that the woman needs more justification than simply trying to please her partner. I mean – she shouldn’t violate one of her own boundaries – if one exists there – but if not …
Then it’s really not much different than her satisfying one of his other fantasies that she may not happen to get into – but has no real problem fulfilling.
It’s not just women – men face this too. I have had girls ask me to “rape” them – but I have a boundary there – so I won’t do it. I don’t like anal sex, but it’s not necessarily a “boundary” … in fact, it’s pretty disgusting to me but I have done it when a girl asked me to. They usually only asked once though – because anal sex for me is like a medical procedure … “Are you ready? Make sure you’re comfortable … I am about to insert … here it comes – just a lil bit … does it hurt? … okay, a little more then … oh … I think I hit something … shit are you okay?!”
In fact, I usually use the term “wife swapping” rather than “swinging” because my theory is – most of the wives are simply doing it for their husbands. For the most part – women are fine with monogamy. I have given my wife permission time and again to “step out” on me – but to her, it’s just too much work. She’s comfortable with doing it with me she says so why go through the trouble of trying to round up some other guy – when he could turn out to be a jerk and the sex usually isn’t great with a guy the first time anyway. She DID tell me that she would DO Mike Rowe though if the opportunity presented. 😛
Mr. Sasha and I have an arrangement. On that day in the indefinite future when Christina Hendricks, Salma Hayek, Monica Bellucci and Nigella Lawson come to sweet him off his feet, I am free to run away with Daniel Craig, Idris Elba, Hendrik Lundquist, and Jason Momoa.
We’re considerate to each other that way. 😀
Mr Sasha has excellent taste! 😀
Laura and I have a similar agreement: She’s free to do the Horizontal Haruhi Dance with Sir Paul McCartney, and I’m free to do the same with Xuxa Meneghel.
Or Paul McCartney and Janet Jackson.
I suppose if Tracy were my girlfriend it would be Apolo Ohno for her and… guess I should make it an athlete for me too… God, how to narrow it down to one? Hannah Teter.
I suggest you meet more swingers if u think its about wife swapping. :-/
Studies from the field of evolutionary biology suggest that men do find it arousing to think about sharing and/or actually share their partner with another man. The basis for this idea is “sperm competition,” as explained in this abstract of an academic article on the topic:
“Most forms of pornography are produced to sexually arouse men, and Malamuth [J. Commun. 46 (1996) 8.] has argued that they do this by appealing to male interests and preferences that evolved to solve adaptive problems associated with mating in ancestral environments. If sperm competition has been an important selection pressure during human evolution, then sexual arousal may be an adaptive response to its occurrence since frequent copulation can be an effective method of paternity assurance. Consequently, although men should generally find mate sharing to be aversive, they may nevertheless find cues of increased sperm competition risk to be sexually arousing. Therefore, they should be more aroused by pornography that incorporates cues of sperm competition, than by comparable material in which such cues are absent. This prediction was tested using several indirect methods. Content analyses of pornographic images on World Wide Web sites and of commercial “adult” video releases revealed that depictions of sexual activity involving a female and multiple males are more prevalent those involving a male and multiple females. Moreover, an on-line questionnaire on self-reported preferences and an on-line preference study that unobtrusively examined image selection behavior both yielded results suggesting that the patterns observed in the content analyses do reflect male preferences and interests.”
http://www.ehbonline.org/article/S1090-5138%2802%2900103-4/abstract
We were on Yahoo user swinger rooms broadcasting online webcam having sex for about a year in 2003. It was so sexy broadcasting having sex while watching others having sex and people masturbating on cam watching us. We ended up meeting a swinger couple and they came over for drinks. It was really weird, and nothing happened. We also met a woman at a bar who wanted a threesome with us, but it never came together because it felt so weird.
This is a strange fantasy since it has all the negatives of swinging (including the possible destruction of the primary relationship); but not the main positive which is greater sexual variety.