Line in nature is not found;
Unit and universe are round;
In vain produced, all rays return;
Evil will bless, and ice will burn. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Uriel”
I’ve been giving quite a few interviews lately, and I’ve noticed that one particular question comes up quite often (either on mike or off), especially from female interviewers: “Would you ever do it again?” I don’t think most of them intend it as a “gotcha” because I have been very fortunate so far in avoiding interviews with the sort of people who ask such questions (the most popular of which is “Would you want your daughter to do it?”) Rather, I think it’s symptomatic of the underlying assumption, even among many people who firmly believe in self-ownership and sex worker rights, that there is something intrinsically “wrong” or distasteful about sex work. I’m not blaming them, mind; that attitude is so deeply and firmly embedded in our culture that it’s a rare person indeed who is completely free of it, and that includes whores. Most people, including many sex worker allies and staunch advocates, tend to think of retired sex workers as people who have “exited”, or “gotten out”, or even “escaped”, and are therefore understandably curious about someone like me who views our profession as not merely something to be tolerated, but a positive good.
When people ask why I retired, I often reply “Did I?” As I’ve often stated, I don’t view marriage as all that different from prostitution; the affection my husband and I share does not lessen the economic basis of our formal relationship. But that’s not really what my questioners mean; what they want to know is, “If you were faced with economic need, would you go back to professional whoring?” And the answer is, “Of course I would.” I already came out of retirement once due to a major financial setback, and life is full of such passages; if a similar situation arose, I would do it again. There’s nothing strange about this; many women drift in and out of sex work at different times in our lives, or change between different types of sex work as conditions change, and I’m no different from anyone else. Perhaps the question also reflects a kind of intellectual snobbery; maybe there’s an assumption that because I’m now a writer who is noted for her mind and words, that returning to sex work would be a kind of regression or even debasement. But that’s elitist garbage; unless I suddenly evolve into an incorporeal being who can live on air and sunlight, I will always have physical and economic needs which must be addressed pragmatically.
The fact that this isn’t completely obvious to everyone says a lot about our society’s weird hang-ups. Nobody would even think of asking a retired nurse, teacher, cook or real-estate agent if she’d go back to it should the need arise; for any profession other than whore, it would be a given. Only when we reach the point where that query seems just as inane when directed toward a sex worker, will we know that at long last humanity has given up its childish and destructive superstitions about sex.
Although not strictly related to sex work, I have been having many discussions on writers’ forums of late, and it is often amazing how entrenched people can get in ideas, likes and dislikes, and preconceptions.
Often when someone asks a “what if” question, it is clear that some of these people, who want to be writers, are unable to truly imagine seeing something from a very radically different direction, especially when the original assumption is distasteful to them.
Maybe you are over-thinking this. I am a computer scientist and have been for a while the question “would you get into this profession again” does creep up from time to time. It may just be a question to ask somebody that does or did something that most people do not understand or know little about.
I would be the kind of guy who would ask you that question because it’s hard for me to fathom how anyone could enjoy sitting at a computer screen and writing code all day long. If the Iranians ever capture me and figure out my deepest dreads – they’ll sit me down at a computer terminal inside Evin prison and torture me by forcing me to make PowerPoint presentations and Microsoft project timelines. LOL
But you get this from a lot of people – even supposedly educated ones. John Kerry, our illustrious Secretary of State once commented that to the effect that people who can get an education do well – and those that don’t – end up in Iraq. I got asked (and still do) … if I would do it again. Hell yeah I would. I’m still angry I had to retire after the hurricane flooded me out. I frequently get angry that when the last terrorist piece of shit is dropped – I won’t be the one standing over his room-temperature body. I try to stay in the best shape possible – just so they can call me back when the shit really hits the fan. I find myself hoping that it does real soon.
I’m sure you can’t understand it … just like I can’t understand how you can suffer sitting in front of a computer screen all day. And – I STILL don’t understand how hookers can deal with disgusting obese guys – but … they do. Everyone is different – we’re not the same. The fascination with the differences is a primary stimulus for the “would you do it again?” question.
I think you make excellent points. Although I have avoided PowerPoint mostly and MS project completely so far, and coding is one of the things I do for fun, but rarely all-day long. I think it comes down to figuring out what your talents and passions are and these are different for everyone. Anyone that can say “I would do it again” did this one right.
I think Celos makes a good point. There are other careers about which people do, or certainly could, question an exit-er about whether they’d do it again. I retired from engineering about a year ago, and if I had it to do again, I would not.
Not the same. People love to pretend sex work is magically different from all other work; even the terminology reflects it. Prohibitionists refer to our advertising as “soliciting”, our managers and employees both as “pimps”, our retirement plans as “exit strategies”, etc. When retired engineers are called “engineering survivors”, current engineers are called “engineered persons” and the former are presumed to be all-wise while the latter are considered delusional victims, you will have a point. But until then, my statements stand.
Well, possibly. You of course have additional data: You now exactly in which way you were asked, and I expect you have a very good eye for people and their current state of mind as part of your professional skill-set.
But it was just a thought, I am willing to accept your estimation of the frame-of-mind behind the question.
There are already “IT survivors”, though, although that has not really made it into the mainstream. These are typically people that did it on the low salary/competence end and it was killing them, sometimes literally. (Heart-attacks and strokes are no joke.) Most of them would only go back if it was the only way to survive.
As to my personal experience: I would definitely go into CS again, but I am doing it at the high-end. And I am doing it as a consultant that gets to analyze the mess people made, tell them how to fix it and then I get to walk away and leave them to it because my rates are too high to do the actual fixing, with one exception so far. (Oh, and yes, most IT consultants are incompetent or at least a lot less competent than they think they are and quite a few try to cover that with arrogance. The reports I sometimes see from competitors are incredible…)
I’m enjoying this comment thread, as I’m a computer science/IT person and a part-time escort. I like both lines of work, for the most part. Maybe the fact that they are so different from each other is what keeps me from getting burned out on either one.
Obviously, people at my regular IT job have no idea that I do any escorting. And on top of that I work as a guy at my regular job, but I am a trans/TV escort. The IT job is full-time (Java/web development), I like the stability of it, but I’d actually prefer if it was part-time… it’s not always as easy to find part-time IT work, though.
I too have been an IT consultant all my working life. Yes we do have exit plans, that phrase works for most jobs in the UK. I left my last pimps at the end of the year, and am now an independent doing my own thing. Writing code and websites as a hobbiest, and you can guess who I do that work for
It has been good to me, started out on IBM mainframes, ended in Webapps in Java, and traveling. Would I work in IT again. Probably, yes if I need some money in the next few years, then I would pick up where I am. Short time though, as my fee earning skills will soon diminish. If I had my life again, probably there are so many exciting IT things happening, the cost entry for a coder is so low now. When I started it was all IBM mainframes, now an Android phone is so much more powerful cheaper and beautiful ( or even one of this Job’s things)
As an old programmer, I’ve Branched to a New Address, but not quite yet had the Great Non-Maskable Interrupt.
That’s a programmer joke 😁
I’ve been, like I think Maggie is, lucky enough to be doing for a living a job that I became interested in as a child, learned as I grew up, studied, practiced, got good at, enjoyed and got paid for it.
Never did match Maggie’s hourly rate, but hey. I’m just a guy, not a Daughter of Aphrodite.
Thanks to some chronic and incurable health troubles (Rheumatoid Arthritis) I can look forward to years of nothing more than subsistence benefits, tho I did manage to clear the mortgage, I’m essentially hand-to-mouth these days.
Still miss the old Java client server stuff tho. Would do it for fun, if it wouldn’t tear my fingers to shreds in an hour.
Ah well, I suspect Maggie will have an easier transition back to Harlotry++ 😉
Gee … sorry. You win.
Amy and I just recently found your blog and I wanted to let you know that we find your views very refreshing and right on the mark. We have been working together since 2007 on and off depending upon the economic circumstances yourself.
Since English is Amy’s second language it would be impossible for her to work alone at the levels she has achieved in the escorting business, besides, it is much safer to work with someone else as I am sure you already know having been an agency owner.
I have noticed that there seems to be more and more ladies entering this business since the economy crashed in 2008. It is somewhat sad to see so many young ladies being forced into this work because they have no other choices due to circumstances with so sources of trustworthy information. They so often arrested shortly after beginning work because the do not know how to screen or they get caught up with the more disreputable elements and are taken advantage of.
Nevertheless, I believe that working as an escort IS a legitimate career choice, despite contrary laws and morality, as long as the ladies go into it with their eyes wide open and have thick skin. That means doing extensive research just as one might do prior to making any career decision.
The safest way for them to enter this field is to research the local agency’s operating in their area. Look at the girls reviews to see how long they have been working there. Does the agency screen clients which is very important for safety. How well is the agency regarded by the clients who frequent it services. These are very important issues for someone just starting out. Does the agency come accross as a professional business.
These are very important issues for someone just starting out in this field. A lady working at a professional agency will learn about screening overtime, they will have a safe call, and will have someone to call if something goes wrong. The will also learn a lot of useful info from the other girls they are working with that they could not find themselves without being pointed in the right direction. Over time they will gain the necessary knowledge to transition to being independent safely if they so desire.
This field is not for every lady who considers going to work in it. My experience working with ladies over time makes me conclude the successful lady entering this field for the first time has her head squarely on her shoulders, is not a habitable drug user or heavy drinker. The successful lady is honest and approaches each engagement with a professional attitude, is a warm and friendly people person, has few or no sexual hangups, and is a independent thinker who does not receive her self affirmation / self worth from feedback from her other lady friends.
She will have to accept the fact the most of the female side of society will shun her if the discover the nature of her work. Should she ever be arrested in the United States and is convicted for prostitution will have to bear that scarlet letter for the rest of her life and it will keep coming back up time and time again each time she applies for a regular job and they do a background check. These are the facts.
Nevertheless, the economic rewards a lady can achieve in this profession are incredible considering the lack of formal education required. The work can be fun and exciting if she enjoys sex and the excitement associated with the adrenaline thrill associated with work. This work is very challenging considering all the factors and obstacles a lady working in America has to overcome to make each engagement successful.
I met Amy while I was working for a large agency in Atlanta. She wanted to do her own thing but couldn’t do it by herself because she couldn’t read English at that time which is why we became partners. Over time we developed a personal relationship that is similar to that of Maggie and her husband. I read his interview and we share some of the same thoughts and emotions. Only the strongest relationships can survive when your significant other is working in this field.
We made our stake and went back to the regular economy to work for awhile but have since returned to this work because we actually enjoy what we do, the economic rewards, and to be honest we find it sexually exciting in what some would consider a perversion. We did slow down quite a bit from the volume at which we worked in the beginning which was up to seven dates a day in Atlanta to now at four or less per any given week. The stress of working at a high volume is wearing over time but we found that we became bored after taking a year off which is why we went back in business.
We now both work our regular jobs during the day because we know that working as an escort is like playing football and we will only play the game as long as we can remain in the big leagues.
Nice story. I also get a certain “buzz” and excitement from escorting, and getting paid is in and of itself a turn-on for me. I also have a regular day job, and while some days I feel like quitting my day job and just escorting full-time, it provides a certain level of stability and regularity in my life, I think. And I suppose it provides an easy cover when people ask what I do for a living.
If my memory serves – you already “retired” from the job once – and went back to it. Yes, I think I’m right about that because you wrote about it … the time you and your husband were in the car driving somewhere in New Orleans. And – that was an emotional piece – and pretty romantic with your husband breaking out his credit card to give you permission to back to work. Awesome column – it almost made me cry (LOL not really!).
I will say though – there’s something a bit different about you though. I don’t fully understand it. It’s not that you enjoyed the sex with strange men – but you got something out of the experience that maybe not all call girls do. I can dig that – I got a lot more out of the military than a lot of guys I knew who hated it. Whatever I do in the future – I will always DEFINE myself by that experience – the guys that hated it left and they don’t define themselves that way. I think – based on this blog – you define yourself as a call girl.
I always tell people who ask me what I do … “Well I’m a retired Navy Master Chief but now I …”
So you know – just by what I state first – what I consider my major endeavor in life to have been – and it SUCKS not to still be involved in it.
I’m just wondering if … like me … you miss it? It’s the goddamn thing about growing old after you’ve chosen a “physical job” that normally requires youth to excel in it. Eventually you lose the ability to physically compete with the younger folks chasing you. Whether you’re military, or a pro-football player – or a hooker – same difference because all those jobs favor YOUTH – which all of us eventually lose – WAAY before we’re ready to lose it.
I’m betting the answer is “Yes”. Cuz there’s a lot of us out here … just like Brett Favre.
And another thing … when I talk about the military I may sound confident – but if the subject is something “contemporary” I feel a little lacking in the credibility department because I’ve been out of the military for almost a decade. So I wonder if you feel something similar?
I’m telling you I don’t cry – but I almost did last year when I went down to do some work on a Virginia Class submarine. That is the NEW class we’re building now – I’m not familiar with them. I still go down on submarines all the time and I still am able to teach those young crews something about their boats. But – NOT with Virginia Class. I got lost on that boat 30 seconds after I climbed down the hatch. It was just a “WTF” feeling of helplessness – NOT something I like at all. It’s the realization that even my military experiences will be worthless one day – since everything will have changed.
You are answering the question whether you would return to escorting if circumstances made it necessary (or if you just wanted to). I’ve always thought the question was rather different; if you knew then what you now know, would you have done it? Many of us would answer “no”, but I’d guess you’d say “yes”.
If I knew at 18 what I know now, I’d have started then instead of waiting until I was 33. And I wouldn’t have wasted two years stripping first.
Same here. I didn’t start until I was well into my 30’s. I wish I had started in my early-mid 20’s. (For me personally, I was probably too immature and sheltered at 18 to be able to handle it.)
I understand that context certainly matters but its always interesting to see activists predictably (over)interpret everything through the lenses of their own issues. My first thought at the 20 year mark of my career with another 20 to go is – I’d do a number of things differently, but I think I’d still chose the same area – we’ll see if I still believe that at 70 – I gather its common enough that many would not, regardless of career. Have fun stormin’ the castle.
I would have to agree with Maggie regarding skipping stripping and going for the gusto. Stripping in itself can be a trap as it is easy for a young girl of first starting to drink too much to overcome the fear of performing on stage and maybe beginning to use other drugs because they are so readily available in a club environment. Strippers drinking too much daily generally the norm and expected. Strip clubs are a surreal environment where it seems like anything goes and so many young girls get caught in the same deception as do the patrons getting caught up in the never ending party. So many girls self destruct while working in strip clubs.
Working as an escort drinking while working, especially in excess is severely frowned upon by any respectable agency because generally most dates are scheduled for one hour at a time. Even if a girl doesn’t have a date scheduled In advance of the appointment she is currently engaged in she very often will learn upon completion that she is scheduled for another date all the way across town where she is expected to arrive at on time in full control of herself for her on safety and client satisfaction. Client really don’t want a lady arriving for a date who is toasted.
An escort who is on top of her game is really in control during each date as she has tons more experience than most gentlemen doing the scheduling. When a new girl goes to work at a respectable agency they are most often scheduled with several of the agency’s regular customers and are coached as what to expect during a date. It doesn’t take long for a young lady to gain the confidence to deal with whatever may come their way.
Generally, the clients write reviews about their experiences, other clients read those reviews looking at the services and the quality of the experience each girl provides. The clients gravitate tho the girls who provided the experiences that they are looking to engage. Over time girls tend to expand the services which they offer as they gain more experience and confidence.
I highly recommend that any young lady who in the back of their mind thinks they may be suited or inclined to work as an escort to skip the strip club experience as it most often results so many bad habits and a disgruntled attitude. Maggie is evidently an exception.
Besides working as an escort is much more economically rewarding for the time invested, the lady sets her hours that she is available. There is generally not much difference in the social stigmation and none if the lady keeps a low profile and provides a cover employment story such a modeling to explain to her friends and family.
Working as an escort is absolutely the wrong choice for a young lady who feels guilty about what she is doing but the same really applies to working as a dancer.
I did go back and I’m loving it. Best sex I’ve had in years amazingly and the money’s fabulous too. Here in New Zealand it’s 100% legal and I work as an independent in a gorgeous house whenever I feel like it. I also blog about legal sex work and how I did this at amber-ohara.com (I also blog about illegal sex work from back in the day too.) As a mature sex worker I attract a completely different clientele compared to when I was younger and there’s some pretty fine dudes who pay me for the fun we have together. Life is good.
Maggie, I hope you don’t mind if I rephrase the question. As you’ve pointed out in this piece, many people who ask you “Would you do it again?” assume that there is something inherently wrong with prostitution itself—including many sex workers and sex worker allies. From what little I’ve gleaned from your blog, most of your problems didn’t arise from the client side but rather persecution from the law and people like many of the ones who ask you “Would you do it all over again?”
If there was another way to get the money you needed when you turned to prostitution, would you do it again knowing the crap you would have to face from cops? Would it simply be easier to be a forthright ally of sex workers without dealing with the problems that come from being a sex worker?
“I think it’s symptomatic of the underlying assumption, even among many people who firmly believe in self-ownership and sex worker rights, that there is something intrinsically “wrong” or distasteful about sex work. ”
Naturally. Sex is very intimate and sexual attraction is at the core of what to speak of a satisfying sexual experience, but one that is not a complete turn off, if even disgusting.
Sex work is a field in which sex workers often find themselves engaging in sexual activity with people who are complete turn offs to them.
Frankly it would gross me the hell out unless I could only ever have sex with people I found completely appealing.
A tangential regarding the ol’ , “Would you want your daughter to do it?”
I have three (biological) daughters, all over age 21 and each living on her own, from my 34-year marriage. My spouse and I raised them to be independent thinkers and sex-positive; sexuality has always been simply another matter-of-fact (important) subject in our household and family. My wife and two of our daughters have worked (separately) in online webcam sex for extended periods of time over the past three years for various financial reasons.
So — my own answer to that False Dilemma “gotcha” has generally been something like this: after pointing out that the question is indeed a false dilemma and that “How would you feel about your daughter doing it” is the fairer question,” I’ve stated, “I’d not only approve, I’d endorse her choice and support her in it in any and every way I could, as any loving father would.”
Heheh…A startled silence typically follows.