Every thing teaches transition, transference, metamorphosis: therein is human power, in transference, not in creation; & therein is human destiny, not in longevity but in removal. We dive & reappear in new places.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
So here we are again, for the fifth time; I daresay this is becoming a habit. That’s really not surprising; ever since I retired from sex work in 2006, my life has been bound by habits and schedules, like a cocoon I wove to give myself structure and meaning at a time when the framework that had defined my life for nine years had suddenly been taken away. That self-imposed bondage was comfortable and safe; it allowed me time to think and to explore, to figure out who I was now and to decide what was important to me and where I wanted my life to go. And as I slowly, haltingly learned about the power of the internet, I also became aware of a great restlessness and dissatisfaction in myself; I found myself talking about sex work and sex worker rights on message boards that had absolutely nothing to do with the subject, and began to resent prissy moderators who could delete anything I wrote on a whim. By the time I had been retired for four years, I could stand it no more; I had to stake out a place in this new digital world where I could share the truth about my life, my sisters and the only work I ever loved. At first, I was extremely anonymous; in May of 2012 I even turned down an offer to host a TV show on the History Channel because I was just not ready for that kind of exposure. I had not yet broken out of my cocoon, but merely reshaped it for purposes of my activism.
But in the summer of 2012, that all began to change when I accepted an invitation to appear at the Southern Harm Reduction Conference; a few weeks later I agreed to speak at Albany Law School’s symposium the next February. The cocoon had become too small and much too restrictive, and I was breaking out of it; people began to hear my voice in interviews and see my face at events, and when I decided to go on my tour last summer I shook the last tatters of silk from my newfound wings and proudly revealed my face (and the rest of me) for the world to see. There’s no turning back now; the die, as the man said in Latin, is cast. In the past few months I’ve been recognized twice in the small town I live nearest, and that’s just fine with me; I wouldn’t turn down a TV hosting gig now as easily as I turned down the reality show offer I got last spring. Flitting under my own power from coast to coast last summer was the scariest, craziest, least-scripted thing I’ve ever done, and also one of the most rewarding; this year I plan to explore even more widely. Sometimes I miss the coziness of that cocoon, but the warmth of the sun and the smell of the flowers and the feel of the breeze under my wings are far better, and the work Aphrodite wants me to do can’t be done while tied up in the dark.
Beautiful post Maggie. I salute your courage and your voice. Happy New Year!
A reality show…now *that’s* prostituting yourself. Kudos on saying “no”.
You are a brave soul, keep up the good work for all of us.
Your writing is every bit as beautiful as that painting by Boris Vallejo.
Thank you, Robert! 🙂
Wonderful :).
A show on the History Channel? No kidding! If you’re willing to share, what sort of show would it have been? An honest-to-goodness history of sex workers (and the persecution thereof) or something like “American Pickers” or “Pawn Stars”? Because the latter I doubt would have served you well at all.
It was to be a show on sexual aspects of historical events & people. I was offered the position of presenter; it wasn’t a reality show. I’m telling y’all right now that I’ll never do a reality show; they couldn’t pay me enough to accept that level of intrusion in my life.
I came to “this thing” late in life and your blog lately, but first let me wish you continued success and a great and productive new year for 2015. I am not sure what to call myself, “client” or “customer” sounds too business like and “hobbyist, monger or john” are on the derogatory side. “Connoisseur” or “patron” are a bit pretentious, so maybe “fan” and/or “participant” would be most accurate.
I love your story and wish to thank you and send along my appreciation.
Hi Maggie, your post inspired my own response. Thank you and happy remembering sister http://claudiabites.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/breaking-free.html
p.s would dearly love you to guest blog on my page some time?
I noticed the increasing openness after the Albany Law presentation, in which I think they showed your face more than you may have intended. It took courage to make this decision to be more public. (As a male ally, I’m trying to figure out how to do the same thing. But prejudice runs deep, and I have more than my own reputation to think about.) I’m impressed and humbled by your courage, and glad to see that your influence is spreading.