A couple of years ago, I was busted in a high-profile client sting. Now that my case is over and I’m a free citizen again, I am looking for ways to be part of the counter-narrative, to argue against criminalization and for civil rights and justice reform and so many of the surrounding issues. How can I contribute?
It all depends on how brave you want to be, how “out” you want to be as a client, and how much you stand to lose. I think joining COSWAC would be a good start; another good move is financially supporting outspoken sex workers like me (either by booking dates with us or by donations). Doing either of those doesn’t require you to be “out”, and they’d allow you to help while considering how much you really want to expose yourself. Because I’ll tell you this: choosing to come out as a sex worker or client is not a decision to be made lightly. It’s a one-way street, and could potentially affect your life for years to come if not indefinitely. Though it’s absurd to make such a big deal about one person’s private, consensual sexual choices, the fact is we live in an authoritarian society which presumes to claim the “right” to control everyone’s sexuality; to represent personal choices as some sort of grave issue affecting all of society (especially women and “children” who aren’t involved in the choice and don’t even know the parties who were actually involved); and to treat sexual issues as though they were worse than mayhem and murder (where’s the “murder offense registry”? How about the “abusive cop registry”?) I’m definitely not trying to talk you out of speaking out as a client; in fact, I celebrate men who do so. But I want you to make the decision carefully and with all due consideration, so that when the inevitable repercussions appear (and they will, trust me), you have the courage of your convictions and can stand firmly against the storm.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
Thank you, Maggie. Additional advice to anyone wishing to speak out for sex workers’ rights, including full decriminalization: Educate yourself on the issue. Learn to distinguish between the different legal models, and how to respond to arguments being made by prohibitionists. Whether you’re a client, friend or family member of a sex worker, or just a concerned individual, arm yourself with the facts. CoSWAC’s website has a host of information and resources to help you.
Actually there is a “registry”for all felonious crimes: it’s called a background check.
And like sex workers get blacklisted for all other (or many other) occupations, so do convicted felons of all stripes (yes, a
poor pun).
Which IMO gets back to the seriously flawed “criminal justice ” system.
But that’s a whole ‘bother can of worms.
I do not think that “coming out” for sexual sanity, which includes the de-criminalization of prostitution and the right to enjoy short-time paid sexual encounters should be a problem for anyone. I identify with the moral perceptions of the Ancient World, and the fact that we are currently living in a sick society whose attitudes towards sexual freedom is profoundly repressive makes it all the more important to speak out against such repressiveness. The opinions and judgements of a society alien to the one I identify with are entirely meaningless to me, and should be equally meaningless to any enlightened person.
Attempting to regulate sexual expression through criminalization constitutes a crime against humanity as it denies the status of human being to those thus victimized for no other reason than their refusal to live by the sick repressive standards of the oppressors.
When reproached by a friend that a lady of the night he was seeing did not love him (the famous courtesan Lais), the ancient Greek philosopher Aristippos answered:
“Το ξέρω οτι η Λαϊς δεν με αγαπά. Και τα ψάρια και το κρασί δε μ΄αγαπάνε. Αλλά εγώ τα απολαμβάνω.” (I know that Lais does not love me. Neither do fish nor wine love me, but I enjoy them.)
I would like to reinforce something Maggie implied, she was protective of the individual in her response but it needs to be repeated: “speaking as a client.”
One comment spoke about reading and educating yourself and that cannot be emphasized enough. As a client ask yourself, ‘where do you belong in the movement?’
The movement, to me, is about the attainment of legal identities, it’s about the recognition of rights whether those rights are human rights or labor rights, or a cross-section of both. It’s about self-determination through liberty and not the criminal justice system.
It’s about contributing personal experiences to a conversation that has been dominated by outsiders. It’s a conversation about feminism that has pinholed sex-workers to being props for disciples of Andrea Dworkin, Catherine McKinney, and Melissa Farley for abuse.
There is not one universal sex-worker experience and those that Swanee Hunt has showered with an onslaught of moral-entrepreneurial press coverage have not earned the right to say they speak on behalf of sex workers.
There are ways to support and I fully endorse Maggie’s suggestions to financially support outspoken sex-workers. Also, challenge local journalists, not necessarily about media bias but journalistic integrity and objectivity, make sure they think about testing their statements the next time their role as reporters is sacrificed to being stenographers. (When new sex trafficking legislation is promoted, I remind the reporter via email that according to FBI NIBRS there were zero trafficking arrests, emphasize arrests, not convictions, in 2016, for example). When criminal justice reform is discussed, write the committee members and let them know about your past experience and how a local prosecutor was monetized to secure arrests for speech.
More importantly, follow Maggie, Mistress Matisse, pastachips, Janet Mock, Claudia Cojocaru, Laura Lee, and Belle Du Jour, signal boost Elizabeth Nolan Brown, Melissa Gira Grant, Laura Agustin, Frankie Mullen, Alex Levy, and empathize and listen to the brutal honesty of Gaye Dalton and the many other local sex-workers when they speak.
There are others but they are a small group under constant pressure and obviously they are distrusting, why should they not? To me, they are incredible leaders but most importantly, this is their movement and they have convinced me of the realities of their movement. I need to find my lane.
Should be Catherine MacKinnon above…sorry.
October 26 was my birthday.
Stay on point, Ms McNeill
You got this.
But it’s 50/50 you already know that