How To Be a Stupid, Greedy Whore

The women who take husbands not out of love but out of greed, to get their bills paid, to get a fine house and clothes and jewels; the women who marry to get out of a tiresome job, or to get away from disagreeable relatives, or to avoid being called an old maid — these are whores in everything but name. The only difference between them and my girls is that my girls gave a man his money’s worth.  –  Polly Adler

I’ve written a few times about women who pretend they aren’t whores, but are.  In My Humble Opinion, any woman who takes money in exchange for sex is by definition a whore.  It doesn’t matter if she is married to her customer or not, nor whether the price is discussed before or after the act; and it doesn’t matter if the money is granted by a divorce court or blackmailed out of the customer or taken in the form of gifts or squeeze or salary or “child support”.  If a woman takes any form of compensation from a man that he would not have given but for their sexual relationship, she is a whore whether she admits it or not.  The only difference between such women and those legally defined as prostitutes is that most prostitutes are honest and bound by professional ethics, while whores-in-denial are not.  So if any woman (especially the one whom I discuss in today’s column) decides to take issue with my inclusion of her in my profession, all I have to say is “If the shoe fits…”  If you don’t want to be defined as a whore, don’t take money from men with whom you have sex, and if you’re going to take money from them at least have the decency to give them what they pay for as true professionals do.

This news item came to my attention yesterday; it’s about a whore with a terminal case of what we call Platinum Pussy Syndrome, the pathological belief that her favors are worth vastly more than those of other women.  If this stupid bitch had simply charged a fair fee and given her customer his money’s worth we would never have heard of her, but because she developed delusions of grandeur and tried to victimize her client rather than trading fairly with him she dishonored both her family and our profession and will spend several of her declining years in prison (to say nothing of the bad karma she has incurred).   Of course, when she gets out she’ll be assured of a book deal (promoted on the daytime talk show circuit) in which she whines about how she was “victimized”, but that will merely prove my point all the more.  Obviously, this entire column is only my opinion; I can’t know what was going through her mind, and the only facts I have are those determined by the court, but I think those facts speak for themselves.

The following is paraphrased from an AP article:

A Louisville, Kentucky woman was convicted Thursday (August 5, 2010) of demanding millions of dollars from Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino to keep their one-night stand in a restaurant secret, then falsely claiming he raped her after he reported the extortion to the police.  Karen Cunagin Sypher, a 50-year-old former car-show model, was found guilty of three counts of extortion, two counts of lying to the FBI and one count of retaliating against a witness.  She stared at the ceiling as the verdict was read, while one of her sons wept openly.  Neither Sypher nor her attorney commented as they left federal court following her eight-day trial, but one of her sons, Jacob Wise, sneered “Thanks for taking my mother away, guys,” at prosecutors. (Nice way to shift blame there, Jake! – Maggie)

The case involved a 2003 sexual encounter between Pitino and Sypher at a table inside a restaurant closed for the night; some months later she told him she was pregnant and he gave her $3000 for an abortion, but he then heard nothing more from her until last year, when he received three threatening phone calls and two letters demanding cash and gifts to keep the tryst secret. One of the letters showed to the jury was a handwritten note from Sypher that asked for cars, tuition for her children and her mortgage to be paid off.  Pitino reported the blackmail attempt to the police and testified that Sypher “came on to him” (witnesses described her as “persistent and flirty” that night) and that the sex was consensual; after she was charged, Sypher unsurprisingly retaliated by accusing Pitino of rape.

Unfortunately for Sypher, her threatening phone calls were recorded and played back in court; jury foreman Glen Elder told The Associated Press that the panel went through the charges line by line and there were no disagreements during about five hours of deliberations over two days, while other jurors said the recordings “played a major part” in their decision.  The charges carry a maximum sentence of 26 years in prison, but under federal sentencing guidelines, the penalty will likely be lighter; Sypher will remain free until her sentencing on October 27th.

Now, let’s look at how this greedy, incompetent amateur botched the whole deal.  First off, it’s both incredibly unethical and amazingly stupid to ask for payment after delivering the service rather than agreeing on a price beforehand; unethical because it allows price-gouging, and stupid because there is no guarantee that the client will pay up.  If he refuses to pay it can’t even be considered a rape since no price was mentioned in advance.

Next, I think it’s safe to infer that this idiot didn’t require Pitino to use a condom, because if she had he wouldn’t have believed her claim of pregnancy.  Clearly, she was laboring under the delusion we talked about yesterday, that “good girls” don’t use condoms; I would point out that “good girls” also don’t seduce strangers, screw on restaurant tables, blackmail people and make false accusations of rape, but that would be stating the obvious.  According to the popular delusion (shared by police as also discussed yesterday), asking him to use a condom would have made her a whore; funny, I would think it was the request for money which defines whoredom, but I guess I’m just silly that way.

Then there was the request for an exorbitant amount of money; $3000 for an encounter which both testified lasted mere minutes is far beyond the going rate even for a porn star.  But Pitino was foolish enough to pay up, and Sypher netted $2570 on the deal ($3000 less the $430 the abortion actually cost, according to medical records presented at the trial).  That’s more than I’ve ever made in a few minutes, and had she been less greedy, stupid and evil she would’ve walked away with a fat fee for a very easy call.  But as I said at the beginning we’re dealing with a serious case of Platinum Pussy Syndrome, which in its terminal stages can induce brain rot leading to the delusion that one’s sexual favors really are worth ten (or a hundred, or a thousand, or ten thousand) times those of other women.  I might theorize that she contracted it via car show modeling, except that I’ve also done that without developing even the most minor symptom of the disorder.

And I’m very glad I didn’t; over the course of six years Sypher (is that her name or her IQ?) seems to have developed delusions so grandiose that they destroyed both her ability to perceive reality and her minimal capacity for moral judgment.  She not only decided that her amateurish performance was worth millions of dollars, but that it was morally acceptable to demand retroactive payment years after the fact and to attempt to collect it via threats rather than by honest negotiation.  And when her scam was foiled she descended to that most reprehensible of actions, the bogus rape charge; such accusations not only harm the accused, but also cast doubt onto truthful accusations made by other women.  The “Potiphar’s wife” dodge is the last refuge of a moral imbecile who has been caught doing something she shouldn’t; it is a repugnant act of infantile self-centeredness which places her reputation above the personal safety of all of her sisters.

Unfortunately, Karen Sypher is not alone; as I pointed out in my column of July 12th, whores-in-denial vastly outnumber those of us who are honest about it, and while we are persecuted for our honesty their dishonesty is rewarded and abetted by the legal system.  Had Syfwhore stopped with her demand for “abortion money,” she wouldn’t even have been technically guilty of breaking any man-made law because our paternalistic legal system holds men accountable for the voluntary sexual behavior of adult women (except for legally-defined prostitutes, but that’s a discussion for another day).  Since she did not quit while she was ahead, however, her astonishing stupidity, appalling immorality and truly mythic greed qualify her as the first inductee into my Hall of Shame, a list of whores (whether admitted or not) who have dishonored our profession by their incredibly disgusting behavior.