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Archive for July, 2010

Whoring is like military service…okay in the upper brackets, not so good lower down.  –  Robert A. Heinlein

Many Americans like to pretend that all prostitutes are streetwalkers.  I say “pretend” because, though I am sure there are some ill-informed folks out there who simply don’t know any better, I am equally sure the vast majority of people in this country know of the existence of call girls, escorts, massage parlor girls, brothel girls, lawyers and other types of  prostitutes.  Yet, even so, say “prostitute” to the average American and the picture that will pop into his (or her) mind is the stereotypical underdressed, overly made up streetwalker leaning against a lamp post and smoking a cigarette.  Ignore for a minute that this stereotype isn’t even true of many streetwalkers; the real question is, why?  How is it that the word “prostitute”, broad and clinical as it is, has come to mean for most Americans only those women at the very bottom of our profession?  I can’t be sure of all the reasons, but I have some educated guesses I would like to share with you.

Not remotely typical.

First and foremost, of course, is that streetwalkers are ubiquitous.  To my knowledge no one has ever done a world census of whores, but The National Task Force on Prostitution estimates that, of the entire female prostitute community in America, only five to twenty percent are street walkers (that’s an average estimate of 12.5%, so let’s be generous and say 15%).  And unlike the brothel girls and massage girls (who are only encountered in their own places of business) or call girls and escorts (who are difficult to tell apart from other women), streetwalkers stand out; they’re hard to miss when they’re present.  Since they have no advertising and/or place of business, how else could they attract clientele?  They have to be visible, and they have to advertise their profession so as not to be overlooked.  Hence, the flashy and/or revealing clothes favored by many (though by no means all) of them.  On top of that, they are more thinly spread; I daresay there are a few streetwalkers in many towns too small for a massage parlor or escort service.  All the streetwalker needs to set up shop is a pair of shoes.

It’s quite likely that just about everyone reading this has seen a few streetwalkers in his life (probably more than just a few), and since they do stand out they make a strong impression.  It is the nature of the human mind to stereotype, which is of course how prejudices are formed.  It is unfortunately not much of a leap for a person to go from “I saw some prostitutes who looked like sleazy drug addicts” to “all prostitutes are sleazy drug addicts.”  Or to go from “I read in the paper that many crimes are committed by black men” to “all black men are criminals.”  And so on.  Even if the rational mind knows that not ALL members of a group are like its lowest elements, the temptation to classify any given member of that group as the lowest common denominator is very strong indeed.  And when the people who are doing the stereotyping are in positions of authority, abominations like racial profiling are the inevitable result.

Another source of the stereotype is movies and television shows.  The Hollywood prostitute is a curious creature; she looks like a call girl but dresses and acts like a streetwalker (except for her heart of gold).  This applies only to main characters, of course; seedy-looking streetwalkers may be added to a street scene to give it a more run-down, low-class, skid row sort of atmosphere.  Once in a great while there will be a high-class call girl (or a courtesan if the show is set far enough in the past), but this is a very rare exception.  In the universe of movies and television, streetwalkers outnumber the rest of us by many hundreds to one.  And considering how tenacious visual images can be, this false picture is permanently imbedded in the minds of many people.

See text at left.

Finally, there’s the vulgar appeal of the streetwalker.  Many people are fascinated by vulgarity; our youth idolizes entertainers who adopt the personas of “gangstas”, thugs, “pimps”, skinheads and other lowlifes.  The tabloids dwell on the lowest, sleaziest activities of celebrities, especially those celebrities who are merely famous specimens of what I grew up calling “white trash.”  Television shows such as Jerry Springer, Cops and the numerous courtroom and “reality” shows present the worst, lowest, nastiest, sickest, most tawdry examples of human behavior as “entertainment”.  Vulgarity sells.  And considering that, is it any surprise that most Americans would rather think about streetwalkers than call girls?

So, OK, you may say; so what?  So the stereotype is not accurate for a very large number of prostitutes.  We all know that stereotypes are wrong, blah blah blah.  People aren’t going to change the way they think, so why bring it up?  And I would reply, “good question.”  For the most part you’re right; until and unless there is some sort of sea change in American culture most people here are going to continue thinking of all prostitutes as streetwalkers.  Movies and TV shows will continue to portray us all as fashion-disabled alley cats, and people will continue to use expressions like “dress like a hooker”.

In and of itself, none of this matters.  The problem lies in the fact that institutions and groups are made up of those same ill-informed, stereotype-bound people.  Bureacrats, politicians, lawyers and political activists are all members of that vague mass called “the public.”  And though it may not matter that a grocer or a bus driver or a housewife thinks that all prostitutes are equivalent to streetwalkers, it most certainly matters that cops, lawmakers, judges and feminists think so.

One of the excuses for keeping prostitution laws on the books is that streetwalkers can be, well, annoying; they loiter and may accost passersby with unwelcome propositions.  But call girls, brothel girls and other non-streetwalking prostitutes don’t loiter; we accost no one.  Our customers approach us and know where to find us; we are essentially invisible to everyone else and therefore cannot be considered a public nuisance.  In many countries prostitution itself is legal but solicitation is illegal; in other words advertising in the telephone book or working in a brothel is perfectly acceptable but hailing men on the street with offers is not.  In those countries, streetwalkers are controlled with solicitation and loitering laws and other prostitutes are allowed to practice their profession in peace; in the United States, however, all prostitutes are tarred with the same brush because the legislators pretend we are all streetwalkers.

Also, since a large percentage of streetwalkers are drug addicts, they contribute to a host of criminal behaviors.  Drug addicts are not known for their honesty; they will lie, cheat, steal or whatever else it takes to get a fix.  Many streetwalkers are thus petty thieves in addition to being prostitutes (or even petty thieves masquerading as prostitutes), and of course drug dealers are likely to be found nearby so as to capitalize on the market.  This is the excuse the cops use for arresting prostitutes.  But here, once again, the fallacy becomes obvious:  Since call girls are not streetwalkers, why “sting” them?  Why raid brothels?  I’m not saying that there are no drug-addicted escorts; that would be a bald-faced lie.  But criminalizing an entire profession because some of its members break other laws is absurd.  By that logic, being a cop, actor or musician should also be illegal.  I personally think American drug laws are completely insane (though I have never used an illegal drug in my life), but that’s another subject entirely.  Suffice it to say that police plots against call girls are inspired and driven by the streetwalker stereotype, and thus are wastes of public money and valuable man-hours that could be spent combating actual crime.

A "feminist"? I think not.

And that brings us to feminists.  I am not speaking here of women who hold that men and women, though different, are equally valuable to society and should be given equal treatment under the law.  That is what I consider TRUE feminism, which I strongly believe in.  No, when I speak here of feminists I mean the radical feminists (whom I refer to as “neofeminists”) and those well-meaning but ill-informed ladies who follow them in the misapprehension that they truly want what’s best for all women.  This tribe of lunatics presumes to speak for all women despite the fact that their philosophies and agendas are farther away from what most women want and need than most men’s are!  And in their struggle to wrest control of sex away from the men (who never had it in the first place), they have decided that prostitution is a tool of the “patriarchy” and so should be abolished in order to save its poor, objectified victims.  Of course, this whole philosophy is based once again on the fallacy that all whores are streetwalkers; most such “feminists” believe that our lives are all as sordid and pathetic as those of our little sisters in the street.  In their zeal to free women from imagined “oppression” the radical feminists fail to recognize that the main reason streetwalkers are trapped is because of the very laws that they demand stricter enforcement of, the laws that allow streetwalkers no options.  Our society’s punitive approach to drugs and prostitution make most streetwalkers criminals several times over, when in fact they are victims in need of help.  The laws keep them from getting that help, and pimps appear like vultures to victimize them even further, driving them ever more deeply into the mud.

Ironically, the law enforcement this type of “feminist” favors actually encourages the exploitation of streetwalkers by evil men, and we call girls can’t really speak out against the tyranny because the legislatures aren’t going to pay any attention to avowed whores; in fact, we might even be arrested. Prostitutes on all levels need feminists to take off their anti-sex, anti-male blinders and go to bat for their sisters in the world’s oldest (and in the West, least-respected) profession.  Is this likely to happen any time soon?  Probably not.  But there is a small but growing movement within feminism that rejects the anti-sex rhetoric and is willing to listen to those of us who make our living through sex.  There is also a small but growing number of prostitutes (some retired, some still active) who are willing to speak out against the very real oppression we have experienced at the hands of the men in power.  If these two groups can get together perhaps something may be accomplished yet.

I do not for one minute believe that streetwalking can or should be eliminated.  There have been streetwalkers for as long as there have been streets for them to walk, and there probably always will be.  Every institution has a seamy underbelly, every profession a lowest stratum.  What I hope for is that someday streetwalkers who want out of that lifestyle will have options, avenues of escape from drugs and pimps and alleyways that are not blocked by cops and courts.  Prostitution can be a rewarding and profitable profession for those of us who choose it, but no woman should be forced into it by unfortunate circumstances and then held there by the very people and institutions who profess to have her best interests at heart.

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The woman who can create her own job is the woman who will win fame and fortune.  –  Amelia Earhart

I once went to a dinner party with my best friend and business partner Grace.  The hostess was a friend of hers and an acquaintance of mine who had only recently found out that I had started working as a call girl.  She had known I was a stripper since we met, and that never seemed to bother her, but the transition to prostitution was apparently too much for her.  Exactly how much it bothered her I did not find out until after dinner, when the conversation turned to careers.  The group was a highly educated one, and it was remarked on that no one there was working in the field of her degree.  Moreover, all of our careers were at least somewhat unusual.  Since there was a lady there I had never met and did not wish to risk offending, I merely joined in the discussion without bringing up my own profession.  At least, that was my plan until the hostess suddenly spoke up.

“Maggie has a very interesting job,” she said sweetly, “don’t you, Maggie?”  Since everyone else there already knew what I did, her intent was obviously to embarrass me in front of the lady I had just met, who was middle-aged and fairly proper.

“Oh, really, what do you do?” she asked me, expecting nothing shocking, I’m sure.

“I’m a whore,” I replied matter-of-factly.

“Excuse me?” the lady asked, clearly believing she had misunderstood.

“A whore,” I repeated.  “A prostitute.  A call girl.  A harlot, a lady of the evening, a hooker, a strumpet, a doxy, a fille de joie.  A demimondaine, a woman of questionable virtue.”  This was delivered with a straight face and no hint that I had said anything more unusual than “bank teller.”

“Oh, how interesting,” the poor dear said faintly.  Our hostess turned scarlet and someone quickly introduced a new topic of conversation.  I put up no fuss and simply continued on with the evening as though nothing had happened until the earliest polite opportunity to excuse ourselves and leave.

I introduce myself with this anecdote because it illustrates several points I would like to make right away, the most important of which is that this blog is in no way a confession.  That would imply feelings of guilt, of which I have none.  Somehow, neither my mother nor the nuns who taught me ever managed to instill in this little Catholic girl any sense that sex is dirty, bad, wrong or otherwise distasteful, and without that unhealthy concept imbedded in one’s psyche prostitution is no different from any other service one might perform for hire.

I can almost hear some of my readers’ protests:  “Oh, I don’t think sex is dirty, but it’s so intimate.  How could you do it with someone you don’t know?”  Therapists listen to intimate details of their patients’ lives all the time and give them intimate advice on subjects they wouldn’t discuss with their best friends.  My gynecologist sticks her fingers into my vagina without a qualm, and nurses give very intimate care to bedridden patients.  None of this seems to bother anyone.

Or this one:  “Oh, but sex is special; it’s for showing affection to someone you love.”  Well, there are many ways of showing affection.  If a professional chef prepares a special meal for her husband, is that gesture lessened by the fact that she prepares meals for strangers every day?  If a masseuse gives her man a massage, is he concerned that she has been rubbing other men’s backs?  If I dated an artist, would the picture he painted for me be any less a gift for his having painted many other women?  Of course not.

But there is no need to go on.  I am not here to destroy anyone’s deeply held beliefs, nor to say that I am right and everyone who disagrees is wrong.  Many if not most women, whether because of natural shyness, moral views, personal prejudices or conditioned guilt, are temperamentally unsuited to prostitution, just as others are unsuited to motherhood and still others unsuited to office work.  If everyone were the same it would be a pretty boring world.

Most of us are more discreet than pop stars.

What I am here to do is attempt to give my reader a new perspective on how some women make a living, and perhaps to show you that we’re not so different from any other women you might know.  That having been said, I’m not trying to tell you that all prostitutes are the same; that would be absurd.  We are no more or less like each other than are nurses, or teachers, or housewives, or students.  I know, because I have worked with women from each of those fields (and many others) who hooked on the side, with nobody the wiser.  What does a prostitute look like?  Look around you.  Most of us don’t hang around street corners in stilettos, miniskirts and excessive amounts of makeup.

Another thing this blog is not, is a tell-all.  If you’re expecting names, forget it; you’ll have to get your gossip elsewhere.  Although I had more than a few clients whose names you might recognize, those names will never pass my lips.  I can’t speak for my less fortunate sisters on the street corners, but those of us in the higher strata of harlotry have professional ethics just as any other professional has.  I would no more reveal a client’s name than his lawyer, doctor or clergyman would reveal any of his other secrets.  On top of that, I have a great deal of affection for many of my regular clients and would never do anything that might harm them.

This site isn’t about them, anyway; it’s about me.  Modern critical theory holds that a work of literature cannot be separated from its author; whether you believe that or not, I’m not even going to make the attempt.  I cannot speak for any other woman, describe her experiences, or know how she feels about being a prostitute or why she does it.  Nor can I speak for any man to tell you why he hires a prostitute and what he thinks about her.  All I can tell you is what I feel and felt, what I think, what I observe.  I can and will tell you how and why I became a prostitute, what some of my memorable experiences were, and why I don’t do it any more.  I can also tell you what I saw other girls do, what they said to me and my impressions of what they felt at the time; furthermore, I can tell you what clients did and said and my opinion as to what they were about and why.  These impressions are of course all subjective, but can any author claim otherwise?  Not until the day our bookstores start carrying offerings by Vulcan authors.

I could never be this objective.

One thing I can promise you is that everything you will read here is true.  Oh, I will change little details here and there to distort something into unrecognizability if I think it necessary, but I am not going to sit here and make up stories to titillate you or further my agenda.  I am not a fiction writer, and truth is stranger than fiction anyhow.  To the best of my ability and memory everything here is as it happened.  Among the stories and dry facts you will find my opinions, ideas and even some friendly advice, but I won’t try to disguise any of those by putting them in the form of parables, and I give you my word that I will try to describe details about girls, clients, or other dramatis personae as neutrally as possible so you can draw your own conclusions rather than being forced to accept mine.

One distortion I must make involves “stage names.”  It is very rare that a girl uses her own given name to work, though I have known a few.  This ensures a certain degree of anonymity and separation between professional and personal life.  “Maggie” is not the name I used while stripping and continued to use when I became a call girl; that name, the name by which I am known in our “professional community” to this day, is as much mine as the name my mother gave me, and therefore I will not mention it here in the interests of my own privacy.  Though my “stage name” is not the one on my driver’s license nor the one used by friends and relatives (except those working girls with whom I became friends), there are still far too many people who could identify me by it, so I will reveal neither it nor my legal name for the obvious reason that many people do look down upon prostitutes and I have no desire to find out how open-minded my in-laws and neighbors are, nor to test the limits to which cops will go to harass us.

Some girls change stage names every so often, while others (like me) keep the same one forever.  In the interests of everyone’s privacy, therefore, I will not use the actual stage names of any girls herein; some of them may be attached to those names and much of what I have to say will not be complimentary, so in the interest of fairness I will avoid the use of their “real” stage names just as I will avoid their legal names.  It is not necessary to violate people’s privacy to make a point.

Finally, if you’re looking for pornographic detail you may as go elsewhere because you won’t find it here.  If I wanted to provide wanking material I’d start a phone-sex business and it certainly wouldn’t be for free!

So, OK, I’ve told what this blog isn’t; what is it, then?  Well, first and foremost it is a podium (wits among you might consider “pulpit” a more appropriate term) from which I can talk about how I see the world, through the lens of my experiences as a call girl.  I’ll comment on various aspects of the subject of human sexuality as I see it, give a whore’s-eye view on current events (including virtual slaps in the face to girls who violate professional ethics), and point out the bias built in to nearly every mainstream article about prostitutes.  Sometimes I may talk about my experiences in “the life”, including how I started and what I did before and since.  I may tell you a little about the history of the profession and my philosophy of it, as well as the opinions of other girls I’ve talked to about it.  Sometimes I’ll tell you about the men and women I’ve met through the profession, including those I wish I hadn’t met, and what I think and feel about them.  I’ll talk about where I think prostitutes fit in society, why men come to us (it’s not always what you think), and how non-professional women can use this knowledge to their advantage.  I’ll also make some educated guesses on why Americans have such a weird love/hate relationship with us.  Along the way, I’ll also write about a lot of other stuff which is not strictly on the subject but is inextricably bound up with it in my head.  That’s the essence of a good story, though; it should make you think about things and feel things and maybe even teach you something in addition to merely entertaining you.  And this is definitely a good story; I only pray that I have the ability to do justice to it.

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