Would you write something for me?
No.
You wrote something for So-and-So!
So-and-So is a personal friend of mine, and I rarely say no to friends.
Will you do it if I pay you?
Sure, as long as it’s on a topic I care about or think is important.
What if I want you to say a specific thing?
You mean like writing you an ad? If I were any good at that, I’d make a lot more money than I do.
Well, could I write a guest post and pay you to publish it?
But you have guest posts every month!
Yeah, from people I invite; they’re guests, not infomercials.
Well, some of your guests are definitely selling things.
Yes, and those people are friends. Did you miss the part where I’m loyal to my friends?
Do you have something against monetizing your reputation?
So, what’s the harm in my paying you to call attention to my product?
Nothing, if your product is any good and I’ve actually used and liked it. Like, for example, I don’t mind giving Steak ‘n Shake restaurants a plug because I freaking love Steak ‘n Shake and will eat there every time I get the chance. Hell, I once did a whole column on Waffle House. But if you’re, say, a Nevada brothel where I’ve never worked, I’m not going to sing your praises just because you paid me to. I’m the Honest Courtesan, remember? If I like your book, movie, restaurant, brand of lube or whatever I’ll praise it, and if you want to give me money to really emphasize that praise I won’t turn you down. But if your product is shitty I’m not going to damage my reputation by endorsing it.
I think you’ll like my product; how do I get you to try it?
Well, publishers do it by offering me promotional copies. And right now I’m testing out a service that I may end up endorsing pretty soon, provided it measures up as it looks like it might. If you genuinely think I’ll like what you have to offer, and you think my name will lend respectability to whatever it is, and I think you’ll be a friend to the sex worker community, and you’re willing to support my work by giving me lovely money, please feel free to email me and we’ll talk. The worst thing that can happen is I’ll tell you “no”.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
Steak n’ Shake and Waffle House LOL!
Nice! Made me laugh.
i saw the title and wondered if you were going to declare a presidential preference
Sure: Burn the fucking system to the ground and shoot every last asshole who has ever expressed any desire to have even the slightest bit of political power over anyone else, from president down to cop. That’s my preference.
Unless you plan to do your own shooting, how do you expect your preference to become reality?
Only children, fanatics and psychotics believe the world will ever reflect their preferences in anything more than a cursory & coincidental fashion. And I am none of those things.
I would never accuse you of being any of those things. However, in that case I don’t understand what is gained from harboring, much less regularly expressing, desires you know will never come to pass and have no inclination to pursue. Unless it was meant to be a humorous (I often have a hard time picking up on that) response to mistah charley’s thinking you’d ever make an endorsement of a presidential candidate, in which case that’s one over on me.
I wonder if Mr. Bianco at Popehat has drawn the same conclusion you have about this.
Black humor, perhaps. But I’m sure you’ve noticed that, though it doesn’t often show in person, I’m always angry.
Can I use you as a sock puppet? Pretty please? Pretty pretty please? ;>
How much for writing about my crusade against the mass hysteria over child pornography and child sex abuse, sure to get you called a pedophile, or at least a sympathizer for kiddie sex workers.
Maggie, I was wondering about your thoughts on the scuffle between Corey Lewandowski and Michelle Fields?
Who and who?
Huh, what about the “China Nympho Cream”? Are you going to endorse it?
I took that for a prop, or an especially extreme example. Fits the rest very well, I think. It is even more funny and ridiculous when you read the text (click on it).
Incidentally, the whole thing reminds me of a customer that asked me last year whether I could work a few days for free because they had trouble finding the money to pay me. I remained professional and just said “no”, but the understanding some people have of how things work and what others should do for them is truly astonishing.