‘Tis the Season

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.  –  Ecclesiastes 3:1

Long-time readers know that I am a firm believer in the Ecclesiastean principle, that there is a proper season for everything and that everything should be in its season.  And because of this, I get very vocal (let’s be honest: bitchy) when I see freaking stores putting out Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving; this year my patience was sorely tested by stores actually putting out Christmas shit BEFORE FUCKING HALLOWEEN.  But because I’ve gone over this so many times before, I’m going to give y’all a break from my anti-gun-jumper, anti-“Black Friday” shrieking; those of you who haven’t read one of my day-after-Thanksgiving rants before (or those who have, but are feeling a tad masochistic today) can click on the links I’ve helpfully provided there for the last four such polemics.  Instead, I’m going to give you three wonderful ways you can help St. Nick’s favorite people, whores and children, this holiday season.

1) SWOP Behind Bars has a new program that will help you bring some cheer to incarcerated sex workers.  Seasonal depression affects many people, but for people locked up in prisons it must be almost unimaginably difficult to bear.  Getting mail is one of the few bright spots in their days, and even if you don’t have the time or dedication for a full-time pen pal, SWOP is making it easy for you to send greeting cards to them:

You provide greeting cards and stamps…
…We provide names and mailing addresses of incarcerated sex workers…
…Your guests can send holiday greetings and messages of cheer and goodwill without taking on a full time pen pal!

Just click on this link and write a short email saying how many guests you expect at your party; SWOP “will send you the names of 3 incarcerated sex workers per guest to send a card to!”  Such an easy, inexpensive way to show support, and if you want to do more you can send them books from their wishlists!

2) Every year at this time, I run a “Toys for Tots” special: from today until Friday, December 16^th, anyone who books with me for at least an hour at my normal rate and brings new, unwrapped toys will receive an extra 10 minutes per toy (maximum 60 extra minutes for 6 toys).  For just one short trip to a toy store or big-box store and a modest expenditure, you can double your time with me and bring joy to a needy child who might otherwise be cheated of a holiday gift.  If you don’t want a date but would like to meet me, for $100 and three toys I will have an hour-long coffee meeting with you anywhere in the Seattle area.  And if you don’t live near me, please consider donating a toy or money anyway!

3) The Salvation Army is a horrible, anti-sex organization which uses a large fraction of its income to fund anti-whore and anti-GLBT campaigns; though its bell-ringers are ubiquitous at this time of year, please DO NOT give them any money!  Contribute to either of the worthy causes above, or if you prefer charities which help the homeless there are many more deserving than the Sallies, such as this one headed by my friend, Allena Gabosch.  And if you want to be like a politician and “send a message”, you can print out the protest slip below and shove it into a kettle in lieu of real money.

Do any one, or all three!  Because they’re all a lot more positive and life-affirming than trampling children to get 20% off a new blu-ray player or something.