There is no worse evil than a bad woman; and nothing has ever been produced better than a good one. – Euripedes
OK guys, today you can relax. I’ve had a few columns lately where I talked about bad clients and bad things done by otherwise good clients, but today I’m going to turn it around and talk about bad prostitutes. Some professionals who read this may frown on my exposing these girls, but I wouldn’t be any kind of a big sister if let my little sisters do all sorts of wrong, hurtful and just plain sleazy things without calling them on the carpet about it. Not that I think any of that sort of girl will ever read this; I’m not implying that they can’t read or anything, but judging by their actions I suspect most of that sort hate men, sex, themselves, harlotry or some combination of the four, so I sincerely doubt many of them will be using their spare time to read about a lifestyle to which they have no real dedication. Most of them seem to believe the government propaganda that we are criminals and so act accordingly; some of them seem to consider our trade to be something like a rigged carnival game, and a number of them will probably end their careers telling neofeminist “researchers” whatever lies they want to hear or shilling for the prohibitionists in a “john school”. Really, calling most of these girls prostitutes is like calling a drag queen a woman; to be sure they’re “dressed up” as hookers, but in reality they’re just thieves.
The Clock Watcher is the least despicable of this shameful sorority; she at least goes through the motions of providing the client what he needs, and if she charged down in the streetwalker/massage parlor range her clients might not even have cause to complain. The problem is that she charges like a call girl and may even talk a good show, then lets the client know in no uncertain terms that she would rather be almost anywhere else than with him. Clients have told me that the behavior of such girls ranges from the poorly-hidden to the absolutely overt, complete with phrases like, “you’re taking too long” or “hurry up, we only have a few minutes left.” I’ve met a couple of these, and though I can’t really know how they act when alone with a client I honestly think some of them might make halfway decent escorts after a major attitude adjustment delivered to their skinny backsides by my size eight and a half stiletto-heeled Italian leather boot. Repeatedly. Over a course of weeks. A girl from Pam’s service once told me of an incident where she was paired with one of these for a multi-hour call with two gentlemen, and toward the end of dinner at an expensive steakhouse the girl started to complain that they were running low on time and demanded more money immediately, i.e. at the table in full view of other diners.
The Empty Box is usually a former stripper, and generally quite attractive in a purely physical kind of way. She will regale the client with a description of how hot she is and the seven kinds of heaven he will experience with her, and if he’s silly enough to buy this wonderfully gift-wrapped package all he finds inside is a cold fish. From what clients have told me about these, they don’t even have to watch the clock because the customer does it for them. I once had one of these on my staff, and after several complaints about her I advised her to go back to stripping because at least in that trade the client expects to get nothing other than appearance.
Platinum Pussy Syndrome has been mentioned before in my column of August 17th; it is the pathological delusion that one’s favors are worth vastly more than those of other women. A girl suffering from the mildest form of this disorder strongly resembles the Extortionist, except that for the basic fee she will perform very basic services (a la Clock Watcher or Empty Box); it’s only if the client asks for anything other than straightforward intercourse or oral that these mild cases will start adding up the fees like a Hyundai dealer selling you tires for the car you just bought. I am told they also sometimes beg for tips after completion of the call. The more advanced cases are a far bigger annoyance to services than to clients, however, because they usually price themselves right out of the game while on the phone. In cities where the service does not discuss fees this is bad enough, but in those like New Orleans where the operator quotes a flat price (an innovation started early in 2000 by Yours Truly), Platinum Pussy makes the service look like a scam by adding an extra hundred or more to the previously-quoted price. In the rare instance where the customer goes for the inflation a girl so afflicted profits at the service’s expense, but if he doesn’t go for it she will call back to say the call was no good. If the service then makes the mistake of trusting her this results in a lost call, and if it doesn’t it still looks pretty damned unprofessional to the customer. Very advanced cases of Platinum Pussy often turn into Call Thieves.
The Call Thief is another type who is of greater concern to services than customers; in fact, some of the sleazier sort of customer even tries to talk girls into becoming Call Thieves (as described in my column of August 21st). The Call Thief arranges to meet the client, but tells the agency he changed his mind (and he agrees to lie for her if the service calls him back). This lets her keep the whole fee, thus stealing the operator’s time and using the agency’s advertising and phone bills for her own sole profit. The Call Thief may be the stupidest of any of these problem children; it never occurs to her that she is putting herself in danger by advertising to a demonstrably dishonest man that nobody knows where she is or how long she’s been there, nor that the agency will eventually notice a pattern and simply stop using her (or even catch her with a “sting” as Doug eventually did to Linda when she descended into this).
The Extortionist behaves in a perfectly reasonable manner until the client hands her the money, then claims that the agreed-upon fee was simply to get her in the door and demands further payment to do anything at all. This one is usually very beautiful and her scam relies upon that in combination with the fact that the client will otherwise get nothing for his money; I often wonder if these dopey dames realize how much they’re relying on a client’s sense of chivalry to escape being raped? And don’t any of these guys ever try to reclaim their money by force? Perhaps the extortionist has some sort of “scum instinct” which lets her detect the men who are too civilized to react violently to her provocation. Extortionists are usually independents, because few services will put up with them for long; a less serious type takes advantage of cheapskates by quoting some ridiculously low price like $50 and then pulling the usual extortion once the fish bites.
Cash and Dash is one step worse than the Extortionist; while the Extortionist allows the client to purchase her services after robbing him, Cash and Dash doesn’t even give him the chance. After taking his money she will ask him to wash up, or claim she has to step outside for some reason, and then runs off with his money. Good news for clients: This is nearly always a streetwalker or an independent escort with a brand-new ad, though a lesser version will run off with an agency’s last fee when she plans to quit.
The Petty Thief is just as she sounds, a thief who poses as a streetwalker or low-end escort to get near a client’s wallet and watch. She may provide very rudimentary services, or else just be a greedier version of Cash and Dash. To guys who pick up streetwalkers or opt for the cheapest independents they can find, all I have to say is caveat emptor.
The Bad Penny is a type I only know of through clients; she is usually an independent, but is sometimes an unsuccessful (and therefore less busy and more desperate) agency girl. The Bad Penny keeps coming back; she saves client’s phone numbers and will call them days or weeks after their initial contact, sometimes repeatedly, trying to entice them into seeing her again (always without the knowledge of the service and often at a cut rate). I have been told that Bad Pennies will even claim horniness or affection as a motive rather than economic need, which doesn’t surprise me one bit.
There are probably a number of other minor types, but these are the major ones with which I’m familiar. Any reader who employs whores on a regular basis has probably already run into a few of these, and anyone in The Life has probably met or at least heard of specimens of all of them. Most of them can be avoided by finding an agency or independent provider whom one can trust and then eschewing others, but to those of you who insist on avoiding services, employing the cheapest tarts available and/or never seeing the same girl twice, all I can say is happy hunting and don’t ever say I didn’t warn you.
You missed a type, Maggie. This is probably the rarest breed. It’s the girl who goes on a call and immediately afterward severs ties with the service, taking the money and running, never to contact the proprietor again. This happened to my partner when she ran another service a few years ago. Because of her experience., we’ve established the policy that one or both of us will serve as the driver for all our new employees on their first three dates. So far, we’ve been successful in avoiding having any girls try to do that to us. As for all the ones on your list, the Extortionist is the one that annoys me the most–largely because it happened to me with a particularly beautiful escort a couple of years ago. As I’ve mentioned, enough guys I knew and I had that kind o experience with her it wasn’t too long before the owner took her profile and photo off the service’s website. Some of these girls, I guess, just aren’t smart enough to realize they can make a lot more money over a long period of time by being honest and upfront with the service proprietors and clients than they can by being shady and sneaky–and put themselves at much less risk of backlash too.
I think that one’s really just a kind of Cash and Dash, except she robs the service rather than the client. I had a few of them over the years, but as you say they’re pretty rare.
Very bad girls indeed.
Someone once posted a thread about my mentor and in his pro AND con list was the entry “She always answers the phone.” This is true. She always did. Great for the guy calling, not so great for the guy she was just riding cowgirl.
She and I were different people. 🙂
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Hey! Someone else has had the “Linda” experience! Hardest working hooker in Canberra.
That’s funny I had a rather bad girl answer the phone while I was doing her from behind. I was just getting to the conclusion too. I guess if you can sneak a text in during doggy style that’s one thing but answering the phone? Mentally I know it’s probably rather boring but for the sake of my male ego She could have at least pretended the ravishing I was giving her was too distracting to carry on a phone conversation.
She answered during the act? I am truly stunned! 🙁
Yup. I knew this from her own admission, as well as client-reviews.
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{{gasp}} I don’t even want to think about the client.
That’s just bad etiquette, period.
There’s a prostitute that likes to hang around my university campus. She looks ancient and actually smells quite strongly, like a public toilet. According to the barmaid, she will do anything for £5.
Have you got a term for prostitutes like that. I suppose you’d say she’s just catering to the prospective clients.
There’s another, slightly less scary looking one that hangs around the same area who occasionally just begs for money from students coming out of the nearby shops and can get quite confrontational about it.
Those are really just a kind of desperate streetwalker; they’re not really bad in the same sense as the ones in my column, because there’s no deception.
Cash a dash huge problem in orange county california on backpage, worst area!
Back to back cash and dash I’m a dumbass down 2 large, but I will never again attempt to use an escort. Or at least not be a ‘nice guy’ anymore.
I believe the majority of escorts are fake and thieves at this point. Lot of bait and switch , upselling, and cash and dash.
Out of 10 girls, 2 were excellent as advertised. The other eight has ruined it for me. I am keeping my $$$ to myself.
Anon, you need to start seeing well-reviewed girls from escort boards rather than picking unknowns from Backpage; you’ll pay more but you’ll get your money’s worth instead of being ripped off.
You would think that in this, as in most forms of dishonest business practice, it would just be easier and less stressful to give honest service for value received. What a lot of trouble it is to deceive! I think, however, some people are constitutionally suited to it, and in a business they may perceive as dishonest (or at least illegal), they might think the “pickins is easier.”
Two brothel scams are:
1 – “Would you like a spa”? Sounds fun … except that you wind up sitting there in a towel while it takes 20 minutes to fill. Actually, this is just one example of t amore general category – time-wasting. Running out the clock.
2 – “Would you like to see a lesbian show?” AKA: “I don’t actually want to touch you, but you can sit there and masturbate while I have sex with someone else.”
Gay girls give bad service in general. There’s a spark that’s missing.
I noticed you criticize independents a fair bit here, but there are bad services too. Toronto is packed with them. Never once has the girl in the picture been the one that showed up at my room. One even used the name of the girl I requested. I know that calling the day-of will likely mean I get what is available but it would be nice if they say the escort is not available. The closest I’ve gotten to the escort requested showing up was to call a week ahead of time book an appointment, wait until 30 mins after she was supposed to arrive, call to find out what happened and get told that she doesn’t work nights and get offered a choice of 3 who are available now. That service was charging $400 per hour (one of the more expensive in town). I’m 0-4 with services and the one independent that I’ve called was the only one who showed up. But she did bolt as soon as I nutted.
I’m not criticizing independents; I’m criticizing individual humans, whether they work for themselves or a service. All the bad ways to run a service would be a different post!
Did you do that one?
I was a bit surprised to see that I hadn’t commented on this post; I try to say something on each one, to learn, to be supportive, and because it’s the only way I can get WordPress to notify me when new comments come in.
I’m mildly surprised not to see No Call No Show – NCNS on review boards. In my experience, when sessions have gone wrong, this is by far the most common cause.
The typical scenario involves doing my research and selecting a possible escort in a city I’ll be visiting. She’s well reviewed, with many highly complementary, older (my preference), independent. We establish email contact, she checks my references, we agree on a date, time, place, and duration of a session. Cell phone numbers are exchanged. All this is done one or more weeks in advance.
A confirmation email is sent and acknowledged the day before the date. The big night arrives and …. nothing. Phone calls go unanswered, voice mails ignored. Email ignored.
While I’ve experienced clock watchers, empty box, extortionists, and cash and dash, each has been but a single time. I learn from my mistakes. But I’ve honestly lost count of NCNS.
Once or twice the NCNS was followed by a story that was at least plausible and an apology with an offer to try again. I can understand that things happen. When I get a call or email, even an hour or more late, with an apology, I accept it and put any doubts and annoyance behind me. But by far the most common response after a NCNS is either complete silence – never return or acknowledge calls or emails, or blatant lying.
In the most recent case I got an email the next day with a lame story and no hint of an apology. It was followed a few minutes later by another email, clearly intended for someone else, as it was written in a different tone and explained how she had been partying hard the night before and passed out at a friend’s place.
The part that bothers me about NCNS is I haven’t been able to find a way to guard against it. Review boards generally will not accept reports of this obnoxious behavior. Reading review boards, some men always have a “plan B,” but I am not willing to make 2 dates knowing that I will probably break one. If there are any warning signs or other ways to spot a NCNS in advance, I’d like to know.
This is a person that double and triple books, to be certain that she has the work. Airlines do the same thing. Locals take priority over some dude blowing in from out of town who will probably not provide repeat business.
[…] sex worker has encountered buyer’s remorse at some point in her career; dishonest workers who are better at the sale than the performance encounter it frequently, but even the best, most conscientious whore sees it from time to time. […]
Hey, Maggie, I got another kind for you.
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The Alien Abductee
She’ got the ads, she’s got the pics, she’s got the reviews. She’s been contacted and you’ve got chemistry already. A few messages, bit of flirting, and some screening. Everything’s going perfectly. So it’s time to make an appointment. A client sends off a message before he goes to work. Get back and nothing. Do it before going to bed? Nothing at breakfast. She gets a call? The phone will ring and there’ll be nobody there. It’s like she’s disappeared off the face of the earth, grabbed by aliens. Or maybe she does make the booking, but mysteriously isn’t there when the time comes. Either way, it’s a waste of time mutually, and some other escort is going to enjoy that cash she mysteriously fled from.