Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. – Margaret Mead
It’s Friday the 13th again; that means today is the day I ask all of my readers who are not sex workers yourselves to speak out in favor of sex worker rights. You don’t even need to spotlight it; if you’re afraid of the “anyone who would defend a witch must be a witch herself” syndrome, include it as part of a longer statement about sexual rights or civil rights in general. With all the talk about birth control rights, abortion rights and marriage rights it’s a small matter to say something like “all people have the right to own and control their own bodies, and that includes birth control, abortion, homosexuality and even prostitution”. The neofeminists have succeeded in confusing the discourse about sexual freedom so much that many people who support abortion rights don’t recognize that the same arguments can be made for sex worker rights; the “gay rights” lobby has focused so much attention on minutiae that its supporters never consider that the right to choose one’s sex partners also includes prostitutes; and though supporters of drug legalization are embroiled in their own bloody battle, I think a word now and again for the similarities of our causes isn’t too much to ask. Our staunchest allies are libertarians, who consistently and regularly speak out for our rights…but they’re fighting so many battles on so many fronts against the government Kraken that they can hardly be expected to concentrate on ours.
Many of my readers are sex workers, retired sex workers or clients, but most are not. I have readers who identify as libertarian, liberal, conservative, socialist, anarchist, minarchist, monarchist and apolitical, and who call themselves Pagans, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, agnostics and atheists. Some consider themselves feminists, others men’s rights advocates, others anti-feminists or humanists or transhumanists or environmentalists or intellectuals or just “geeks”. And every day this site is visited from nearly every country on the globe, from Canada to New Zealand, from Argentina to Russia, from Great Britain to South Africa and from Morocco to Nepal to Singapore; I’m told many of you even rely on friends or Google for translation from my often-baroque English. But the one thing you all have in common is a recognition that it is wrong for government to use brute force to suppress the right of individuals to associate with whomever they choose, however they choose and for whatever reason they choose, even if money is involved. And that’s why I ask all of you today, as I will ask you again on July 13th and on every Friday the 13th for as long as I continue writing this blog, to say, write, post, tweet, link or otherwise promote the cause of sex worker rights, even if it’s just with an anonymous link to this column on some message board somewhere.
The more skeptical or curmudgeonly among you may be saying to yourselves, “Just how many of these hooker-days does this uppity tart expect us to recognize? We’ve got International Sex Worker Rights Day on March 3rd, International Whores’ Day on June 2nd and the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers on December 17th, plus at least one Friday the 13th per year…isn’t that enough?” It’s a fair question, but consider: the prohibitionists libel us, insult us, attack us and agitate for our extermination every day. Sex worker rights are human rights, and there can never be too many voices speaking up for them, nor too many occasions on which to speak.
One Year Ago Today
“Who Watches the Watchmen?” examines prohibitionists’ efforts to establish themselves as the sole arbiters of morality, sanity and reality.
I am glad, you know?
For living in a country where I can visit a brothel or a whores-club, or pick up a streetwalker (not that I ever would) or hire a cute escortgirl and NOT be a criminal.
I am glad for living in a country that defends civil liberties in all aspects of life out of principle. Our government had repelled ACTA and similar bullshit even before the protesters got themselves organized.
I am glad to live in a country that sucked up the idea “you have to provide freedom and liberty to all, or else you’ll risk repeating a mistake so big, the world can already not ever forget.”
It’s unpopular here, to say, that we are proud of it.
I am proud to be german, and honestly? What would I have done during my military time without whores? We probably would’ve started doimg really dumb things….
I’ll always defend everyones right to do as he wishes. But it’s not a big act of courage here. In most social circles one can be open about paying girls, and there is no stigma.
I am glad, and I hope that the US will shake off the puritan heritage one day… 🙂
Thank you so much for this, Thomads; I only hope the US can somehow come out of the police state mentality without having to first make “a mistake so big, the world can never forget.”
We disagree on many things Maggie, but we share the belief that there is no shame in freely choosing to express one’s sexuality in the manner one wishes, and that includes getting paid for it, if that is one’s choice. I have republished your post on AmazingWomenRock at this link:
http://amazingwomenrock.com/sex-workers-have-rights-too
Thank you, Susan! 🙂
P.S. I will share it later today on my FB page 🙂
Here you go. You’re now officially on FB whether you like it or not LOL 😛
https://www.facebook.com/AmazingWomenRock
I’m so proud of myself because you have trained me well!
Without even reading your column I was in the gym talking about sex worker rights in the gym this morning to about five other people – including two women. Friday is deadlift day for me, and I lift heavy and wait 5 minutes between sets. So I was telling a group using the squat machine about one of my trips to Norway and meeting six blonde flight attendants from Norway. Then one asked if I “did” anything with them and I said … “Well, certainly not – if I cheat on my wife it will be with a pro.”
And that led into … “Ehwwwws” from the two girls and strange looks from the guys. I pointed out to them that is the most honest form of sex outside of a marriage and this led into a discussion of legality …
Well, I hit a lot of points you always make here Maggie.
I also “tied” this into how decriminalization could IMPROVE their liberty even if they don’t care a whit for sex workers. If you decriminalize prostitution and drugs – it makes it well nigh IMPOSSIBLE for busy bodies to “prohibit” or “restrict” anything else. For instance, I am a BIG FAN of ephedrine when used responsibly. I still buy it from a Canadian outfit even though it’s pretty much banned in everything except Primatine tablets here in the states. It really pisses me off – the lengths I have to go through to get the stuff because it really helps get me into the gym in the morning.
THAT’S THE THING – We’ve been “nickle and dimed” with prohibitionist laws for decades – we can rid ourselves of ALL of them by simply decriminalizing prostitution and drugs.
I’ve still got a lot of energy to talk about this and I haven’t even headed into work yet!! 🙂
Wow, thank you Krulac! I’m really glad I shifted my posting time; it’s so nice to get up and find a number of wonderful comments like yours waiting for me already!
Yeah, I don’t know what kind of “push back” you get when you talk about this to others but, some of the points these kids made to me this morning (and you know, that here in the South – even kids tend to run a bit “conservative” in their views) …
** Streetwalkers are dirty people and have made bad life choices – so maybe getting arrested will be a wakeup call to put them on the right track. (of course, this is a myth)
** $300 / hour and up “escorts” are rare “sexual jedis” who are taking advantage of the men (so they’re cool) – and they never get arrested so they’re smart enough to outsmart the cops and therefore don’t need the laws changed. (this is myth too)
I didn’t “connect” with these kids until I started connecting decriminalization to improving their own choices by getting rid of other prohibitionist laws. The two girls were fitness competitors and I KNOW they have used Anavar in the past – which is the steroid of choice for women. It’s mild and not very androgenic – so it doesn’t produce the “virilization” effects that other steroids do and the women like that about it. It’s still illegal – prohibited and I know they have to skirt around in the “dark” to procure it. Sooo … they definitely made a connection with the arguments I was making on that point.
Not advocating steroid use – I don’t use them at all (don’t need ’em yet, I might one day though) – but people should be free to make their own choices.
By the way … you might be interested in this, Maggie … but one of the girls informed me that some of the dancers from “Scuttlebutts” work out in my gym in the afternoons. This is a bit unusual since the gym I work out is kind of a “Christian” gym with lots of bible quotes on the walls and crosses for sale at the front desk! The girl was pretty impressed with the strippers and she enjoyed talking to them and remarked that they were very much in shape. So here is an example of sex workers in my own Christian gym who positively influence attitudes of the people they meet. There may be hope here.
Now I just need to figure out how to resched my workouts to early afternoons! 😉
Though it’s not common knowledge in the small “Bible Belt” town I live closest to that I was a whore, it is common knowledge that I was a stripper because I’ll mention it whenever conversation presents the opportunity. I’m also vocally libertarian and always list prostitution as among the things which are none of government’s business whenever that subject comes up. I’d like to be “out” as a retired hooker as well, but…baby steps, you know? I’m quite well-liked and respected in this community as a retired stripper, libertarian and opinionated tart, and that’s a good beginning.
It always amazes me (& this has happened to me quite a few times) that strippers get quite offended when referred to as sex workers. I’ve been given the the lines, ‘I ain’t no ‘ho’ or ‘I don’t consider myself a sex worker’. I don’t get it.
When I say they it’s a statement of respect and that they should have unity and alignment with their sisters I get weird stares. Do they really think its that different?
It just shows we have a long way to go.
I like the tactic of finding some common ground like a controlled substance analogy they can identify with to break down the stereotypes.
Oh, yeah, a lot of strippers are like that; it’s really quite sad.
Maggie, even prior to reading your blog today, which lately has become a daily ritual, I had already accomplished your request twice. There’s no such thing as coincidence I guess.
1st, I linked your article about prostituting not being right for everyone to my favorite hooker review board. A popular ‘provider’s’ memories had been reframed and she returned our gratitude by calling us all rapists and was happy to inform us that despite being victimized she is surviving. Many of the ‘hobbiests’ were taken off guard and I thought that article would provide perspective.
Next I forwarded to my favorite whore, letting her know how much I enjoyed your work and hoped she would too. I’m waiting her reply. Keep up the good work.
It’s always sad when an escort gets sucked into that kind of evil, because she has the network to hurt a lot more people with her sickness than a streetwalker or brothel girl would; I’m just glad such “conversions” are relatively rare. I hope my essay is able to help those gentlemen recognize that it’s not their fault a maladjusted person used them to injure herself emotionally, and that SHE is in the wrong, not them.
i indeed dont understand the former sex workers who say things such as”sexual abuse led me there and theese men made my abuse possible”i do feel sorry for the girls who were driven into a profession they couldnt handle out of financial desperation or the cases were coercion was involved but if sexual abuse caused them to be hypersexual as they say and get emotionally hurt in the process couldnt this be done via promiscuity without earning a dime ?would the world still blame those”studs”that abused the poor,misguided girl?some would,but others would say that she has responsibility of her actions,a trauma doesnt automatically make sb innocent of guilt,just explains those actions better.on the original topic,i wish everyone would understand that sex workers rights are part of human rights and though im not afraid to speak up,i dont think there is much hope where i live.wrong attitudes that will probably never change and a chaotic uncontrollable situation,because of illegal immigration and lack of money and time to make things right.i hope for the best at least where you live.
Yes sluts can be more damaged than whores by the whole process. The whore is less likely to get pregnant, get STIs and develop an emotional attachment than the slut. Both may be damaged, but at least the whore gets monet for her troubles whereas the slut doesn’t, and the slut is often abandoned and left to deal with a bigger mess. I responded more to Krulac on these thoughts below because even though he is a man and I suspect you are a woman, you both seem to be looking at the same thing from different angles.
I am not an escort or sex worker, though if I was not in a committed relationship, I would be. I fully support a woman’s right to do what she wants with her body, and I also believe that prostitution can be a healing tool for both clients and professional. There is something very noble in having the empathy, compassion, and nonjudgemental attitude that comes with being a good prostitute, be it ‘courtesan’ or ‘escort’. I am eighteen years old, living in Canada and your blog is amazing Maggie. You are an intelligent, powerful woman and you have fantastic arguments. Kudos.
Sage
Thank you so much, Sage! 😀
@ Maggie
I’ve still been reading your articles and the comments posted here even though I haven’t posted much lately. I’ve linked your website to other websites on occasion since I started reading your blog in December 2010( I probably started reading you at a later date than December 2010, but I definitely remember reading you in 2011). I’ve told people by word of mouth that I thought decriminalizing prostitution as well as lightly and sensibly legalizing it is the smartest and best thing to do for the same reasons you’ve stated for over decade before I started reading your blog. I have certainly continued to do so after reading your blog. You’ve added more details than i probably could have found even if I had the time to look which I don’t. Your work in finding example after example and providing the reasons why are commendable in your articles. You certainly do well at researching and provide thought provoking arguements which are difficult if not impossible to refute.
I’ve stated before here and elsewhere why even though it’s the wrong thing to do that I can understand why women would before prostitution prohibition, but I can not understand why men would be for prohibition of prostitution. Many women don’t like the idea of prostitutes because they know prostitutes are strikebreakers to the Union of Women when it comes to providing sex and so they are willing to believe any false and lurid narrative to either control or demean men. Women on average(There are some exceptions and degrees.) especially in the 1st world nations especially in the West and certainly in the USA can only see the glass ceiling, but never can see or refuse to see the glass floor is the other part of the problem and their resentment and hatred grows from this. Yes, it’s true a higher percentage of men break through the glass ceiling, but a higher percentage of men fall through the glass floor. If more women were allowed to fall through the glass floor or were thrown through it against their will like men, they would see that being a man is not better than being a woman on average and learn to count their blessings and not envy men, I apologize beforehand for being rude, but men who are against prostitution are just mental false white knights in my opinion. All who oppose legalized and decriminalized prostitution are sadistic for whatever the reasons.
Prohibition of prostitution between two mutually consenting adults is the most senseless and stupid thing in the world; and, it’s even more stupidly senseless than prohibition against marijuana although marijuana stands a better chance of being decriminalized than prostitution in the USA.
This debate came up frequently when I was a young Sailor with my buddies.
Most of the guys who opposed prostitution did so on the grounds that only a loser “pays for it” unless he’s overseas – that was the “rule”.
Now, I’m not an “ugly” guy at all but I’m no Brad Pitt. Actually a lot of people say I look like Nick Cage in his “Con-Air” motif, I get that often but I don’t see the resemblance personally. But … I’ve never had the kind of face that women would fight over. I think, that when you go to a bar, a certain number of the girls are there get laid – just for fun. This isn’t a high number and they try to latch on to the Brad Pitts there.
A certain number are there to have fun and have no intention of receiving the advances of a guy and won’t take them unless something about him really CONNECTS with them.
And then – there’s a certain number of girls in there who are there for fun but they were also looking for “Mr. Right” (though they wouldn’t admit it to themselves). I think a certain number of women believe they should be paired with a man – because he “completes” them. I believe this to – I don’t feel like a “full person” unless I have a woman around to talk to and advise me, and to show affection to. So you could say – that I’m exactly like this third category of girls, or was – when I was single.
My buddies who were opposed to prostitution would go into a bar and LIE THEIR ASSES off to the “third” group of girls I describe above. They would tell them that they were test pilots, formula one race car drivers, and brain surgeons – I shit you not, these are literal examples that they actually used. Fortunately, a lot of those girls were smarter than to buy that shit – but some actually bought it and the lucky liar got laid for the night. Then he tried to ditch the girl as soon as possible because she wasn’t very smart.
Meanwhile – the “smart” girls who refused their advances would never talk to them again because they knew they were bullshit artists. I always thought – what if I attempt to “bullshit” the girl that is really meant to be the woman of my life? I will lose her before I’ve even started!
Maybe I’m just “unmanly” in this one sense – but I was raised to cherish and protect women and never harm them. I don’t like “fooling” women to get what I want. Harming or “tricking” a woman is like a cardinal sin to me – beat in to me by my grandmother I guess. I don’t care what guys think of me – but I’M CRUSHED if I find out a woman holds a negative opinion of me.
When you’re a boy … you can cherish and respect women all you want – until PUBERTY hits. And, damn – if you saw that Star Trek episode where Spock went through “Pon Farr” – Spock HAD NOTHING ON ME! Then all of a sudden, you can “cherish and respect” but you also want to CONSUME on sight! I mean – it was so bad, it really HURT in my case and I was 16 when I guess a 35 year old woman (who was hot!) took pity on me and relieved me of my burden! LOL.
But there you go … how to be honest with a woman and, at the same time – satisfy these very natural instincts? “Oh hi there! My pants are about to explode and I was wondering if you’d help me out for about 40 minutes?”
LOL – that doesn’t work – no – it never works!
Prostitution! It’s the most honest form of sex outside a committed relationship. I’m not stealing anything from the girl. I’m not dangling a carrot in her face that I’m never going to let her eat. I’m not “playing” on her emotions or her vulnerabilities. I’d like to receive something – she’d like to give something in return for compensation (and nothing else).
Only a FUCKED UP world would think that my buddies who were “working” the girls in the bars to get laid were more honorable than I was being. It’s the world turned upside down.
I fully agree with you that men being cads or being wanna-be-cads is worse than any man who is a john or wanna-be-john when it comes to 2 mutually consenting adults. Funny enough, but I saw a program about charlie Sheen recently. When asked about prostitution, he said he was helping women out in hard economic times, that whores come from all walks of life, he lost his virginity at age 16 to a whore and that there is almost no lying or no lying in a relationship with a whore unlike girlfriends.
I have always thought that obtaining sex from a woman by telling her you love her or letting her think you are rich/have better prospects/an a film producer etc. as the most despicable thing you can possibly do. I have never even been tempted to try it.
It is obtaining something of value through fraud, just as much as selling shares in a non-existent business. You are trading on a person’s gullibility and hope.
And yet, fooling a woman for sex is generally viewed as “normal” while paying a prostitute is disgusting, even by women, who are the intended victims of this scam.
As krulac says, it is totally fucked up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRUjNu1-ek8&fmt=18
As a song, it’s kind of funny. As a strategy, it’s kind of pathetic. As a lifestyle, it’s plain evil.
But what the women who know the “doctor/lawyer/movie star/astronaut” is lying, and they pretend to believe it? It’s like they’re both playing some game, and I think it comes from both viewing sex as a transaction, while trying to pretend it isn’t.
Here’s the song. Don’t know what happened to it.
Was it luck or serendipidy? There’s an interview with Dr Brooke Magnanti in the UK’s Daily Telegraph newspaper (it’s somewhere to the right of Ghengis Khan): http://t.co/D5Ccrj9S . She’s talking about her new book The Sex Myth — she has a similar point of view to Maggie’s — that women have minds of their own, thank you very much, and (should) have control of their bodies, thanks again. And yes, Dr Magnanti was once in the same profession as Maggie, albeit as a part-timer. (What’s odd, though, is why someone so successful as she was, went looking for a man, the man.)
Now, if we’ve sorted out women’s futures — mentally and physically in control of their destinies, where does that leave us men?
Are we anything more than sperm donors, providers of never-ending supplies of $/£/€, takers-out of the garbage/trash/rubbish and general factotums?
As men, we have only this miserable Y chromosome to distinguish us, and even it might even disappear one day. So just what are we for? Do we have any future? (Apart from supporting women in their fight for justice.) What is a man today?
Men will never be obsolete. You are always one light bulb away from anarchy – believe me, I know this because I was in South Louisiana in the hurricane zone the day after the storm hit.
People don’t understand how fragile civilization really is and how little it takes to completely interrupt it. One of my favorite movies is “Defiance” with Daniel Craig. In that movie you see how men and women form a cohesive “dynamic”.
You don’t have to worry about men becoming obsolete – this “package” has millions of years of evolution invested in it and no temporal feminist movement or new technology is ever going to overthrow that.
Serendipity, I think; Dr. Magnanti told me (via Twitter) that the article was supposed to be published on Sunday, and she was delighted to see it appear today because of the Friday the 13th connection. 🙂
Korhomme: But why shouldn’t men consider themselves as ‘mentally and physically in control of their own destiny’ just as women do? Granted, there must be some different issues to deal with, which I realise I can’t fully appreciate. But a huge part of what women have had to do in recent decades is to get away from the idea that they need to reproduce in order to have an accepted place in society. If women can be valued simply as individuals, without having to fill some particular role, why not men? Genuinely curious as to how you see this.
Dr Susan: The short answer is “I don’t know”. The long answer and explanation is something along these lines. I’m about a generation older than you and Maggie; I was brought up in N Ireland, where paternalism, patriarchy, bigotry, racism, homophobia, religiosity, moralising and intolerance of every sort were the norm; and where you were expected to conform, to do as you ought. A society whose development was decades behind the real world, or even Great Britain. You’ll be aware of some of the history of Ireland, of the “The Troubles”, and you might know that on marriage many women were obliged to give up their work (it was part of their contract of employment) and put “married woman” as their status on the census form. You mightn’t know that their date of marriage was entered on the maternity case notes alongside the expected date of delivery; or that, if you were an unmarried expectant mother, your pre-intervention labour was twice as long as those of “respectable” women; or that, if you’d had more children than the (male) obstetrician deemed satisfactory, that during a c-section your tubes would be clamped and crushed (but not formally ligated) in an attempt to sterilise you by stealth.
Given this sort of background, it’s no surprise to me that “neo-feminism” developed as a reactionary movement; the variety that I was exposed to thought of men as largely superfluous, necessary only as sperm donors and as a source of financial security. There was a serious article about the Y chromosome a few years ago (I think it was in the New Scientist) suggesting that it — and therefore men — was doomed to extinction. All of this left me wondering what men were really for nowadays; it seemed as if the patriarchy was being replaced by a matriarchy where men were very much a second-place commodity.
My contemporary colleagues seem to have largely retained the views formed by the society of their youth; but instead of becoming more conservative, rather to my surprise I find myself leaning more and more to the left, certainly I’m much more tolerant than I once was. While once I would have thought of prostitution as a “Bad Thing”, the idea that women’s bodies are theirs to do with as they please is relatively new to me; that some women actively chose to do sex work came as a surprise. (Remember, I came from a society essentially
Victorian in its ideas, where sex for women was a duty, the “price of marriage”. Or rather, this was the myth that was propagated.) And once I’d grasped this, so many other things no longer made sense. I came to see that I’d always been more liberal than I thought, even if this was disguised under layers of “expectation” and “conformity”.
If I’ve largely discarded the “myths” that I grew up with, I haven’t yet been able to formulate an anyway consistent “theory of being”. Oh dear, that does sound awfully pretentious; better to say that I’m on a journey of real self-discovery, and don’t know where its leading. The concepts and values instilled in childhood are very resistant to change, as the Jesuits knew only too well; realising that some of these values and concepts are no more than myths and then replacing them isn’t easy.
I wish you good luck in your journey. I’m tempted to suggest a little better living through chemistry to sort of reformat that old programming, but having not done that myself, I can’t recommend it. It can be dangerous.
Thank you for this, Korhomme; your awakening gives me hope for the rest of society. 🙂
Doh! Apologies, Dr Sarah for calling you Dr Susan! As someone who proof reads another’s rather dyslexic blog, you’d think that I’d be above such silly mistakes.
Why would you choose to only gauge your value in relation to what you can do for or even with women?
Men are the natural adventurers, risk takers, explorers, and the first ones on the wall when the monsters attack. There will always be challenges to be faced, whether they are physical or intellectual. If the old challenges are gone, then we just need to go out and look for new ones.
Phew! Got mine up with less than an hour to spare (though I’m ahead of you on the time zones, so I could have fudged it. 🙂 ) I hope the next Friday the Thirteenth doesn’t fall in the school holidays – oh, well, at least next time I won’t have chicken pox to contend with!
http://goodenoughmummy.typepad.com/good_enough_mum/2012/04/why-the-swedish-model-is-a-bad-idea.html
Thanks for the wonderful essay! The next one is in July, so unless your kids go to summer school I’m afraid you’re out of luck there! 😉
It’s OK, just checked the dates – term doesn’t end until 22nd July. 🙂 And you’re welcome – glad you liked it!
I did put a link on my Facebook. I’m afraid though that that’s mostly preaching to… well, they aren’t all in the quior, but they’re all familiar with the sermon. 😉