Sex and Drugs

I am absolutely wild about my husband, but we have a problem:  he likes to do cocaine, and whenever he does he hires escorts.  I want to be all that he needs and wants and desires, just like he is for me, so I recently let him have an escort come over while we did coke together (even though it does nothing for me) because I thought it would allow him to bury these fantasies and eliminate them from his mind.  But it didn’t work out and I asked her to leave, then the rest of the day was ruined because I was hurt.  Should I try again, or leave him, or what?

Most men are attracted to a lot of different women, and fantasize about many of them even when they’re in committed relationships.  It has nothing to do with you, or love, or any of that; it’s just the way they’re put together.  Some men are good at resisting it, while others just don’t have the will power, but either way the fantasy isn’t going to go away just because he hired an escort a few times (whether in your presence or otherwise).  And cocaine makes it even worse:  it seems to invariably make men think about sex, and inspires wild fantasies (often involving multiple women and such).  Though it removes their ability to perform, they never see it that way; many a man will call for a hooker as soon as he gets high on coke.  You say you want him to “bury his fantasies” and “eliminate them from his mind”, but fantasies simply don’t work like that, and as long as he’s snorting he won’t even try to resist the urge.  You can certainly work to fulfill his fantasies if he’ll share them with you, but you have to understand that he isn’t going to stop wanting other women even if he doesn’t actually act on it.  And he’s already given you ample proof that he cannot be trusted once the white powder goes up his nose.  Only you can decide whether to stay with him, but you need to be realistic about how he’s likely to behave in the future in order to have a sound basis for that decision.

It takes me a long time for me to reach climax, so by the time my husband is done I’m just getting into it.  If we do a lot of foreplay, he gets irritated because it’s taking so long.  Is there something a woman can take to make her climax faster?

There is no drug you can take to climax faster.  If you can’t come from just intercourse (and most women can’t, no matter what the movies tell you), you’re going to have to start before he does.  Ideally, he should be giving you foreplay and not starting intercourse until you’re well-excited; sex is a two-way street, and isn’t supposed to be just for him all the time.  However, if he won’t cooperate and you decide arguing with him isn’t worth the trouble, I suggest you get a vibrator and learn to please yourself with it, either before or after sex with him.  Watching you use it may even turn him on, or knowing you need to use it afterward may shame him into stepping up to the plate and doing his job.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)