Posts Tagged ‘psychology’

Annex 109

This beauty was the sixth of the statues I mentioned last week; as you can see, she’s a fountain.  I had originally intended her to stand beside an ornamental pool in the atrium of the house I was building in Oklahoma, but we never got that far; unlike the others, she’s therefore never been displayed at all.  So when we started planning this addition, I knew I had to fit her in somehow; you can see I’ve already built the platform which will support her, and Jae has done the first step in the staining process.  See, the water level in the tub drops gradually due to evaporation, so every few weeks I need to pull out the hose and top it off again; that means introducing dozens of liters of 10o C water into a tub we want kept at 38o C, which is not ideal.  But now that we’ve switched the bathrooms over to the gas water heater, the electric one only feeds the sink, dishwasher and clothes washer; all I need to do is run a hot-water pipe parallel to the main water feed (which runs under the floor below the lady’s feet in this picture) and we can top off the tub with water that’s warmer than what’s already in the tub, rather than colder.  I know it’s absurd to anthropomorphize a hunk of stone, and I certainly mock others mercilessly for attributing feelings to objects fashioned to resemble the human form.  But the difference is, I know I’m being irrational, and I’m not using my feelings to drive a campaign of oppression against actual human beings; my decision to prominently display a statue in part to make up for keeping her in storage for almost two decades may be silly, but at least it’s harmless.

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Why, oh why are so many ignoramuses convinced that non-vanilla sex is a recent invention? And why are they so certain in this stupid belief that they want to proclaim their status as dullards to the entire internet?

This also implies that every kinky person who came of age before the advent of internet porn is lying.  My first recollection of “funny feelings” (as I thought of them) goes back to 1970, but this soi-disant Sage of Sexuality claims they derive from kinky porn I’ve never seen.  And that is, BTB, not an exaggeration; I became tired of, and uninterested in, porn several years before I had an internet connection.  The only kinky porn I’ve ever seen was a German “wet sex” magazine my first husband bought in Bavaria sometime in the mid-’80s.  And yet, despite my dislike of porn, I do not think it should be banned.  I also dislike drag shows, but I don’t think they should be banned either.  Funny how true principles and valid ethics don’t depend on the gut-level preferences of any one person.

But I digress.  The core of this is, of course, sexual shame; people (especially, though by no means exclusively, those reared in sexually-repressive religions) cannot admit to any sexual feelings outside of straight vanilla monogamy, so when they experience such feelings it’s both convenient and comforting to blame them on porn, “sex addiction“, alien abduction, demonic possession, hypnosis, or any other thing outside the darker recesses of their own brains.

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Diary #671

A few months ago, a pregnant stray cat turned up at Yellowbird’s house, and she gave her shelter until she had four kittens. Yellowbird named her Lilith, and she’s barely more than a kitten herself; in fact she and her kittens were all fixed at the same time.  There was no way she could have five cats in her small house, so she kept the two males and offered the two female kittens to Jae, who lost both of her cats to old age in the past year (the second just a week after we lost Aeryn).  That still left Lilith; Yellowbird asked if we could take her as our atrium cat, assuming she could get along with Rocky.  So I agreed, and she’s now been here just under two weeks.  She staked out her territory immediately, letting Rocky know in no uncertain terms who was Queen of the Atrium, and apparently laying a claim on me as well; whereas she seems merely tolerant of everyone else, she eagerly seeks me out for petting, even to the point of following me out into the paddock.  I’m told she’s a good mouser, so that’ll be nice too; Rocky seems to have gotten a bit lazy about it lately, so maybe this will keep him on his toes.  Anyhow, she’s been exploring the atrium and the yard, and I like her personality, so I reckon I have a cat of my own again for the first time since poor Friday passed back in 2015.  That’s how it is with me; I can’t just replace a beloved pet as some people can, but rather have to wait until it kinda happens.  It was four years from losing Sheena to getting Friday, and eight from Friday to Lilith.  And given her youth and my age, she’ll probably be the last one I call my own.

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The fact that so many people think the woman was “praying to Shrek” shows how little people, even people who call themselves religious or spiritual, understand spirituality.  Many churches and mosques were converted from pagan temples; were those people “accidentally” praying to the gods those temples were built to? In north Texas I used to pass a small Baptist church converted from a gas station; were those folks “accidentally” praying to Exxon?  Physical objects don’t determine spirituality; the intent of mind and heart do. If the woman had Buddha in mind, it doesn’t matter whether the statue was of Buddha, Shrek, blonde-haired Jesus, Casper the Friendly Ghost, or Oliver Hardy; she was still praying to Buddha because her thoughts were directed toward Buddha.  An idol or other symbol of a deity is not the deity itself; it is merely a focal point for meditative thought, in other words prayer.

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Spin the wheel and see what political expression is next on the chopping block. It might just be your own.  –  Sarah McLaughlin

A Whore in Church

Matthew 21:31 seems pretty straightforward to me:

A Christian OnlyFans star says she feels more connected to her faith since she…started…seven years ago, and now believes God put her on earth to help “liberate” other women from their sexual shame. Courtney Tillia…previously worked as a high school teacher but found that her life lacked meaning and her spirituality was suffering as a result…[she] initially felt ashamed of her [work]…before she slowly began to realize that her strict Christian upbringing was the cause of her guilt

Leaving the 20th Century

Another Australian state sees the light:

Queensland will decriminalise sex work after a long-awaited review recommended sweeping changes…including scrapping the Prostitution Licensing Authority, repealing some police powers and allowing services to be advertised on radio and TV…sex work is under a licensing framework in Queensland, [which means] about 90% of sex workers are in the “unlawful sector” privately or at unlicensed businesses.  Sex workers have long rallied against the laws that prohibit them from employing a receptionist, working with others or texting other sex workers before and after a booking to make sure they’re safe…police can currently also pose as clients and entrap workers by pressuring them to offer blacklisted services…

Censor Chic (#1248)

Corporations have become the favored tool of censors worldwide:

…recent moves from some leading names in tech and social media paint a worrying picture…censorship laws are increasingly determining what people…can do online.  You might not live within the borders of China…India, [the US, the UK, or Germany] but that doesn’t mean their censorship laws won’t affect what you write, see, and say—and some [internet] companies are helping them enforce these rules globally…investigative journalist Saurav Das shared the fact that—in response to legal demands—Twitter blocked access to two tweets he had posted about India’s Minister of Home Affairs…Censorship demands…from…India…are nothing new, and Twitter…has thus far agreed to…block…the material from view within India…in line with [Twitter boss Elon] Musk’s faulty understanding of “free speech” as a simple reflection of an individual country’s laws, no matter how oppressive.  But this time, Twitter…blocked the tweets not just within India…but everywhere…[this] may…be part of a deeply troubling trend of tech companies willingly choosing to allow the most authoritarian diktats to guide content moderation…

The Cop Myth (#1254)

41% of cops admit to beating their wives; some don’t stop with mere beating:

A [typical and representative] Idaho [cop named Daniel Charles Howard] is facing charges…for the [2021] murder of his…wife…Kendy Wilkins…In May 2014, he was charged with first-degree stalking, aggravated assault and malicious injury to property…[after] learning his wife had been having an affair with their…neighbor…he rep[ea]tedly…harass[ed and threatened]…the…neighbor…

Winding Down (#1289)

When will the federal government finally read the writing on the wall?

Delaware just became the 22nd state to legalize recreational marijuana….Gov. John Carney, a [soft prohibitionist], said he will allow two legalization bills to take effect without his signature, notwithstanding his continued concerns about the consequences of [not sending cops to destroy the lives of people for enjoying something he doesn’t]…Delaware has allowed medical use of marijuana since 2011, and in 2015 legislators decriminalized possession of an ounce or less, making it a civil offense punishable by a $100 fine.  Carney supports both of those policies but…last year he vetoed recreational legalization.  The…[legislature] recently approved essentially the same legislation that Carney blocked last year, this time by larger margins, making it more likely that a veto would be overridden…

I Spy (#1319)

Surely you didn’t believe the pretexts for such surveillance would long remain limited to “child porn” and “terrorism”?

A new U.S. Senate bill would require private messaging services, social media companies, and even cloud providers to report their users to the…DEA…if they find out about certain…drug sales…the Cooper Davis Act…is likely to result in a host of inaccurate reports and in companies sweeping up innocent conversations…[and] incentiv[ize] …dragnet searches of private messages…Most troubling, this bill is a template for [politician]s to try to force internet companies to report their users…for other…speech…[including] the sale or purchase of [sex, adult content, or] abortion pills…

To Molest and Rape (#1320)

In the UK, “disciplinary action” can mean giving rapists early retirement at full pay:

The [London] Police is paying the full salary costs of 145 [cops] who have been [rewarded with paid vacations for] crimes including rape, fatal shootings and paedophilia.  They are made up of 105 [basic thugs] and 40…of a higher undisclosed rank – giving the total combined salary cost…of at least £3.4million over the last six years…[as if that weren’t bad enough] 29 [rapists are still loose with full police powers to stalk more victims]…


I find paywalls distasteful, and so many people find this blog valuable as a resource I just can’t bring myself to install one.  Furthermore, I find ad delivery services (whose content I have no say over) even more distasteful.  But as I’m now semi-retired from sex work, I can’t self-sponsor this blog by myself any longer.  So if you value my writing enough that you would pay to see it if it were paywalled, please consider subscribing; there are four different levels to fit all budgets.  Or if that doesn’t work for you, please consider showing your generosity with a one-time donation; you can Paypal to maggiemcneill@earthlink.net or else email me at the same address to make other arrangements.  Thanks so much!

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It would be bizarre for the state to create another category of illegal product that could lead to more conflict between law enforcement and the community.  –  Kent Sopris

Devil’s Advocate (#832) 

Dr.David Ley, with your periodic reminder that a child-shaped toaster is still a toaster:

In August of 2022…Harper and Lievesley published [a study]…of persons sexually attracted to children who owned child sex dolls…The researchers recruited online and found 85 individuals who owned such dolls, whose results they then compared to 120 individuals who did not.  All of these individuals self-reported sexual interest in children…But…the owners of such dolls were found to be less antisocial and reported less arousal at the idea of actually sexually abusing a child, compared to those who did not own such dolls.  Given that antisocial traits are a high predictor of contact sex offending against children, and that the owners of such dolls appear to have a high level of emotional and relational connection to the dolls, it suggests that owning such dolls may not significantly predict a higher risk of offending against children…When researchers examined the intentions, and past offending behaviors of the child doll owners, they found no results suggesting such individuals were at higher risk of future sexual offending against children…

To Molest and Rape

“Sexual misconduct” sounds so much nicer than “forcible rape”:

South Carolina [cop]…Gerard James Hildebrandt…was [arrested and] charged…[for forcibly raping a woman while wearing his magical clown costume]…

You Were Warned (#1224)

You just can’t keep a bad law down:

Some politicians never learn.  Congress has been trying to shove through the EARN IT Act for the past two sessions, and thankfully it’s failed both times.  But, now it’s back…and…it’s got all the same problems as the bill from last session…includ[ing]…nearly identical misleading language…regarding encryption…under EARN IT, encrypting content and messages is a liability…it’s kinda funny that they still even include the language pretending this doesn’t touch encryption, considering that sponsor Senator Richard Blumenthal admitted in an interview last year that the point of the bill was totally to target services that use encryption

A Moral Cancer (#1227)

Because obviously prohibition doesn’t ruin enough lives yet:

[New York governor Kathy] Hochul…is quietly trying to fire up support for a complete ban on the sale of tobacco products in New York…despite [her] failure to secure support from state legislators to include a ban on menthol cigarettes and other flavored tobacco products in the yet-to-be-approved state budget…Kent Sopris, president of the New York Association of Convenience Store Owners, p[ointed out that] a ban would put many stores out of business but wouldn’t stop tobacco use because smokers would just buy cigarettes out of state, online, or…on the black market…

Unfortunately, I must disagree with Mr. Sopris’ quote at the top of today’s column; providing new excuses for police violence is exactly the point of new prohibitions.

Stalkers in Blue (#1301)

Cops are sexual predators who often specifically target traumatized women:

First, the detective sent unusual emails — asking the mother of a Philadelphia homicide victim to send him photos of herself…or suggesting that they go out together.  [W]hen…the woman…me[t] the detective, Donald Suchinsky, for an interview about her son’s case…he groped her, put his hand down her pants, and digitally penetrated her…Suchinsky…has since been fired over the [2020] assault…and…prosecutors…believe…[he] may have victimized other women…

No Difference (#1325)

Don’t think this was an unintended consequence:

…[LGBT] people from…Uganda…began leaving after Uganda’s Parliament passed a sweeping anti-gay bill in late March that threatens punishment as severe as death for some perceived offenses, and calls for life in prison for anyone engaging in same-sex relations….Mbajjwe Nimiro Wilson…fled with a single backpack…after a hostile crowd…cornered him a[t a]…grocer[y]…“They kept saying, ‘We will hunt you. You gays should be killed. We will slaughter you,’” he said…The latest move to target L.G.B.T.Q. people in Uganda has drawn support from local Christian and Muslim groups, and for years the financial and logistical backing of some conservative evangelical groups in the United States.  One of the key organizers of the parliamentary conference in Uganda last month was Family Watch International, an Arizona-based organization that spreads anti-L.G.B.T.Q. and anti-abortion [propaganda]…

To Molest and Rape (#1333)

They’re trying to pretend this one isn’t typical and representative by calling him a “rookie”:

A rookie Los Angeles [cop]…was arrested…[for] rape of a child under 14…[swineherds are distancing] Diego Jose Miranda Lopez…[from other cops not only by stressing his]…probationary [status, but also by implying that the rape occurring] before Lopez joined the department [signifies anything at all about the kind of people who become cops]…


I find paywalls distasteful, and so many people find this blog valuable as a resource I just can’t bring myself to install one.  Furthermore, I find ad delivery services (whose content I have no say over) even more distasteful.  But as I’m now semi-retired from sex work, I can’t self-sponsor this blog by myself any longer.  So if you value my writing enough that you would pay to see it if it were paywalled, please consider subscribing; there are four different levels to fit all budgets.  Or if that doesn’t work for you, please consider showing your generosity with a one-time donation; you can Paypal to maggiemcneill@earthlink.net or else email me at the same address to make other arrangements.  Thanks so much!

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Annex 104

We’re going to use the small area between the walls of the bathroom and Chekhov’s cottage as a vestibule; eventually there will be coat hooks and a boot brush there (for cleaning mud from boots), plus a few odds and ends of the sort one keeps near outside doors in farmhouses.  I’ve recently finished the paneling in the area, and Jae has a few finishing touches; I also want to divide it visually from the rest of the atrium with a latticework panel, to continue that inside/outside kind of aesthetic.  I should also soon finish the plastic panels in the shower roof and stick my head up into the are above the ceiling of the north porch to see if it can seal off what dripping still remains, but for some reason I find myself avoiding those tasks.  They aren’t the only ones; I’ve also been putting off sealing up the roof on the south-side paddock ramp.  It’s weird how every nearly construction project seems to have a few small tasks that never seem to get finished; every house I’ve lived in has had a couple of such details.  When I was young my father nearly doubled the size of our house by enclosing the carport to make a bedroom for me and one of my sisters, and adding a large den and garage at the back, and yet despite doing all that work practically single-handed there were a couple of minor features that never did get done (at least not before I left home).  And when a dear friend’s family built a new house, one large room on the south side sat completely unfinished for over ten years despite the rest of the house being gorgeous.  I have no explanation for this phenomenon, but at least it makes me realize that I’m not alone in being able to finish some Herculean project, only to repeatedly put off some trifling task that could probably be accomplished in an afternoon or two.

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25 years ago this month, Grace and I moved in together.  We’d only met a few months before, in November of ’97; I had only been stripping a few weeks and a girl I worked with asked me along to a party she’d been invited to.  As it turned out, she felt the party was a bust but I was enjoying myself, so when she wanted to go I asked our hostess if any of the other guests could perhaps give me a ride home later.  She asked Grace, who was happy to give me a lift, and by the time she left my place later that evening we had already become friends.  She started writing me (actual paper!) letters and a couple of months later mentioned she wanted to move from northern Louisiana down to New Orleans.  I suggested she move in with me at least temporarily, and a quarter-century later here we are.

From the beginning, she showed herself to be a good friend and a generous roommate; I had no car of my own at the time, but she insisted I use her truck so I could dance at the more lucrative clubs in the French Quarter rather than the quieter suburban place I was commuting to on my bicycle.  And when I finally go sick of strip-club management bullshit in the autumn of ’99, it was Grace who encouraged me to start escorting instead.  When I bought my ranch in 2002 there was absolutely no question that she would move up to Oklahoma with me, and she took care of the place while I continued to work in New Orleans until ’06.  It was her loyalty and dependability which allowed me to travel for work and activism, and when, in December of ’16, I asked how she felt about moving to Washington, she replied simply, “I want to be with you.”  People have often assumed that, because Grace is very butch and I’m definitely femme, that we’re a lesbian couple, but though I’m bisexual Grace is as straight as an arrow; in fact, it’s the success of our partnership (I doubt we’ve really argued even a dozen times in all those years) which eventually made me realize that sex is really a very poor reason for two people to live together, and that the cultural messaging which paints “romantic” relationships as the pinnacle of human interaction is pure garbage:

The true pinnacle of human interaction is intimate friendship; it persists under conditions that destroy “romances”, lasts much longer on average, and is an incredibly powerful connection despite governmental attempts to place other relationships (including sexual & familial ones and even the one-sided “relationship” between individual & State) above it.  Friendship is the most powerful kind of love in the world, which is why government constantly tries to weaken it; it persists despite the fact that, unlike practically every other relationship between two people, it has absolutely no legal status.  Other relationships require government to prop them up; friendship is the only one which is able to stand completely on its own.

So if married couples can celebrate their silver anniversary, I see no reason why Grace and I shouldn’t celebrate 25 years of best-friendship and successful cohabitation.  I don’t recall the exact day, but it was definitely mid-April, and we’re going to have a celebration this summer once the weather gets warmer and drier.  So, please join me in a toast to Grace, and though she’s too camera-shy to take a picture with me, I’ll show her all the good wishes you send in the comments or on Twitter.

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