25 years ago this month, Grace and I moved in together. We’d only met a few months before, in November of ’97; I had only been stripping a few weeks and a girl I worked with asked me along to a party she’d been invited to. As it turned out, she felt the party was a bust but I was enjoying myself, so when she wanted to go I asked our hostess if any of the other guests could perhaps give me a ride home later. She asked Grace, who was happy to give me a lift, and by the time she left my place later that evening we had already become friends. She started writing me (actual paper!) letters and a couple of months later mentioned she wanted to move from northern Louisiana down to New Orleans. I suggested she move in with me at least temporarily, and a quarter-century later here we are.
From the beginning, she showed herself to be a good friend and a generous roommate; I had no car of my own at the time, but she insisted I use her truck so I could dance at the more lucrative clubs in the French Quarter rather than the quieter suburban place I was commuting to on my bicycle. And when I finally go sick of strip-club management bullshit in the autumn of ’99, it was Grace who encouraged me to start escorting instead. When I bought my ranch in 2002 there was absolutely no question that she would move up to Oklahoma with me, and she took care of the place while I continued to work in New Orleans until ’06. It was her loyalty and dependability which allowed me to travel for work and activism, and when, in December of ’16, I asked how she felt about moving to Washington, she replied simply, “I want to be with you.” People have often assumed that, because Grace is very butch and I’m definitely femme, that we’re a lesbian couple, but though I’m bisexual Grace is as straight as an arrow; in fact, it’s the success of our partnership (I doubt we’ve really argued even a dozen times in all those years) which eventually made me realize that sex is really a very poor reason for two people to live together, and that the cultural messaging which paints “romantic” relationships as the pinnacle of human interaction is pure garbage:
The true pinnacle of human interaction is intimate friendship; it persists under conditions that destroy “romances”, lasts much longer on average, and is an incredibly powerful connection despite governmental attempts to place other relationships (including sexual & familial ones and even the one-sided “relationship” between individual & State) above it. Friendship is the most powerful kind of love in the world, which is why government constantly tries to weaken it; it persists despite the fact that, unlike practically every other relationship between two people, it has absolutely no legal status. Other relationships require government to prop them up; friendship is the only one which is able to stand completely on its own.
So if married couples can celebrate their silver anniversary, I see no reason why Grace and I shouldn’t celebrate 25 years of best-friendship and successful cohabitation. I don’t recall the exact day, but it was definitely mid-April, and we’re going to have a celebration this summer once the weather gets warmer and drier. So, please join me in a toast to Grace, and though she’s too camera-shy to take a picture with me, I’ll show her all the good wishes you send in the comments or on Twitter.
Best wishes to you and Grace
Congratulations, you two! It’s definitely a moment to celebrate. Intimate friendships bring deep fulfillment.
Congratulations to you and Grace on your 25th anniversary of Friendship!
Epicurus and I consider Friendship as one of the highest virtues/values.
Note Friend and Free share the same etymological PIE root pri- “to love”, which is why as a Voluntaryist I use “Free Friends” as the name of my Voluntaryist/Anarchist group here in New Zealand.
Over the years of reading you off and on, I know you value and are responsible for your freedom as I am, and I value you and your work in that regard.
Epicurus:
“Of all the things which wisdom provides to make us entirely happy, much the greatest is the possession of friendship.”
“Friendship dances around the world bidding us all to awaken to the recognition of happiness.”
“All friendship is desirable in itself, though it starts from the need of help.”
“It is not so much our friends’ help that helps us, as the confidence of their help.”
Finally, do you know this relatively unknown book that I think you will find illuminating as I have, and probably even more so, as it is in your line of work?:
“A Sexual Profile of Men in Power “by Sam Janus, Ph.D., Barbara Bess, M.D., and Carol Saltus, 1977. If you cannot get it—as it is difficult to obtain–I have a digital pdf copy, email me, Jack, responsiblyfree@protonmail.com
Stay safe and free, Jack in New Zealand
Best wishes to you too.
This is a great Ode to friendship
Many heartfelt congratulations to you and Grace. Any relationship that lasts 25 years is worthy of recognition and celebration.
Friendship to me has always held a very special and important place, so that your friendship could endure through a quarter century of cohabitation certainly is remarkable.
Again, many congrats!
You two have done one thing I am terrible at: maintaining friendships. Congratulations on twenty-five years.
Happy Anniversary. I loved that story. Awesome to have such a beautiful relationship.
Congratulations on your silver anniversary.
May you both eventually celebrate your golden anniversary.
What a wonderful story.