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Archive for the ‘Obituary’ Category

Authorities say rise of fruit aliens is to blame for glut of outer space watermelons.  –  The New York Times

Here’s another novelty song, this one from 1970; I remember thinking it was hilarious when I was a kid.  The links above it were provided by Stephen Lemons, President Dawg, Cop Crisis, Dan Savage, Scott Greenfield, Jesse Walker, and Radley Balko, in that order.

From the Archives

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I will not be intimidated [by a flying dildo].  –  Manuel Gonzales

I must admit I like the ooga-chaka version better, but it was B.J. Thomas who passed away recently, not anyone from Blue Swede.  The links above the video were provided by Jesse Walker (x2), Billy Binion, Cop Crisis (x2), Scott Greenfield, and Tim Cushing, in that order.

From the Archives

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All I could do was bend over and duck.  –  Lecresha Murray

Here’s another 1960s novelty song recorded by the stars of a hit TV show, in this case Patrick Macnee and Honor Blackman of The Avengers.  They’re not really in character, though of course Blackman’s character Cathy Gale was definitely an afficionado of “kinky boots”.  The links above the video were provided by Jesse Walker, Tim Cushing, Brooke Magnanti, Thaddeus Russell, Emma Evans, Cop Crisis, and Mike Siegel, in that order.

From the Archives

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It’s like they have nothing to do but harass families.  –  Charles Twyman

When Mike Siegel recently saw me post a Luna video on Twitter, he shared another unusual cover of a rock classic.  The links above the video were provided by Dan Savage, Billy Binion, Scott Greenfield, Violet Blue, Franklin Harris, Cop Crisis, and Dave Krueger, in that order.

From the Archives

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The…[cops] didn’t count on us not believing their bullshit.
–  Norma Rodriguez

R.I.P. Smarajit Jana

A leader of the rights movement for sex workers in India and a[n epidemiologist] known for his contribution to the prevention of HIV in the country, Smarajit Jana, passed away due to COVID-19 related complications in Kolkata on [May 8th]…He was 68 years old. Dr. Jana founded and spearheaded the first rights-based HIV intervention programmes in India by collectivising the sex workers of Sonagachi and setting up the Durbar Mahila Samanwaya Committee (DMSC) in Kolkata in 1995…Jana was instrumental in setting up a cooperative bank for sex workers…He was a member of a Supreme Court-appointed panel in Budhadev Karmaskar vs State of West Bengal, which in its report in 2016 recommended legal recognition for sex workers through the issuing of ration and voter identification cards, and decriminalising of sex work…

The Lion and the Ox

FACT: Young woman in illegal casino. CONCLUSION: “sex trafficking”!

[San Antonio cops oink] they believe they have found the largest gambling operation in the [universe], while possibly also finding human trafficking evidence…“[We] found a bit of narcotics, we’ve also discovered a 16-year-old young lady that at this point we don’t know if she was a victim of any sort of trafficking, but we do suspect it,” [Sheriff Javier] Salazar said…

Torture Chamber 

For a change, this story doesn’t refer to torture as “correction”:

The Collin County [Texas] medical examiner ruled Marvin Scott III’s death a homicide…more than a month after he [was murdered by screws] at the Collin County jail…Sheriff Jim Skinner fired seven jailers and another resigned after [the murder]…One of the jailers was reinstated last week through the civil service process, a decision Skinner has said he disagreed with…The sheriff has refused to release the names of the [murderers]…But The Dallas Morning News obtained…the names…Blaise Mikulewicz…Austin Wong…Justin Patrick…Rafael Paradez…James Schoelen…Alec Difatta…Andres Cardenas…and…Christopher Windsor…

To Molest and Rape 

Rapist cops are often rewarded with paid vacations, but this is extreme even by cop standards:

RCMP…Co[p] Justin Harris…paid [for] sex…[with an indigenous woman known as CC, but then raped] her…four [times]…Less than one month [after she reported him], on April 1, 2007, CC died from natural causes.  In a matter of weeks, the RCMP dropped their case, lifting Harris’ suspension…instead…Harris segued from a paid suspension to paid sick leave for psychological issues he [blames on]…the force’s [trying to prosecute him for his behavior]…His lawsuit against the force, filed in 2008, has stalled while the RCMP attempts to medically discharge him—a lengthy process now in its seventh year.  In total, he has been paid—but not working—for close to 17 years…

Like Houses (#1044)

Lockdowns are to keep people SAFE!

A [cop] in Honduras was arrested and charged…for the murder of a young woman…in February inside a jail cell…police…[had until now] claimed that Keyla Martínez, a 26-year-old nursing student, had committed suicide within hours of being [abduct]ed [by cops] for a pandemic curfew violation…

A Broker in Pillage (#1068)

Nobody will be safe until this odious, contemptible practice is recognized as unconstitutional:

Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey…signed a package of civil forfeiture reforms that will make it substantially harder for [cops] to [steal] people’s stuff by [pretend]ing that it is connected to criminal activity…property can still be seized [if a cop claims]…it was used to commit a crime or represents the proceeds of illegal activity.  But now the government can complete the forfeiture only after convicting the owner…Arizona is the 16th state to require a criminal conviction for some or all forfeitures…[and] the 14th…to require that the government prove an owner is not innocent rather than making the owner prove that he is…

To Molest and Rape (#1134)

It’s not unusual for fired cops, even child rapists, to simply move elsewhere:

An Alabama state trooper arrested [in April because] he raped an 11-year-old girl had been kicked out of the FBI amid a string of sexual misconduct allegations but was hired by the state agency with the apparent help of a fake bureau letter that scrubbed his record clean…Christopher Bauer was suspended without pay and stripped of his security clearance in the FBI’s New Orleans office in late 2018…[after] he raped…[a co-work]er at knifepoint.  But Alabama…state police…[somehow managed to overlook aggravated rape in its] “full and thorough” investigation into Bauer’s background when he applied to be a trooper in 2019…

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Drop the bike or you’re gonna get arrested.  –  unnamed cop

You may have noticed that I am rather fond of novelty songs; here’s one from my childhood that the writer/singer insists is not meant to be suggestive.  The links above it were provided by Glenn Kessler, Billy Binion, Mike Siegel, The Onion, Radley Balko, Cop Crisis, and Phoenix Calida, in that order.

From the Archives

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They will still be criminalizing…our landlords, friends, drivers, and customers.  –  Maya Morena

R.I.P. Tempest Storm

Tempest Storm, the legendary burlesque star who blazed a trail for strip-tease artists for more than a half-century, has died.  She was 93…Storm had been struggling after surgery on her right hip on April 8…In 1956, she became the highest-paid burlesque performer in history when she signed a 10-year contract at $100,000 a year with the Bryan-Engels burlesque production company.  Soon after signing that deal, Storm married Herb Jeffries, the singer in Duke Ellington’s Orchestra known as Hollywood’s first singing black cowboy.  Seen as scandalous at the time, Storm would say the marriage cost her a potentially lucrative film career…Storm first performed in Las Vegas in 1951…and as late as 1987…She was 59 at the time…

Disaster (#925)

We did warn y’all that this wouldn’t stop with actual sex workers:

…it’s become increasingly clear…that the World Wide Web is…[no longer] a particularly hospitable place for…sex that deviates in any way from social norms.  Polyamorous dating app #Open…was removed from the Google Play Store for allegedly violating Google’s “Sexual Content and Profanity policy”…for including the words “threesomes,” “3some,” “DTF” and “kinky dates”…[because] they “imply sexual gratification.”  After removing the offending terms…the app was eventually reinstated…“without any notice…from Google,” following a nine-day suspension…[Creators Amanda] Wilson and [David] Epstein claim the suspension significantly damaged their business, costing #Open an estimated 2,000 potential new members…as well as causing the app to lose its position as the number one dating app to appear in searches for “polyamory”…

Oh noes, it damaged their business!  Surely that has never happened to the millions of sex workers Wilson & Epstein don’t give a shit about, thanks to these terrible policies they never opposed until they were harmed.

Stalkers in Blue (#989)

Another sexual predator specifically targets traumatized women:

A [typical and representative cop] who [stalked] four vulnerable domestic abuse victims has been dismissed for “appalling” gross misconduct…Colin Noble…[of] West Midlands Police…[was] secretly recorded…[by one woman aking her for] nudes…He a[sked another to show him]…her breasts…other complainants [produced]…a “catalogue of completely inappropriate comments” [he made] between 2014 and 2017…he turned up at [one victim’s] house unannounced up to 30 times, telling her she was “too pretty” for her boyfriend…[and] asking…if she had “ever slept with a black man”…[another] lied about having moved away from the Midlands to stop his calls…

Welcome to the Future (#1092)

In a just world, every politician in Pasco County would be jailed & the cop shop shut down:

The U.S. Department of Education has opened an investigation into…Pasco [County, Florida] school [bureaucrats’ violation of] federal law by sharing private student information with the…Sheriff’s Office…the school district shared information on student grades, discipline and attendance with [pigs, who then] used the data to compile a secret list of s[tudents] it [targeted for harassment based on claims that they] could “fall into a life of crime”…The school district has…repeated[ly lied, claiming that giving thugs information they could use to ruin young people’s lives is] a…“proper use of student information”…The Sheriff’s Office…[lied] that the program does not label kids as potential criminals, despite what its own manual says…

Castle on a Cloud

Putting stock in what politicians only say is like trying to build a castle on a cloud:

The Manhattan district attorney’s office announced…it would no longer prosecute prostitution and unlicensed massage…Cyrus R. Vance Jr….[claimed] his office had fully shifted its approach to prostitution [but this is a lie, because]…The office will continue to prosecute other [consensual] crimes related to prostitution, including [giving] sex workers [money] and sex [workers working together, keeping incalls, and other mundane practices demonized by prohibitionists as “trafficking”]…Vance’s move [appears to be intended to confuse voters who support his political opponent Eliza Orlins, who is calling for the actual decriminalization of sex work rather than Vance’s de facto Swedish criminalization]…

Guinea Pigs (#1108) 

Lest you think this is strictly a Chinese pathology, follow the subtitle link:

China’s Communist government has launched a new app that encourages citizens to report [others] for expressing “mistaken opinions” on the Internet…The new platform will target anyone who criticizes the dictatorship’s ruling CCP, disputes the official version of the country’s history or engages in “misinformation…and denying Party, national and military history in an attempt to confuse people’s thinking”…China already operates an onerous social credit score system that bans people from using transportation and engaging in other basic functions of society if they commit minor [sins] like jaywalking or buying too much junk food…

The Last Shall Be First (#1128) 

Since their “bathroom bills” kept getting struck down, transphobes are now trying to accomplish their goals by criminalizing doctors:

The mother of a transgender boy made a powerful speech [to] Texas [politicians], urging them not to pass legislation that would criminalize parents who allowed their children to receive [gender] affirming procedures…There are more than 10 [current] bills in Texas that specifically target transgender youth…Two [of them] would classify a medical practitioner helping a [legal minor] to transition as “abuse”…[another] would prevent liability insurance coverage for gender-affirming surgeries and treatments for [minors]…Several other states are considering anti-trans legislation [including]…Missouri

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You’re fixin’ to ride the lightning.  –  “Officer” Joe Gutierrez

If Western culture emphasized composer over performer in popular music as it does with orchestral music, Jim Steinman would be recognized as one of the greatest musicians of the 20th century.  In honor of his passing, here’s a video of the one hit he had as a performer; compare and contrast with Meat Loaf performing the same song a little over a decade later.  The links above the video were provided by Lucy Steigerwald, Franklin Harris, Tim Cushing, Jesse Walker, Cop Crisis, Radley Balko, and Nun Ya, in that order.

From the Archives

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What is it going to take to get all of this to go away?
–  “officer” Josh Barlow’s swineherd, to his victim

It isn’t often that I see a good short film nowadays, much less a good sci-fi short, but this one is a masterclass in what one can do with a small budget and some excellent writing.  It was provided by Mike Siegel, and the links above it by President Dawg, Jesse Walker, Dave Krueger, Franklin Harris, and Cop Crisis (x3), in that order.

From the Archives

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I can’t breathe.  –  Marvin Scott III, probably

Most of these “songs in old languages” things aren’t very good, but this one was too appropriate to pass up!  It was provided by Emma Evans, and the links above it by Yasmin Nair, Dan Savage, Mistress Matisse, Kevin Wilson, Cop Crisis, Mike Riggs, and Dan Savage again, in that order.

From the Archives

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