Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Midwinter Tweets

Posted in Miscellaneous, Philosophy, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 23, 2023| Leave a Comment »

Read Full Post »

In the News (#1310)

Posted in Current Events, Miscellaneous, News, Tyranny, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2023| 1 Comment »

Federal prisons…[are] unwilling to get people the medical care they need.  –  Kevin Ring

Stalkers in Blue

Sleeping with a cop is one of the most dangerous things a woman can do:

A [New Jersey cop]…was arrested…[for] stalking and harassing his ex-girlfriend for over a month after they broke up…Erich A. Bennett…and the woman were in a brief dating relationship that she ended in late November 2022.  On Dec. 5, he showed up unannounced at her home and threatened her…She then blocked him from contacting her electronically and installed security cameras on the exterior of her home.  On Jan. 8, [she] began receiving harassing and threatening messages via social media from an online persona, which detectives connected to Bennett…The next weekend, on Jan. 14…he…[slashed] all four [of her] tires…keyed [her car, tore]…a flagpole…off the front of her house, and [stole] her Ring doorbell camera and two additional security cameras…Bennett also [used]…police databases on more than 30 occasions between October 2022 and January 2023 to find personal identifying information of the woman and [several of her friends]…

The Real World

Dr. David Ley schools his fellow therapists on the reality of sex work:

…As our society has become more open to discussions of sexual diversity, and more averse to sexual shame and stigma, more people are opening up to their therapists about their secret sexual lives and interests, including their past or present involvement in sex work.  Unfortunately, many therapists find themselves ill-prepared to effectively support their patients on these issues, and they may unintentionally harm or stigmatize their sex-working patients…Therapists often assume that anyone involved in sex work is doing so against their will and that the therapist needs to rescue them…sex work is not an inherent sign of pathology, attachment disturbance, substance abuse, or other problems…A sex worker’s job is not necessarily the reason the sex worker is coming to therapy.  They seek support for the same range of reasons that anyone else does…Not all sex workers are the victims of childhood sexual abuse, and for those who are, their abuse may have no direct relationship to their work in the sex industry.  This a version of the “damaged goods hypothesis”…

The Pygmalion Fallacy (#1208) 

Computer-generated female images are replacing “sex robots” in prohibitionist fantasies:

[Prohibitionists and clueless young men on Twitter fantasized that] OnlyFans models could be in trouble [from]…hyper-realistic AI models…threatening to take over the adult platform and put them out of work.  A[n image of]…four almost identical [Barbie-like female characters]…spark[ed the fantasies among people who believe]…OnlyFans [is about pretty pictures rather than the fantasy of connection to a beautiful woman]…

It’s sad to see how many people still want to believe that actual sex workers with individual human personalities could be replaced by plastic dolls or computer-generated images without minds.

Torture Chamber (#1292)

This would be a real improvement if the conditions for release were objective rather than subject to the whims of those in power:

Federal inmates suffering from unconstitutional medical neglect could get a new avenue for relief under changes being proposed by the U.S. Sentencing Commission…[which] would broaden compassionate release, a policy that allows incarcerated people who are terminally ill or severely debilitated the mercy of spending their remaining days at home…the amendment would expand the qualifying circumstances…to include…people “suffering from a [serious] medical condition that requires longterm or specialized medical care…that is not being provided in a timely or adequate manner”…prisons and jails across the country regularly subject people to atrocious and humiliating neglect…The First Step Act of 2018…allow[ed] judges [rather than sadistic prison bureaucrats] to consider petitions…But…the [allowable]…reasons…were narrowly defined and did not include medical neglect…

To Molest and Rape (#1301)

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time“:

…a [typical and representative Missouri cop named Seth P. Wilkins who was]…convicted 10 years ago of possessing child pornography….was charged Jan. 18 with…sexual abuse of a 9-year-old girl…[he was convicted of] the [child porn] charge Nov. 19, 2012, in a plea agreement [for]…a suspended seven-year term with five years on probation…[from which] he was discharged…in August 2015…

To Molest and Rape (#1307)

Just a few more isolated incidents:

A…Dorset [cop named Ravi Canhye] has been charged with [eight sexual offences including] two counts of rape…A…spokesp[ig oinked out a lot of boilerplate obfuscation, emphasizing that he was not wearing his magical clown costume while committing the rapes]…

The Mob Rules (#1307)

Laws enabling nuisance lawsuits will keep multiplying until they’re ruled unconstitutional:

The Mississippi Senate Judiciary…committee approved a bill…that would [demand] age verification for any site that [hosts porn.  Politician]…Nicole Boyd…would exempt news gathering organizations and internet service providers from liability…[but]…is [otherwise] modeled after the Louisiana legislation…

 

I find paywalls distasteful, and so many people find this blog valuable as a resource I just can’t bring myself to install one.  Furthermore, I find ad delivery services (whose content I have no say over) even more distasteful.  But as I’m now semi-retired from sex work, I can’t self-sponsor this blog by myself any longer.  So if you value my writing enough that you would pay to see it if it were paywalled, please consider subscribing; there are four different levels to fit all budgets.  Or if that doesn’t work for you, please consider showing your generosity with a one-time donation; you can Paypal to maggiemcneill@earthlink.net or else email me at the same address to make other arrangements.  Thanks so much!

Read Full Post »

The Real Red Flag

Posted in Perception, Q & A, tagged , , , on January 19, 2023| 1 Comment »

My boyfriend of 3 yrs frequents local escorts and hookup websites and doesn’t erase his browser on our shared PC. I’ve confronted him about it and he threw the whole, “if you don’t believe me about not searching and what not then YOU have trust issues”.  He even said he didn’t even know what site I was talking about.  Lies.  What’s your take on this?  I want to trust him but this is a red flag.

Trust is not something that can merely be given; it must be earned.  And your boyfriend doesn’t seem to be making much effort to earn it.  While it’s certainly possible he’s just searching escort sites to look at the nude pics, it seems unlikely unless you know for a fact that he hasn’t got enough disposable income to actually hire escorts (and even then, it’s not like there isn’t plenty of free porn on the internet).  And the “hookup” sites don’t even have that catch.  Furthermore, while escort transactions are professional and therefore no threat to your relationship, the same cannot be said of amateur dating.  But whether he is or isn’t stepping out is far less important than what I see as the real red flag here: his apparent lack of respect for your intelligence and sense.  A guy who doesn’t erase his browser on a PC he shares with his girlfriend is either a fool or thinks his girlfriend is, and for him to respond to questions with weak denials tends to point toward the latter.  As for “If you don’t believe me something is wrong with you”, that tactic is such a classic of beginner gaslighting it probably appears in Chapter One of Partner Abuse for Dummies.

Look, if he was merely masturbating to porn, I’d tell you it was nothing to be concerned about.  And while it’s certainly possible that this is a similar fantasy-activity (because human sexuality is astonishingly varied and complex), his guilty reaction seems to hint otherwise.  As I said above, it’s not that he’s looking at other women, which is typical male behavior signifying absolutely nothing other than that he has a penis.  It’s that he reacted to your questions with lies and blame-shifting, which wouldn’t bode well even if it were about something other than sex.  In fact, I’m going to suggest you think about your other interactions with him; is this the only area in which he seems to be behaving dishonestly, or is it part of a pattern?  Because if you come to the conclusion that he cannot be trusted in general, not just about sex but about other aspects of your partnership, perhaps it’s time to consider whether the two of you may not really be right for one another.  Because while breakups are never easy, they’re usually a lot easier (and far less acrimonious) at the 3-years-living-together mark than at the 10-years-married-with-children mark.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

Read Full Post »

More Delightful Conversation

Posted in Perception, Q & A, tagged , , , , on April 14, 2022| 5 Comments »

A friend told me that when he’s out of town, his girlfriend goes on paid dates with other men.  She claims that there is no sex involved, but he’s unsure and asked me if compensated dates without sex are really a thing.  My response was that if he can’t trust her, that’s the bigger problem, but I figured I’d ask you about the sexless dates.

The short answer is “no”.  That isn’t to say that some compensated dates don’t involve genital-diddling; however, it’s not really possible for an escort to make a living by putting “no sex” in her profile or repeatedly disappointing clients’ expectations.  Sexless escorting is mostly a fantasy of white bourgeois American women which is not found in nature; my tag “Delightful Conversation” collected cases, but I haven’t seen one in six years and figured it had mostly dried up.  But most importantly, your advice to him was correct.  The problem isn’t that she’s an escort; the problem is that she doesn’t trust him and vice versa, which doesn’t bode well for a relationship.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

Read Full Post »

Waiting for Lightning

Posted in Perception, Q & A, tagged , , , , , , , , , on April 7, 2022| 3 Comments »

I’m a virgin who will soon be 40, and I’ve been wanting to engage the services of an escort.  I read your piece on the topic in Reason, but I don’t know if going the sex worker route would make me feel any better.  I realize she wouldn’t be hot for me, but I dread the thought that she’d just not want to be there at all.  Sensing that I’m just a chore to get through would make me feel worse. I don’t want to rent a living sex doll, I want…I don’t know how to articulate what I want out of the experience.  I know I want a woman to have sex with me for free, just because she wants to, but it isn’t happening.

The concept of “free sex” is largely a male fantasy.  As Billy Crystal once humorously expressed it, “Women need a reason to have sex.  Men just need a place.”  Sure, there are exceptions to every rule, but waiting for a woman that you personally find attractive who just wants sex with you because she’s “hot for you” to come along is kinda like refusing to demolish that old barn on your property because you figure that that sooner or later it’ll be struck by lightning and burn down.  The great majority of women are going to want something else other than the mere physical act, partly because we’re wired that way and partly because it’s so easy for most women to get sex from men that the chances of one picking you in particular, without any effort on your part, resemble those of winning the lottery.  For the typical woman, the “something else” is likely to be some kind of romantic relationship; for the more pragmatic sort, it’s likely to be money or some other means of support.  And women who are specifically looking for a husband rather than a mere boyfriend combine the two.  You haven’t given me enough to determine why you’ve never stumbled into a romantic relationship over the past two decades, so I’m going to guess you’re shy and lack the self-confidence to ask girls out on traditional dates.  And I further suspect (unless there’s something you aren’t telling me) that the origin of your fear that an escort would view seeing you as especially laborious is that same lack of self-confidence.  Truly professional escorts, women who view sex work as a career and proceed accordingly, have professional ethics and standards; they are no more “living sex dolls” than boxers are “living punching bags”, and the only reason you believe otherwise is all the anti-sexwork propaganda permeating American culture.  Given that, I think you need to adjust your thinking a bit if you’re to correct your problem.  I suggest you peruse my column “From the Top”, which includes links to a number of columns for newbies; also this essay from a guy in a similar position to yours.  If you don’t find anything to help you there, I suggest buying my book Ask Maggie (both volumes) and reading all the essays whose leading questions speak to you (there are probably more of them than you think).  And once you do stop making up excuses to avoid seeing a professional (because that is what you’re doing, honestly), I think you may find the mystique around sex will start to evaporate, and your problem with it.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

Read Full Post »

In the News (#1160)

Posted in Current Events, Miscellaneous, News, Tyranny, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 7, 2021| 1 Comment »

Any time [cops use] an AI system…[to] affect an outcome for a human, it’s probably harmful.  –  Tristan Greene

First They Came for the Hookers…

The only thing unusual here is that the molester cop actually got in trouble:

The resignations of two top officials and a [lying, deceitful cop] at the Arizona Department of Liquor Licenses and Control this year are linked to a bungled undercover operation at Scottsdale’s Skin Cabaret, in which the [cop molested a dancer]…Director John Cocca and Deputy Director Mike Rosenberger resigned in April with no public explanation…[after pig] Mike Sanchez…[groped] her genitals during a…[strip club visit conducted using the pretext of]…COVID-19 health and liquor violations…in a VIP room…Sanchez…claimed [molesting the woman wasn’t a crime because] he “was never at any time sexually motivated” [when he groped her]…

Apparently, cops believe molestation and rape are OK as long as they pretend that they were thinking about ruining lives rather than getting off.

The Lesser of Two Evils (#414)

Principled Christians understand that prohibition is evil:

For years, my faith system told me that all forms of sex work were immoral and should be a crime, and the only way to eliminate the sale of sex…is [for the state] to impose heavy consequences that discourage the behavior.  Most people I know share similar beliefs…[but] the more I learn, the further I move away from this popular opinion…my prayers, my research and simply listening to those who trade sex, revealed that the greatest problem was the unnecessary burden society was placing on this community by criminalizing consensual sex work…criminalization has failed…to eliminate or even reduce the sex trade, nor has it improved the moral fabric of society.  If criminalization is not accomplishing any of these, then why does this remain our approach?…We eventually reversed [alcohol] Prohibition, so we should now be asking ourselves “why haven’t we reversed other laws like it, including those against consensual sex”?…

Disaster (#1000)

It’s so nice to hear this from someone whose name isn’t Maggie McNeill:

…if you’re talking about FOSTA/SESTA…someone, at some point, will [claim] that it was aimed at combatting sex trafficking [and] had unintended impacts on…sex work[ers]…there’s a law review article…called “good intentions and unintended consequences”…a…2018 OC Register article called “The Unintended Consequences of a Well Meaning Anti-Sex-Trafficking Law”…and [multiple examples of political bloviation]…But…the narrative of “unintended consequences” is utter nonsense.  Negative effects on sex workers (and there were many) were not “unintended.”  The text of the law explicitly criminalizes the promotion of prostitution and it’s hard to argue that an interpretation of the law that was clear from its text is unintended…this narrative is [even] contradicted by what the organizations that supported FOSTA say about their own goals…

Guinea Pigs (#1079)

Just a reminder that this privacy-destroying abomination started as a means of spying on sex workers:

Hundreds of thousands of [cops] in the US have the authority to use blackbox AI to conduct unethical surveillance, generate evidence, and circumvent our Fourth Amendment protections.  And there’s little reason to believe anyone’s going to do anything about it…[because these] systems are a goldmine for startups, big tech, and politicians…Any cop, regardless of affiliation or status, has access to dozens (if not hundreds) of third-party AI systems…he…can…install…Clearview AI on [a] personal smartphone…take a picture of anyone and [find] their identity…then runs th[at]…through an app from a company such as Palantir…without a warrant, officer Friendly now has access to your phone carrier, ISP, and email records…medical and mental health records, military service history, court records, legal records, travel history, and…property records…[with] absolutely no oversight whatsoever…Predictive-policing is among the most common [of these] unethical AI systems…The[y]…claim to use “data” to determine where crimes are going to happen.  But…all [they] can [actually] do is determine, historically, where police tend to arrest the most people…

One small nitpick: hey headline writer, Pandora wasn’t in the box; she was the one who opened it.

To Molest and Rape (#1090)

“Police explorer” programs are nothing but grooming schemes for predatory cops:

Two NYPD cops [raped] a vulnerable teen [victim via] the police youth program, taking advantage of the underage girl to “satisfy their depraved interests,” an internal department judge has ruled….[after] Sanad Musallam and Yaser Shohatee [enjoyed a paid vacation for four years [after getting caught in]…2016…the case f[ell] apart [because] the [15-year-old victim was too afraid of her rapists]…to continue to cooperate with investigators…

The Next Target (#1127)

It was only a matter of time before “sex trafficking” fetishists extended their pet fantasy to OnlyFans:

…”[OnlyFans] is just one more avenue that traffickers can use to make money,” [bloviated a Texas cop named]…Joseph Scaramucci…[who] has spent more than a decade [masturb]ating [to fantasies of] sex trafficking…in recent months, much of his [wanking material has come from]…OnlyFans… “there was [sic] very obvious signs of people that were under 3rd party control, “Scaramucci [fantasized while making furtive movements in his pants]…He has [jerked off to] many pornographic images that [were] consensual, but…he…[fantasizes] that the females in…the pictures may be victims that have been coerced by sex traffickers…[especially] teenagers…

The Next Target (#1130)

Prohibitionists’ next target isn’t just porn; it’s all online sex work:

“Sugar dating” apps will not be allowed on the Android Play Store from September 1st, Google has announced…Google’s Play Store policies already prohibit apps that promote “services that may be interpreted as providing sexual acts in exchange for compensation.”  But the updated wording expands this definition to explicitly include “compensated dating or sexual arrangements where one participant is expected or implied to provide money, gifts or financial support to another participant (‘sugar dating’)”…

Read Full Post »

In the News (#1080)

Posted in Current Events, Miscellaneous, News, Tyranny, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2020| 2 Comments »

Pleasure can never be free.  –  Moroccan saying

Surplus Women

Your regular reminder: this isn’t confined to the US:

On 9 April, sex worker and activist Robyn Montsumi was arrested on a drug charge…in Cape Town.  A few days later she died in [what cops claim was]…suicide by hanging…artist Clinton Osbourn…created a life-size portrait of Montsumi…laminated it and put it up on a pole near the Mowbray police station…

Osbourn is hopelessly naive if he thinks cops will be “haunted” by a portrait of one of their victims; if they had consciences, they wouldn’t commit the crimes they regularly revel in committing.

I’m Sure You Feel Safer Now

Police closed off the Longport area of Canterbury for several hours…following a report of…a woman [o]n the property…armed [thugs] were s[ent in while]…a police helicopter hover[ed] overhead…a woman in her 50s [w]as [th]en arrested on suspicion of immigration offences…[cops claim] the address may have been used as a brothel…

Smoke and Mirrors

Another of those cases whose reported details don’t add up:

Raymond Rodio III…was [sentenced to 9.5 years for]…charges including sex trafficking and promoting prostitution.  After he completes his prison sentence, Rodio must register as a sex offender…“sex dungeon…sex slavery,” Suffolk County District Attorney Tim Sini [drooled, claiming that]…Rodio recruited women through social media, got them hooked on heroin or crack cocaine and forced them to have sex with men in the basement…Rodio operated the ring for about four years, victimized more than 20 women and forced some to use a bucket instead of a toilet…Rodio’s parents may have known “something untoward” was going on, but not necessarily that their son was running a prostitution ring…They were not charged with a crime…

A “ring” with only one member?  Were the 20 “victims” in one basement, or did he only have one “slave” at a time (and if they could quit, how were they “slaves”?)  And the parents somehow had no idea?  Reeeeeeeeeeally now.

Lower Education (#778)

California seems determined to completely eliminate due process in rape cases:

[California] Gov. Gavin Newsom has signed…[a law] to ensure California colleges and universities [deny due]…process [to] all students [accused of] sexual assault…in direct response to the Trump administrations’ attempts [to roll back the due-process-banning “guidelines” set forth in the infamous “Dear Collague” letter of 2011]…SB 493 will require state-funded colleges and universities to [refuse the protections enshrined in] common [law for centuries, despite the fact that minority students are disproportionately the subjects of rape allegations which lack the evidence to be supported in actual court]…On May 6…Education Secretary Betsy DeVos released new federal Title IX regulations that require schools to allow direct cross-examination of [accusers as in any other US criminal case], and would…raise the standard of evidence [back] from…preponderance of the evidence…to “clear and convincing” evidence, which is [still much lower than the burden of proof in other criminal cases.  Many]…lawsuits have already been filed challenging [expulsions and other punishments obtained under] the [Obama-era] Title IX regulations, including [75 in California alone and] a [class-action] lawsuit [against Michigan State University]…

Naked Truth (#956)

Despite attempts to infantilize them as “victims”, Moroccan women know better:

…one of th[e] things that girls learn in Moroccan society…is [to]…enforce [a cost] when establishing almost any love and/or sexual bond with boys, and something that…married and divorced women tend to hold…[arranged] marriages…coexist…with the criminalization of [any] sexual relations outside of marriage…Consequently, there is a market for intimacy in which enjoyment is negotiated…the French-Moroccan anthropologist Mériam Cheikh has dedicated a doctoral thesis…[to] “the girls who go out”…the elegant euphemism [used] to designate prostitution practices, both professional and [casual]…the audacity in Cheikh’s research…is to…conclude that, in reality, the negotiations of sexuality are nothing more than a scale in the continuum of the bond between men and women that also includes marriage…

Social Distancing (#1035)

Some of us have been saying this since March:

On 23 March, Boris Johnson locked down the [UK]…It would last for three weeks, he said, and it had one simple aim: to prevent the NHS from being overwhelmed by Covid cases.  Six months on…A quarter of the population is still under lockdown.  The rest of us are living under the most stringent social rules in living memory…Riot police are violently shutting down anyone who protests against this new authoritarianism…And…we are heading for the largest recession on record, with millions of jobs on the line…arbitrary rules are introduced by government decree…people can be fined for visiting loved ones…ministers make statements about who we can hug…there is serious talk of Christmas being cancelled…why did we shift from temporarily protecting the NHS from a spike in Covid to protecting all people from ever catching the virus?…how come you can gather in groups larger than six at work but not in a pub?…those of us…who have taken a critical approach…are often caricatured as not taking Covid-19 seriously…but…one of the key problems with a society-wide lockdown was precisely that it distracted society’s focus from the more targeted policies required to protect…the elderly and the vulnerable…It increasingly seems that the…freezing of economic life, the tight control of social life, and the halting of certain health services…could prove more harmful than the disease itself…

Social Distancing (#1045)

Like its neighbor the Netherlands, Belgium only pretends to respect sex workers:

Brussels’ sex workers are angry that they were not consulted before the City…sprung a prostitution ban on them on [September 28th, using the excuse]…of the coronavirus…the ban not only concerns street prostitution…but also sex work in…rendez-vous hotels…Maxime Maes of sex worker union UTSOPI [said]…“The virus is just an excuse.  This is not about the coronavirus, but about longstanding issues with the people living in those districts”…referring to how neighbourhood committees have repeatedly attempted to have several hotels in the Alhambra district closed…

Read Full Post »

Pandemic Twitbits

Posted in Current Events, Miscellaneous, Tyranny, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on April 10, 2020| 2 Comments »

If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you’ve missed some of my musings on the pandemic, the panic surrounding it, and the police state expansion it’s being used an excuse for. Here are a few choice examples:

Read Full Post »

Tripod

Posted in Call types, Perception, Q & A, tagged , , on January 30, 2020| 4 Comments »

Recently I commented on Twitter that the chance of an all-amateur threesome being awful is approximately 100%, and that if you want a good threesome you really need to hire a professional (or even two).  Naturally, I got some blowback from this, because amateurs – especially a certain subset of female amateurs – are very intimidated by the fact (yes, I said “fact”) that professionals are better at sex than they are.  As I wrote in “Don’t Try This At Home“, “ Part of the reason is that we get a lot more practice, and part is necessity…we have to be better at it because our livelihoods depend on it.”  How many different partners does the average amateur have vs the average pro?  How many times does the average amateur practice per week, and in how many different ways?  How many different skills does the average amateur take time to learn, and how much practice does she get in setting boundaries, resolving conflicts, etc?  But the most important question of all is,  Why is this so controversial?  In every other field of human endeavor, the idea that professionals are generally better at whatever-it-is than amateurs is a given; it’s why the term “amateur” can be used in a pejorative manner.  Except when the subject is sex, “You should probably hire a pro to do that” is usually considered good and wholly uncontroversial advice for any compex task that requires greater skill and experience than the average amateur is likely to have.  And believe me, threesomes are complicated; even some professionals don’t like to do them because of the possibility of couple drama:

The first thing I always establish…[is] that the wife [is] in control…since she might become jealous by seeing another woman touching her husband, she [has] the right to speak up if…something…[makes] her uncomfortable.  Sitting close to both of them, I…point out that they…called me to help them experience something novel and exciting, but that it wasn’t for everyone so if the wife [feels] overwhelmed or freaked out she need[s] to say something immediately…

You think even experienced amateurs (except, perhaps, experienced kinksters) go to that trouble?  It is to laugh.  They just dive in without any discussion of what the session should even look like, and then are surprised when all the various disasters one reads about in amateurs’ silly articles happen.  The Daily Beast declared “Threesomes are Actually a Terrible Idea“; the Daily Mail presented “10 Reasons Why Having a Threesome is a Bad Idea” (SCIENCE!), and the anti-sex-despite-its-name Vice helpfully shared “People Explain Why Threesomes Are Boring and Evil“.  As you might expect, all of these are deeply stupid and woefully ignorant, and only the Beast article even mentions the word “professional” (and even there, it’s bizarrely referring to the male as being the one in need of professional skills).  Even when jealousy isn’t a factor (and believe me, it can sometimes pop up even in situations that at first seem safe), motivation and direction are.  Amateurs aren’t getting paid, so they want to have “fun” and get sulky when they feel left out or lose steam before the others do.  And if all three are equally incompetent, who’s going to manage things?  Because, dear reader, somebody has to.  See, the title of this essay is ironic; a threesome isn’t evenly-balanced like a tripod, though that’s what amateurs believe and expect; it’s more like a parent taking two overexcited kids to the zoo for the first time.  Or, in the case of a duo, two parents taking one kid.  That’s why most pros generally prefer to work with a specific duo partner (for me it’s Lorelei Rivers); it’s much easier to provide a good experience with a partner one knows well than to try to wing it with someone who can’t read one’s non-verbal cues as reliably.  And as any parent can tell you, things always go more smoothly when the people running the show are on the same page.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

Read Full Post »

Twenty Years

Posted in Biography, Perception, tagged , , , , on January 2, 2020| 5 Comments »

Readers with long memories may recall that January second has often been a day on which big things happen in my life.  It was the day my first husband Jack left me, and it wasn’t long after this day in 1985 that I got paid for sex for the very first time.  But twenty years ago today, January 2nd, 2000, was the date I began my full-time professional escorting career, after years of being in that neighborhood via sugaring, stripping, and what the literature calls “casual prostitution”.  And it didn’t take long before I realized that my life would never be the same again.  For the first time I could make all the money I needed and then some, with no looming debts hanging over my head, no romantic partner to accomodate, and no boss to answer to.  It’s true that I quickly discovered escort service owners can be even more awful than club owners, but it takes a lot less money and connections to start an escort service than to open a strip club, so that’s what I did.  And as the internet and the advertising options it offered grew, I was eventually able to dump that encumbrance as well.  I’ve now been monetizing my sexuality for almost 70% of my life (which is to say, basically my entire adult life), and it’s hard for me now to imagine doing things any other way; that’s especially true when I see news stories or conversations about the oppressive, exploitative conditions in most modern employment, not to mention square jobs’ lack of security and the growing tendency for employers to exert control over their employees’ private lives (firing them because of things they said on social media or because the boss got ahold of one of their nude photos, etc).  With the sole exception of librarianship (about 4.5 years), none of the square jobs I ever had lasted over 9 months; most were even shorter than that.  But once I found a profession in which I could be myself, do things my own way, control my own schedule and answer to absolutely nobody, yet be handsomely rewarded for my time and effort, there was absolutely no way I’d ever be able to see the world as an amateur ever again.  And though the past twenty years haven’t always been easy, my work was never a contributing factor to that; on the contrary, it has given me the resources and flexibility to do what I needed to manage the rest.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »