What you’re looking at here is the ring which joins the plumbing of my hot tub to the heater; the flashlight is necessary because even in broad daylight it’s pretty dark in the basement. As I learned three years ago, when there’s a leak it’s typically because a two-dollar rubber o-ring needs replacement. But my body has aged considerably in the past three years, so it was much more tiring and unpleasant than it was last time, and I experienced nearly as much anxiety around the process as I did last time despite knowing exactly what needed to be done. That’s how it has been with nearly every technical problem since Grace died; even when it was something she could no longer do (like crawling under the floor or climbing up on the roof), I could rely on her technical expertise to guide me, and because I had faith in her ability I wasn’t as reluctant to attempt things I’d never done before (like welding a steel structure together). In contrast, I now experience considerable anxiety every time something technical needs doing; I even put off changing the main water-system filter for the entire last year because I was worried something might go wrong (I finally did it recently and of course it was fine). About 30 years ago my friend Frank said that tragedies are multiplied by the inconveniences they spawn, and I’ve had the truth of that ground into my heart every time I have a technical problem, because every time it does and she’s not there to fix it herself or tell me how to fix it, I am reminded of the huge Grace-shaped hole in my life.
Archive for June 1st, 2026
Diary #831
Posted in Diary, tagged Grace, psychology, STEM, Sunset on June 1, 2026| Leave a Comment »
Visit my bookstore
This Month
Old Posts
Call me
Become a Blog Patron
If you want to donate but don't want a recurring charge, you can send any amount you like via PayPal to my email address (see below). Be sure to include a note so I can thank you!Contact Maggie
Boring but necessary legal stuff