My wife and I have been together for 13 years, and our sex life is basically nonexistent. She was always very conservative about what she would do, but she has serious chronic health problems so even straight intercourse is now rare (less than 20 times in the past 3 years). She’s an excellent housewife who takes excellent care of me and my son, and I love her and would never want to hurt her. But I do need sex, and if I bring it up she says it’s because I watch too much porn. So I decided to see an escort and found one I think I’ll like, but what if I become addicted to seeing escorts? I searched the internet and found that this can be a scary addiction that can cause a marriage to crumble. How can I know if I’ll be addicted or not?
Your situation is not at all unusual. Though there are various reasons for it and various degrees of the problem, the basic situation (husband wants more and better sex than wife will give) is so common it probably accounts for the majority of sex workers’ business and I’ve written about it six times in just over a year: “The Twig is Bent”, “Fossil”, “Familiarity Does Its Thing”, “On a Mountaintop”, “Late Bloomer” and “There Ain’t No Bad Guys” all contain advice that you may find useful, but it’s clear that you also feel guilty about getting your needs met. If your wife said, “if you wouldn’t look at food on TV you wouldn’t need to eat,” you’d recognize this as a patent absurdity, yet our culture tries to convince people this is true of sex; the myth of “sex addiction” is part of that attempt. It is impossible to get “addicted” to escorts, just as it’s impossible to be “addicted” to sex or porn (and if you don’t believe me, click on those 7 links). It’s certainly possible to become obsessed with seeing escorts, because people can become obsessed with anything from stamps to television shows to policing other people’s sex lives. But if you don’t have a history of becoming obsessed with things, you needn’t worry that it will suddenly happen now. Escorts are not witches with the ability to enchant you with a kiss; we’re just ordinary women providing a service. So unless you’ve had problems with spending too much money on liquor or cigarettes or gambling or DVDs or strippers or whatever in the past, I sincerely doubt you’ll run yourself broke with escorts. Once you see a few you’ll be able to determine how often you need it and how much you can afford, and then as long as you’re careful you might actually find (as so many men have before you) that seeing sex workers saves your marriage rather than endangers it.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
I’ll just put here that the danger you should be worried about is falling in love. Does that sound corny? Because I’m deadly serious here.
It’s if that happens that you’ll start behaving foolishly. Hopefully the escort you are seeing will be a kind woman who won’t take a huge advantage of that sickly state. (Some small advantage is to be expected, a girl’s got to make a living after all.)
If you find yourself buying a car, paying a year’s worth of college tuition, or other expensive things, you might want to think about what’s going on. Though if you can afford it, and it makes you happy it’s ok.. well, unless the missus finds out.
Incidentally, does your wife look at the accounts? If so, hopefully you have a good excuse for any missing funds.
I’ve paid my wife for sex more than a few times; she took the cash and played the part. I think she got off on it. Maybe less porn and give her more attention… women like to be worshipped, I believe. Probably nothing wrong with paying a woman to give you what you need.
A kiss from a witch sounds magikal and intoxicating. 🙂
Remember, these letters are usually edited for conciseness and to disguise personal details. That would NOT fly with this lady (see the second line of the question).
Reblogged this on Call Screen 24/7.
Just be careful. It can be a little overwhelming when you first discover the world of escorts. Just think logically after your first visit to make sure you don’t overdo it. I have seen it too many times on the review boards where a guy will find escorts and kind of lose his mind for a while.
I’ve fallen for several escorts, but reality is always there. Many move on never to be heard of again, others are friends who I meet up with when occasion allows.
Maggie, you said, “as long as you’re careful you might actually find (as so many men have before you) that seeing sex workers saves your marriage rather than endangers it.”
Could you expand on this? I gather you’re saying that if the client realizes his marriage is now just an economic relationship, and he gets his sexual fulfillment from an escort, it can diminish the resentment he feels toward his wife, and allow their loving, if not sexual, marriage to stay healthy. Thanks.
Correct. It also lessens his pestering her for sex (which can cause resentment if she’s gone sex-negative) and remove her refusal to provide it as a source of argumentation.