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Archive for February 25th, 2025

Diary #765

On Sunday, I held a small memorial observance for Grace at Sunset and invited our friends to come out, eat a little, and talk about her.  Yellowbird printed several pictures I had of her; there actually aren’t many to show for our 27 years together because she really didn’t like having pictures taken, but it was enough to display in the room.  I started by playing “See You on the Other Side” so I could have a good cry right at the outset, and then we talked about her all afternoon until the sun set and everyone had to go home.  Originally, I had planned to spread her ashes that day, but it turned out to be much too rainy for that so I will have another ceremony later, perhaps with some of the same friends.  And truth be told, I’m not really ready yet for the finality of that act, just as I’m not ready to put away her things.  In preparing for the memorial I gathered her D&D things together and put them on her bed, and that was already so hard I could barely manage it; for right now, her computer (which she called “The Red Queen”), phone, small tools, notebooks, spice bottles, and other personal clutter are still on her desk, right where she left them a month ago, and it’s probably going to be some time before I have the heart to put any of it away, because that will be my final admission to myself that she really is gone.

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