The Honest Courtesan

One of the strangest, hardest things about Grace dying so soon after Christmas was that most of her presents were in a sort of limbo.  DVDs had not yet been watched or even opened, books had not yet been read or shelved, treats had not yet been eaten, and this dragon I got her had not yet been put on the window because I had not yet remembered to buy a suction cup to hang it with.  So I’m slowly working my way through everything, putting it where it belongs, with a mixture of sadness and a sense of “this is what she would have wanted”.  I’m eating the foods we had bought specifically for her, and carrying on with our usual habits to the greatest extent possible.  On the day she died, while driving to town for her last radiation appointment, I had pointed out to her that we were almost done with The X-Files and asked her what she wanted to watch next; she chose The Expanse, a show she had watched by herself at some point and had been given in DVD form for Christmas.  I was a bit skeptical (because I don’t care for most streaming-era TV shows), but she insisted I’d like it so I promised I’d watch it with her.  Even though she’s gone, I have never broken a promise to her in the past and I’m not going to start now merely because she’s not in a position to remind me.  She was right; I am enjoying the show.  And sometimes, if I’m stoned enough, it almost feels as though she’s still here, watching along with me.