Penis envy? You’re kidding, right? With what I’ve got between my legs, I can get a penis anytime I want one. – My friend Liz
Since the beginning of civilization men have been mystified by feminine sexuality; in the earliest times they even considered it magical, tied to the moon and the fertility of the crops, and whores were priestesses. Then slowly, over time, the reproductive aspects of the mystery faded and with them male reverence for women in general and whores in particular. The reverence was eventually replaced in many cultures by a resentment of the nigh-uncontrollable power of male desire for women, made all the more bitter by the ease with which women manage our desire for men. Men in general were (and still are) galled by the fact that no matter how much stronger, tougher, better at mathematics and more inclined to dominate their environments they are than women, when it comes to sex they need us a great deal more than we need them. So I suppose it’s not surprising that, in the face of this humbling and annoying fact, many of them simply choose to deny it.
It has been an article of faith in the Middle East since Biblical times that the lust of women is stronger than that of men, and that women thus draw men into sin; the widespread interpretation (though certainly not the original meaning) of the story of the Fall is that Eve’s offering Adam the apple is symbolic of her tempting him into carnality, and to this very day Muslim men pontificate from the pulpit (and on the internet) about the greater lustfulness of women. The Classical Greek philosophers taught that woman was like an animal always in heat, and the mythology of every part of Eurasia is full of temptresses, seductresses, succubae, enchantresses, whores and other wanton women whose entire reason for existence seems to consist of luring men into sex. The fact that all of this is observably untrue makes no impression on men who want so badly to believe it, and once Platonic doctrine came to dominate Western thought around the beginning of the modern era, even reasonable men could be convinced; Plato taught that since the senses are fallible, the observation of reality leads inevitably to error and thus only pure thought is reliable. In simpler terms, the Platonists believed that no matter how it LOOKED like women, planets, ballistic missiles or anything else were acting, they were really doing something else which could only be “discovered” through philosophical contemplation. This of course conveniently meant that philosophers, scholars and priests could say whatever they wanted about female behavior and motives, and it would always be right even if women didn’t actually behave that way.
In combination with the Madonna/whore duality this was devastating to any kind of male comprehension of female sexuality, and even after the Renaissance replaced the Platonic principle with the scientific one men still seemed unwilling to give up their cherished beliefs; in the Age of Reason even the existence of God was questioned, but the doctrine of the wanton woman was not. In fact, the division of womankind into the pure and the purulent became even more severe; during the 17th century witchcraft hysteria many thousands of women who were judged “bad” in one way or another (including, of course, many prostitutes and other “loose” women) were tortured or burned to death all over Europe. And though this bloody horror eventually spent itself, the doctrine which had helped spawn it only grew worse; by the middle of the 19th century the general consensus among learned men was that “normal” women had no sex drive whatsoever, and that any woman who did was an atavism, a primitive and uncivilized beast in human form. Is it any wonder Freud, reared on this poison, came to the rather strange conclusions he did about female sexuality?
But whatever Freud’s shortcomings, he had opened the door to the study of the mind, and by the middle of the 20th century understanding finally began to dawn in the minds of those men brave enough to look at the subject honestly. Old preconceptions were, at least among sexologists, cast aside and replaced with conclusions drawn from actual study of the behavior of real women viewed without a filter of dogma. The “sexual revolution” of the 1960s accelerated the inquiry, and the new climate of sexual openness resulted in a veritable avalanche of articles and books, including many for the lay reader. The new “men’s magazines” featured explicit discussion of sex, and by the early 1970s even pornography came out of the closet and became more acceptable to the general public.
And that, unfortunately, was where things started to go wrong again. Porn and girlie magazines are commercial enterprises; they must sell in order to turn a profit, and they must please their customers in order to sell. And since the overwhelming majority of those who purchase porn are male, it should come as no surprise that the product which sells best is that which appeals most strongly to male fantasies…especially our old bugaboo, the wanton woman with the uncontrollable hunger for sex. This strange creature infests porn to the virtual exclusion of all other female imagery, and as a result an entire generation of young men has come of age believing the same thing as their ancestors did for the past several millennia, that many if not most women are really sex-starved no matter what we pretend in public. Nor have the feminists helped in this regard; the “pro-sex” feminists, in their headlong rush to eradicate any and every distinction between the sexes, encourage young women to seek out casual sex as men do whether they actually want it or not, and the neofeminists’ insistence on interpreting any and every male behavior as symptomatic of “patriarchal oppression” results in their attacking porn, prostitution, stripping and any other service which caters to men’s sexual needs as vehemently as any 19th century “purity” crusader ever did. So, the “pro-sex” feminists unwittingly reinforce the age-old fallacy of the “lustful woman,” while the neofeminists screech that any heterosexual act which is initiated by the man or even pleases him is somehow “demeaning” to all women. I’m not even going to try to discuss what impact all these contradictory messages have on society at large; even considering it makes my head hurt. But what I can do is to tell you a little about how this affects working girls and escort service owners.
Every whore who has seen more than one client in her career has encountered the stereotype that we enter this profession because we’re “horny” and “slutty”. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been asked if I would like to “hang out” (and provide more sex, obviously) with a client after completing a call; this naïve request obviously springs from his belief that I just couldn’t get enough and would therefore be happy to spend my off-time in bed with a stranger. Others believe the exact opposite, that all whores are “frigid” and our careers are actually quests to find that one man who can arouse us; presumably the money is merely a fringe benefit. The neofeminists also ignore the commercial gain, and claim that we’re all poor brainwashed victims of the almighty Patriarchy who allow ourselves to be “exploited” because we were “damaged” by childhood sexual abuse; whores who experienced no such abuse are claimed to be “in denial” or suffering from “repressed memories.” And so on, and so on, ad absurdum.
But the strangest symptom of the general ignorance about women’s sexuality is the persistent myth of the female customer, the woman who is so desperate for sex that she’s willing to pay a man for it. Hollywood loves to perpetuate this one, and not a month passed that I didn’t get a call from some guy who wanted to work as a male escort catering solely to women. Despite the fact that my ad clearly stated “female escorts,” I always took the time to explain to these fantasy-addled men that the only way for male prostitutes to actually make a living is to see men; I was generally met with incredulity and I’m sure a number of them only called another service after hanging up with me. They just couldn’t get it through their thick skulls that WOMEN DON’T NEED TO PAY FOR IT. This obvious fact even seems occasionally to escape the minds of people who should know better, because every so often somebody announces that she’s going to open a brothel or escort service featuring male prostitutes who cater strictly to women. The service opens to great fanfare, then within a few months either closes or starts accepting male customers. A friend of mine who owned a male stripper service in addition to his escort service eventually had to stop offering so-called “bachelorette parties” because none of his boys would do them anymore. The reason they gave? “Women are lousy tippers and they’re more interested in the buffet than the dancers.” Even the professional “all male revue” strippers generally travel unless they’re in really big cities, which are also the only places a few male prostitutes who refuse homosexual trade can eke out a living; they profit by the Law of Very Big Numbers, which states that given sufficient opportunity even a rarity becomes a certainty .
Yes, there are a few women out there who will pay for no-strings sex with a man (the gigolo is an entirely different phenomenon because what he sells is the illusion of romance), but unless you live in a place where several million people are crowded together I wish you luck in finding one. In all the years I owned a service I never once had a serious inquiry for a man from a lone woman, and the other service owners with whom I was friendly had the same experience. We had drunk coeds calling on dares, crackheads with no money and the occasional psychotic, but no actual customers. Twice in my career I was hired by a lone married woman seeking a lesbian encounter; couple calls I’ve already discussed at length, and on a few occasions (in several years) we had calls from men who hired other men to screw their wives while they watched. And that’s it.
Really, how could it be otherwise? Every attractive woman gets offers all the time, and if she goes into a bar she practically has to beat them off with a stick; even less-attractive girls need only wait around until most of the guys put on their “beer goggles.” And if even ugly girls can get it for free, why in the world should any woman pay for it other than to experiment or to prove a point (neither of which occurs with remotely the frequency or dependability of the male sexual urge)? Yet the myth persists, despite its incredibility; now, as for most of human history, many men’s egos are so invested in the idea that women need sex as much or more desperately than they do that they simply cannot bring themselves to acknowledge a fact which should be as obvious as the sun in the sky.
And they say we’re the irrational ones.
Honest responses:
1. This information just makes me depressed and angry.
2. This makes me more determined than ever not to get married.
3. This makes me not trust women at all. Because some will argue against everything you’re saying…and now I don’t know if it could possibly be true, or if they’re just playing a mind game on me.
If it’s all just mind games then….
If you watch a movie with a friend and you enjoy it together, does it depress and anger you that he may have enjoyed it for an entirely different reason than you did? So why does it matter that women generally want sex for different reasons than you do, so long as the relationship is mutually beneficial?
To guys who want a sex partner who’s in it for exactly the same reasons as they are, I have this advice: Turn gay. Because otherwise it ain’t gonna happen. And even if it did, keep in mind that with the male sex drive goes the “roving eye” and the persistent urge to seek extracurricular sex. As the saying goes, “Be careful what you wish for, because you might get it.”
As for #3, stuff and nonsense. Nobody with an agenda, male or female, can be trusted to tell the truth, and most people reveal their agendas pretty quickly.
One last thing: You really, really need to read tomorrow’s column, in which I will talk about the other foot.
The Law of Very Big Numbers would suggest that the wanton does exist, but is very rare. Her occasional appearance then causes many men to say, “See! See! Women really are like that!”
For all the good it does the prospective male prostitute. Unless said wanton has a truly repellent personality or truly repellent looks (or both), she can get all the sex her lusty nature demands without paying a cent. And of course the wanton we guys fantasize about is a total babe, which means she ain’t hiring.
In addition to the very rare lifetime (or near lifetime) wanton, some women go through what could be caused a “wanton phase.” Careful guys! This generally happens (when it happens at all) at a time when said female human being is what is generally known as “jailbait.” She’s just discovered sex, and she goes a bit nuts. And even then, she knows she can tell any number of guys “no” and there will still be plenty of chances to say “yes.” And then she calms down.
And so that wonderful fantasy creature, the hot babe who will do it with anybody, any time, for free, because she’s just so damned horny, does not exist. Or if she does, she’s so rare that you have a better chance of winning the lottery, and then being struck by lightning on your way to collect the money.
But like superpowers or dragons, she sure makes for a nice fantasy!
Right on, Sailor. I might add that though the promiscuous (as opposed to wanton) woman is not all that unusual, the needs which usually drive her promiscuity (as we’ll see tomorrow) could not be satisfied by sex she had to pay for.
Well, anyone aside from left-wing feminists will find it no surprise men and women are different in many ways. Sexuality is logically one of those differences. Personally I prefer it that way. If men and women were completely interchangeable, even only on the psychological level, the world would be a boring and pointless place. By the way, thank you, Ms McNeill, for providing us with a place where sex can be discussed openly and intelligently.
You’re quite welcome, Jay.
Please tell me we’re not going to get into the whole left-right thing here.
I’m not going to allow partisan political discussions, no; neither one of the traditional American parties gives a damn about the rights of whores, so I don’t give a damn about them. I just assumed he meant “radical feminists”, which would on the traditional political diagram be left-wing.
That is what I meant. I get my feel of political discussions on blogs designed for that kind of thing. “Radical” would have been a better word. You’re right. That being the case, I will choose my words more carefully in the future.
Well everybody’s being so danged nice that I guess I have to man up and admit that I’m a bit touchy on the whole left-right thing. You didn’t really commit so big a sin, but I pounced like you had. Gomen nasai.
A great big kiss to both of you for being such gentlemen!
Early civilizations were matriarchal, with a dominent Mother Goddess, and either celebrated female sexuality and/or practised ‘sacred prostitution’, which was anathama to patriarchal monotheistic religions such as Judaism, Christianity and Islam.
It isn’t surprising that the fear and loathing of women – so obvious in Old Testament prophets and New Testament theologians – should colour male attitudes to women right down the centuries – even following the period of the Enlightenment.
Not that most men here in the 21st century fear and loathe us (I hope!) but somewhere buried in male group consciousness is a wariness of Woman as Eve – enticing them away from the straight and narrow path!
Not that most men here in the 21st century fear and loathe us (I hope!) but somewhere buried in male group consciousness is a wariness of Woman as Eve – enticing them away from the straight and narrow path!
…because there’s no truth to that. [/sarcasm]
How exactly are 21st century men “supposed” to feel?
Scorch, surely you don’t feel that most women intentionally lead men into cheating or otherwise getting in trouble? Blaming individual women because Nature has given you a sex drive which often trumps your judgment is like a wolf blaming a bunny for looking tasty!
Certainly, women in the sex trade consciously entice men to part with their cash, just as EVERY business entices consumers to do. And certainly there are crazy, desperate or evil women who use really unfair tactics to get their way, just as there are crazy, desperate or evil men who do the same thing. But neither of those has anything to do with the behavior of the typical woman, and for either sex to point its collective finger at the other and scream “Your fault! Your fault!” will accomplish nothing but a continuation of the interminable war between the sexes which has already done enough damage to human culture.
She said, “somewhere buried in male group consciousness is a wariness of Woman as Eve”
…which struck me as funny, because
1. It’s an over generalization about male consciousness, while amidst the trumpeting of not lumping all females together.
2. Sex workers are indeed working in their trade..but there are women who are not sex workers who pride themselves on being “the other woman.” Who make it a point to go after married men. That’s what I meant by, “because there’s no truth to that.”
3. I did not mean of course that men have no responsibility, because that is ridiculous.
4. She said that “It isn’t surprising that the fear and loathing of women – so obvious in Old Testament prophets and New Testament theologians – should colour male attitudes to women right down the centuries – even following the period of the Enlightenment.”
Hence my question, “Exactly what are 21st century men supposed to feel.”
5. Anybody that thinks that they can tell me how I’m supposed to feel always makes me have a gut/knee-jerk reaction, so please don’t take offense, just having honest conversation.
You really need to read today’s column. Really. It may cast some light on what you’re talking about here.
I do have another question though:
Do many women that you know feel that the Bible is full of fear and loathing of women? As she said,
“It isn’t surprising that the fear and loathing of women – so obvious in Old Testament prophets and New Testament theologians – should colour male attitudes to women right down the centuries – even following the period of the Enlightenment.”
Is that a common belief/perspective, in your experience?
The Bible is definitely full of misogyny; many of the Old Testament prophets, particularly Ezekiel, can barely control themselves when talking about women. And in the New Testament, I think it’s pretty obvious that Paul was a repressed homosexual; his loathing is practically palpable. Remember, this is the guy who said men should not have sex with their own wives unless they absolutely couldn’t help it.
@Maggie –
Funny story. In the UK, where I’m from, there are always adverts from several agencies in the back pages of tabloid newspapers from:
“Agencies desperately seeking male escorts for women”.
Waaaaaay back – before we could “Google” anything and everything (e.g. “X agency scam”) – when I was younger and prettier and dumber, and up to my arse in debt*, I applied for one of these. They wanted a £75 registration. I paid that. Never heard anything back. Ever. Lol!
Those scam ads are STILL in those same papers, nearly 15 years on. So the myth of the male-for-female hooker lives on. And some gits continue to cash in on the dumb and hopeful. This column should be compulsory reading for fellas! 🙂
*I paid my debts by – living in a caravan for 2 years odd, and working two or three different jobs.
I truly believe that there would be a lot less “war of the sexes” if men and women understood each other better, so I’m trying to do my part. 🙂
Your story is funny but also sad; it’s a shame that people feel no compunction against taking advantage of the naivety of others. 🙁
A woman’s weakness is words though.
Do you have another post further exploring men’s reactions to or perceptions of female control of sexuality?
Several others; this one leaps immediately to mind.
[…] among the Jews), we were cast by prudes and religious fanatics as powerful figures akin to witches, vile temptresses sent straight from Hell to seduce godly men into wrongdoing. A few of their modern successors […]
Women cannot guarantee GOOD sex by hanging out at the neighborhood bar. If a good-looking young woman merely wants to be a cum bucket for a gang of of horny teenagers, easy to arrange that. Otherwise, not so easy.
First, there are a lot of lousy and selfish male lovers out there, plus a lot of impotent men.
Second, men in general are much bigger and more violent than women, and women are much more vulnerable to STDs than men, so a woman has to be much more careful about her sex partners than men.
Third, both men and women want validation as much or more than physical pleasure (since physical pleasure is easy to obtain from masturbation). For men, validation comes from penetrating a live women. For women, validation comes from being flirted with by a live man. A woman doesn’t even need to get naked to get her sexual validation.
The result is that women do not normally use escorts. Rather, they pay for ballroom dance lessons with a handsome male dance instructor, or golf lessons with a handsome male instructor who hugs them from behind while showing the proper golf stance, or package tours where the tour guide flirts with them, etc. Women who want physical sex as well as validation from flirting will pay for travel to countries where men are notorious for being very sexually aggressive with foreign women, especially white women from developed countries (Turkey, Africa). If the sex is good enough, the women can then be induced to start paying the men, or arranging a visa to a developed country, etc.
Probably the most common way for women to pay for sex is the old semi-pro method. Boy meets girl, they have sex, poor boy/girl starts talking about needing money to pay bills, rich boy/girl gives partner some cash.
“But the strangest symptom of the general ignorance about women’s sexuality is the persistent myth of the female customer, the woman who is so desperate for sex that she’s willing to pay a man for it. Hollywood loves to perpetuate this one,
Sounds like the entire plot of Midnight Cowboy except that movie exposes the myth for what it is with him ending up having to go with gay guys.
[…] or unconventional. One of the big issues this time around was sex; as I discussed in my column of July 20, scientific inquiry had at last exploded the myths about female sexuality that drove so much of the […]
[…] av dessa stora frågor handlade om sex; och som jag beskrev i min kolumn från 20 Juli 2010 så hade vetenskapliga undersökningar till sist sprängt myten om kvinnlig sexualitet. Den myt som […]
Discovered this blog recently and am thoroughly enjoying it, Maggie!
“This of course conveniently meant that philosophers, scholars and priests could say whatever they wanted about female behavior and motives, and it would always be right even if women didn’t actually behave that way.”
We see this today with the Red Pill Theory.
https://redpillpushers.wordpress.com/2013/11/