Treat a whore like a lady and a lady like a whore. – Wilson Mizner
In a reply to my column of August 17th, I gave Black Hole of Genf a little advice on dealing with professionals, and I would like to talk about that subject at length today. There are a number of essays and lists of “dos and don’ts” for escort clients available on the internet, but I don’t think it hurts to add another one because it gives a broader view of what different working girls consider important. This is not a list of my personal pet peeves, but rather commonsense advice and warnings against behaviors I know annoy most whores rather than those which just annoy me in particular.
Don’t ask rude, stupid, pointless or prying questions, or those to which you don’t really want to know the answer.
This could almost be a column by itself; day after day we’re asked the same questions which one would think men would have better sense than to ask, but obviously don’t. My own pet peeve is, “Are you clean?” Now, think about this for a minute; do you honestly think an expensive call girl won’t be? And if you’re dealing with a streetwalker, do you honestly think she’ll tell you the truth if she isn’t? Just keep your eyes open and be as scrupulous as we are with condoms and you won’t have to waste your time with this rude and pointless question. Then there’s, “What’s your real name?” If she wanted you to have it, don’t you think she would’ve given it to you? Again, both rude and pointless.
If you live in a police state where our trade is suppressed (such as the US), a number of questions fall into this category, such as the amazingly stupid, “Are you a cop?” This derives from the myths about undercover cops (largely spread by druggies) which claim that there is some magic formula for detecting them. Nothing could be farther from the truth; a cop can lie, cheat, misrepresent himself, bring up the subject of sex first, take his socks off, or even shag a girl to completion and still bust her, and it won’t ruin his case one atom because even if there were rules of this sort (which there aren’t), he would just perjure himself and claim he didn’t do whatever it was he wasn’t supposed to do. If the streetwalker you’re trying to pick up claims she isn’t a cop, the statement is worth exactly what it cost her to make: Zero. Another such question is, “Is this legal?” How the hell is the girl supposed to answer that? I mean really! “No, I’m a criminal?” All this question does is to make her uncomfortable and to cause her to wonder if she’s being taped. An even worse (and unfortunately far more common) one is, “What do I get for my money?” If a girl ever answers this question with anything more specific than, “You get an hour of my time,” you should suspect that you’re being taped because no experienced girl worth the money would ever say anything else.
The last category includes such questions as, “How many men have you seen today?” or “Are you married?” or “Has anyone ever hurt you?” Maybe the real answers would turn you on, but they might also turn you off, and your escort has no way of knowing which. You might very well think you want to know the answer, and then change your mind when you hear it. So it’s best to avoid these kinds of questions in the first place, and if you ask something which the girl seems not to want to answer don’t press the issue.
Be clean.
Just that simple; give a professional the same respect you would give an amateur. Take a shower, shave, brush your teeth and cut your fingernails. Change into clean clothes and refrain from smoking in her presence unless she is also a smoker or has ashtrays available to signify it’s OK. If you’re uncircumcised, clean the area under your foreskin thoroughly, and if you have any sort of skin condition please clean it properly and let her know what it is as soon as you disrobe. And if you see even the slightest sign of any kind of sexually transmitted disease, please seek medical attention immediately and do not even attempt to hire a girl until your doctor pronounces you clear!
Employ normal good manners.
I know proper etiquette is less common than it used to be, but c’mon guys, this isn’t rocket science. Just try to remember all the things Mommy taught you; ask rather than demanding, say “thank you” at the end, answer the door in at least a bathrobe, take off your hat when a woman is in the room, etc. You’ll be surprised how much of a difference it makes in your experience.
Remember that we are businesswomen and that this is our business.
You wouldn’t make a cashier have to ask for her money, and you shouldn’t make us ask either; different girls want the money handed over in different ways, but we all want it up front. Also, you wouldn’t expect a plumber, exterminator or other professional to “hang out” with you off the clock after the job for which he was contracted was done. Good call girls try to create an exciting illusion for you; don’t destroy it by forcing us to remind you that we’re there for the money.
Be where you say you’re going to be when you say you’re going to be there.
If you’re going to an incall, try to be on time and call if you’ll be more than five minutes late; if the girl is coming to you, don’t leave to go to the store, the ice machine, the front desk or the ATM when you expect her any minute. You should have done those things long before; if there is a real emergency just call to tell her so she can delay arriving for the time it will take you to get back. And if there’s a substantial delay which is your fault rather than hers, please don’t be an ass if she cuts the session a bit short; she may have other appointments and she didn’t force you to arrive half an hour later than expected. Finally, if you get cold feet please call to cancel, and if she’s already on the way just face her like a man and pay her cancellation fee ($50 is fairly typical for a call girl); she may have turned down other appointments to keep yours, and it isn’t her fault you misplaced your balls at the last minute.
If receiving a date at your home or office, provide basic necessities.
One would think this would be obvious, but one would be wrong. A man who would never invite a social date or a business contact to a place without furniture, running water, air conditioning or heat may think nothing of inviting a business date to such a place. Here’s a word of advice, guys: Next time, use the $300 to buy a bed or air conditioner or have water installed, or else find a place which already has those things.
Don’t have anyone there who isn’t participating.
You may simply want to show your friends the choice bit of tail you’re about to enjoy, but she may find it very threatening to have a door opened to a room full of guys, even if they immediately file out as soon as she arrives. I’ve left calls (with the money) because drunk and/or obnoxious frat boys or convention attendees keep banging on the door, ringing the phone or trying to take my picture through the crack allowed before the chain stops the door, and so would any other girl with a particle of common sense or an iota of self-esteem. Arrange your liaisons when your friends won’t be around, or if others will be there ask if it’s OK up front (as in the case of a bachelor party). Also, I really don’t care if your son or daughter is “too young to understand”; hire your whores on weekends when you don’t have visitation, or at least find a babysitter for the time you need. We’re not monsters without maternal instincts out of Victorian propaganda, so having a child in the next room is very uncomfortable for many of us.
Don’t try to turn her into a criminal.
If you ask her to bring drugs, she’ll probably just hang up on you because cops love to get two busts for the price of one. And don’t ask her to tell the agency you cancelled, then come to see you anyhow; not only is this dangerous for her since nobody will know where she is, but also puts her job at risk because the agency will fire her the second they find out she’s stealing calls.
Keep your fingers outside of her body.
As I said in my column of August 16th, the average professional strongly dislikes having dirty, rough, bumpy fingers forcibly inserted (often without warning or lubrication) into her vagina, anus or even mouth. Even surgically clean fingers with nails trimmed down to the quick can be terribly uncomfortable, and once the man starts to wriggle them around violently it can become acutely painful. If you have a fetish for this please ask if it’s OK before doing it, and abide by whatever answer you get.
Don’t even ask to go without a condom.
Even though we hear it all the time, it doesn’t mean it isn’t annoying or even infuriating. If you want a whore to think of you as an imbecile or a fool, “Do I have to use a condom?” is the most effective way. If you want to insult her at the same time, opt for “How much to do it without a condom?” instead.
Respect her limits.
Just because you’ve hired a girl to do a job does not make her your slave. If she tells you she doesn’t “speak Greek”, don’t try to penetrate her anally. If she is uncomfortable with some fetish you didn’t bother to warn her about, leave it alone. If she doesn’t want to give you her home telephone number or let you take her picture, drop the subject. A professional is not some naive schoolgirl you can seduce into doing something against her will; all you’re going to accomplish is annoying her and wasting the time you paid for, and if she feels threatened enough she will leave and you will be out your money with nothing to show for it.
Above all else, just apply common sense and common courtesy; scour every trace of the Madonna/whore duality and the myth of the wanton out of your mind and treat a prostitute as you would treat any other businesswoman and you can’t go very wrong. You’ll be the kind of client professionals like to see rather than the kind we dread, and you’ll find your experience is much more rewarding and fulfilling because of it.
Know what my gut reaction to this post was?
…It seems like it’s getting harder and harder for people to get their relational needs met.
“Relational needs?” I’m afraid I don’t follow you. 🙁
What I mean is….it seems like people don’t know how to, or really want to, be married and please their spouses anymore.
IMHO it’s mostly the women who don’t want to please their spouses anymore, largely because the feminists keep telling them that they don’t “have” to. Judging by my clients, most men have the opposite problem; they very much want to make women happy, but just don’t know how because they’re given incomplete and contradictory information.
If I didn’t think men would listen to my advice, I wouldn’t have wasted my time writing and posting this column; in my experience they WANT to know how to please women and are frustrated when women won’t tell them how to go about it. Most modern women, on the other hand, either don’t care how to please men or else only use it as a means to an end. And more’s the pity. 🙁
“in my experience they WANT to know how to please women and are frustrated when women won’t tell them how to go about it.”
Nailed. Absolutely dead on. O.O
Copies of this article ought to be handed out to every 15… no, 13…. lets play safe and say every 12 year old boy on the continent just for their own future reference, not even with professionals, but with the first girls they’ll date and try to feel up (would not have seen the fingers bit coming… and I’m in my 30s).
“Most modern women, on the other hand, either don’t care how to please men or else only use it as a means to an end. And more’s the pity. ”
Sadly, this is also disturbingly accurate. T_T
I think what the honest courtesan has written is absolutely right. First, an escort is a person with dignity and she has feelings which a client should respect. Secondly, all the escorts I’ve seen state quite clearly what they like and don’t like. Third, a client knows he is to pay a certain amount. I seek to be a perfect gentleman with an escort and my experience is that they really appreciate this. Cleanliness, good manners and courtesy cost nothing. The result is that I see one escort very regularly: she has offered to do things not on her enjoy list, without me asking, because she trusts me and knows that I totally respect her limits. She feels safe. So, thank you honest courtesan for writing decent common sense advice for male punters.
My pleasure. 🙂
“IMHO it’s mostly the women who don’t want to please their spouses anymore, largely because the feminists keep telling them that they don’t ‘have’ to.”
Yes, wow, this is so right. It’s very refreshing to hear a woman say this. Feminism has turned women into angry, selfish prudes. They’re only interested in their own needs, it’s always about satisfying them. They all want date-movie sex with rose petals and candles, and if you suggest anything kinkier they will get hurt and offended. I’m sorry, but I don’t have two hours a night to make you feel like a princess, especially when you’re not willing to try anything that turns ME on. Not to mention the minute they find a man they completely stop taking care of themselves. Then society blames us for cheating or going to prostitutes! Maybe if women stopped taking men for granted we wouldn’t have to.
Indeed. I think I was actually quite lucky: I met several women who did take time to teach me how to please them, and I’m duly thankful for that.
When I hear women like you, Maggie, say that so many men want to please women that I feel men’s sexual drive is not just about ‘getting it up, getting it in, getting it out’. Although that’s a part of it, it’s clearly more complicated than that.
“IMHO it’s mostly the women who don’t want to please their spouses anymore, largely because the feminists keep telling them that they don’t “have” to. Judging by my clients, most men have the opposite problem; they very much want to make women happy, but just don’t know how because they’re given incomplete and contradictory information.
If I didn’t think men would listen to my advice, I wouldn’t have wasted my time writing and posting this column; in my experience they WANT to know how to please women and are frustrated when women won’t tell them how to go about it. Most modern women, on the other hand, either don’t care how to please men or else only use it as a means to an end. And more’s the pity.”
Okay. I’m glad that you said all of that.
Because that’s actually what I was thinking but I would’ve been crucified if *I* said it.
Not here. I want to keep this site honest no matter who’s doing the talking. 🙂
I’m not exactly sure what that has to do with this topic, though; the relationship between a man and his wife and a man and a prostitute don’t really follow the same rules.
Unless I have an unlikely bit of luck, I won’t ever be able to use this advice. But it’s nice to know. And who knows? People have unusual luck, bad but sometimes good, all the time.
So thanks for telling us. I never would have guessed that the fingers were such a no-no.
Kissing. You mentioned in another post that kissing is sometimes avoided, and I got the impression it wasn’t because of bad breath. Kissing is something I should ask about first, isn’t it?
For some reason nobody but whores talks about this; I have hated it since I was a teenager but I thought it was just me until one of my girls mentioned she also hated it, then I saw it on another working girl’s published list of “don’ts” (she simply said, “It hurts!”)
It’s avoided by many girls because it’s just too intimate; it’s harder to disattach when kissing. I have no problem kissing girls I don’t know, but it’s a rare male client I find I can do it with; this leads me to believe that my aversion has at least some physical component, since so many men are such bad kissers (as detailed in my August 16th column) but few women are. So yes, ask first, but don’t select a girl based on her answer; a lot of very good escorts won’t kiss, and I’m sure many bad ones will in order to bring in more business.
Some girls I was with liked inserted fingers, but they were a minority, I agree. One even said it was an “acquired taste.” So my personal experience tends to support your claim here, Maggie. (Again, it’s not something I’m really interested in, so no biggie.)
Kissing… I’ll agree again that it takes more time than cunnilingus. Strange, but true — at least in my case.
I like to kiss, but no, I doubt I’d make it the deciding factor in which girl to choose. As long as she’s willing to wave a crystal at me and shout, “Moon Healing… ESCALATION!” I’m good to go. My girlfriend will NEVER do that for me!
Just kidding. I think.
I’d do that, no problem. It isn’t nearly as weird as some of the things clients have asked me to say or do. 😉
i’ve actually had escorts I’ve dealt with initiate kisses with me. It’s a rare occasion, but it has happened. I always respects the girl’s limits though because even if she would rather be somewhere else, I wanted to make the time she spends with me as comfortable and enjoyable for her as I hope she will make it for me.
So aside from your husband, were there clients you wanted to kiss, not just ok with kissing? Interesting how kissing is too intimate….
Sometimes if I really liked a regular client I would initiate kisses with him, but generally “OK with it” was as far as it got. Whores really don’t “want” anything from clients sexually; we’re there to make them happy and not vice versa, so anything a whore initiates tends to be something she believes the client wants rather than something she wants for her own reasons. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy it when a woman (or a man who was a good kisser) initiated them with me, but that enjoyment was simply a side-effect and not a goal.
It’s because it requires facial contact.
I just stumbled across your story and found it very interesting and entertaining. My comment is a bit off point but here it goes!
I had to laugh at my complete naivety: it had never occurred to me that prostitutes get paid to have sex with other women. Duh! Of course you do!! The part of me that had accepted prostitution as not a big deal and something I could do suddenly cringed at the thought of doing it with another girl. My very best friend is a lesbian, with the same partner for 6 years and they lived with me for a while, so I’m not homophobic. I’m just SO not gay. Dont think I have a good enough poker face to even fake it on that one. Are there a lot of females who seek female escorts?
Jeez, I’m a dork!
Anyways, I’m open to anything except bdsm (stopped at the bdsm station for ten years…and that was enough), scat, sharing, animals, or kids with my fiance but I often wonder about men. I have no problem with toys, dressing up or down, sex in the morning, noon (afternoon delight is a favorite of mine!) or night. I even bought him a P-spot toy which has been super fun for us both! But do you find that even when a guy has an open and adventurous lover at home, that there things he may not want her to know he’s in to or just may not want to cast her in a particular role but has a need to fulfil a fantasy and therefore seeks an escort?
Yes. If a man is ashamed to admit a particular kink or has reason to believe that his wife might react badly to it (because of comments she’s made about others, etc), he’s much more likely to seek out a pro for that particular activity even if his wife is fairly open-minded in other ways.
It could also be something his wife or girlfriend finds goofy or silly, as easy as something she finds disgusting. See “Moon Healing… ESCALATION!!” above.
“If a man is ashamed to admit a particular kink or has reason to believe that his wife might react badly to it (because of comments she’s made about others, etc), he’s much more likely to seek out a pro for that particular activity even if his wife is fairly open-minded in other ways.”
This is definitely the main reason I do it. Well that and also they’re much hotter than the women in my age range.
I would never initiate kissing, but some girls advertise: LFK or DFK or GFE, if kissing is what you want, then look for these initials. I have had, in a few instances, the girl ask me: do you like kissing? My answer is: Oh yes, certainly I enjoy that too! But always I let her lead and refrain from DFK but go with the LFK.
Oh, this is just GOLD.
TONS of guys will ask the “how many men have you seen today?” question and I dodge because I’m always wondering just what the hell he’s trying to figure out. You’re right in that they don’t REALLY want to know the answer. (Not that I’m willing to give a straight answer anyway.)
XX
I’m very pleased to see that this column is very often accessed by Google searches, so maybe there are at least some guys out there who really do want to know how to treat us well. 🙂
“TONS of guys will ask the “how many men have you seen today?” question and I dodge because I’m always wondering just what the hell he’s trying to figure out. You’re right in that they don’t REALLY want to know the answer.”
Men ask those questions because we are both fascinated with & disgusted by whores at the same time. We are also disgusted with ourselves for our constant need for sex, and what we’ll do to get it, and who we want it from, and what it makes many men feel like afterwards, especially when the price is your family and/or reputation.
All guys know that an erect penis has no conscience. But it doesn’t mean that all guys like it.
It’s sex. Nothing to be disgusted over. Really. There are bigger issues in the world.
XX
You are not a man so I can understand where you’re comming from but men are really demonized for their sex drives. To be a man is to have to constantly suppress your sex drive. I think providers are really the only ones that seem to get this. They see what a repressed sex drives gets everyone (the church anyone?). Sometimes a man asks a stupid question because he is a) wrestling with his consience b) doesn’t know what else to say. Believe it or not all men are not completely at ease with beautiful women. If he is married then that brings up whole other questions in his mind. Sex is just that strong for most men. If even the bible didn’t think most men couldn’t do it, it wouldn’t have given the woman the mandate to control access to it. I hear all the time married men joking (although not really) they are celibate since they got married. I think this is part of the destruction caused by radical feminazis.
Hi, Kevin! The demonization of the male sex drive is a relatively recent phenomenon with its roots in the “Social Purity” movement of the late 19th century, but ethical whores and other women who care about men do get to see the damage it does to the psyches of modern men, and since the advent of “social construction of gender” in the ’70s it’s only grown worse.
I’m sure you’re right in saying that a lot of stupid questions derive from either guilt or unease (I’ve certainly seen a lot of both in my clients!) But gentlemen also have to realize that we’re struggling with our own issues such as fear of cops or of being hurt by a bad client (and yes, for many girls “whore guilt” is there as well). One of the reasons I do this column is to help working girls and their clients to understand where the other is coming from, so contributions from gentlemen like yourself are VERY welcome!
I’ve read that social construction of gender was a popular idea in Victorian times. Little boys were groomed with long hair, wore dresses, and discouraged from acting like boys. Ernest Hemingway wore dresses in childhood. The idea was that this would make for a gentler world without crime or war.
How’d that work out?
Its good that you recognize that. I know as I’ve been communicating with the lady I’m getting ready to visit in Nevada, one thing I told her right away.
“A lot of this brothel stuff is counter-intuitive to my conservative up-bringing. So I apologize in advance if I say or ask something that is not appropriate to ask.
Should I do that, PLEASE know that you won’t hurt my feelings if you simply say ‘Its not a question I’m comfortable answering’ My reply will almost always be ‘I understand’ and I might possibly ask you some clarification questions on etiquette to ensure I don’t venture too close to the line again”.
Not been an issue so far though. I just keep in mind that her private life is exactly that HER PRIVATE LIFE and deliberately try to avoid putting her on the spot by asking anything more than generalized questions for the sake of small talk.
Between that and my own extreme sense of modesty and discretion, we’ve gotten along pretty well.
Just a thought, hope it helps.
right I mean disgusted should be the farthest emotion from whats real we were just honest about what we do every other girl fucks and does it for free but they are not call disgusting when they take a guy home on the at the club Saturday night
I hope you don’t feel like that anymore, Scorch? There’s nothing to be ashamed of in male desire. Really. Sincerely. Absolutely nothing. It’s not bad, it’s not wrong, it harms nobody, it’s fun to have; I’d recommend it with my eyes closed! 🙂
An obsessed guy has no conscience. An erect penis? An erect penis is like a little kitten: nice to fondle, gives you good sensations, and if your girlfriend gives it a kiss it will meow.
What we do to get sex? I’m frankly much more ashamed of what I see some politicians (of both genders) doing to get power.
Don’t be disgusted by whores. I find them so spiritually uplifting, they wouldn’t even have to have sex with me and I’d pay them anyway. It’s like going to church! Alas, I’ve never patronized one… (Is it why Americans say ‘patronize’ a prostitute in this beautiful English tongue of theirs? Because she’s like a church, and the guy is her patron saint?) 🙂
“We are also disgusted with ourselves for our constant need for sex, and what we’ll do to get it, and who we want it from, and what it makes many men feel like afterwards, especially when the price is your family and/or reputation.”
“Men are really demonized for their sex drives. To be a man is to have to constantly suppress your sex drive. I think providers are really the only ones that seem to get this.”
Yes, 100% agree that modern society has taught men to feel shame about their sexual needs and that it’s part of the destruction caused by radical feminazis. They don’t want to accept that male animals are naturally aggressive, dominant, polygynous, and attracted to pubescent females. They want to rewrite biology to fit their agenda. It’s not enough that most of us are forced us into domestic situations where we’re expected to provide for her and support her emotionally and pretty much give up our lives so she can have the family she wants. No, they have to control our sex drives too.
Like Amanda said, sex is nothing to be disgusted over, but most women are childish and sensitive and treat it like it’s this big serious thing. I know with a hooker I never need to worry about hiding what my real wants are. I’m able to explore those animal desires that women find so upsetting. I think it’s funny how many women say they hate prostitutes, when they should be thanking them, because prostitutes will do the things other women don’t like. Plus as Kevin said, repressing your sex drive can lead to many problems so in many ways women are actually safer with working girls around, IMO. Good luck getting feminists to see that though.
“TONS of guys will ask the “how many men have you seen today?” question”
There’s no possible way to know what he wants to hear when he asks this. Suppose that the true answer is, “Seven, you’re the eighth.” Now this might really turn him on. “Eight guys in one day! This is one randy girl!”*
But he could just as easily be thinking, “Eighth? I wasn’t expecting a virgin but, damn! I don’t wanna go after all those guys.”
And how can she know? Maybe being sixth would turn him on, but being tenth would turn him off. Some guys seem to gauge how “high class” a girl is by how few men she sees, so if he’s number eight he may suddenly feel he’s paying too much. But if she tells him, “Oh I only do one or two a day. You’re first today,” not only is she likely lying, but sure as the world he’ll turn out to be one of those guys who wanted to be number eight.
Best not to ask, unless you’re interviewing her for an essay or something, in which case she expects to be asked such things.
* She’s not doing eight guys a day because she’s randy, but hey, some guys aren’t looking so much for the girlfriend or porn star experience as the nympho experience.
That one has never made much sense to me. One of my rules of life is “Do NOT ask questions that you do not want to know the answers to”.
I know I won’t be that lady’s first or last partner and I’m not pretending that I have some moral high ground. I’m only saying the mental image of her with other guys could only mess with my mind and ruin what would otherwise be a great time and a fun encounter.
Yes, I also might wonder if something were seriously wrong with the lady if business was slow. Again, my mind then becomes my worst enemy and ruins a good time by causing me performance anxiety.
Dumb
Also something I don’t get is guys who keep score of the number of working ladies they have been with. If you are paying for it, it doesn’t impress me at all, just identifies that person as an idiot of the first order !!
Say Maggie, got a thought I’m going to send you via email I tried to throw it up here but can’t get it worded such that I’m comfortable posting it publicly.
Generally good advice, although I winced at –
“Be where you say you’re going to be when you say you’re going to be there.”
– because there have been two occasions where girls made it physically impossible for me to arrive on time by not giving me the precise address until the absolute last minute. And then of course I had them screaming down the phone “Where are you???”. I presume they just assumed I was in a car, but I don’t know why.
That’s certainly not your fault, Strevin. While I certainly understand the desire for security, there’s such a thing as carrying it to extremes. And a girl who controls the pace at which a client can approach her incall has nobody but herself to blame if those extreme precautions result in his arrival being delayed.
Great piece of advise!
as a married couple we’ve hired escorts to satisfy our fantasies. We always agree on the dos and don’ts even before setting a date with them.
We haven’t had any single problem…communication needs to be upfront just like the money 😉
Thanks for commenting; I’d really like to know what y’all think about my two “Couples” columns. 🙂
Money up front is how I gotten up sold even when I confirmed the fee first. Also, in my case, this is how the cash and dash plays out too.
Do you think the majority of so called ‘escorts’ do this now.
I am thinking it is not worth the trouble or lost money at this point, so while their are probably honest girls out there, the bad apples ruin it for everyone.
While I would never harm a girl, I can see how an angry guy could take it out on the next girl or just lose complete respect for all.
How’s a guy protect himself from the bad actors?
The money has to be up front, Anon, simply because men are bigger than women and under criminalization regimes the girl, unlike a restaurant, has no legal recourse if the client refuses to pay. The majority of escorts are like the majority in any profession, but unfortunately Backpage and other cheap advertising venues are swimming with amateurs who have no real comprehension of professional ethics. What you need to do is visit an escort review board (I’m not sure which one is most popular in Orange County), read the reviews of the girls you find attractive, and choose one other guys have had good experiences with. It’s kind of like Consumer Reports for escorts. 😉
The money has to be up front, Anon, simply because men are bigger than women and under criminalization regimes the girl, unlike a restaurant, has no legal recourse if the client refuses to pay.
Unlike in Italy, where not paying a prostitute is rape.
http://www.ansa.it/web/notizie/rubriche/english/2010/03/03/visualizza_new.html_1709992053.html
Clients in certain markets rely on word of mouth, or the prestige of the establishment etc. So, concerning reviews – what safeguards are in place to stop an unethical male spreading lies about escorts?
Peer pressure is about it. Nearly every girl has had a bullshit review or two, which is one of the reasons I never allowed reviews on myself when I was working.
How do you stop some guy from typing whatever he wants on his home computer?
If a girl states she doesn’t allow reviews, most review boards don’t allow reviews of her.
Ah. You don’t stop him, you stop the review board, and they’re happy to work with you. That makes perfect sense. Thanks, I was bending my brain.
“Also, you wouldn’t expect a plumber, exterminator or other professional to “hang out” with you off the clock after the job for which he was contracted was done.”
Really?? I often invited such people to have a cup of tea etc. and a chat, and it is usually gratefully received (unless they are rushed to get to the next job). Policemen, electrician, plumber, guy who delivers the firewood. I don’t think this is right at all. I chat with bank tellers, the bus driver, I’ve even lingered in taxis after the clock has stopped for a conversation.
Is this some peculiarity of the United States? A sort of hyper-professionalism where peoples commercial roles toward each other define the all of them. Sounds awful. Makes me glad to be a New Zealander.
Maybe a better analogy would be a therapist or a doctor, where you are paying for their attention, such that to continue a conversation after the booking confuses all that, because it becomes mutual attention.
I, too, often chit-chat with professionals, but I don’t think that’s the same as literally expecting them to stick around one’s house for hours, as though they had nothing to do…which, believe it or not, some clients do. There are some parts of the United States where people do tend to be colder toward one another, but in the South it’s unusual; in fact, I can often tell what part of the country a telephone operator is from by her degree of chattiness.
Love your essays! Esperance!
I have absolutely no doubt about what you said about inserting fingers and kissing. I will keep that in mind for my future encounters. In contrast, the most recent young lady I was with (a professional girl) asked for me to insert fingers and also initiated the kissing, saying that she loved kissing. All in all, it was a wonderful session. I’m still feeling a bit in love from it. Please note that both of these occurred at her initiation — she set the pace and was “in control” of the session. I enjoyed the interaction and participated enthusiastically. It was kind of like a dance — I went where she led and tried my best to be a good partner and move in rhythm with her. The end result was beautiful.
In honesty (the theme of this blog), it’s only a substitute for not having a spouse or girlfriend right now (as a result of our modern divorce culture?). If I had one (spouse or GF), I would not be seeing a professional girl. It’s just not how I roll. That being the case, I have been lucky enough to meet some professional women with beautiful hearts who have always given me more than what I paid for. I am truly grateful to have met them.
Everyone’s different; some girls do like fingers, and some guys won’t cheat on a spouse even if tempted. But I’m glad you found some ladies who could help tide you over until your next serious relationship. 🙂
A very good, and useful post, as a soon-to-be first timer. I don’t understand those who don’t respect the women involved (as a lot of the horror stories seem to show) – I would feel that they deserve the same respect as any woman in your life. Treat others as you would like to be treated, etc.
Yes. Or the same respect shown anybody else providing a service. Unless one is deliberately snotty towards waiters, mechanics, desk clerks, etc., why be snotty towards a hooker?
Thanks so much for this article. I am new-ish provider myself, although I’ve hardly just fallen off the turnip truck. I am in my early 40s and researched laws, business and marketing practices, directories, and terminology for a year and a half before I started.
I just had a couple comments–
@humanscorch: My advice is to let that disgust and shame of your sex drive go. It’s the way nature made you– that’s why whores do what they do, because there is a demand for it. Yes, societal BS has told you that your sex drive is animalistic and out of control, and hence, you have projected your own self-disgust on those that offer relief and relaxation. It’s not a bad thing.
I recently had a patron say to me, “I don’t want to know how many partners you’ve had.” To which I replied with a smile, “No, you really don’t. And why does that matter? Are they here now with their feet up and a bowl of popcorn in their laps?” He laughed, but got my point. I was there with him, FOR him. When I’m with a man, for that hour or two, the cell phone goes off, the TV gets shut off (I insist), and it’s just he and I in that world for that time. That’s what we offer. Well, at least I do.
As for fingers and kissing… I enjoy both, I have no problem with either. Yes, I make sure he’s showered and washed his hands and brushed his teeth beforehand. I guess I personally never understood the whole “no kissing” rule– it’s ok to have someone’s body part inside you (albeit wrapped), but not his lips or tongue? And you’re right, Maggie, many men are terrible kissers– and many men WANT to please. So I have no problem saying, “Just follow my lead,” and I show them what I like. I’ve never, EVER had a complaint or hurt feelings, and maybe he takes that back to his GF or spouse. Same with fingers– “ooo, GENTLY, hun! Here, let me show you…” Again, NEVER had a complaint. But you’re right Maggie, that should all be negotiated first.
Although I haven’t been doing this long, there is something I’ve noticed. It isn’t all about sex with most of my clients, it IS about INTIMACY. Most of them want to get ME off, and not vicey versey. That’s what I’ve found that they most crave. Feeling masculine, virile, bringing a woman pleasure. Maybe I’ve just been lucky. Maybe I just screen really really well. And the day will come when I come across a complete fuckoff, I know that. But I found that if I walk in with the attitude that this is an actual date, more often than not, his attitude dramatically shifts toward mine.
Oh, one thing, Maggie, that you forgot to mention, since I spoke of “fuckoffs”– Dudes, do NOT even remotely bring up paying with a CHECK. Really? REALLY??? Thankfully, I hadn’t even arrived yet. So it was no sweat just turning around and going home. Because we WILL.
Hi Eve,
i would be interested in chatting with you; i’m the poster below, a writer, who is working on a book about sex work–a novel, but based on the lives of real women. you can see my work at http://www.karenconnelly.ca and contact me at kaz@karenconnelly.ca if you would be willing to talk or email.
many thanks, kc
i hope you see this even though you wrote this years ago. i am a fairly young man at 28 and i have been seeing one provider. the thing that really caught my attention with your comment-advice was about the intimacy; for me i have learned if i’m not comfortable with you if the vibe is wrong or off “he” wont work. now the provider i see has always been very sweet and romantic with me, i have always felt the desire for it to be a mutual enjoyment, because yes its work, but who says work can’t be fun too! the other really great thing about her is her willingness to even though it doesn’t take long for me.. i have always gotten an hour because for me i never ask the dumb q’s thank goodness but i ask how are you doing, what’s been going on, and even though we are in client relationship and i do know her boundaries it has never stopped me to ask her whats going on and to talk about her life. I know i can’t solve her problems but i know from my experience sometimes just having someone to talk to that is unbiased helps. we have literally talked for hours and she did most and i do mean most of the talking and afterwards she chuckled and gave me a huge hug which nearly broke my back, and tols me that talking helped so much. i believe for us “guys” that we sometimes forget the very real and important aspect you all are HUMANS too.
Wow. I love this website! Thank you Maggie, for writing, and to the men and women who are responding to your columns. I am interested in sex work because I’m writing about it, and the more research I do, the more I have to move away from pathology and old cliches when it comes to people in the industry. I started out that way–‘let’s not have this be a depressing story about the addicted whore’–but it’s been wonderful to discover just how far away I can move from that cliche (which is, to be honest, a cliche for a reason; my sister was that cliche for some years, which is partly what interested me in the lives of sex workers.) anyway. thanks to all for your honesty . . .
Found your site from a comment on this post: http://www.cedonulli.com/banging-hookers-is-it-bad-game/, from me, who’s mainly not really so much into the pro scene – but recently had some samplings while spending time in Cambodia.
The lack of real connection and genuine, natural intimacy turned me off to pursuing more of this, even if it wasn’t readily apparent … the girl didn’t want to take my money, and just wanted to continue to hang out all weekend.
After just reading your rules, I felt reminded why I have a hard time taking this ‘easy way’ to some physical pleasures.
It’s awesome though, your blog, for guys looking for proper direction. Glad to have dropped in for a browse!
Thanks for the advice. I’m a bit picky about choosing girls who slept with men on the same day. Hence I want to know if they have. I guess I just want to be the first guy who has sex with them on that day. Popping my cock into a vagina recently vacated by another john… just feels icky. But here’s an advice for guys who want to know – ask the mama-san that question if you need too – you’d probably get a truthful answer from her, esp if you are a frequent and good customer.
hey you in Sicily I recognize your face why don’t you come see me sometime you might remember me by Aubrey
[…] Advice for Clients. […]
I have a question. I went out with an escort and she seemed to really enjoy sex with me – which boosted my ego somewhat. She stayed with me til it was time to check out, even though our time session had long pass.But on the way out, I told her to tell her pimp I was a good client so that I may get preference for hotter girls. Then she said coldly, “I know what I am”. And I felt absolutely stupid for insulting her; deeply mortified. And she kissed me on my lips and walked out the door. I’m going to apologize to her the next time we meet – am I crazy?
Yikes, that was pretty clumsy! Why on Earth did you presume she had a pimp in the first place? Most of us don’t, you know. Or did you mean the service owner? If you do get a chance to see her again, you should MOST DEFINITELY apologize.
Hotter girls? You mean hotter than her? I’ve never been a woman, much less an escort, but I think I might be insulted if my client asked me to put in a good word with my pimp (even if I had a pimp) so that he could get with girls hotter than I.
If that isn’t what you meant then never mind… unless of course that isn’t what you meant but she thinks it is.
She did have a pimp or rather an agent who arranged her bookings. I’ve been thinking about her the whole week and so I’m going to book her again this weekend. My friends say I’m stupid to do so – because “she’s just a whore” – who cares what she thinks?, But she’s a human being and so am I. All my life I’ve been taught that such women were scum but I’ve had a recent change of mind due to a series of catastrophes in my life. Thanks to her I experienced an experience I’ve been longing for for over 30 years. My friends however tell me I’m stupid because she’s paid to give that GFE… but her affection felt genuine to me and her desire to stay with me was evident. And I feel like a fool for brushing it aside.
You mentioned kissing… I found that the high end escorts will kiss and french kiss as well. The funny thing is that for the two whom I had – the first time was the best time – the lovemaking was extraordinarily passionate. But maybe once we got to know each other – well then it was not as great or as passionate.
It’s admirable to try to teach your clients proper etiquette. But don’t you get a lot of men who are paying specifically for the privilege of not having to observe proper etiquette? When I worked as a drink hostess, it seemed that men were specifically paying for the right to say things to you that their wives and girlfriends would never tolerate. It seems that’s what they get off most on. So to ask them not to be insulting and demeaning it seems would take away half their fun. To Wilde: comparing girls to one another as to “hot” status is one of those fun things men like to do which always makes women feel demeaned and depressed (unless of course they are the “hot” one). But men always know they can pull that one when they want to deflate a women or make her know her place as an object to be bought and sold.
If you really believe that, you’re either hanging around with the wrong kind of men or projecting your preconceptions onto innocuous behavior. I’ve been to bed with a LOT of men, and danced naked in front of just as many, and in that extensive experience (and that of many other sex workers), men who “get off on” insulting or demeaning women appear much more often in neofeminist fantasy than in real life.
Well I wasn’t sleeping with the men – as I said, I was a drink hostess. So because the men didn’t get to sleep with us but only got to talk to us, they were paying for the privilege of talking to us however they wanted. I imagine that if they get to use your body, they are much happier and are getting what they want, so maybe they don’t have to spew their misogyny out everywhere. But having that job taught me a lot about the misogyny of men who frequent those kinds of bars. I don’t think it was an unusual bar – many of the men did try to be polite much of the time, and the bar owners were nice to us – but every night you’d get at least a few who did like to insult and demean, and after awhile those experiences added up so that it was exhausting to work there. The clients I had all frequented prostitutes, and when they came to our bar they let it be known that they were “slumming.” They were always comparing us unfavorably to the women who DID put out, and I got coerced at least once a night to accept money for sex, even though the house rules prohibited that. Also, many men would sneak a grope although touching was also prohibited. Speaking of fingers, they would shove their fingers into your vagina before you had a chance to stop it. You could of course get up and refuse to service such a client, but they were often the regulars, and you weren’t allowed really to insult them by getting up, and you wouldn’t make money if you let things like that offend you, so you were pressured to stay and pretend to find it amusing. But the main thing was, I have never been treated anywhere else on the planet like I was at that job. It was as if accepting money for conversation made us into whores in their eyes, and that was enough for them to treat us differently than people generally treat people in life. I have been around many men in my life, and I have never been treated quite like like that by any of them. It was certainly not my fantasy to be treated in such a way, and although the money was more than I’d ever seen before I just was not stoic enough to continue, and especially not to continue on to the prostitution bars, as many of my co-workers did for the much better money. Every night I locked myself in the bathroom and cried, and then fixed my makeup and went back out and smiled and took the abuse. In the world of those men, the more you are willing to do for money the “better” you are. So partly we were insulted because we WEREN’T whores. I ended up feeling a bit jealous of the girls who worked the bars with the back rooms, because they were rumored to be so much more glamorous and pretty, and to have the best clothes and cars and condos, and to have it so easy. That was the spiel you got every night, at least once but usually much more. It was as if all forces were conspiring against you to tell you that that was your best option in life. But then again they had pretty nasty things to say about the whores too. They are telling you that a whore is the best thing to be, and that they love whores and fantasize about them day and night, but then they are also telling you how much they despise whores, and how much they get off on having women who will do anything for money. And they let you know that secretly they know you are also a whore and that all women have a price. It’s not so different than the online misogyny you hear, but it was a bit too much to be paid to listen to that every night. I imagine I heard a lot more of this than you, because all I did was conversation, but wow, you can really learn a lot about men who frequent those kinds of establishments by listening to them for hours on end. It was more than a lifetime’s worth of misogyny within a year. I still have nightmares about it, especially about all the unauthorized pinching and poking and grabbing.
I had the same awful experience working at bars here in the UK. It was awful. I was treated awfully by all different kinds of men that were customers. I don’t think I could ever provide a ‘service’ for men again, there is a lack of respect for women in many service industries, retail, waitressing etc. I feel subordinated even if i’m making my tips for myself, even if i’ve chosen to be there and make money. Maybe because I can’t reconcile these issues I could never have sex for money. And a guy commented above saying he could never put his penis in a lady that has already had sex with several guys, it’s so subordinating, like the human [sex worker] doesn’t matter. She’s just a wank-toy or object to get off in. Sex can be a glorious thing I know. I’m no prude but I can now only ever be the sole agent in my own desire, I could only ever have sex with the person of whom I have chosen. I dunno, I just don’t like to be picked like an object. I’m not saying that sex workers are bad, not atall!! I love my sisters, all women together, just that men make me feel bad about myself through lack of respect and not just in sexuality. If attitudes to women change then maybe I could reconcile all these issues and understand women who chose to be ‘chosen’ and provide a ‘service’ (of any kind, drinks, sex dances, whatever) for men. Until society is better, men treat women with respect in all situations, I will never work in a bar again either.
P.s I would like to point out that I know loads of absolutely wonderful men in my personal life too. It’s just the ‘customers’ of the places I worked in that have this awful attitude (did they change attitudes when paying you?). And I have a wonderful partner too. I have no male-prejudice, I just think the misogyny in the service industry, especially towards young women, is appalling and my experience of it has made me unlikely to ever want to ‘serve’ men again.
What you’re paying for is the absence of complications.
By the way, I don’t hate men or blame them for their sexuality, and I do know that there are many wonderful men out there, including probably some of your former clients, but I am also surprised that you have been so lucky and have had such positive overall experiences. I didn’t “hang around” those men; I was working at a bar where men came in and I had to drink with them. I of course would never “hang around” men who insulted me like that, but it was a job.
I’m not sure if you’re still reading this, but out of curiosity was this in Japan? Were most of the clients Japanese men?
“(You better) Treat her like (Well), treat her like (Ho)
Treat her like a lady (Treat her like a lady)
Treat her like, treat her like (Hey-ey-)
Treat her like a lady (Treat her like a lady)”-Temptations
What remains amazing to me are the guys who post totally sexist, misogynistic, and down right rude and demeaning comments and attitudes about escorts in on line forums and then complain about the service they receive from providers. Are they kidding me, or what???
I always am as clean, neat and polite as I can be when seeing a lady. I put my donation in a nice thank you card, and deliver it first thing. I get a single rose bouquet for her too. It is an inexpensive token of appreciation for her seeing me. Several ladies have told me that I am the first client to bring them a flower!!! C’mon man!!!
Am I Mr Wonderful??? Nah, just Mr. Average, but I do try to observe the niceties.
No offense dude but I’m sure she’d appreciate you a lot more if you left an extra twenty bucks instead of the rose, LOL,
Thank You for your columns Maggie. And, Thank you to the amazing responses (most of them anyway). I have been in an amazing relationship for 23 years and it is time that I start seeking the services of an Escort. I discovered this blog first through the “A Whore in the Bedroom” article from September 9th, 2010. Sadly I am in that terribly difficult situation of not wanting to leave the Love of my life while also finding myself exhausted in my efforts to keep the sexual relationship alive.
Thanks Maggie!
Maybe there should be an exclusive Gentleman’s club – where its the men that get vetted before being admitted – ie they also have to submit regular STD reports, and also get rated by the escorts. I’d certainly sign up for that.
I’ve mentioned that whores, in a decriminalized setting, could set up a kind of “Underwriters Laboratory” where they are checked for disease and such. The role of The Law would be confined to fraud: if you’re a hooker and you display that Vetted Harlots logo in your ads, window, etc. you better have been vetted by Vetted Harlots. This vetting wouldn’t be legally required, but it would be good for business. For one thing, many men would pay a little more for a Vetted Harlot.
What you’re suggesting is an “Underwriters Laboratory” for clients; a Vetted Johns. I agree that many men would sign up for this, especially if it included specific benefits, such as a discount from participating agencies.
Heck of an idea…I’d sign up for that in a heartbeat!
Most of these make perfect sense but I don’t understand the problem with vaginal fingering. Its an exciting and normal part of foreplay. I’m never rough but now I guess I’ll ask up front whether it bothers the girl. Do escorts have an aversion to other typical sexual activities, besides fingering and kissing?
Hate to break it to you, but LOTS of girls hate being fingered; it’s just that amateurs often keep quiet about it for fear of being thought prudish.
so true I thought I was the only one but I always tell my clients never to put their fingers inside
Reblogged this on thoughtsofapunter and commented:
This is good advice. Prior to seeing a working girl I always shower and ensure there are wet wipes within easy reach in the bedroom.
[…] Source: http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2010/08/21/advice-for-clients/ […]
so what I wanna know is how come men have the TNA board and why don’t us providers have a site like that so we can naturally black list all the men that play games try to rape us try to do crazy things or just waste our time in generalso that the next girl does it make the same mistake we did and that every other girl knows what will happen if they talk to this person
[…] http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2010/08/21/advice-for-clients/A little Insight to share […]
Hello! Thank you for your wonderful advising , its just magical how girls worldwide feel exactly the same way and have the same mind about these issues.🌸
I get a lot of fakes and bad costumers, and not allways i am able to discart them because business been week around here for average medium escort class around here. Even yesterday i got an unbelievable email swap after booking made , etc, the guy ( Dutch) just started going nuts and not coherent at all with his request , and than being rude and pointless. I guess I must have ruined his no show intention. Oh Well!
Keep up the great work💜
I actually follow the principle – “Do unto others what you want others to do to you.” So if a girl is resistant in trying something I make sure I back off until she is comfortable with it; if she isn’t I don’t. I also make sure I have good breath and smell good. And to that end I make sure I maintain a healthy lifestyle. I don’t smoke and drink only socially. I also make sure I avoid coffee and food that will make me smell – like asparagus. I also take a lot of citrus food like pineapple to make my semen taste sweeter. I really enjoy meeting escorts. Meeting a new girl and making love to her like a long lost lover. I really appreciate it when I see that joyful look in the girl’s eyes when she sees me for the first time. I will never get over the feeling taking a girl who is wide eyed excited to make love to me. I’ve been to church for over 40 years – I’m tired of the hypocrisy and dishonesty of religion. Thanks for sharing such honest advice.
Maggie, I just found this hobby. I’m a mid-50’s newby. cannot stand backpage. I did find p411, I got onboard. I found your blog.
I read your advice to clients and took it to heart. I had my first experience with an amazing provider. She invited me back, so I guess it was a success. Funny, I mentioned to her, that I do not want anything near my butthole, and in turn I would do the same. She giggled, and said Deal!! When I was going down on her, i noticed she had a gorgeous butt hole…I wanted to put my finger in it….but we made that deal. I’m going to ask her about it next visit. Thanks for all you do, and since it’s Memorial day, thanks for putting smiles and great memories on our warriors that keep this country safe.
Can you assist by providing the name of an agent or agency able to set up a special experience overnite. Total costs 2 me should be under 50 thousand
How about Maggie McNeill? For that price I can set up anything you want, including a circus.
Merry Christmas Maggie…you’ve been a good girl I see!!! On Oct 12, 2015 12:44 PM, “The Honest Courtesan” wrote:
> Mac commented: “Can you assist by providing the name of an agent or agency > able to set up a special experience overnite. Total costs 2 me should be > under 50 thousand”
Based upon a link to great post on your blog that a (female) friend sent me, I subscribed and am now nosing around it. I’m quite interested in prostitution, and your blog is a great resource. You are also a likeably intelligent blog-keeper.
However, after reading this “Advice for Clients,” it’s striking me that your perspective might be a bit US-centric (or maybe First World-centric).
In Latin America, where I live, it would often be a mistake to characterize many whores as businesswomen, or to treat them as such. Actually, it is often a mistake to consider them “whores” (and the politically correct phrase “sex workers” really misses the mark). These characterizations seem more often imposed upon the women by others, including clients, than to be features of the women’s felt identities. Instead of seeing themselves as sex workers or whores operating a business, many of the women see their prostitution as an extension of their normal gender role. Indeed, if you listen carefully to them, you will hear that they often prefer to use the term “help” instead of “fee,” and if you watch them, you will see that they sometimes bristle when a client tries to negotiate a time frame or service.
One of my interests is the way prostitutes becomes essentialized and prostitution put into a market framework. I think these are largely consequences of a First World and especially US mindset. There it is very important to most people to distinguish between whores (bad) and others (good), and once that distinction is imposed, to interpret prostitution along market lines. Sadly, even the defenders of prostitutes do this by using labels like “sex workers” and campaigning for their labor rights.
What everyone misses though is that the reality is often far more fluid than this, even in the US, but especially outside the US, and imposing these rigid categories on the practices often distorts them.
Anyway, not important, but some of your advice I would never follow where I live, I suppose because I’m not interested in dallying with a flat-out businesswoman (and some of those exist here too). I’m cool with agreeing to a price up front for the first time, since that avoids confusion later, but I’ve actually been out the door with a girl hailing a cab and had to ask, “Hey, is $X OK?” (They always agree.) It’s real informal. In fact, if a girl asks for payment up front, I just realize that I made a mistake with her, pay her, and send her on her way immediately. If the trust level is so low that she wants payment up front, I lose interest. I also reject any girl who stipulates a time frame–too businesslike. Similarly, while it depends upon how it goes, it’s not terribly uncommon for us to go out for pizza, or more frequently, for me to make us both dinner afterward.
I can add that actually I did recently ask a girl how many clients she had that day, and when she said four, I explained that I didn’t care to be the fifth and asked her if she wanted a drink anyway. She did, and we spent several hours having a great time drinking together at no cost to me other than the bar tab. Truthfully, I don’t think she wanted a fifth client that day any more than I cared to be him–four was penty–and was happier to find a friend. This though was a special case since it was a Saturday night with a brothel next door, where I assumed she was working. We traded phone numbers though and have hooked up several times since, and in the interim she also quit working at the brothel (as most do quickly). I don’t now ask if she’s had previous clients that day, since I know not to ask questions that I don’t want answered, but I seriously doubt she does, and if fate has it that she has, well, girls have to earn a living and I’m not paying her enough not to need the contributions from other guys. Mainly, she’s a super nice girl, and we get along well.
Oh, and we did agree to a low fee the first time, but since then it hasn’t been discussed–as neither has a time frame or service. It’s a little rude to talk too much about money, even I have learned a bit rude to be too direct in paying. It’s more polite to leave the money where she can take it without making a big production out of it. The reason for this, I infer, is that too much emphasis on money makes her feel like a whore. Well, yeah, technically she is a whore and isn’t unaware of that, but that’s not her self-conception. The way she sees it, she’s a girl doing what girls do, which is hunting for nice guys who will help support her, and a whole lot of girls where I live have a similar outlook. She also seems to like getting laid, at least by me. (BTW, yes, I’m pretty sure that I can tell when a girl is faking or just doing her job as opposed to when she’s into it. It’s a bit of a female conceit that they can fool men, although then again I’m sure many men can be fooled.)
Let me add that “girls doing what girls do” doesn’t necessarily mean that they are looking for one male partner they like capable of supporting them. Some are, and at turns most spend time in these relationships, but to believe every whore is really just looking for a nice guy to marry is to buy into a silly monogamy myth (and often a male fantasy). I have been more or less exclusive with some for period of time, and they with me, but there are usually practical reasons on both sides why a more permanent alliance isn’t a good idea. Girls are often cool with this, and even as they like having a regular guy for more than money and sex, they know better than to try to press it into marriage and don’t even want that. However, maintaining “in between” relationships doesn’t automatically make them business-oriented sex workers. There’s a vast middle ground that too many people want to erase and pretend doesn’t exist, even to argue can’t exist. However, it does exist, and it’s huge.
Anyway, your “Advice for Clients” seems to assume a more mature market economy for sex coupled with a firmer dichotomy between whore and non-whore than I experience. I’m cool with your orientation and experience, since that’s part of it, but find it dangerous to universalize based upon First World experiences and assumptions.
PS. Although very sparse, I did intentionally have a few experiences with whores in North America (both the US and Canada) just to see what they were like. I didn’t like those encounters, and have heard the same opinion from other men. Not to disparage you, and I’m sure people there do have good experiences, but it’s just very different there–much crasser and more market-oriented. I prefer a softer and more humane system, where for the most part everybody uses their given names and sometimes “clients” (if that’s what we are) even meet the families.
Totally agree with Ken.
I made the same observations from a different part of the world.
The idea that it is just and can be an exchange of services is a total Illusion and when it is just that it is a disaster for me. The idea that it is a kind of economic relation is reassuring for some may be but the economics is just a small part in the dynamics.
What is frightening I thing is that many men are not into whores for sexual gratification, there are there for emotional connection, one of your posters got it right, for many men it’s about intimacy and yes there is a great deal of intimacy going on with these women because they give much more then sexual service and give and take, many give a lot of themselves.
It’s not just their pussy and boobs which are there to grab, they listen, they empathize, they take pleasure, sometimes, yes they come with you, and it is not a big deal. Yes they forget you or not, but the time with you was a common shared time and they were totally with you and they were not playing a game, a character, or striking a deal. Intimacy happens and more often than what usually people think because they think that you need to have a story behind you to get intimate, a long one, and it is just not true. It is very lonely out there and not just for the “clients” and intimacy is not something that friends are able to give, the intimacy that you get in the arms of a women holding you and really looking into your gaze is something else.
Well it is some times like this with whores, it’s not about business, money is a factor but there’s space for lot of things. Intimacy is a big factor for many men and not only sexual fantasy, in most men both elements are there.
For me, from a sexual point of view, it is much more about pleasing her than myself and to please me means being able to let it go and enjoy the moment with me, it is really not about my sexual needs like a naive would think, I have fulfilled my sexual fantasy long time back and it wasn’t worth it, the real turn on for me is to get them off.
Good article on a topic that few people talk. Yes, there is much to talk about this world of luxury but there is still little information. This article shows what any customer must deal with an escort. I read this article (https://www.sensualradar.com/en/blog/your-first-time-looking-for-an-escort/) and felt it was important to know what you can do for anyone looking for a first adventure with an escort. Thank you.
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I know you are not supposed to talk about sex with an escort. How do you tell her want you are looking for without affending her or whatever
Read her website, her blog, check out the person. Chances are she will answer that question and then some on one of her advertising venue’s, or websites.
Every working girl is different. We all try to cater to the same needs of sex and intimacy but we all approach meeting those needs differently. I found Maggie’s blog today while doing some research on this particular topic. Then spent hours going through all of these comments to take in a new perspective. At first glance it was yet another don’t do blogs of which there are many, including my own. And some of Maggie’s points mirrored my own.
The comments, however, have taken this blog into a discussion on a new level. Everything from demonization of a mans sexual urges to new works receiving advice. I’m not new and I’m no where near retired. With almost two decades of experience in the sex workers trade, every facet from exotic dance to escort to brothels to porn and cam work, I have serviced most levels of this industry, barring street walking and pimps.
I blog with an honest blunt approach and it’s nice to see Maggie offer the same. I love that term, honesty. Perhaps here transparency is the key to this level of commenting and the depth and scope of its reach.
I myself am looking at this from a US perspective. I have worked in other countries but have found the US to be a better fit for me. I am not an object although I allow objectification. I am not defined by my work, I define it.
That being said I’d like to throw my two cents into this discussion.
Not all workers want to be on review boards, I do not. And yes all financials are dealt with up front. I am a business woman and I like the structure that comes from a professional encounter rather than money thrown at me after the fact that may not meet my needs. While this isn’t always a pleasure cruise, it’s not a lifeboat in a turbulent storm either. There are good days and bad days. Some men do not know how to treat a lady, others do. That is always something to expect in this line of work.
We are the pretend wives, the therapists, the whore, the other woman, the living pocket pussy, the living blow up doll and the lady. We, meaning all sex workers, have to meet several requirements during our work day. Our duties include a multitude of activities and we have to be ready to perform on a moments notice or redirect the situation to make it mutually beneficial.
When it was stated, “Whores really don’t “want” anything from clients sexually; we’re there to make them happy and not vice versa, so anything a whore initiates tends to be something she believes the client wants rather than something she wants for her own reasons. ” that hit me. This is so transparently honest. No I do NOT want to be pleasured by a client. That is not my purpose and there is another special person that has this place in my life, that belongs to him. We don’t often talk about our private lives, I never do on the clock. This is my one special sacred thing that I only offer to one person. It is His special place to bring me to an orgasm, it is his place to cuddle with me and hold me and as I offer every other aspect of my body to my work and my passion for this work, this ONE thing is his. I don’t want that offered to me because I don’t want to be put into a situation to break the fantasy by explaining that there is this one man who gets me for free because he is mine. I don’t want to make excuses or fake it for a client to get through this one aspect of this one encounter. I am NOT getting paid for my pleasure. I am getting paid to bring them pleasure.
I AM in the moment with each client and I AM enjoying myself and letting my wanton sexual urges go to be absolutely sexually pleasing and exciting for HIS time and I want that time with my clients to be solely about them. I want them to feel important and pampered and cared for and thoroughly seen for who they are and all that makes them wonderfully male. I want to stay in that moment wrapped up in making them feel something new or introduce them to new sensations, take them to different places mentally and sexually. That happens when I get to focus on the client, not when I am having to worry how I should be reacting while he is between my legs licking away and having a great time trying to give me a pleasure I will never allow him to give me fully.
I’m wonderful with oral being reciprocated as foreplay, it’s fun. But if you are trying to get me off before an encounter, I’m not there for that. Fuck me, use me, have fun with my body, Tell me those dirty things you can’t whisper and yell at home. Absolutely Fuck me like you’ve paid for it while you are shoving me on the bed pulling my hair and impaling me like it’s a viking victory raid. I LOVE it. That’s what I’m there for. But don’t pay me to get ME off. That’s absolutely not the point. If that is the fantasy find a provider who specifically caters to that.
Maggie has offered several insights on this, my website and blogs do the same. There are So many different providers and so many different varieties. It’s not difficult to find exactly what you want in this electronic age. Take the time like she recommended and research, visit websites, and actually do more then skim through them and jerk off to the pictures.
And one last note, the finger thing, I hate that. But more than the fingers thing, if you try to stick your tongue in my ear like some freak octopus I’m going to freak out on you. Nibbles on the earlobe are one thing but for fucks sake STOP sticking your tongue in my ear like you are trying to access my brain and taste it. It’s disgusting. It’s not sexy and it’s absolutely NOT enjoyable. Things like this should send people to the 7th level of the abyss and be tortured by having it done to them. There is nothing more disgusting then having a guy kiss my neck then suck on my ear and proceed to deep throat my ear canal. Just absolutely STOP doing this. That is all.
@IrishImp
I don’t know if you’ll see this – but thank you very much for providing this kind of service. As some of the other men on here has said, men are made to feel ashamed of our sexual drives and our constant horniness.
This is something that has plagued my conscience for many years, before IO decided – fuck it, I have only one life to lead.
I am respectful and polite, and view working girls as professionals providing a much needed service, and thus afford them the same respect as I would any other professional – for e.g., a dentist, nurse etc. However, I’m not there to please her (obviously not there to offend her either) – but my PRIMARY goal, is to get MY rocks off – if she happens to enjoy it, then that’s good for her.
The article is mostly commonsense (being clean – duh?, not asking personal questions etc.), but there were some comments from service providers, where they expected the client to please them – learn to kiss properly, learn to fuck properly to please a woman – whatever, that to me is ridiculous.
Regarding your statement:
“Fuck me, use me, have fun with my body, Tell me those dirty things you can’t whisper and yell at home. Absolutely Fuck me like you’ve paid for it while you are shoving me on the bed pulling my hair and impaling me like it’s a viking victory raid. I LOVE it. That’s what I’m there for. But don’t pay me to get ME off. ”
That is the most beautiful thing I have ever read!. I wish I could mount it in a frame! 😉 This is EXACTLY the kind of service provider I want and need in my life – someone who after all the pleasantries are over with, will allow me to just fuck with all the enthusiasm I can muster (great for releasing pent up stress), empty my balls, kiss her and thank her for her service, and then repeat the experience in another week’s time.
This is all I ever wanted form an escort. So thank you, for providing just this kind of service. You are doing society a great service by providing this service. I would very much like to be a client of yours – if only I knew how to get in touc with you.
Do all escorts use lube or is it more a sign of a larger penis or that they are repulsed by the client?
It’s a sign that we’re a lot more knowledgeable about sex than amateurs, and therefore understand that proper lubrication is necessary for good sex, especially when condoms are involved.
This was informative, but for those of us who treat a woman with respect an dignity regardless of the situation. It was a good refreshing reminder to always use your manners.
Even though much, if not all of this, should be common sense, a gentle reminder such as this is welcome.
Great article. I am an adult massage therapist meaning I do a professional massage & mutual touching & masturbating the client in the end. If there is a mutual attraction I will offer sex at a higher fee. Anyway, everything you said I totally agree with. Punters, please take note.
Options for finding a provider have diminished since BP and craigslist have stopped personals etc. Big brother is going to make life more difficult , but not impossible
I think it is funny that so many people think we have to do whatever a client says and that we just are there to please them. In my experience I would say over 80% are more interested in pleasing me.
I also have to say: I like fingers . I dont like feeling like i am being punched from the inside or that they are trying to grab my tonsils but if you find a provider who likes it, ease into it. I would consider anal to have the same considerations. Nobody likes to be surprised by things being put in them until the time is right. I think I have been pretty lucky, that rarely happens.
Play safe and have fun.
[…] This entry was previously posted on The Honest Courtesan. […]
It appears this blog hasn’t been active for a long time, so maybe this won’t get a response, but I am new to escorts, and I have a question concerning becoming a “regular”. How often would a guy see a client to be considered a “regular”? Sorry if this has been answered already, I read a lot of the prior posts but not all of them.
This blog is extremely active, with a new post every single day. I think what you probably mean is that you are commenting on a nine-year-old post. The answer to your question is, it depends on the lady, but I sincerely doubt anybody would call a gent a “regular” before he saw her at least four or five times over a reasonably-short time period. There are guys I’ve seen two or three times in the past five years, but I certainly wouldn’t call that “regular”.
Clients I see weekly are “regulars” for me but occasionally you get one you see every month like clockwork, that would also be a regular after several dates.
I guess I would first want to know why becoming or not becoming a “regular” is a curiosity of yours. The answers vary accordingly.
Some guys don’t want to become “regulars.” Usually their reasoning is that they risk becoming emotionally attached to a provider if they see her too often, although some may just not like the self-concept that being a “regular” entails. These guys sometimes promote the “three times rule,” by which they mean never to see the same provider more than three times. Probably if enough time passes, say a year, a fourth or fifth time is fine, but the idea is to strictly limit your dalliances with the same provider.
Other times guys want to become “regulars,” though here there are gradations depending upon the guys’ objectives.
If a guy just wants to avoid the awkwardness that accompanies encounters between strangers and be on friendly terms with a provider, it doesn’t take much to become a “regular.” After three times you’re probably a candidate, and once a month or less thereafter is probably enough to qualify. Much will depend on the rapport between you two rather than the number or frequency of sessions, but if she likes you, she’ll skip the up-charge requests, might offer you a discount, and you’ll both do some laughing and talking. In return, you might want to be generous with your tips.
But if a guy wants a provider who’s going to remember his birthday, visit him in the hospital when he’s sick, and so forth, weekly sessions are probably a prerequisite–and then no sure thing. The provider is going to have to like you anyway, which as long as you’re paying her you’re never entirely sure that she does. Plus, don’t be surprised if she asks you to pay for her emergency car repair or something like that.
Finally, if by “regular” you mean that you actually want a girlfriend/mistress instead of a prostitute (and if guys are honest with themselves, this is what many want) the bar is usually a lot higher. I had a provider once tell me that she needed three clients like me a week to make it, and would like me to be all three. I appreciated that and knew she liked me, but also knew that the amount of money she needed was more than I could afford. Actually, several others have made similar propositions. Sometimes providers will like you enough to be willing to offer exclusivity and more (but short of a conventional girlfriend) if you’re willing to cover their monthly nut–and that’s really being a “regular.”
My sense is that most guys start out as clients for the sensible reason that they want to have the kind of sex with attractive women that they want to have and aren’t getting that for free. It’s therefore worth paying for. However, as they say, the brain is the main sex organ, and in my observation many guys are propelled by emotions that they’re often not conscious of. My advice is to be as clear as possible with yourself about why being a “regular” matters to you.
Thanks, this was very helpful.