A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. – P.J. O’Rourke
Today is the third Friday the Thirteenth since I’ve been writing The Honest Courtesan, and there will be three such days this year (today, April 13th and July 13th); as it so happens, three is the maximum number of such days in any given year, though each year has at least one. In my very first column on the subject (Friday, August 13th, 2010) I explained how the superstition arose and why even superstitious whores should consider it lucky for us rather than unlucky:
Given the origin of beliefs about Friday the 13th…even the superstitious whore has nothing to worry about…since Friday is the day sacred to our patron goddess, and 13 the most feminine of numbers, Friday the 13th should be good luck for whores even if it really were bad luck for Christian men. Now, I’m not really superstitious; I don’t believe that a day can bring either good luck or bad. But considering that the reasons for fear of this day are so closely related to the reasons our profession is maligned and suppressed, perhaps whores and those who support our rights should make every Friday the Thirteenth a day to speak out in favor of full decriminalization and an end to the institutionalized persecution of prostitutes.
Nine months later (on Friday, May 13th, 2011) I explained why it’s especially important for my readers who aren’t sex workers to speak out:
A number of advocates are working to respond to the lies, propaganda and misinformation wherever we find them, but…we’re often accused of distorting facts to make ourselves look good, and no matter how assiduously we work to present a balanced view this is a natural and credible accusation against anyone who advocates for some issue which directly concerns her. That’s why allies are so important; it’s much harder for the prohibitionists to shout down people who don’t have a dog in the fight, but merely support prostitutes’ rights on moral grounds. Every Friday the Thirteenth I will ask my readers, especially those of you who aren’t yourselves sex workers, to speak up for us in some way; talk about the issue with someone who will listen, make a post on a discussion board, comment on a news story which spreads disinformation, or even just post a link to this column. If you aren’t confident in your ability to debate, even a simple phrase like “I think adult women should have the right to decide why and with whom they want to have sex” or “everyone has the right to equal protection under the law” might have a tiny but important impact on those who overhear. Because in the final analysis, they’re the ones we have to convince; rational people already support some type of prostitution-law reform and fanatics cannot be convinced by argument because their minds are already made up, but the silent majority – the fence-sitters and swing-voters, the ones who answer “unsure” or “no comment” on polls – are the ones who can and must be made to understand that we are not intrinsically different from other women and deserve the same freedoms and protections that non-harlots take for granted.
Last time around I also offered a synopsis of prohibitionist victories since the last such day, but since I already offered a similar list just two weeks ago I think that would be inexcusably repetitious. And though there are several other days dedicated to fighting for sex worker rights (namely International Sex Workers’ Rights Day on March 3rd, International Whores’ Day on June 2nd and International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers on December 17th), human rights are not something to be discussed only once a year; even six occasions to speak out on the subject are not enough. For me and many others, every day is Friday the Thirteenth, and so it must remain until people wake up and understand that no collective, “authority” or government has the right to tell women what we can and cannot do with our own bodies.
One Year Ago Today
“Harm Reduction” explains the concept of “conditions of victory” and points out that if someone defines “victory” in a struggle as “the achievement of complete and everlasting perfection” he is doomed to eternal disappointment. The essay further examines the vital social role played by prostitution and comments on the insanity of attempting to suppress it.
Well, for me – I speak out on this almost every day but … I have to be “careful” in the way I do it.
I am, at the end of the day, a “family man” and I have to adhere to certain practices of discretion or my family will be hurt, or my livelihood will be threatened. So … if I go around harping solely on sex worker rights – then eye brows get raised and I get placed very neatly in a box marked “pervert” by my friends and co-workers.
When I speak up for sex workers (and I do it a lot) – I make sure to bring it up within the context of “liberty” and / or responsible use of government monies.
So, when the time is right to discuss this – I usually introduce it like … “Why are we legislating morality? Why not decriminalize drugs? Decriminalize Prostitution? Decriminalize the distillation of whiskey in my backyard?” I would say that, about 8 times out of ten, whoever I’m talking to will latch on the “prostitution” part of that statement – because it’s the most salacious part and human attention is just captured by it. Then I can feel free to talk about sex worker rights – and a lot of things I’ve read right here on Maggie’s blog.
Every now and then – during a discussion – I’ll just divert the conversation away from sex workers (so people don’t get suspicious) and say something like … “and let’s not forget the most important part of this for me … I want to distill whiskey in my back yard.” Everyone I know knows I’m interested in moon shining, and have been for a long time. I LOVE moon shine even though I only drink very, very rarely. My favorite is Virginia Lightning – which you can buy online (it’s legal) – and I have a bottle I bought a year ago and it’s still 3/4th full! LOL
But the “moon shining” diversion lasts only a second before whomever I’m talking to wants to go back to the subject of sex workers. 🙂
It’s an important subject to me, not just in the context of “liberty” but also in the context of human rights. As I’ve stated many times before, in the early 1980’s Sailors still had a “Vietnam Stigma” and the public didn’t like us. Our “caste” was the “Dogs, Whores, and Sailors” caste. I get along very well with dogs, to this day … and the Whores always had time for me and my money. I became close friends with one … fell in love with her … lost her … never to see her again – yet over a quarter century later rarely a day goes by when I don’t think about her. To me, she was the finest lady on this planet … a beautiful gem and just a very beautiful human being – she was also someone that was looked down upon by a society that really has no right to look down on anyone.
Injustice just pisses me off. When I read Maggie’s account of her arrest in New Orleans – it really PISSED me off – because this is the society we live in – and, as a guy – it’s frustrating for me that I can’t just solve this problem by punching someone in the nose! 😛
It’s a good column you’ve written here Maggie – and hope everyone reads it and is inspired by it.
Thanks, Krulac…for the compliments, and especially for speaking out! 🙂
By the way – “13” was always my lucky number. I chose it as my number in High School Football when I was a wide receiver because “666” doesn’t fit on a jersey. 😛
I wasn’t a good wide receiver – got too big and too slow but was mean enough so coach made me a linebacker – and let me keep the “13”. That number “psyched out” a lot of QB’s who had to stare at it across the scrimmage line while they were calling plays!
I even got married on the “13th”. 🙂
Mine, too… I was born on a Friday the 13th. 🙂
yes i agree with Krulac. I have worked for a very conservative organization and would be ,in quiet a bit of trouble if i was to come out of the “closet”. very sad. Now is there any on line places i can speack out be anon? Is anyopne eles in my shoes?
ps has anyone heard of the Woodhull sexual freedom alli? is it a good for a donation?
Yeah that’s rough. Where I work now, I have to take “Trafficking in Persons” training every year … every … year. I’m grounded and can’t travel if I fail to accomplish it.
Now – I will also say that I work a lot in frigid temperatures and extremely hot temperatures in places I won’t mention (TMI). Never once have I had training in hypothermia or heat exhaustion. So that kind of gives you an idea of my organization’s priorities. 🙂
But it’s not totally a bad situation as the people who work with me all are warped individuals in some fashion – it’s allowed because of what we do and they’ll find no “straight” idiots to do this job and love it like we do. So I CAN actually talk to them about a lot of things (my immediate coworkers – managers, not so much).
My family is all very conservative but they gave up on me a long time ago! 😛 I’m the only guy who has any stories to tell when we get together for reunions or casual holiday gatherings though – so they love me … like some cute little space alien.
I’m 50 next month and if I died tomorrow – I’ve done enough living for two lifetimes. I’m happy with it. The key is to live farking life. All these moralist people, trying to tell others what to do … they need to go out and LIVE life.
Dear sam, if you don’t mind my asking, what is it you’re in the “closet” for? I’m a bisexual Christian and if it would help you to talk to me, you’re welcome to (Maggie’s welcome to give you my e-mail address and I think I forgot to thank her for doing this in the past…so…thank you Maggie!). Where I’m at with it is I don’t act on my attraction to women anymore (Sailor Barsoom and I go to strip clubs when we can afford it and all I do there is watch and if 1 of the dancers talks to us I’ll talk but won’t do any touching). I’ve found other gay/bisexual Christians online (on Huffington Post on which it was very liberating for me to “come out” when posting comments) and some of them act on their attraction physically. To me that’s between them and God plus the leadership of their church if they go to 1 regularly. There was a gay Mormon man who posted comments who is celibate and it was a revelation to me to talk to someone doing the same thing as me! I’m not Mormon and never will be, but with the other stuff he talked about I thought “I’m NOT alone”! I hope to meet others like me in person 1 day. I’m kind of scared typing this, to be honest. I’m hoping I don’t get any reactions to my choice to not act on it like: you’re wrong to not act on it; you’re really a prude in this area; you think you’re “above” those believers who do act on it, etc. To all this I would say: ###*** that and I have the right to handle this as I want to and I don’t order around any other believer in this area and never will. In my workplace I’ve come out to 1 woman friend so far. It wasn’t in a staff meeting or anything like that. I personally believe that TACT should be used in the workplace along with everywhere else. It was in a short conversation outside the bathroom after we started talking in there about other stuff. People that were walking by could have listened to us. That would have been fine with me. A man that used to work there would announce LOUDLY “I’m gay” at least a few times a day. I don’t want to do that for various reasons. Others in my area didn’t like this either and no, they’re NOT homophobic people (I hate that ASS-umption that if you think tact and restraint are needed in some areas in the workplace that automatically means you’re homophobic). Sam, whatever area you’re having a struggle in I wish you the best with it.
Laura…thanks so much. I would like to tell you my story . However i would like to tell it “Off” forum, privite. I don`t know how to set up the email addresss think.(not super computer savvey) I gave mine to maggie with my ‘\”real “name. let me know. thanks again. Sam
Sam, I’ll send you Laura’s email right now. 🙂
thanks Maggie
Thanks from me also!
Dear Sam, I look forward to hearing your story and understand to a degree about not wanting to put it out in the open online.
Krulac,
funnily enough as a divorced man I get hated on MUCH more for suggesting women be held equal before the law than I get hated on for suggesting that what men and women do in private is no one elses business! LOL!!
I often frame it as:
“I think it is very hypocritical that nearly ALL people in the west take the position that it is perfectly ok for a woman to commit the crimes of perjury, kidnapping, extortion, theft and child abuse (which they do) and then turn around and say that a woman who is NOT committing a crime and giving a man what he wants should be prosecuted as a criminal for something they like to call “prostitution”. Give me a break. Either you prosecute ALL women who are criminals or just let the whole bunch go.”
People have NO IDEA how to come back at me on the prostitution angle so they attack me on the idea that it is obvious I must have MADE my ex commit these crimes.
It’s always quite funny to see them want to go after the prostitution angle but be clearly aware of the absurdity of their position. Though. To be fair. I usually only have that conversation with men.
On the rare occasions I talk to women and the topic of prostitution comes up I usually take the tack of “I wish my ex had the morals of a prostitute, it would have been a big step up.” That really gets women upset! LOL!!
The following link really identifies how much sex work is like any other job. Please have a read.
http://m.smh.com.au/entertainment/movies/sex-and-the-disability–touching-tale-hits-festivals-silver-screen-20110510-1ehbt.html
I wrote about Scarlet Road in my column of December 9th, and added Rachel’s organization, “Touching Base”, to my resources box at the right. I’ve contacted the producers and I’m trying to get a copy of the video for review; I think Rachel and her wonderful work deserve as much publicity as we can give her. 🙂
THANKS for posting this! Ms. Wotton is FOR government $’s to help the disabled men sexually. YES! I found this not long ago:
http://dsq-sds.org/article/view/373/493
It’s WONDERFUL to see others besides Sailor Barsoom and I and whoever else on here is for government $’s to help out the poor men (poor in $’s) sexually! It’s a very important issue to Sailor Barsoom and I. The truth is many disabled men are scraping by with just their costs for food, shelter, medicine, etc., and other things they need to live (literally). They don’t HAVE any extra $’s for whores INCLUDING those who have the lowest rates. The women who help them for free (and there’s others besides me I found out about online) deserve credit also. ALL who help deserve credit. Anyone who’s literally had no $ for food, etc., at any time will know to a degree what it’s like for the disabled who just scrape by and have no $ to spare (yes, I’ve been in the position a few times when I had to ask for help for things like food, etc. Some of those it was through no fault of my own. An example is I was laid off from my job through no fault of my own and was waiting for unemployment benefits to come in). Thanks for listening.
I’ve got getting ready to do, my basic morning stuff, etc. I’m going to follow this link tonight, and will then be able to comment. I may even have a word or two to say about sexual surrogacy.
And Laura: thanks for the link and for the kind words about me. See you in a couple of hours.
OK, I got that stuff done, even did the dishes, had a lllloooonnnnngggggg journey over to Laura’s (I barely missed my bus, Saturday schedule means long wait for the next, etc.), we’re watching a movie, and I finally got the thing she linked to read. I can quibble with a few things, but basically, yeah it seems like a plan.
Here’s one thing that did bother me though: it was stated that many people don’t understand sexual surrogates, and tend to see them as “glorified prostitutes.”
Well aren’t they? They have sex, and are paid for it. There you go. Yes, it was pointed out that oftentimes they will provide erotic touch which doesn’t always include either oral sex or intercourse (though it sometimes does), and it often goes no further than talk. Sounds like a call girl to me.
So why this need to make sure we all understand that this is NOT prostitution, when it quite clearly is? It’s because, well, you know: prostitutes be bad. Surrogates are good, so of course they can’t be prostitutes.
And that’s what bothered me. Get rid of that, and I’m good with it. Even my quibbles seem linked to that.
Dr. Helena was trying to convince me to take surrogate training, but I never really saw the point since their going rate at the time was only $100/hour and I charged $300.
In some ways I’m lucky. I don’t have the “my co-workers will think I’m a pervert” problem because I don’t have any co-workers, and my family and friends already know that I’m a pervert. 🙂
Then again, I can’t afford a lot of things, so it isn’t all good. Ah well, I’m used to it. Here’s what I posted to my Facebook:
I have mentioned your blog a couple of times, so far, on Finnish discussion boards, in connection to local newspaper articles which mention prostitution. I hope at least a few people have come to take a look. You speak a lot better for the profession than I could.
A question: have you seen any episodes of that British tv drama ‘Secret Diary of a Call Girl’? If you have, would you happen to have a review stashed somewhere here?
Thank you, Marja! I haven’t seen any episodes of Secret Diary of a Call Girl, but if it helps any I can give you a link to The Sex Myth, the blog of Dr. Brooke Magnanti (whose writings the series is based on).
It’s a good show… I enjoyed it.
Thank you, both. I don’t watch much tv but I like to, occasionally, buy series as dvds, and the first season of ‘Secret Diary…’ seems to be on sale here right now. Might be worth a look.
I don’t have a lot of time for blogging lately, so I just put up a quick blurb on my blog. Still, I’m working toward that coveted Friend of Whores link!
You’ve got it! Since you don’t have a one-sentence description prominently displayed as many do, could you provide one for me? And I wouldn’t mind a permanent link in your blogroll, either. 😉
The other day I was listening to a BBC documentary on how now women in richer nations, such as the USA, Western Europe, are hiring women in poorer nations (They focused mostly on India) to be surrogates for them, to conceive, carry and birth babies for them.
The women in the poorer nations see this as a good deal. One interviewed had done it twice, and was able to buy a home for her family. Another said it made her financially independent. Of course, families of the women who choose this don’t always understand, and it’s not totally socially acceptable. See some parallels here?
Infertile couples have been hiring surrogates in their own countries for some time.
So how is this legal? Why is it that I could rent out my womb for nine months, but not other body parts for an hour? What’s the rational behind this?
I discussed exactly that in my original “Welcome To Our World” column last January; as you might expect, it’s been made illegal in some countries, and the rhetoric is exactly like that used against us.
This is because men are starting to pick up on this. Australia is one country that has passed legislation to may it illegal for an australian citizen to use a surrogate to produce a baby anywhere in the world. Think about that. The Australian guvment thinks it can tell Australian citizens what they can do ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD.
And people wonder why I rescinded my consent to be governed?
For those who do not know. Ronaldo, the famous portugese footballer had a surrogate child and retained 100% guardianship.
I think more men will do this.
I agree on surrogacy, it is the safest way for a man to have a child at this time. India may be the most well-known country for commercial surrogacy, but Ukraine and Russia are both pretty good as well.
Neofeminists refer to it as “womb prostitution” and will try to criminalize it everywhere they can.
[…] anything. Well, it’s just this: from soon after the beginning of my own blog three years ago, I’ve asked those who aren’t sex workers to speak up for our rights on that day. The gay rights movement didn’t really take off until the friends and families of gay people […]