Mentoring

Experience is the teacher of all things.  –  Julius Caesar, The Civil War

As I pointed out in last Friday’s column, one advantage of properly-run brothels is that they allow women to group together for support and defense; they also allow experienced girls to give advice to younger ones.  Good escort services also facilitate this; for all of Pam’s bad traits, I must give her credit for allowing and encouraging girls to talk and learn from one another, and I was always happy to provide advice to new girls (my typical interview was over an hour long and I always tried to make time for questions and problems, especially from girls under 25).  The internet has allowed a much larger fraction of whores to be independent,  and while that’s good because it allows them to keep more of their money and to avoid exploitative agents (such as unethical service or brothel owners), it also promotes isolation and makes it harder for a neophyte hooker to obtain guidance from her elders.  Some escort message boards such as ECCIE have “provider only” sections where women can share their experiences and post questions for others to answer, and some escorts are fortunate enough to have friends in the business they can rely on; however, those who are not yet in the business can’t access those private board areas, and may not have (or know of) any friends who have done the work.  So as you might expect, it’s not unusual for me to get emails from readers who are contemplating a career in harlotry and want advice.

Now, my first advice to any woman considering this is: read a few dozen of my columns; understand that hooking is not “easy money” no matter what the “whores are lazy” crowd may think; recognize that sex work has its good points and bad points like any other kind of work; and keep in mind that it’s not for everybody.  But if you really feel like it might be the job for you and you’d like my advice on some point, please feel free to email me and I’ll answer you as quickly as I can, usually the same day.  Here are a couple of recent examples which may help others thinking about it; you might also comb the Q & A category to see if anything else catches your attention.

The past few months I’ve been considering becoming a whore, but I’m a pretty shy person and not very confident, so I don’t know if this is for me.  Is it possible for someone like me to enjoy this type of work and be good at it?  In your experience are most clients easy to please?  I really worry about not being that good and letting someone down.

It’s possible for a shy woman to be good at sex work, providing she isn’t so shy she can’t face strange men naked; some people find their shyness evaporates when operating from a different brain region, just like many stutterers don’t stutter when they sing.  Have you had any experience with stranger sex before?  If you have, and had no problem with it, doing the same thing for pay isn’t a whole lot different; you may even find that it builds up your confidence.  Most clients aren’t at all hard to please, though of course there are exceptions.  My greatest concern is your inexperience; I think it might be a good idea for you to start with an agency if possible rather than going it alone.  This will give you the opportunity to learn from more experienced girls and to have backup, and if you do like it you can go independent later.

I was wondering did you ever have a client who physically repulsed you?  What did you do then?  Because I am considering “harlotry”:  we are poor but I have quite grand aspirations and need money for them to be realized.  The fact that I might find a client disgusting is my only apprehension, so could you put this to rest? 

I had many clients who physically repulsed me; it goes with the territory (one of the strongest examples is detailed in “No Other Option”).  However, you’d be surprised how little it matters after a while; the job itself becomes one’s focus rather than the client, and his looks cease to matter.  The one thing most whores find it hardest to overcome is a repulsion to bad smell, since our reactions to such tend to be more visceral; fortunately, it’s extremely rare that a man meets an escort without bathing first, which reduces the number of such cases to a minimum.

You said “we” are poor so I’m guessing you’re married or in a relationship; if so, I warn you to consider very carefully before going into escorting.  While some men react very well, others become much more jealous than they thought they would be, and still others get “pimpish”, trying to take control of your money (or just spending it wildly) and becoming lazy themselves.  So you really need to watch carefully for signs of either extreme, even if you think your man “isn’t like that” (jealousy and money do strange things).  Also, please consider working for a service at first, or at least joining an escort board where you can learn from more experienced girls and ask them for advice.

There are two more bits of advice I’d like to offer both of you ladies, and any other aspiring whores reading this:  First, don’t ever go into a call without somebody dependable knowing where you are; it’s best if you check in with that person as soon as you’re paid, because as I explained in “What the Hell Were You Thinking?”:

Not only does a callout give one an excuse to escape from a situation which has become uncomfortable or potentially dangerous, it also sends a clear message to the man:  People know where I am and how long I’m supposed to be here.  Most of you have probably heard the saying “Locks don’t stop a thief, they just keep honest men honest”; this is the same thing.  It’s difficult to stop someone who intends to commit a crime with malice aforethought; what basic protective measures do is to deter opportunistic crimes.  Locks prevent morally weak people from being tempted to easy thefts, and the knowledge that others know a woman is with him might stop a man with poor impulse control from succumbing to the desire to rape her.  It’s not foolproof, but it does work; I can remember a number of cases in which a “creepy” client’s demeanor changed when I checked in, or when a man who was slipping out of my control was shocked back into civilized behavior by the ringing phone signaling his time was up.

Second, you might consider investing in Amanda Brooks’ Internet Escorts’ Handbooks; Amanda knows her stuff and I’ve heard very good things about these volumes.

One Year Ago Today

“Another Example of Swedish ‘Feminism’” demonstrates the disgusting truth about what Sweden represents as policies of “female empowerment”.