The word career is a divisive word. It’s a word that divides the normal life from business or professional life. – Grace Paley
A couple of months ago I saw an article on a study which found that members of couples can probably tell when their partners are faking orgasm; it bore the provocative title “Your Partner Knows When You’re Faking”. My immediate reaction? “I’m a professional, Honey; maybe yours know, but mine don’t.” But that little joke set off a train of thought: isn’t it likely that one of the reasons so many women are anti-whore is that they’re intimidated by our superior sexual skills? To be sure, not every whore is a virtuoso in the bedroom; some get by on looks alone, or cater to unusual fetishes, or have incredible charm, and some just excel at marketing. But by and large, the average professional has both a greater range of skills and is better at each than the average amateur. Part of the reason is that we get a lot more practice, and part is necessity: except as noted above, we have to be better at it because our livelihoods depend on it.
I don’t think I’m saying anything controversial here; the sexual proficiency of harlots is not really in dispute. Male commenters on this blog have often praised the abilities of their favorites, and our prowess underlies the myths depicting us as enchantresses, succubae and vampires. Insecure men fear that we will control them thus, and insecure women fear that we will steal their husbands (presumably to add to our collections); the whole “pimp” and “sex slave” mythology derives from the need to deny the legendary sexual powers of whores by pretending that we’re the pathetic, powerless victims of men. Nor are those women with enough sense to know that hookers really aren’t interested in their husbands wholly immune; many of them find the very idea that other women are better in bed than they are somewhat upsetting. Remember, society defines a woman by her sexuality to a far greater degree than it does a man: she is assigned to either the “Madonna” or “whore” category based upon it; selling sex is called “selling herself”, as though sex constituted her entire being; and sexual violation is supposed to utterly destroy her soul and irremediably pollute her body. Nor is it only traditional “patriarchal” thought which elevates female sexuality thus; neofeminists are simultaneously obsessed with it and defined by their rejection of it. So it’s not surprising that many women would be intimidated by the knowledge that others are better in the sack than they are; on some level, they see whores as better women than they are, and must reject that painful concept by imagining us as the exact opposite.
Of course, this is all a load of nonsense. Sexual ability is a skill, no more or less valuable than many others; it isn’t magical, earth-shaking or ego-defining. Some people have a natural talent for it, and others don’t; some take the time to develop it, and others don’t; some earn their bread by it, and others don’t. Yes, I’m better at sex than most women; I’m also an above-average cook and (so I’m told) an excellent writer. My business skills, however, are below par; my housekeeping skills are mediocre at best and my musical ability is practically nonexistent. The fact that I possess the talents necessary to succeed as a professional sexual partner does not make me a better woman than someone who lacks those talents, but neither does it make me a worse one; each of us has her role to play, and society would have a lot fewer problems if each of us concentrated on her own rather than attempting to perform, critique or manage everyone else’s.
Even though there might be some truth in the statement about averages this article is one which stimulates the annoying “Can you give me sex-tips?” questions.
Interesting thought, I suspect that as a skill its like any other skill it takes time and commitment to develop.
Which places a degree of difficult in those societies were women who seek to increase their skill in this subject (having sex) is considered bad and shameful.
This is compounded by mass media that does its best to try and make people insecure in order to sell them products.
Additionally I found this article particularly interesting regarding Female perception of purity.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/02/slutshaming-isnt-related-sexual-activity_n_5418711.html
What a well written piece this was. I read it to the wife and she concurred. 🙂
I’m going to have to disagree with you on this one, at least from my perspective. Now … let me caveat that my sexual preferences tend to lean heavily toward male dominant – so I don’t really have great expectations for a girl beyond that she “show up” and have a good attitude.
I will admit that most hookers are a lot better at oral than “amateurs” – that’s a skill. Oral is nice for me – it’s not by any means the object though. And – hookers are a lot less “inhibited”. You can get them to do certain things and get in certain positions that you’d have to spend awhile “grooming” a “free” girl before she’s comfortable enough to do them with you.
But, as far as “sexual response” goes – amateurs have it hand’s down. This is expected since, before two people engage in “free” coitus … you kind of figure they are naturally sexually attracted to each other. I mean – I could go more into this but it’s a lot of “TMI” – I think most people know what I’m talking about here.
There’s nothing like seeing the physical signs of female desire focused on me – and knowing that I am responsible for producing those reactions. I’m not talking about orgasms – those are easy to fake. I’m talking about the other physical indicators that manifest themselves during (and before) the sex act.
This goes beyond what you’re talking about here – but there is also the “hunting / courtship / seduction” thing that you have to do with “free” girls. THIS is particularly exciting to me, and is almost as enjoyable as the sex itself.
Like I said though – my tastes tend to run VERY primal. Now, I do have an “ATF” that I’ve seen a lot over the last two years or so. We have kind of a “thing” … it’s not a relationship per se – but over the last year or so of regular visits she has started to produce a lot of those physical signs of female arousal. And when we get together – she’s a lot less inclined to “show off” for me and more willing to relax and enjoy things herself – because she knows I like that. The sex with her has taken on a completely different aspect than when we first met.
I’m not talking about orgasms – those are easy to fake. I’m talking about the other physical indicators that manifest themselves during (and before) the sex act.
There are women that can have a real orgasm under laboratory conditions just by fantasizing – no physical stimulation required. The signs of arousal – all of them – can also be induced by intense mental imaging.
I’m missing your point here.
The point is that everything can be faked.
You’re citing the “exception to the rule” … by and large … most women – free or otherwise – don’t know how to “fake” the kinds of things I’m talking about.
Let me try to clarify my point here. As usual – I didn’t do very good.
I think you are right in that many “amateurs” are jealous of a hooker’s skill. I think that is correct.
What I’m saying is … they needn’t be. As with most things – there’s a natural balance and a “yin / yang”. Amateur women have advantages they may not really know they have – but probably SHOULD know that they have. This might make them a bit less “fearful” of hookers.
As you’ve stated so many times – escorts sell “an illusion”. An “illusion” is great – but it’s not the real thing and guys like me notice the difference between being plugged into “The Matrix” and not being plugged in. I know hunters who enjoy eating their own venison more than any premium ribeye steak they could buy at Rouse’s. For them – it’s the whole package. It’s not just the eating, it’s in hunting down the game and preparing it themselves.
That’s kind of the way guys like me are with sex. It’s the whole thing. There’s a thrill lacking in the experience if the danger of failure isn’t present. I can spend time with a woman courting / seducing her … and if I say the wrong thing – BOOM! I’m done. She runs off into the woods and I’m done for the night. So that’s one aspect of it. I tend to enjoy things that I have to work for over things I don’t have to work hard for.
The second is … COMPLETE SURRENDER – and this requires NO SKILL from a woman other than to have the inhibition to let go completely and just let me take charge. When I have experienced such women in my lifetime – I almost ALWAYS fall in love with them and become wrapped around their little finger. Even though those girls give me all the power in bed – they control a HUGE portion of me beyond it. And THAT is something a lot of women don’t realize either.
That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy escorts. Escorts are wholly a more safe route to go. And really, I have had some pretty engaging experiences with escorts – but not with the kind of regularity I have with so-called “free” girls. I mean – it’s like the ribeye steak from Rouse’s – it’s goddamn good eating even if you didn’t have to hunt it down yourself.
I believe the bulk root of women’s hatred of sex workers is simple. It’s not jealousy over sexual skills, but a refusal to accept that any sort of “cheating” is acceptable, and whores help men cheat.
Well you hit a vein of truth with that one.
Good example. I got a friend of mine who’s “alpha” like me – big time. He’s got this little girl who is hot as shit and much younger than he is. I know for a fact she’s attracted to “alpha” guys – I know her history with men, and they all have that in common.
But she had a discussion with me the other night – about how much she HATES cheaters. This came up because she spotted a guy and a gal together in the bar – who were married to different people. I mean – the spit and vile in her eyes were palpable – and it made me uncomfortable.
Now she’s got this “alpha” guy – and she’s attracted to him because of those “alpha” qualities – but the first thing she wants to do is nip his “alpha” tendencies – the very things that make him who he is. He’s gonna come to a hard realization with this girl the first time he strays … or the first time she catches him.
I had a girlfriend once who was much more practical. She told me straight up – “I know what kind of guy you are – and I don’t have a problem with it but …”
She put “rules” on me for who I could cheat with. These rules were designed to limit me to women I wouldn’t fall in love with. First rule was … “no other white women”. Now I’m white – and I’m not racist. I don’t know why this is but I’m not physically attracted to black chicks. Asian women – yeah, I’m attracted to them physically but not so much on an intellectual level. She had this figured out in me from the get-go. So if I was overseas and she wasn’t around – it was fine for me grab an Asian girl and have some fun. In Australia though? Oh hell no – the rule was “don’t touch”. She didn’t mind me sleeping with other girls – she just didn’t want me becoming emotionally involved with other girls. The other rule was … “always use a condom”.
Women who want an alpha man but don’t want the natural polyamory that comes with them are simply a case of one wanting to have one’s cake and wanting to eat it too.
There is truth in both Maggie’s comment regarding a professional’s skill as well as Krulac’s “enthusiastic amateur”.
The real problem is that a significant number of non-professional women seem to have the idea that the very fact that they are physically present and have consented to intercourse is all that is required to provide the man with a satisfactory sexual experience. So we have the worst of both worlds, lack of skill and an absence of enthusiasm.
Yep, and I had a girlfriend for three months just like that. Aside from the girls I’ve met at German FKK’s – she was the hottest chick I ever had. Bikini model extra in some 80’s TV shows filmed in Hawaii. She had “gypsy” blood in her – which maybe that’s why I equate her to the chicks at the FKK – since most of them are Romanian and have gypsy in ’em too.
Complete piece of “plywood”. Just laid there. I swear I even caught her checking her watch a few times during. She was smoking hot enough to be in Playboy magazine – and she knew it. She could have any guy she wanted. Therefore, any man was “lucky” if she picked him and he ought to be satisfied enough with that. So she didn’t put much into it. Her attitude, literally would be … “Okay boy, let’s take care of you … okay now, you done? Good – I want to go to the beach now.”
Top it off … though she was the hottest free girl I was ever with – she was by far the DUMBEST I’ve ever been with. The only saving grace was the fact that she didn’t open her mouth enough to make it clearly obvious to everyone what a sack of hammers her mind was. Not the kind of girl you sit around having deep discussions with or learn anything from. Intelligence is something that also turns me on – because I think, man or woman, we’re all born half a human being until we find someone of the opposite sex that can complete that. I need the feminine perspective to balance me out. She didn’t have ANY perspective.
But man, while I was dating her – all my guy-friends thought I had a 12-inch dick to be dating a girl like that. They didn’t really realize (or maybe they didn’t even care) about how stupid and self-absorbed she was. I have gone out with girls MUCH less attractive – to the point other guys said … “Hey Krulac – what’s the deal bro? Why you datin’ her? She’s uber-plain, you know!” And all I could think was … “Yeah, but you really need to see what’s under this one’s HOOD!” Some girls are like that – and that’s another thing women should know. It’s not all in the looks.
Even if the girl is “plain” – as long as she realizes and is good with the fact that she’s never going to be a centerfold … but there’s a lot “under the hood” that she knows she has going for her … she can still catch a dude and keep him. A lot of these girls realize that all they need to do is get the guy’s foot in the door and they realize it doesn’t take much for us guys to get our foot in the door. Once we see what’s inside – we get hooked if there’s good shit in there.
And one more thing … ALL the girls I ever dated for more than a few weeks – walked around casually naked when I was with them. No “covering” with a towel after they walked out of the shower or while they were blow-drying their hair or brushing their teeth. Sue, the bikini model – did it because she liked looking at herself in the mirror but the other ones did it because they were comfortable with their body-image of themselves – even the flaws. I’ve never even had one of those that wanted to turn out the lights in the room during sex. So I think this says something about the kind of girls that guys like me get attracted to in the first place.
Conversely – I hear tales all the time from guys who are dating girls who have “issues” with body image and they NEVER have a good time with these chicks even though some of the guys end up marrying them. It never goes well though.
I’m not gonna brag because I’m not the greatest catch in the world myself – but I got that part of reading women down right.
that is the perspective of the escort who thinks she can just get by being above average in appearance and then starts trying to figure out why guys don’t repeat with her. These girls don’t realize most clients are there for more than just the sex.
Part of it is also probably attitude. A huge part of being good in bed, for a woman, is being uninhibited and enjoying it. Those are personality/mental traits. Sex workers are probably more in tune with that. If not actually uninhibited and enjoying themselves, a skilled one is at least good at pretending to be.
Maggie, very interesting post, but why is it that sex workers have better sexual function than non-whores? If it’s such an easy skill to learn, why do two-thirds of women report some form of sexual dysfunction?
Check your premises. If two-thirds of a group report something, that’s normal, not dysfunctional. Normal function is what it is, not what we might like it to be.
If a large number report dissatisfaction with the way they are in bed, that may be “normal” but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a problem, or that they shouldn’t try to solve it.
(Though I suspect the answer to sexhysteria’s question is simply that people who feel they have such problems are less likely to go into the business, just as my susceptibility to motion sickness makes it unlikely that I’ll ever become a pilot.)
jdgalt: You’re right.
In two separate surveys (one published in JAMA, the other by ABC), only one-third of women said they always or usually have orgasms during intercourse. In other words, two-thirds of women never have orgasm (or not usually) during intercourse. If men were in that condition, what would we call it?
I know what Maggie is going to say: We can’t expect women to meet male standards. She means like the male standard of body temperature and blood pressure? The male standard of blood-gas exchange, electrolyte balance, and renal function? We shouldn’t expect a clitoris to maintain a robust erection after puberty as it does in early childhood before girls have been mentally castrated?
The best test of female sexual function is that you can see and feel her clitoris erect. When a woman is sexually functional, her erect clitoris can take a licking and keep on ticking. My tongue fatigues long before a clitoral erection does. I give my tongue a rest by sucking on the shaft of the clit between my lips, and the clit still stays as hard as a rock.
If this were some isolated case, I would suspect clitoral “priaprism,” but it is a repeated, cross-cultural observation. It’s time for all you ladies to start thinking about how to prevent widespread sexual dysfunction in future generations of growing girls. I don’t think denying there is a problem will solve it.
Here’s my suggestion for a first step: Send messages to the Kinsey Institute, Journal of Sex Research, Journal of Sexual Medicine, etc., asking them why they don’t disconfirm the hypothesis of the cause of clitoral erectile dysfunction described in my blog. Then I’ll shut up and tend my flower garden contentedly.
I have disagree with a few of the points made in the post. A few years ago, I had to devote most of my time to running a business and had no time to date, and I hadn’t had sex in a while, so I thought the logical answer would be to find an escort I could see regularly so that the sex would be comparable to an NSA hookup, at least. Over an 18 month span, I spent $22,000.00+, (which is not high rolling in this world, but it’s not time wasting, either). I never booked less than 2 hours and even tried an overnight.
I never did find the sex I was hoping to find. I admit to having very high expectations, that few civilians have met, but only one of the escorts reached the level of the poorest civilian sex I’ve had. I seriously doubt it was me. The escorts I saw offered me a fair amount of OTC time, including buying me lunch/dinner, inviting me to,party with her and some of friends. Basically, they did the kinds of things that any business would do to retain a client who pays well and isn’t a pain in the ass.
The problem is that escorts typically do exactly as you have said in another post. They do not want anything, sexually. I like doing things to women because it turns me on. I’m turned on by figuring a woman out sexually. The fact that an escort is indifferent to performing oral sex on me, for example, instead of being turned on by it and wanting to do it for her own satisfaction is immediately obvious and there is no way an escort can disguise that, at least not with me.
An escort wants to know what I want, but what I want is for a woman to do what turns her on and in the process she will find what turns me on, if she’s really into what she’s doing and intelligent enough. I really don’t see why an escort cannot do this if she actually has that ability, is selective in choosing clients and sets a price commensurate with that ability (and it is an ability that few people possess, civilian or escort, so, it should be worth money).
Civilian women are afraid of what they perceive is an escort’s skill and experience, but neither of those has much to do with being good in bed. Skill is merely learning some mechanics. One cannot be sensual without being turned on by what one experiences with his/her senses. The same thing applies to music or any endeavor. Two people can play the same notes or paint the same scene, but there will be a difference.