Well, to be sure, what’s one man’s meat is another man’s poison, and the same is altogether as true of women. – Henry Fielding, Tom Jones (VII, vii)
Most people understand that everyone is different, and that things which are vitally important to one person may be of no consequence to another. In fact, some people might invest a great deal of energy in avoiding that which others invest equal energy in seeking. There are morning people and night people, city mice and country mice, carnivores and vegans, introverts and extroverts. But it seems as though economics often favors one set of priorities over another, so that the things which are prized by the majority are more expensive – often much more expensive – than those prized by the minority. That’s usually a boon for those of us with minority preferences, but trying to explain that to those with majority preferences can result in strange looks and expressions of incredulity.
Take real estate, for example; needless to say, property in a city is more expensive than property farther away from one (and the farther out, the cheaper). I discovered this the very first time I bought real estate: the things I felt were important in a property (such as its size, relative isolation and lack of laws, rules and covenants restricting its use) nearly always reduced its price rather than raising it. Similarly, my aversion to annoying bells and whistles that make machines far more likely to break results in a preference for less expensive models with fewer options. Even most of the food I like best tends to be on the cheap side; I find that with a few notable exceptions, expensive restaurants are not usually better restaurants, and that larger numbers in the price column rarely translate into better taste, larger portions, more interesting selections, better service or anything else I value in a dining experience.
During my book and speaking tour this summer (which, BTB, ends today; I’m leaving New Orleans this morning and should be home by dark) I discovered another way in which my priorities are almost upside-down from most people’s: what I consider the important and desirable qualities of a hotel. To be sure, I value some things just as much as everyone else; I want my room to be clean and well-kept, with attractive furnishings and a comfortable bed. I want it to be conveniently situated in a safe neighborhood and to have helpful staff that are available when I need them, and it’s nice if there are restaurants nearby. But beyond those basics, it seems as though the more expensive hotels are less likely to have amenities I want, and more likely to have qualities I find annoying, unpleasant or even infuriating.
First and foremost, I like to know exactly what I’m paying for a room when I check in. Obviously, if I were staying in a five-star hotel on someone else’s tab this really wouldn’t matter because I’d still know exactly what I was paying, namely zero. But that generally isn’t the case, and there’s no better way to irritate me than to subject me to a constant barrage of nickel-and-dime charges for parking, internet, telephone (back in pre-cell days), coffee, things “helpfully” left in the room and other “incidentals”. Next, I like my privacy; one would think most people do, yet the more expensive hotels are the ones more likely to pry into guests’ business, spy on their comings and goings, and rat them out to the thugs should they decide something is amiss. Oddly enough, expensive hotels are also busier and noisier than mid-range ones; in my escorting days I discovered that the noise level and number of obnoxious drunks per capita was often almost as high in the four-star places as one would expert in a scary no-star dive. And since the fancy hotels are often downtown, that means a lost guest is much more likely to find himself on skid row than he would if he were staying in the suburbs.
All in all, I find that I tend to enjoy the two-and-a-half or three-star business-class hotels best. The rooms are just as clean as in the ritzy places, and the staff friendlier; most of the guests are businesspeople rather than tourists or locals going “out on the town”, and that means they’re quieter and much too busy minding their own business to be minding mine (the staff tends to be the same way). Many of them have refrigerators and/or microwave ovens in the rooms, and many have free breakfast (which in the case of Hilton properties is really excellent, with lots of delicious choices). These hotels generally don’t require complicated rigmarole (or entrusting my car to a stranger) to park, and since they regularly deal with accounting departments they know better than to provide amenities a la carte. And since they are used to dealing with businesspeople, the staff at such places are much more accustomed to dealing with practical issues like “can you print this for me?” and “where’s the nearest post office?” than the staff at the snobbier places…and they don’t have their hands out afterward.
I’m beginning to get a lot more requests for speaking engagements these days, and will thus be staying in a lot more hotels (rather than just visiting for an hour or so) than in the past. So if you find yourself in charge of making my arrangements, please keep this column in mind; a Hilton Garden or something of that type will make me much happier than a “better” hotel which would cost you much more. And I’m a sucker for those delicious fresh cookies they put out for guests in the evening.
My experience has been the same.
I’ve never really paid attention to the “star” ratings. Who makes those ratings? Trip Advisor has ratings based on traveler reviews – but I don’t think those are the official ratings. So who decides what a five-star hotel really is?
The “five-stars” … overseas … I generally feel like I’m cooped up in a prison for foreigners – a NICE prison … but still a prison. This is fine for Japan because I really don’t want to get stuck in a truly “local” type hotel there. I don’t speak Japanese and don’t agree to much with their food or their amenities – like extremely tiny rooms.
But, in other countries in Europe and Scandinavia – I generally shoot for the three-star even though I’m not really paying (my employer is). I don’t feel like I’m trapped on a tourist compound in those. They aren’t really as busy so I can actually hold conversations with the staff and learn a lot about the area.
The pillows are the make it/break it difference between the high price “hoity-toity” hotels and the better ones where I want to stay. I cannot sleep on a massive pillow the size of a small microwave. Good, cheap, normal hotels have normal, comfortable, flat pillows that can be slept on. Pricey hotels try to make it look as if pillows have sprouted like massive mushrooms of oversized dinosaur popcorn out of the bed – there can be as many as 6 enormous, useless, uncomfortable pillows, good only for flinging at people.
Clean room, big bed with a firm mattress and good Internet are what I care about, since all I do in most hotel rooms is sleep overnight. If I’m staying in the hotel for more than 1 day, maybe a nice swimming pool not swarming with screaming kids (a rarity, but I like it when I find it).
Anybody else notice that you can’t download shit off a hotel internet? Doesn’t matter what it is … or how fast the server seems to be when browsing … but if I try to do something like download a movie off iTunes – it will take forfuckinever – sometimes 12 hours or even more. I think they limit downloading.
Hotel internet connections (and to a lesser extent all free wi-fi) are both very insecure and frequently targeted by would-be thieves, who can easily skim any passwords you enter there. I don’t think the deeper tech details would be on-topic here (search krebsonsecurity.com or troyhunt.com for starters), but all these places are best avoided, at least if you’re going to log into anything that needs a password, even if it’s your own e-mail account.
Not a problem really. Of course you should never send passwords over non-encrypted connections unless you own the network. For most things, simple https is quite secure enough. For things like logging into your own servers, use secure shell (ssh) or some VPN solution.
That is to say, basically no Internet connection is secure without encryption these days, so Hotels, free Wifi, etc. are not really any worse.
They do. Or rather the typical hotel has Internet access outsourced to some company that does. There are sometimes some tricks around that, but no general ones. It is really ridiculous these days, as bandwidth has become so cheap.
Since most business travelers now get to pick their own hotels while subject to goverment ‘per diem’ maximum nightly rates based on city, there is a lot of competition to attract those customers at that price point. Mid-tier hotels have to roll out the nice breakfasts, free internet, etc. to try and keep people loyal and maximize perceived value.
The top tier hotels seem to target the upper class customer who doesn’t care what things cost and also the conference racket where travelers end up staying at the location because commuting to the conference from another hotel isn’t practical. Most business policies and the government allow for paying higher per-night fees to attend a collocated conference.
As far as the large pillows go, there is an unfortunate race to the bottom on that and almost every hotel I’ve stayed at in the last 2 years has gone to giant, neck wrenching pillows.
I agree with the nickel and dime crap. Some years ago my wife and I drove from our home in central FL (same county as Kennedy Space Center) to southern FL for a weekend. I called the hotel directly to make a reservation, and specifically mentioned that we would be driving from up the coast, and inquired about adequate parking. I was told that they had a parking garage and that there was plenty of parking spaces for guests. I was NOT told that it cost $10/day to park your car there, even though you were a guest of the hotel. When I went to check in they told me about the extra charge. I got REALLY pissed, explained that I had called the hotel directly to make reservations and had specifically inquired about parking, no such charge was mentioned, and when I told them I would go find another hotel that might actually be up front about all charges I should expect, they decided to grant me free parking.
P.S. I hope you made it home OK.
I’d agree with you, Maggie; smaller, simpler hotels are far more friendly than 5-star establishments. I don’t want a full time butler, I want to be left in peace.
In Ireland, there has been a very considerable rise in ‘B&Bs’ in the last few decades—bed and breakfast establishments, usually in people’s houses. They offer clean, comfortable rooms, friendly service and a very hearty breakfast; they don’t usually offer dinner, and they aren’t licenced. They are generally very good value.
I’m just back from a few days in England; I stayed in a gastropub; a mistake, perhaps; the room, despite a 30% discount, was dearer than the hotel I stayed in last year for B&B. But the food was excellent, and very cheap—because the son, who’s a chef there, did the accounting. It had only three rooms; and it was enjoyable to be able to chat to the locals, and to the staff, and to recognise them as real people, not just hired hands. If you can find a good English Inn, they are usually great places to stay, inexpensive and friendly. (Of course, were you still working, they wouldn’t be the best choice, neither would the Irish B&Bs.)
I have much the same preferences. As to having simpler equipment, software, tools, that is even one of the central principles of all good engineering, called “KISS” (Keep It Simple and Stupid), too often ignored both by designers and customers these days. What you often get is then “gold plated” (another engineering term for having lots and lots of not needed features) but often hardly functional in its core aspects.
I also agree on the hotels: I go there to sleep and maybe for some last-minute work, not for some kind of “experience”. Fortunately, the “business” style is the much more common in Europe and prying into guests business is usually regarded as bad style.
Anyways, congratulations on the successful conclusion of your first tour!
I’ve booked a room in a 2½ star hotel because that’s what I can afford. Everything I could find out about the place indicates that it’s fine. It’s not on the beach, but it’s only a seven minute walk away. It has a minifridge, coffee maker, and microwave. It has two twin beds so Tracy doesn’t have to sleep with me. Not I’d mind…
And now I read this. Makes me feel better still about my choice. So thanks!