Once I let a man wing by without references; he claimed to be a lawyer who would bring his business card along. But instead of a safe, elderly client, what I got instead was a whole squad of cop cars and repeated pounding on my door. I wasn’t stupid enough to open it, and eventually they left. I moved immediately, and never again will I trust an unscreened client. But with MyRedBook gone, I am leery of references; I’m desperately looking for an alternative, but my hopes aren’t high. Do you have any screening procedures you could recommend, now that references are becoming a thing of the past?
References are a great method of screening, but not the only way. You could try running a client’s name through Intellius or a similar “background check” service, or simply Googling it; alas, you can only get really good results from either of those if the client is willing to give you his full name, age and address, and anyone who is reluctant to give references may be equally reluctant to provide other screening info. P411 uses employment screening, and you can do it yourself just as they do; simply call the client’s work and ask to speak to Mr. So-and-So, then make sure the man you’re connected to is the one you spoke to before. If you have never heard of the company, you need to check up on it in the phone book and online; cops can create fake companies, but such fakes won’t have any kind of history in public records. The most important kind of screening, though, is your gut; talk to the man on the phone and see how you feel about him. If he seems creepy, cocky, suspicious or overly interested in details, or even if he just sets off your alarm bells in a way you can’t adequately define, you may want to pass on seeing him. Of course, some cops are such practiced sociopaths that they can lie to their victims and seem perfectly normal while doing it, so you will probably want to take the final precaution of not revealing your exact address until he arrives nearby at the proper time and calls you. Not giving an exact location in advance makes it much harder for cops to organize the kind of nasty trick they pulled on you before. If you really want to be cautious, you could even meet the client in a nearby cafe or the like, so that you can look him in the eye and feel him out before taking the final step of letting him in your door.
Remember, long before the advent of the internet, we relied on our instincts to screen clients, and we mostly did pretty well. And now that our enemies are attacking the external methods by which we protect ourselves, the old ones supplied by Mother Nature are becoming much more important again.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
I have been hearing that references are becoming more and more rare. I thought it was just simply “territorial behavior” by some hookers in my area who didn’t like outside women coming in to steal business. My ATF will not give a reference to an out of state traveling hooker. She says they rarely will give a reference to her so payback is a bitch.
I’ve also heard that some escorts who are asked for a reference will then get on the phone to the client and try to “steal” him from the girl who is asking for the reference. I’m not sure how much of this is actually happening though.
I used to be a big proponent of just giving your info to the girl and trusting her. But … I once gave ALL my info to an escort who later proved to have been a psycho – who outed clients and videotaped them coming through the door. Luckily I found out before I actually saw her. She still has my info though.
There are valid reasons for not accepting references that don’t boil down to ‘territorial behavior’. Men can and will behave differently with different women – demonstrating that he’s been with two women who found him to be a gentleman completely ignores that he may have been a violent sadist with a third. The only truly dangerous man I’ve encountered in my career screened perfectly, back when I was accepting references and P411. These days, I don’t consider either acceptable, it’s simply far too easy for a man to run fake information with those methods (not to mention Maggie’s previous discussions of LE infiltration of P411). Securing real world information and cross checking it thoroughly with work or other means is the only reasonably safe option I know of for screening, and even then, it only keeps honest men honest while discouraging the psychos.
I didn’t mean to infer that escorts ONLY refuse to give references due to “territorial behavior” – but it is one reason. I have talked with many escorts in my area and you should listen to how they talk about out of town travelling escorts. My area is pretty high rate (so most guys say – I don’t think it’s so much) … it’s at a minimum of $300 / hour. Over in Houston – they are saturated with hot, young escorts and the rate is lower. A few have moved to my area – and charged the same rate as they did in Houston and boy, you should HEAR the cryin’ from the native girls!!!
Sigh.
I get so frustrated when I hear the, “Waah, Susie Harlot is charging less than me,” schtick. There has always been a low end of the industry. There has always been a high end of the industry. Taking shots at streetwalkers and Backpage hookers is shockingly crude behavior, illustrating a complete lack of empathy for whatever situation someone has found herself in that she would be turning low dollar tricks. If that sort actually poses the vaguest threat to a call girl’s business, she seriously needs to reconsider the quality of her offering.
End rant.
Anyone care to link to the posting about P411 being infiltrated?
It’s the column named “Something in the Milk“.
Interesting discussion. Suppose the client is a newbie, and is old enough to be retired. He wouldn’t be able to give an employment reference, would he?
Do you think the pro should always rely simply on a gut check with these gents?
Nope. I think she should advise him to either visit massage parlors or work on finding one of the increasingly-rare “newbie friendly” escorts. Such is the damage wrought by the prohibitionists’ mad jihad, and I can’t in good conscience advise any of my sisters to expose themselves to state-inflicted violence by taking too many chances.
I think a problem is, if references are becoming rare (as Krulac alluded to above) and tools like P411 have been rendered useless, then unless a professional and client have known each other for years (maybe a decade or more based on the current level of persecution), isn’t pretty much everyone a ‘newbie’ now? A client would probably be as apprehensive about giving information today (‘is this escort really a sting operation?’) as a professional would now be about accepting it (‘is this client really an LEO?’).
How will professionals continue to replenish their customer base (regulars who can move away, lose their financial status, or just plain lose interest) if they don’t take on newbies?
Thanks for your reply. Prohibition never was good at keeping people safe (but then, it never has been about keeping people safe).
I had an experience which makes me think the opposite: never give full details to a prospective “vendor”.
You’re totally in your rights to do that, but then you have no right to complain when most established ladies won’t see you.