I want to start escorting as an independent… but as you know, it can be hard to get the ball rolling if you’re new in the industry. Should I advertise myself on TER boards as a new escort? I’m worried that advertising myself as “new” will attract who will want to take advantage of my lack of experience. Also, I saw another post on your blog where a certain escort preferred not to have any reviews. If an escort chooses to go down that route, what other types of verification are available to show clients you are reliable and trustworthy?
Frankly, I wouldn’t advise you to advertise on TER at all; I never have, don’t now and never plan to. The site is just vile; it’s the apotheosis of the “bros before hos” mentality, and its rating system is insultingly reductive. There are plenty of other sites you can advertise on without supporting that model of review board. I don’t think it will hurt you to advertise as new, but I don’t really think it’s necessary either; it will be obvious that you’re new because of your lack of reviews and the fact that none of the “hobbyists” have seen you before. That in itself can be a draw, especially if you’re young and your prices are competitive; yes, you may attract some exploitative types, but since you know that may happen you’ll just have to keep your wits about you and firmly maintain your boundaries until you’re experienced enough to judge each client on a case-by-case basis. Re lack of reviews, there is no substitute for reputation; you will not yet have one to start, and that will hurt. Even without reviews you’ll slowly build up a client base and a reputation, but it may take longer in their absence. It may be better for you to research the boards with a more positive culture than to eschew reviews entirely, but in the end you’ll have to make that decision for yourself.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
This is really tangential (though, yay for the new girl doing her homework, knowledge does protect!), but given the financial situations in Greece and China right now, and the probability that the contagion makes it’s way to the U.S., I think we’re looking at a fair chance of a repeat of 2008-2009 with the wider economy in the near future.
Knowing this and the tendency towards feminine pragmatism, inevitably there will be a swath of new girls entering the industry. What responsibilities do long-term escorts have, if any, regarding newbies? Anecdotally, the 2008-2009 crash was responsible for kissing and risky sex acts being customary in the industry, courtesy of hobbyist manipulation and desperate neophytes, not to mention rates dropping across the board. How do we get out in front of that, if at all? Can we do anything? Should we? Everybody loses in a race to the bottom. =x
“Everybody loses in a race to the bottom.”
*snort*. Damn – coffee all over the keyboard.
“…How do we get out in front of that, if at all? Can we do anything? Should we? Everybody loses in a race to the bottom. =x….”
As a male with no previous nor current nor planned sexual investment in prostitution (I’m in a very-long-term open marriage so have and have long had other sufficent sexual avenues) , I ask the following in all objectivity.
Wouldn’t any such approach, no matter how well-intentioned and perhaps even warranted, essentially slippery-slope to price-fixing and collusion generally?
Would it even be possible? I was thinking about this just this morning in the context of decriminalization, a Lysistrata sort of movement where sex workers (of all stripes: escorts, strippers, etc.), in essence, strike in order to force recognition of their rights. But the organization that would be needed in order for that to work doesn’t currently exist, at least not in the US.
That would be silly. Think it through: the evil you’re trying to prevent is that some (“cut-rate”) sex workers would offer unsafe services. And to stop it you want all sex workers to go on strike. Guess which ones won’t participate? And would in fact get additional business diverted to them by that very strike!
What might work would be to create an industry association and have it pledge its members to a code of “best practices”. It should probably be set up in a place where sex work is legal.
Sex work is not like most other jobs, because it has no inherent value. It’s up to each seller to determine how much her consent to sex is worth, and this can range from 120$/h to a lifelong commitment contingent on a 7 figure income.
I’m really not comfortable with the idea of some group deciding what services and rates should be for everyone. Healthy sex, such as using condoms, should be strongly encouraged through education but aside from that it’s just another form of people imposing their rules on others for their own interest. That’s exactly what traditional housewives are doing to sex workers: blaming them for lowering the ”price” men have to pay for sex.
Whoa, wait a minute. There’s been a misunderstanding. Joe responded to Annalise’s statement about unsafe services by asking how escorts could “get in front” of the problem without running the risk of collusion.
Joe’s question seemed one of organization, and I took that question and applied it to a broader topic, that of decriminalization at large. My thinking was, how much of this problem would go away with full decriminalization? That’s what prompted my discussion of a strike, not how to stop “evil” unsafe practices.
I think voluntary associations with high standards and reaching out to new sex workers is an option, but by the nature of the industry, collusion is very difficult. Decriminalization would make that possible, but decriminalization doesn’t do much good for these purposes in a society that equates unions with communists.
The thing is, there already *is* price fixing and collusion, commonly understood as hobbyist shenanigans. One need only consider the complete and utter fiasco that is the Dallas market, which Maggie has previously discussed. I see no problem with sex workers working together to better our conditions when we’re already under assault by review board psychopaths.
The traditional way would be a trade guild that makes sure professional standards are maintained. As that only works with legality and public recognition and has some drawbacks (e.g. the tendency to create monopolies), that is not an option. I think the only way to go is to explain, if necessary in gruesome detail, what unprofessional behavior can do to you and that competing mainly on price hurts everybody.
Sure, many of the less bright newbies will not get it, but even if only a large fraction of the field maintains professional standards, that will help a lot. As there is no formal education path for this profession, newbies may actually seek out advice given by experienced workers. Hence it is a good idea to provide that advice, in particular as not providing it will not keep the competition away. The decision to go into this profession will come before seeking out advice on how to do it in most cases.
Why don’t consumers have a right to know what we’re paying for like with every other product? I can’t tell you how helpful sites like TER are for customers. You’d be surprised how many girls post these beautiful pictures, then you show up and she’s old or fat, or covered with tattoos. And won’t provide you with the services you want. TER also tells you the things ads won’t: is she loud, does she talk too much, is she uptight, or pushy, does she act like a lady, etc. That site has saved me a lot of heartache.
There are many sites that give the exact same information without pretending that escorts’ concerns are worthless. TER even disregards differences between clients’ preferences, refuses to remove false reviews even with PROOF they’re false, etc. No thanks.
The forum I read in my area, I think is quite good and doesn’t have any standard format of review or rating. It’s a debate often about what is the best type of review. Some people want numbers, some people write novels, some very explicit, others just about the general mood. My opinion is that you can get an idea of the kind of provider/clients people are from the style of reviews they get or write, as well as the actual content of the review. There are different kinds of services and different kinds of reviewers and it’s impossible to have one system of review that would work well with everyone.
I’m sure there are sites where girls can post their concerns or reviews of clients or whatever. TER is for the purchasers, to make sure our needs are being met. I don’t understand why you don’t like the rating system, it’s never failed me, plus it makes sure the best girls get lots of business. IMO competition is healthy and motivating, and keeps quality up. I’ve looked at some other sites but honestly the guys on TER give the most honest information about the things I actually want to know. No offense, I know ladies think they know what men want, but that’s because men aren’t always totally honest with women about what we want. Most of us don’t want to pay for cuddling, LOL.
> I don’t understand why you don’t like the rating system, it’s never failed me, plus it makes sure the best girls get lots of business.
1) Only a sociopath could tie ratings to unsafe sex acts.
2) Courtesy of review inflation, those who actually are at the top of the industry are defined as being on par with decrepit sociopaths who offer freebies or BBFS for favorable reviews. No thank you.
> IMO competition is healthy and motivating, and keeps quality up.
No, it just encourages dishonesty and works to drive animosity among sex workers who have bought into that system. If you wanted quality, you wouldn’t look on TER.
> I’ve looked at some other sites but honestly the guys on TER give the most honest information about the things I actually want to know.
Congratulations on having debased what could have been a sacred and intimate experience. I feel sorry for you and your incapacity to appreciate actual connection.
> No offense, I know ladies think they know what men want, but that’s because men aren’t always totally honest with women about what we want. Most of us don’t want to pay for cuddling, LOL.
If you think GFE is ‘just cuddling’, well… Again, I feel sorry for you.
I try not to get into internet arguments usually because I think it’s pointless, but I also think I have the right to defend myself. This website is supposed to be about honesty, so I was honest. Now you are attacking my character and making assumptions about me. I’m sorry if you don’t like what I have to say but I am saying the truth about myself.
“Only a sociopath could tie ratings to unsafe sex acts.”
Who are you to judge what other adults do consentingly and willingly. French kissing and anal are not “unsafe.” Maybe you don’t like doing them with clients, but you don’t have to. These women are not trafficked and no one is forcing them to do these things. Not to mention, sorry, but many guys DO like that stuff; if we didn’t, they wouldn’t be included in the ratings system. I’ve never met a cute girl that liked anal, so I go to prostitutes for it. They don’t have all the sexual hangups other women do, and at the end they get to take my money. Where is the victim here?
“No, it just encourages dishonesty and works to drive animosity among sex workers who have bought into that system.”
Prostitution is a business like any other business. Unless you’re saying we should all become communists, you have to accept that businesses compete with each other. Yes, sometimes that creates animosity but it is what it is.
“If you wanted quality, you wouldn’t look on TER.”
I guess we define quality in different ways. For me, quality is based on looks, age and what she’s willing to do. I realize that’s not the criteria for all clients, but it is for a lot of us. If you work in the sex industry how can you not know that?
“Congratulations on having debased what could have been a sacred and intimate experience. I feel sorry for you and your incapacity to appreciate actual connection.”
That is very insulting. You don’t know me and have no right to attack me personally because my opinions are different than yours. I’m here actually supporting what you guys are which is a woman’s right to do what she wants with her body. Not all women view sex as sacred like you do; that is the same argument feminists make. A lot of us go to prostitutes because we don’t want to have the kind of romantic sex women like. Not to mention, some women even enjoy anal and kissing. You’re imposing your morals on everyone else.
Also, since when is paying for sex a sacred and intimate experience. I absolutely can feel actual connection, I have been in love with two different women in my life and I know exactly how that feels. I know the difference between actual connection and fake connection which is what GFE is selling. Since you brought it up, I actually think it’s pretty low to pretend you care about a guy so you can get what’s in his pockets. He has no chance with you but you keep stringing him along so he keeps coming back. If you truly cared about these guys you wouldn’t be taking their money. You are taking advantage of lonely guys who are afraid to talk to women. You pretend to have feelings for them in order to get their cash.
I like honesty in everything. I like it when a prostitute is honest and I am always honest back. I know I’m using her body, I know she doesn’t want me and I know she’s not really turned on or having an orgasm. I’m not gonna pretend that I’m a gentleman or a nice guy. Frankly if I were a working girl I’d be pissed off if a john gave me flowers or something, like now you’re gonna act all respectful? Guys don’t do that for you, they do it so they can feel better about buying you.
“If you think GFE is ‘just cuddling’, well… Again, I feel sorry for you.”
Yeah, well, if you think GFE is anything like being in a real relationship with someone who actually loves you, then I feel sorry for you.
François: “I’m really not comfortable with the idea of some group deciding what services and rates should be for everyone. Healthy sex, such as using condoms, should be strongly encouraged through education but aside from that it’s just another form of people imposing their rules on others for their own interest. That’s exactly what traditional housewives are doing to sex workers: blaming them for lowering the ”price” men have to pay for sex.”
Amen to this.
This response is a bunch of degrading insults, none of which address any of the points made by the original commenter. Resorting to insults and sidestepping the subject at hand is evidence of 1). Lack of a solid counter-argument and 2). Shows a total lack of manners.
I was not familiar with “TER.” But after this exchange, I’ll be sure to promote it to everyone I can. If a commenter this rude doesn’t like it, that says to me it must have some value and the commenter has a personal agenda against it that he or she isn’t revealing.
If you think quality can be determined by a checklist, and see nothing wrong with letting fake reviews stand, there is nothing I can do to explain the problems with TER to you.