Archive for December 3rd, 2015

My girlfriend of 10 years was an escort before she met me, and didn’t hide that from me when we got together.  I didn’t bother me because it was in the past, but now she’s working again and I’m having a hard time with it.  I feel she enjoys some of the calls, and I worry that I won’t be able to live up to those experiences; I also feel like sex isn’t as special for her as it is for me.  It’s harder to date an escort then I imagined!  Can you please give any advice or feedback?  I do love her and we have a son together; I just need some advice from a woman who has lived it.

goose gander sauceShe probably does enjoy some of her sessions.  Would you prefer she didn’t?  I understand you’re feeling insecure about this, but seriously consider what I’m asking you here:  Do you want her not to enjoy her job?  And if you don’t, is merely not enjoying enough?  Does she need to be entirely miserable the whole time for you to feel secure?  I get that men are competitive creatures, and that y’all want to turn everything into a pissing contest, but the fact of the matter is that it’s very unlikely that you have the biggest cock she’s ever encountered, or that you’re the most technically competent lover she ever had, or that you “live up” to her most exciting scene every time y’all fall into bed.  But remember, she had all these experiences before she met you and yet she chose you anywayAs I explained to a female reader almost six months ago (in a situation where the shoe was on the other foot),

The inconvenient fact is that sexual desire isn’t directly linked to emotional connection; at the beginning of a relationship they usually are, but in the majority of cases it doesn’t stay that way for more than a few years.  Every woman would like to believe she’ll always be the one her husband is most sexually attracted to, but that’s not usually the way it happens; the attraction which inspired him to choose her as his primary partner is emotional and/or spiritual, and may grow stronger even as his lust for her weakens with time and familiarity.  Really, there’s nothing wrong with that; it’s why many an elderly man still deeply loves his wife long after her physical charms have faded.  In short, it’s entirely possible that your man may find another woman he finds more sexually attractive than you, but it’s highly unlikely that would in and of itself present any serious threat to your bond with him.

That sauce serves as well for the gander as for the goose:  it is highly likely that your lady chose you for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with sex, and that bond will still exist even if she’s getting a lot better sex from her clients than most escorts do (which I can assure you is highly unlikely).  As my wasband Matt pointed out in his interview over four years ago, she’s no more likely to fall for someone she meets at work than she would be if she worked in any other job; in fact, because sex isn’t all that and a bag of chips to whores, we are dramatically less likely to stray, and if we do it certainly ain’t going to be for a stupid-ass reason like “I had an hour of good sex with some dude I don’t actually know”.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

Read Full Post »