I’ve been married for about 6 months and my husband needs sex almost every day, but I’m not into this most of the time. Sometimes we speak about role play, and other times he spanks me, but later I feel guilty that we may have done something wrong. How can I increase my desires?
I’m a little concerned that you’re already disinterested so soon after marriage; do you feel that your level of desire has changed since the wedding? In other words, were you more interested in sex at first, but now find that you’re less so? If that’s the case, it might be helpful for you to pay attention to when you feel interested, and when you don’t; for example, do you feel more receptive to sex on days when you don’t work, or when your husband treats you in a certain way (helps you, compliments you, etc)? Do you feel less interested when he wants to do things (like spanking) that make you feel guilty? You didn’t mention your age or background, but I’m going to guess you’re fairly young (under 30) and from a traditional upbringing that taught you to feel guilty about sex. So what I’m thinking is that your husband may be more experienced than you, and might be rushing you into things you’re not quite ready for yet. As I suggested, note the times you feel more interested in sex, and tell your husband so; when he wants to do things that make you feel shy or guilty, say to him, “I really like it when you do x to me” (where “x” is something you’ve noticed makes you feel sexy). People tend to respond better to positive statements such as “I like it when you do this”, than to negative statements like “I don’t like it when you do that”. That having been said, if he does something you really dislike, you need to tell him so gently but firmly (as advice rather than as an accusation). Marriage is a partnership, and though your husband may always want more sex than you do, he has to take care of your needs, too. Over time, you’ll become more comfortable with sex, and experimentation won’t seem quite so strange to you; at that time, you may find that things which used to bring on guilt no longer bother you so much. It looks to me as though you love your husband and want to be a good wife to him, but for right now he needs to demonstrate his love for you by being patient and allowing you to sexually mature at your own rate. If he keeps pushing you too quickly, it’s just going to make you resentful and less interested in sex, and that’s not good for either of you.
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6 months is the standard honeymoon period. After that time, the hormones settle down a bit. Mother nature provides that 6 month honeymoon period to ensure pregnancy. In the natural course of events, after going at it like rabbits for that initial six month, the woman ought to be well and truly knocked up.
70% of marriages end in divorce. The 50% figure that you hear only counts those marriages that have already ended in such a manner.
A large number of divorces happen at the two year mark. It’s at about two years that – If a woman is childless – the female partner’s ovaries will signal that it’s time to bug out. It’s biological and completely normal. Perhaps it’s to do with the timing of when a child conceived in that initial six months would normally be weaned.
Your correspondent is on the standard, normal, regular track, the well-trodden path. Sex problems after a six month honeymoon period, and divorce initiated by the female partner at about two years. This, with a very good degree of certainty, is what is going to happen. Same as most everyone else these days.
Sign off on a girlfriend /mistress.
Have sensible limits (“home by 10pm always dear, and never discuss her in company”) and a Joker provision (“sometimes I will just need you back, now, without reason”). He will think she is awesome, and she will have the dread needed to fuel desire.
Dude, really? “Dread needed to fuel desire”? Where did you learn your sexology, a PUA site? No. Just no. It’s a good thing I’m the one giving the advice here.
Maggie, I am a fan and endorse your recommendations over mine any time.
That said, I had concurrent girlfriends openly before I ever heard of PUA, and I am answering the question as posed. Regards
Hmmm… cuckqueanery is a thing, but I’m pretty sure like most kinks it’s not shared by everyone.
I have seen stuff from men about how the women they married were enthusiastic partners before they were married, and as soon as the Ring of Power was on her finger, the wife suddenly lost most if not all interest. I think this might be due to a combination of several factors—one of them being that even here-and-now, extra-marital sex is seen by many women as somehow “naughty,” and the frisson of rule-breaking becomes a big part of their sexual response. Once married, and knowing that it’s allowed and expected to be having sex, a lot of the thrill is gone. Another is that women also often subscribe to the “Madonna-Whore dichotomy,” and when she marries, a woman may see herself as a “Madonna” (ie a mother-figure, not a has-been singer) and “Madonnas” are not sexual figures.