25 years ago this month, Grace and I moved in together. We’d only met a few months before, in November of ’97; I had only been stripping a few weeks and a girl I worked with asked me along to a party she’d been invited to. As it turned out, she felt the party was a bust but I was enjoying myself, so when she wanted to go I asked our hostess if any of the other guests could perhaps give me a ride home later. She asked Grace, who was happy to give me a lift, and by the time she left my place later that evening we had already become friends. She started writing me (actual paper!) letters and a couple of months later mentioned she wanted to move from northern Louisiana down to New Orleans. I suggested she move in with me at least temporarily, and a quarter-century later here we are.
From the beginning, she showed herself to be a good friend and a generous roommate; I had no car of my own at the time, but she insisted I use her truck so I could dance at the more lucrative clubs in the French Quarter rather than the quieter suburban place I was commuting to on my bicycle. And when I finally go sick of strip-club management bullshit in the autumn of ’99, it was Grace who encouraged me to start escorting instead. When I bought my ranch in 2002 there was absolutely no question that she would move up to Oklahoma with me, and she took care of the place while I continued to work in New Orleans until ’06. It was her loyalty and dependability which allowed me to travel for work and activism, and when, in December of ’16, I asked how she felt about moving to Washington, she replied simply, “I want to be with you.” People have often assumed that, because Grace is very butch and I’m definitely femme, that we’re a lesbian couple, but though I’m bisexual Grace is as straight as an arrow; in fact, it’s the success of our partnership (I doubt we’ve really argued even a dozen times in all those years) which eventually made me realize that sex is really a very poor reason for two people to live together, and that the cultural messaging which paints “romantic” relationships as the pinnacle of human interaction is pure garbage:
The true pinnacle of human interaction is intimate friendship; it persists under conditions that destroy “romances”, lasts much longer on average, and is an incredibly powerful connection despite governmental attempts to place other relationships (including sexual & familial ones and even the one-sided “relationship” between individual & State) above it. Friendship is the most powerful kind of love in the world, which is why government constantly tries to weaken it; it persists despite the fact that, unlike practically every other relationship between two people, it has absolutely no legal status. Other relationships require government to prop them up; friendship is the only one which is able to stand completely on its own.
So if married couples can celebrate their silver anniversary, I see no reason why Grace and I shouldn’t celebrate 25 years of best-friendship and successful cohabitation. I don’t recall the exact day, but it was definitely mid-April, and we’re going to have a celebration this summer once the weather gets warmer and drier. So, please join me in a toast to Grace, and though she’s too camera-shy to take a picture with me, I’ll show her all the good wishes you send in the comments or on Twitter.
