A woman one loves rarely suffices for all our needs, so we deceive her with another whom we do not love. – Marcel Proust
As a whore myself I have to admit the Ashley Madison Agency ads with slogans like “Don’t pay for an escort, find cheating wives in your area!” irritate me a lot more than the ones which simply say “Life is short. Have an affair.” But not by much. As I’ve said before, while I accept that male infidelity is extremely common, I think it’s reprehensible for a married man to have sex with amateurs without his wife’s permission. A whore is a professional who wants nothing more than her fee; she is scrupulous about protection and will not disrupt a marriage by calling her clients, demanding they leave their wives, whining “you don’t spend enough time with me” or any of the other behaviors which make a mistress a danger to a marriage. So as you might expect, I find the idea of a dating service which specifically markets itself to married people looking for affairs to be repellent in the extreme.
Before Thursday night (when I wrote this article) just about everything I knew about Ashley Madison appears in the paragraph above. I suspected that, like most dating venues which emphasize casual sex without commitment, the ratio would be dozens of men per woman, that most women who did join would not be the sort whom men pay attention to in real life, that the agency disguised the male-female disproportion by posting hundreds of fake woman-seeking-man ads and paying women to pretend to be customers, and that just about every other female ad which didn’t fall into one of the above categories was placed by an escort. As it turns out I was right (no big surprise), but what I didn’t realize was just how far this scam goes to part horny guys from their money; from what my research revealed, “chat lines” are bastions of ethical business practice by comparison.
I’ve seen Ashley Madison ads online for a number of years now, but never thought much about them until I saw this article about the agency attempting to purchase an ad during the Super Bowl. You would have to have lived under a rock for the past few decades not to realize how incredibly expensive Super Bowl ads are; a couple of million dollars a minute now, unless I’m very much mistaken. So the fact that Ashley Madison could afford such an ad made me sit up and take notice. I therefore decided to do a little digging, and what I discovered disgusted me even more.
Ashley Madison (named for two popular baby girl names of 2001, the year it was created) is the brainchild of a Toronto lawyer (why am I not surprised?) named Noel Biderman, who apparently thinks laws are more important than morals because he goes around saying things to interviewers like, “Adultery is the only thing in the world people think is immoral but a consensus still do it…What I’m saying is don’t have an office romance and risk losing your job. Don’t start a relationship with an unsuspecting single person and definitely don’t visit an escort service and risk breaking the law…We’re secure, anonymous and it was created exactly for people like you.” Because, you know, breaking an arbitrary law (which doesn’t even exist in Biderman’s country) is so much worse than risking destroying your marriage because you’re too cheap or too proud to call a whore and would rather risk entanglement with an emotionally damaged woman instead.
But that’s only the beginning of Biderman’s attacks on hookers and only the tenth part of his self-serving sleaziness. Do a Google search for any phrase like “Ashley Madison scam”, “Ashley Madison fraud” or “Ashley Madison review” and you’ll find websites stocked with testimonials for the agency and either insinuating or outright stating that escorts carry venereal diseases. Of course, as my regular readers know this is a crock of shit; escorts have a vested interest in staying clean, and promiscuous amateurs have far higher rates of every known STD. Why are these sites so eerily similar and why do they all carry praise for the agency when their names suggest otherwise? Because they’re all owned by Biderman, of course, as a quick whois search will reveal. It took me a bit of diligent digging to find any REAL criticism of the agency, and what I found is pretty much summed up on this site (there were a few others but this had the most and best-written critiques).
In a nutshell, if you’re a woman Ashley Madison is just fine because ten seconds after you sign up the men will be all over you like white on rice. But if you’re a guy it’s a total scam; you buy “credits” which are needed to do pretty much anything on the site (send a message, receive a message, start a chat, etc). The agency employs a number of shills and/or robots which bombard male members with fake messages that cost credits to open, and sending messages to the fake “too good to be true” ads costs credits as well and goes nowhere. If a man lucks out and picks an ad which actually goes to an escort he’ll get laid (after paying her fee, of course), but he could’ve made the same connection on a hooker board, Backpage, etc for free and without the hassle of trying to figure out which ads were for whores, which for fakes and which for real women twenty years and fifty pounds ago. Everything is set up like a casino or a carnival con game, enticing the poor bastard to keep throwing good money after bad in a futile effort to get something for nothing.
One of my serious university boyfriends (he was 28 when I was 19) once told me, “Maggie, nobody can take advantage of you unless you have larceny in your heart.” It took me a while to understand what he meant, which is this: There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch, and anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. Ashley Madison holds out the promise of something for nothing: Extracurricular sex without monetary cost, commitment or risk. But as with all such offers, it’s a lie: Pussy costs, and free pussy is the most expensive kind. And Noel Biderman, AKA “Ashley Madison”, has figured out a way to tack on a hefty surcharge.
Excellent!!! How very true this is. I have tried to tell men this for several years, but millions still jump on the so called (Dating Sites) looking for free pussy, I ALWAYS told them NO Pussy is free.
I think many of the older guys that were in NAM, got use to pussy on demand, as the women would do EVERYTHING TWICE for a smoke. They come back home and never stop longing for the (good old days)..LOL!
Joyce 🙂
And I completely forgot what I intended to post. Whoops.
Too right. On one of the econ boards I read, a poster has a signature line which I think is brilliant.
“We’ve gone from a society that inherently understood there was no such thing as a free lunch, to one that believes the consumption of free lunches is revenue-generating economic activity.”
While what you say about escorts is generaly true, Maggie, it’s not universal. A few years ago, I patronized one who, trying to make more money out of me than I was willing to allocate for her because of my marriage to my very wonderful wife, did become a great pain and caused a strain on my relationship with my wife to the point where I had to go o great lengths to sever all ties with her. Of course I can chalk her actions up to her youth (18 at the time) and perennial drug use I learned of later. That said, she was a noteworthy exception. Most others I’ve dealt with have been smart enough to know I am devoted to my wife and are unwiling to hurt their own financial prospects by doing anything that would cause a rift between me and the woman I love so dearly.
Oh, there are definitely some bad ones; the type you’re talking about is the one I call a bad penny. 🙁
Either a bad penny or a total amateur. Weed those out and stick to professionals 😉
Or just don’t cheat on your wife. It’s pretty simple, really. I’ve always said that if you’re not the monogamous type, don’t get married…unless you’re in an open relationship in which both parties agree to extra marital sex. You’re talking about how wonderful your wife is and how much you love her. Yet you do things that you know would tear her apart if she were to find out. That’s not love.
amen Nat! However, many men only marry to maintain their image as a family man for business purposes…and they never bother to make their wife aware of that fact. I don’t think I will ever get married because I’ve seen too many cheaters that enjoy living double lives and so I’d always be wondering.
Emily! you say you’ve seen to many cheaters. I on the other hand will probably never marry again. She was the only cheater in our 17 year marriage.
Your university bf was a Heinlein fan, no? Good man.
It seems most (all?) of the dating sites operate the same way as Ashley Madison. What’s a decent, serious-minded fellow to do?
Yep, and so am I. 🙂
What reader with a brain isn’t?
“On the bounce, you apes!”
I can’t say that I’m a fan of Heinlein, because I could never finish his books. The only one I cotton to is “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress” but that was only because of the different forms of marriage that existed in the Lunar Colony. Of course, as anyone who’s read it, polyandry was the rule due to the shortage of women (it being a penal colony and all).
That also struck me as interesting in The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress, Susan, and it also agrees with Heinlein’s later “sex operas” (as I like to call them — even though sex is not their only topic and often not even the main one, the sex part always gets the readers’ attention…), from Stranger In A Strange Land to To Sail Beyond The Sunset.
I will defend Heinlein, though. The man had an undeniably positive energy, and his characters, albeit often a little too perfect, are so pleasant to read about, to actually care about, that I find him quite worthwhile. Maybe you find him a little too preachy (who would have thought of inserting two full sections of aphorisms in a science fiction as he did in Time Enough for Love?); but think about the opinions he expresses, and how often they offer insight into people and society. And he’s so clear! Even if you disagree with him, you always know exactly why — which isn’t always easy to do. (Compare him with Samuel Delany, for instance — another author I quite admire, but who — alas! — is never ever clear…)
So true about Delaney. I’d stick with his short stuff – Empire Star / Babel 13, Tales of Neveryon. There’s less wiggle room.
I’d also recommend “For Us the Living”, which was his first novel. You’ll see many of these same themes explored even at this early point in his writing career.
Curiously, this is almost literaly what I thought when I encountered a reference to Ashley Madison (in a feminist blog, of all places) — except for the escort part which didn’t occur to me.
As is very much always the case, if anything looks too good to be true it almost certainly isn’t.
[…] after reading a post by Maggie McNeill in regards to mistresses, there was an interview on HLN with this chick – Cathrine Goldstein – who was a mistress for […]
When I was seeing others for sex only friendships, I put in my personal ads “NO married men”. Personally, I wouldn’t use this Ashley Madison service from what I’ve learned about it on here. I do want to say that the last time I saw anyone the website I used was free and run very well. I didn’t have any problems and the man I chose to meet after he answered my ad was wonderful. As far as cost went: sometimes I paid for dinner/drinks and other times it was Dutch treat or my date paid. There were a few times we didn’t spend anything and only talked. That was fine with me. A lot of this depended on how much money either of us had at the time. I also always had condoms, lubricant, etc., so didn’t ever ask for anyone to provide them. I did want to have a meeting in person before having sex, but there were a few times I felt so comfortable during phone conversations that we then met in person at my place. I did quit doing this, though, for various reasons and wouldn’t do so again. I did meet 1 of the men I saw on a regular basis this way before making that change. I also never lied about my weight and age. I was totally disgusted when I heard about the women who answered personals and lied about these things and others from the people I met. That was 1 reason I never did that. The website I used was for women who are big which I loved. I was already losing weight then, but wanted to just deal with men who like big women when going through replies. Thanks for this forum that lets me share these things openly.
You’re very welcome, Laura; I’m glad you feel so comfortable sharing here. 🙂
Hey Laura. Can you believe I never left a comment on this post? I guess I hadn’t learned yet that I don’t get updates unless I do.
Dear Sailor B, Blossom caused that.
She would. Pet her for me this weekend, would you?
Maggie, I just wish to say; yes you are correct regards your findings of the males who constantly think with their small heads believing the hype of Ashley Madison and their ilk. After all male Hockey players were wearing a protective cup for their genitals as early as 1874 and did not put on a helmet for their upper heads until 1974……..
I do however disagree with, unless I have misunderstood, your making a comparison of synonymous definition regards, a Professional Courtesan, a Whore, a Prostitute and a Hooker.
As a male septuagenarian in the autumn of the age, having traveled almost all of the world in 33 years of military service, my experiences matured with advancement of age and somewhere about my thirties I became fully aware of the value, skills and talents of the Professional Courtesan especially in Viet Nam in 1968, finding very little commonality of comparable merit with the Whore, Prostitute and Hooker.
It is not my desire to enter into combative dialogue with you or any one else, I just believe that respect is due those who truly earn it by the merit of their performance.
Hi there, Jorge! “Whore” is a general term for any woman who takes money for sex, “prostitute” is its legalistic synonym and “hooker” is a slang term. They’re all general terms, whereas “courtesan” is a term for a specific kind of whore. Think of it this way: Master chefs and fry cooks are a world apart, but they’re still both cooks. I like using the general terms because 1) the different “classes” of whores aren’t sharply defined; 2) all of us, from $50 streetwalker to $1000/hour escort, are equally “criminals” under American law; 3) it keeps me from getting too full of myself; and 4) if I use those terms myself, nobody else can use them to insult me. 🙂
Where you an escort? Do you have contacts with new ex-Colleagues? 😉
This whole thread is refreshing. It’s just a great piece that provoked some well written responses. I particularly liked the differences of opinion on whore, hooker, prostitute, streetwalker and courtesan. Before I head off to ‘NAM’ where women apparently do everything twice for a smoke (do they still, really?), I do have a comment for Maggie. As someone who opens a piece with ‘As a whore myself…’ and gone on via main post and some really well written responses to write about the honey trap (I meant money trap) that A-M is, you have immediately propelled yourself from being a $/hour service provider to a pen(wo)man of some rather deft skills. Well written stuff, girl. And true too, I believe.
Thank you, Major Tom! Please keep visiting, reading and commenting! 🙂
While I do agree in general,
My little experience looking at AshleyMadison as a free user “seemed” to have a fair number of real-looking women.
There are obviously fakes (I doubt they are actually online all the time).
But I’ve found matching accounts on sites like okcupid for real people.
Now I refuse to pay for the AM site.
Which gives me little real interaction and only hopes that women would google my username to email me.
But my 3 interactions with “whores” have been complete failures. None have really turned me on. The most successful was when I posted an ad on CL when I was visiting another city (more discussion and pics over email)
But I’m fairly young, maybe too young for this.
Oh…I was on match.co.uk for a bit. I must have emailed 100 psycho women and finally went on dates with TWO who made the cut after talking to them….and BOTH of them were crazy when actually put to the test of a date. I never renewed and I would NEVER bother with a dating site again.
I figured AM was the same. They all are.
I have been on AM for a couple of months now, and have tried all the advise to get someone to even respond to me – no such luck. I have received a couple of responses from women, asking for “help” to pay their rent, etc. and I just ignore them. I don’t think there are any real women on the site, and if there are, they have about a million other guys to choose from. So what’s the answer?…
The answer is to quit AM and use the money to hire reputable, well-reviewed escorts who will tell you their prices up front.
Maggie! I respect your answer. However, I have never nor will I ever pay for an escort. I believe though we always pay for sex in some form. Dinner, movies, flowers etc. I have though seen tons of escorts I’d enjoy sleeping with.
I joined AM 3 years ago. After hundreds of emails from desperate guys married to fat women, I did find my dream lover. I’m married to a loser but don’t want to divorce because of numerous reasons. My lover is like any other guy: a cheating husband with a fat wife at home. I am like any other cheating wife: a housewife whore who can’t divorce because it would ruin her life.
I’m very good looking, so is my lover. The reason I am still with him is because he is so hot, so good in bed and so understanding; I can’t live without him anymore. We became best friends. We call each other three times a day, every single day. We text good morning and good night every day, rain or shine. We know each other better than anyone else. We give each other advice on our marriages and our children. We even made friends as a couple. Our friends have no idea we are married to other people…. LOL
We also have spent on this affair, between the two of us, more than 60K in 3 years. Sex is not free, no matter how you slice it. He pays for our rooms, drinks and restaurants. I drive close to 200 miles 3 times a week to see him; so I spend a lot of money in gas, make up, dresses and lingerie. I got a new car because my old one had 150K miles on it. 50K miles driven to see my lover, 21K miles on the new car already.
We go to great lengths to hide this affair. Excessive miles on my car are explained because I take courses in a college far away from home. Oh, yeah not counting 15K in college courses I spent because of my lover. See? Free sex? Riiight.
However, we make each other extremely happy and that my friend, no escort can give that to you.
Karen, I’m a little late to this discussion but I have one question for you: Are you still on AM? If so, then it would appear that no single individual will satisfy you as you continue to look for more. I’m not saying its necessarily a bad thing, only that you need to be honest with YOURSELF about the kind of person you are.
Now, if you are no longer on AM then it would appear you did in fact find the person you have a true bond with and are satisfied.
Either way, you really need to get out of your marriage. It isn’t going to work in the long run and you are dragging out the inevitable outcome.
Good luck to you!
Hello Karen
What a refreshing post! I am in a situation similar to yours, My ‘loser’ spent most of our 35+year marriage as an asexual alcoholic. I am however in no position to leave. This is my choice to make. Those who have not walked in my shoes should not judge. .
Fifteen years ago I started seeing other men. All have been from online dating sites. The first, 15 years later, is still a very good friend. A second, 11 year relationship, is becoming ‘friends only’ as well. Two months ago I joined AM.
I am not overweight or emotionally disturbed, nor do I lie about my age. I am 61, and it doesn’t seem to matter. After a couple of false starts I am now seeing a wonderful man. We are amazingly compatible, have the same goals and I look forward to spending a lot more time with him.
I post this to let others know that there are exceptions to every rule, and that it’s truly ‘different strokes for different folks’.
K.
To Kati and Karen, it’s good to know things have worked out very well for you on A.M. I joined about 4 months ago and only met with one guy so far (though I had opportunities to meet with several others, but I got cold feet). Unfortunately, this one meeting was with a guy I could have really liked but it was a disaster, and mostly on my part, and I kick myself for it.
But right away after the above occurred, I’ve been conversing with another guy so maybe something will click with him. As for me, I’m looking for something more long-term, as I don’t think I could handle a series of one-night stands emotionally. I don’t know if that ever happened where that would leave me and my marriage, but I feel no attraction for my husband anymore and in fact we have very little interaction, just staying together (in my view) until daughter moves out. So needless to say we haven’t had sex in years and I think my sex drive has gone up more now than when I was younger…what’s that about? All I know is I want a true partner to do things with, very much including the sexual aspect that is missing now.
I will say though, that in my interactions and potential meetings with about 3 or 4 men, they all want to control at least the where and when of the meeting and if that doesn’t go off without a hitch, my god, they’re history…what a bunch of babies…it’s their way or the highway! I married that…sometimes I wonder if it’s worth the trouble.
Stay the course, Crystal. Be patient. It will be worth the wait. My profile has been very very clear – no hookups, one night stands or booty calls. Most of the respondents do not read this, and I quickly dispose of those. But some do, and I have met 2 men who have been courteous and gentlemanly with no pressure whatsoever. I am starting to think about having sex with one of them – it is now April and we met before Christmas. I know what it’s like to feel used, and hate it also. It’s not happening this time, and basically I’m calling the shots. Remember, you are always in charge of your sex life. So hang tough girl, and best of luck!
Maggie, you’re spot on with this one. Ashley Madison is carefully crafted and designed to take advantage of that part of all of us that wants something for nothing.
PS – you crack me up with that first opening line.
😀
Hi, As a real woman on AM it’s been easy as a girl. I don’t doubt the men are made to pay and some more than others. That said I have met men on every range of budget and for the most part we’re looking for the same thing. A little companionship, shared intimacy on a long term basis and lovin and touching that may not occur at home. Not everyone is interested in the same experience so to degrade all women on the site as “desperate and not likely to get a date” is really bigotry in disguise. We can never choose what pleases the eye. We can also not always choose how and who we love. More importantly, i have relationships with all my lovers, none of which i would part with but know that if they or I choose we can drift away.
In this world there are no absolutes and for someone so “enlightened” to have bias is truly sad. I am not here to compete, just to have some fun!
Please take it into consideration,
Amdyaz
It’s not bias; it’s protecting my readers. Just because some few women on AM are “the real deal” doesn’t mean it’s a good way for most men to meet someone there; that’s like arguing Russian Roulette isn’t dangerous because some people survive a bullet to the head. A man has can get no-strings sex that he knows will really be no-strings for a set price from an escort, or he can give lots of money to Noel Biderman in the hopes that he might get “free” sex which still turns out not to be free at all, or to have strings, or to expose him to serious liability. Only a fool spends his money on a scam vs. a sure deal on the premise that “there are no absolutes” and he “might” get lucky; for me to “take that into consideration” would be the exact equivalent of a stockbroker “considering” telling her clients to sink all their money into junk bonds because, hey, “there are no absolutes” and saying junk bonds are high risk is “bigotry”.
Knowing Biderman’s marketing tactics, there’s also no guarantee that you aren’t a paid shill, like so many others.
I’m not an AM user, but I have hired escorts many times, and I think you’re at least partially mis-characterizing the motives of the AM users. I suspect a lot of them are not just looking for extramarital sex — they’re looking for romance, adventure, a way to make life less boring. Hiring escorts is a fine thing, and I’ve had some great experiences over the years, but there is no romance or adventure there. People will pay a lot for a chance at the thrill of the chase without giving up their marriage, and AM (and craigslist, and all the other online services) offers them that, or at least seems to (if it works at all, I’m sure it’s rare).
Maggie, I also think some men join for the “dare” and adventure. Its more of a game… like espionage. An escort is too easy – call, pay (always pay upfront), screw, leave. I think you are wrong about the money thing. I believe only a small percentage of men think you can get it free. Most know web sites like AM are in it for the money.
I am not at all advocating AM. I agree that it is more of a scam. I joined just to see what would happen after reading your synopsis. True enough, within a day I had several “fake” women send me “collect” emails, where I need to pay just to open them. They also had several revealing pictures. Who would send a man naked pictures of themselves without knowing who they are? Clearly it is AM way of trying to get me “into the game”.
Take care and best of luck to you!
Ashley Madison is a scam. They send fake messages and invites to chat, thereby separating the desperate guy from his money. It’s a con game premised on the belief that men cheating on their wives would never blow the whistle. But what AM is doing is called consumer fraud. Why has a class action lawyer not taken them down?
He’s playing into one of the core rules of a good con.
Ensure your target knows what he is doing is wrong. Not a lot of AM’s customers are going to throw away their reputations and marriages to be part of a class action suit.
So how does one go about making the same connection on a hooker board or backpage and avoid hitting yet another scam that would affect your criminal record?
Easy; only use well-reviewed escorts who have been in business for at least a year.
Ashley Madison is the PERFECT SCAM. They lure guys in with fake profiles and fake emails. When the guy realizes he has been scammed- there is nothing he can do! No one wants to draw attention to the fact they were on the site. No one will take legal action or file a consumer complaint out of fear their name will be tied to the site. AM is basically immune from angry customers- the perfect scam.
If you do push hard with the complaints, they will threaten to send AM labeled correspondence to your house.
The site consists mostly of fake female profiles who you waste $3-12 each attempting to contact. The site also has many girls who flat out admit they are looking for “Sugar daddies”. Of the few, real females looking for action on the site, most of them are heavyweights. Of the super rare attractive real woman on the site- be prepared to compete with 1000 other guys to talk to the 1-3 females in your area.
AM knows they are flat out robbing people, and they know no one will do anything about because they essentially “have dirt” on the guys.
AVOID THIS SITE AT ALL COSTS.
Totally agree with whistleblower, Ashley Madison is a complete scam. Theonly women in my area are looking for business !!! Or a sugar Daddy.
The other profiles are fake.
Males have to pay for credits to reply to emails that are fake. Females can email for free. DISCRIMINATION
I joined because I am in a sexless marriage but unable to divorce for financial reasons due to recession. My wife knows I am on the site, I was looking for someone in a similiar predicament.
Got through 200 credits in a month and not one thanks for your email, or no thanks. The only emails sent to me first, we’re from what appeared to be bogus profiles. I would go as far as saying fake profiles from AM!
I am a woman on AM who isn’t fat (145 lbs and 5’5″), but I’m not built like Barbie either. Haven’t corresponded with anyone yet who doesn’t sound desparate or pushy. I refuse to list my sexual desires, etc…In a public venue like the site suggests, so maybe im just ‘screwed’ and won’t meet anybody half decent.
Maggie: I agree with most of what you say. I tried an escort a few times to see what it would be like. But there is a difference between “free” consensual sex and paying an escort. The difference is that it is difficult if not impossible for a professional prostitute to “warm up” and display adequate “real feelings” and sexula desire you get when both parties want it physically. The experience for me was a bit cold and going through the motions. I dis not try it again and to me, the difference is very real. But I also agree with you that there ain’t no free lunch. Guys are REALLY stupid for believing that women post pornographic images of themselves on a public site and tell men to come at them like they are a piece of meat to devour. These sites like AM , Cheaters, ect. are scams and rip-off with faked women and profiles to sucker horny guys in.
Keep up the great work Maggie, tons of people are learning about what a fraud and scam Ashley Madison is as well as it’s CEO, Noel Biderman. The DOJ has brought down Full Tilt Poker and MegaUpload, but seems to turn a blind eye to the biggest fraud since then. They are stealing $100 million dollars a year from people, and yet their 10 year scam keeps on fooling people. Ashley Madison’s fake accounts and nearly 16 million users still are strong, but with outspoken people like you helping to tell the truth, you are saving people money and relationships. Keep up the good work.
On balance I would agree with the writer that it’s better to use a proper escort than join Ashley Madison as it really does sound like a waste of money.
Of course, there are two other options that should work if you are a reasonably attractive and intelligent man.
The first is to have an affair with someone who isn’t either on Ashley Madison or an escort – that’s right, you can actually meet people in real life that you don’t have to pay to get access to… revolutionary I know… there are women who want no strings fun absolutely everywhere. Work on your first impression – get a decent haircut, decent clothes and some breath mints!
The second, and by far the best, is to join a regular dating site which may or may not cost and just go on regular dates. I’ve done this in the past and despite my own high opinion of myself – I have to admit that being on a dating site lead to more sexual encounters than I thought possible for an average man like me. In three months I was offered sex without strings at least a dozen times. You can cut that figure right down without the dating site. I did that nearly five years ago and still meet two of the women (both fun and attractive) for casual dates.
Like I said I’m average – but I make an effort to look okay and be fun to talk to. I’m guessing the desire to use Ashley Madison comes from the man who either can’t or won’t bring himself to communicate in any normal way with the woman he wants sex with… is it any wonder the site lacks real women?? I would say for that man an escort is ideal and far more likely to satisfy than some weird dating/gambling hybrid site like Ashley Madison. Every date I went on off the dating site I had a decent evening, even if we didn’t hook up in the end. And every woman I met (whether she fancied me or not) was openly grateful to find a man who could hold a conversation for an evening and had his own opinions on stuff.
Sonny Jim – I could not agree with you more. I’ve gotten laid many times from women I simply met out with my buddies. Ones I never knew before I met them that night. I won’t say it’s easy but after a few drink and a little grab ass, you know whether or not you will get lucky. I met one at a bar, she was with her friends and I was with mine. We got a bit liquored up and I ended up with her in the sack that night. We met several other times at hotels and then decided to call it quits. It was fun. I’ve had others like that and, like you, I am an average looking guy – not bad but certainly not a People Magazine kinda guy. I do stay in very good shape. I take care of my body.
You are right about another thing, you have to have a personality … the ability to have fun and carry on a conversation. And yes, buy them a few drinks. Any cheap ass who won’t buy a woman a drink will NOT EVER get laid. And IMO doesn’t deserve to get laid.
For me, AM is far too risky. Anything that goes on your credit card can be traced back to the source. No thanks.
I found these postings very interesting. I’m a woman who has been off and on AM for about a year and a half. I’m attractive, fit (5’3, 118lbs), well-educated, can start and sustain an intelligent conversation and in turn (why I was curious about the site to begin with) am very sexually liberal. I’ve met 3 guys within the time I’ve been on. All single or divorced, (I made it a point NOT to meet married men), well-educated/intelligent, attractive, fit, professional, etc. themselves. However outside of these 3 men, there were literally hundreds and hundreds of strange, overly crass men who I would not even consider meeting, let alone let them use me for their sexual needs. My point of these post being though, that throughout the time I was on I learned a lot about what AM was really like. And it was very interesting to delve into the underlying reasons men are drawn to it. These men I met, although intelligent, were still lured in by the scam. It amazed me that at first they truly thought that all of the other profiles of attractive women who contacted them and wanted to chat were real and they kept throwing money at it. Then after they caught on, they still never totally left the site because they enjoyed the attention and the thrill of getting a woman to be interested in them… even if she was fake. Go figure, but to each his own….
Well, well. It is entertaining to read how certain men seem to be offended how there are not “enough” extremely attractive women looking for NSA sexual relations. Basically, these guys want Barbie to f*ck for free. Delusional, at best. One man said it well re: the fellows who were in Vietnam and had gotten too used to women over there willing to give up free pussy in exchange for a couple of cigarettes or a meal due to the extreme poverty. They come back home and believe that a woman of quality is going to do the same. Not going to happen.
The site is not a fake. I had used AM off and on from 2005-06. Many of these men have too high of an opinion for themselves and had this odd expectation of how a better-than-average woman was going to jump through hoops to impress such a man, who claimed he was very selective and particular when it came to choice of sexual partners. My response, “Honey…beggars cannot be choosy.” A younger and beautiful woman who did not need discretion is not going to allow her body to be used by any jerk-off who sends a Key Request to see her photos or barely-typed messages but demands instant sexual access without even an interest other than a one-night stand. The reality is that most of the women seeking casual sex are unhappily or bored married women with a child or two at home and who averages at age 35. She is not going to be unmarred as life has taken its toll as with the fellows.
“Looking for sugar daddy” option is allowed on AM. Men, you are going to have to pay in one way or another for “the woman of your dreams.” Most of you are going to be better off to pay for an escort who has zero interest in changing your marital status because this is solely business to her. On AM, a man is more likely to meet a neurotic woman who can really ruin his day at home if he has not paid her enough attention…or he can come home with an STD. Try explain both of those. To the men complaining: It is like that old adage of Four dogs playing poker…you knew what you are and what others are when signing up for this site.
Ashley Madison is full of date scamming “girls”. I put girls in quotes because the ads are run by men in Ghana using stolen pictures. Check with http://www.stop-scammers.com
before sending any money. Better yet, don’t waste your time there.
Ashley Madison
Darling, it’s been a splendid night, I can’t wipe the smile of my face, especially when I think of my wife at home doing all the dishes and putting the kids to bed.
O and me to my sexy man! I got out of doing the dishes too, told my husband that I was going to Yoga classes. O it’s so funny… I can’t wipe the smile off my face. And thinking about yoga, that was such an interesting position you were doing to me, I must teach that to my husband sometime.
O gee I love Ashley Madison, without them how could I have come across you so easily, although there are sixteen million of us. And I would have had such a boring life cause you know what Ashley Madison says, “life is short, have an affair.” I like to say, life’s a rort, just don’t care. Lol.
Ha ha ha… and I say, ‘life’s a snort, be unfair.’ Shall we get back to it?
O… let’s do… I love Ashley Madison!
Yes and I love you too loving Ashley Madison.
Ashley Madison, leading you to the bedroom of creeps like you.
I too agree with Maggie, I finally stopped that site after 2 years off and on , I am a 50 year old woman , and have well kept it together, 5’7” 125, long blonde hair and no wrinkles AND SURPRISINGLY alot of body art . I had more than I could handle Maybe when you are younger it is different but with my age they are angry and aggressive . Most of these people just need to nut up and get a divorce ,, I dont care what it’ll do to your kids or wallet or whatever ,, if it sthat bad divorce or use an escort PLEASE. I recently stopped a 6 month affair with a well known rock star of all things, when this past saturday after being invited to his house,, Id mentioned something about something I wanted to get done in life and he replied.. Oh I dont care what you do ,, your just here for sex… do you want to see the music room and my guitars ?? I said no ,, Id paid to see those YEARS ago and Im just now finally getting my moneys worth,, needless to say at 57 he shut up and I left .. Ive had one night stands albiet few,, treat me WAY better..and this was a nice one ,,other than that I experienced wayyyy too much aggression to even meet with anyone. My husband came out as gay sometime back but doesn’t want a divorce ,, but IIl just stick with that . At least he is pleasant. .
@ Dutchess:
So, after a pretty long and interesting post, in which you: brag about how well-preserved you are, manage to castigate the poor deluded male schlubs on Ashley Madison; and simultaneously brag on banging a “rock star” [do bona fide “rock stars” really need AM to get laid??? hmmmmm……] and condescendingly putting down same rock star, simply because he was being truthful with you [you were only there for the sex, darling!] and you couldn’t handle that reality; after all that and more, you finally disclose that your marital problems originate from the fact that you married a gentleman who regards having sex with another man’s anus as superior to your particular feminine charms….and were too clueless to realize you were marrying a gay man in the first place????
Yeah if you represent the highest standard of what a female “catch” is on AM then “caveat emptor” is fully applicable to any man considering using the site–if you could bottle that level of female crazy and sell it, you’d have a pretty nice side business.
Jealous Much ?? Look ,, guys give us all kinds of hell at my age about not being thin enough or whatever , however, they can pick our bodies apart .Say terrible things and I wanted to point out we arent all like that when we hit 50 .. and yes , quite a few famous people of all sorts ( men at least ) DO use AM .. Im not the only one that’s run across them.. and yes I did have a clue about my husband but he vehemently denied it . Said rock star has since apologized. He knew that what and how he said it was uncool . ,,,but yeah ,,most of them Do need to get a divorce or use an escort . Their aggression was a turn off ..
@Dutchess:
And what about you… knowingly married to a gay guy (because he’s “pleasant”) yet you have the audacity to tell others THEY need to get a divorce. Ohhhhhhhhhh what a prize you are!
@ Trey
I guess I am a prize as I am still with the three musicians , the one I mentioned before first and foremost and you BET he is something to brag about .. and two others occasionally . I am no longer on AM because I don’t need to be. I get more than enough attention. and you do not know my legal husbands current sexual status — only what little I divulged so before you start talking about peoples “anus ” you need to think. Not to mention we are very good companions. I noticed you waited a year almost to the day to tell me this ?? lol …ok.
That’s the evil spawned by the internet: any damn thing you say can be taken out of context and used to persecute you years after the actual incident by anybody and everybody when you’re already beyond tired of giving explanations to anonymous people who have no business asking for one 🙁
@Trey Drier
I simply cannot let this stupid bit of pure nastiness pass. Not for the nasty, but for the stupid.
A mutually consentual sham of a marriage is 1000k times better than a marriage where one spouse desperately wants out but stays just for financial, social reasons or just “for the children,” all without expressing their discontent to the other spouse. That’s like buying a horse together that needs both of you to care for it everyday, then not doing your share for some reason and staying mum while your spouse keeps wondering wtf is wrong with the horse when it gets sick & weak. Eventually they end up flogging a dead horse while crying their eyes out, wondering what went wrong, in the case that they’re trusting. If they smell something fishy, you’re screaming accusations at each other while the horse takes its last breath between you and your screams only hasten its passing.
Mutually deciding not to care for it and letting it graze wherever it wants & only pretending to care for it together when you have company is better. Coz your marriage is yours & your spouse’s business. No one else’s. Unless you go have an affair with someone. Then your fling has a say too. Because you’re feeding an illegal horse together with him/her while the legal one starves and apparently your fling has a conscience and is smart enough to see that this illegal horse can kick both o’ya into the ER in those circumstances. No one else is in any position to judge.
Decisions should be taken together because even though a marriage is a socioeconomic transaction at its core, there’s a lot of raw emotions & passions involved. Lies & deceit will always come back to rip your nuts off (or your ovaries out) and there will be blood. Lots of it.
Ashley Madison is an absolute scam. System is designed to double charge and deliberately sign customers off so they do not know if emails were sent. They also scam people by trying to charge to delete a profile. Everything about this site is FRAUDULENT and is a scam.
I agree that Ashley Madison is mostly a scam.. I have found, though, the scams are easy to identify and avoid. I personally have met and slept with over a dozen women in the past year and a half from the site with very little investment. These were all attactive, professional women from 27-41. I did not experience “clingers” and was caused no drama. I was always respectful and honest about my intentions. I never gave any of them more than an email and most would meet in a hotel room immediately after a casual meet at a bar/coffee shop. They do exist, you just have to know what to look for and vet them well before meeting in person.
I am kinda surprised to see so many negative comments about AM when I’ve had pretty good success. I’ve met a couple women from AM as well, and while in retrospect I can suppose there are some fake profiles, I think you can navigate through the crap and find the real women on the site with relative ease. Of course, if you’re a guy that can’t pick up a woman at the bar, you’re probably not going to have much luck on this site either. It all goes back to basics that someone has to be attracted to you to make that connection.
A few years ago I met and slept with a very nice, attractive, unhappily married lady on AM. But in the past year, my profile has been viewed … Viewed! fewer than a dozen times. Even though I have paid for my credits, I now get a screen that says “No one had viewed your profile recently … Have you considered becoming a Priority Man?” In other words, if they are going to let my profile be visible to women, I have to pay up again. Oh– and this– I am 57. I get lots of collect e-mails from girls in their 20’s who want to communicate (oh, and by the way, who have not viewed my profile). So, my conclusion, as with so many of you, is that the site is mostly a scam. An expensive mistake for men.
It was once possible to meet real women on sites like Adult Friend Finder, but these cheating website found it far more profitable to just make fake ads to entice men to sign up and pay for there “services”. You have to admit it’s a good business model, offer a service that people are embarrassed to admit to anyone they signed up for. It keeps disputes from customers with banks and credit cards companies to get a refund to a minimum. And if they signed up and paid for one service, chances are they will sign up for more services, so spam them with offers and advertisements before they figure out they been scammed.
Right on the money!
This is my experience with AM as one of the sucker guys who signed up. I also signed up as a fake woman but ripped that account down after 2 days. It got 21 messages. My real point was to see what the ratio was and to see what sort of things guys were saying.
As the real me I got a date from my first batch of messages, We met up in my hotel. She hadnt posted a face pic but turned out to be a real cutie, very pretty and we got on very well – too well because after a promising start it turned into a disaster, she got drunk and highly emotional about her husband’s cheating. I got her a taxi home, if I wanted to I could have taken advantage and laid her. That wasn’t AM’s fault, I doubt they hire stooges to go on fake dates after they have got your money.
I have since entered into a texting relationship with another woman, and we are waiting for a mutually agreeable time to meet I have no doubt she is 100% genuine and wants to make love with the right guy. I also have little doubt she has more than me on the go. We will see. I will let you know.
Its easy to be cynical about these sites but guys its the ratio that’s the problem, I could give some tips but why help the opposition.
Maybe I should recount the time I was “Amethyst14f” on a chat. I’m sure if I had called myself “Fred45m” the reaction would’ve been different.
Well, there is such a thing as simply “free sex,” they are what is known as sluts. They are entirely free, no catch. I have had a few. They are however not easy to find and remain few and far between. To hook up with an escort or expensive whore with “no strings attached” on a website, a back page, or chat line is now a total scam and come on. The system is a scam, the woman has a scam and ulterior motive in place before you even meet her. It never used to be this way and there were some legitimate women who were receptive and would meet,” nsa.” There used to be several free “hookup” lines around, where you could easily fulfill your desire and fantasy, but now they cost an arm and a leg. If you do get a taker (which is rare) she will most likely play you, scam you and lie about everything. Sex is actually the most innocent part, if you meet one of these women, if you get my drift. This is from experience I speak. You want one thing, while they have a whole different agenda in the works. To summarize this change and vast scam operation, my opinion is that there have been so many guys that have requested services from these lines and sites over the years that the systems now see dollar signs in their eyes when they see that you’re a male, and play you for a sucker. The real sucker and whore if you will !
These sites and chat lines are now total B.S. My only advice would be as tempted as you get, do not use them, as they are now grossly fabricated and the biggest farce, since the wooden nickel or trying your luck at a local “scoop for treasures game” at your area Walmart. It is rigged, it is predetermined to inhale all of your money. So that being said, (from a horny male’s perspective and experiences,) if you still want to meet a woman, you either do it the old fashioned way with face to face conversation, calling up old flings, or finding out about a girl through a friend. You can find it free on your own, but don’t rely on these sites or chat lines, as they are all fixed.
Maggie McNeill,
Being a young man under the age of 27 who has like many other men signed up to AM looking for sex and women, I myself have had the same experiences as the rest of the good people how share their story here on the message board. I was on AM before but after a while it smelled fishy so I got off it. After a few months went by I signed back on, again looking for sex. I know that the credits system is a outright joke. I never paid for the credits so I only used the free ones you received becoming a new member.
The robots of fake ads sending you a message to waste your credits happene to me. Both times when I signed up the same girls from the 1st account sent me a message, the exact same message twice. I felt for it. I now know the ratio of men to women is big but I have meet one girl on AM who is around my age, we meet once in person face to face. We now talk, send text messages, flirt and talk nasty with each other. I love it. In short Maggie, AM is a ripoff with bogus ads, deceiving you into hooking up with free pussy and all the rest of the nonsense of AM..
I do have to say if your willing to have patience in finding a real lady, knowing what AM is about, its going to take some work finding that girl. I have found my real girl. But I planed on leaving AM soon enough if I can’t get what I want from signing to Am.
I signed on to Ashley Madison looking for a older married women (or not) to have a secert sexual relationship, FWB type with a younger man then her. I thought a lot of older women on AM would want a younger guy to have sex with. I’m 25 and still looking to find my older women experience.
Thank you soo much Maggie McNeill for your story, I learned a lot tonight from you.
I accidentally hit an ad on yahoo or FB somewhere and my email is now inundated with various NSA sites I have them all I believe and I have never spent money, bought “credits”, or sent messages. I never even knew that I was this desperate. This morning I got an “Ashley Madison has sent you a free membership” email which caused me to google it. Now I am curious how many of these sites she/he owns. There has to be a lot of fools taken in by this scam for there to be so many of them….like penis enlargement pills. I am amazed at how many totally hot slutty girls just happen to live in the same small town as me. And they are all wishing to meet someone like me. Who is in a committed happy relationship with the girl of my dreams. Checking the “unsubscribe” tab on the emails doesn’t work either. They are like herpes, they just keep coming back.
There is a difference between cheating (via a website like that described above or otherwise) and paying a courtesan. I have never cheated on my wife and never will. I have paid a courtesan to fulfill a need my wife is not currently fulfilling.
My wife simply isn’t into sex and when we do make love she is checking an item off a list. She has never experienced an orgasm despite my trying everything to help her have that experience, and pertaps as a result sex is unimportant. She’s been quite happy living without sex for many years and I have never and would never force sex upon her or anyone. The most pleasurable sex I’ve ever had has been a shared experience where both me and my partner achieved some level of intimate ecstasy. That has been very rare in our marriage but is something I experienced before we were married with other partners and it is something I have experienced for the first time in many years with the courtesan I am seeing.
My wife is beautiful and intelligent, and I am as physically attracted to her today as I was when we first met. We share the same interests and are responsibly raising our children. We are happy together.
So why am I paying a courtesan? Is it for the thrill of sneaking around or because I want variety or I need a kinky fetish fulfilled? No – it is none of these.
I am seeing a courtesan because I realized after many years that I can only do so much to solve our problems in the bedroom – my wife has to acknowledge there is a problem and want to solve it. The courtesan I see periodically (not frequently) provides intimate (and yes sexual – but that is only a part of the experience) companionship with a shared interest in complete privacy. She has reasons equal to mine to keep the relationship private and professional. I trust her and she trusts me and that trust evolved over time. I know the arrangement is temporary – it is not cheating – and while I like and respect her, and I believe she feels the same way, the relationship is professional and has clear boundaries and rules (on both sides). She definitely enjoys what she does and views her role as providing a service, and her motivation is not drugs or despair. She is investing what she is earning in her education and has a plan to step out of the profession when she graduates. For her it is a means to an end that she enjoys and wasn’t forced into.
For me in addition to having a periodic experience that fulfills a need and sheds accumulated stress, I have learned what is missing in the sensual side of my marriage and have had some open and finally constructive conversations with my wife on how we can improve our sex life. I want in my bedroom at home what I am experiencing with the courtesan I am seeing.
The courtesan is also someone I can talk to openly about subjects that I can’t talk to anyone else about because the privacy and anonimity of our conversations are ensured.
For many years I was accepting a wonderful relationship with my wife excepting sensuality. I had resigned myself to that life. I now see that there can be more. At some point the professional arrangement with the courtesan will naturally end – and I will have no regrets because I finally see a path to my marriage becoming more sensual and sexually fulfilling – for me and my wife (and until my wife is satisfied sensually I won’t be).
For those who look to demonize me or pigeon hole me into a stereotype or believe that if you met me you’d find me repulsive I challenge you to rethink your assumptions. If you met me you would struggle to hate me. For those that demonize the courtesan you are wrong to do so – in my one experience I have seen the valuable role they can play.
Yours is a voice we need to hear, and I thank you for raising it. Best of luck in your life, both at home and elsewhere.
BEWARE!!! This is a scam site set up to simply take your money. They will not allow you to delete your profile unless you pay $19 otherwise it is just hidden and all your personal info. is still out there for more scam abuse.
[…] readers know that I have no love for Ashley Madison; its marketing is repulsive, its business ethics are nonexistent and its fake “press releases” […]
While I agree that the Marketing is sleazy, from personal experience I will tell you that your characterization of AM is somewhat off base, and add a few thoughts to the handful of other commentary with positive experiences. First, let me say that my wife and I have an open marriage of sorts – our agreement is basically DADT. So, although most on the site are “cheating”, I am not.
I am an ok but not great looking guy in my late 40s – IOW pretty average. I am a generally honest person, and so I won’t represent myself as single on other dating sites. In a couple of months, and while spending well under $100, I have met and had affairs lasting a few weeks with two women. My point here is that in my experience it is perfectly possible to get what AM claims to offer at a very sensible $ cost (much less than an escort). And time invested was a few hours on the site.
Of the women I met, they were both close to my age; one has a husband who has admitted to an affair and refused to end it, and the other was in an otherwise rewarding but sexless marriage. We were all very upfront about what we were doing – in contrast to the many married men and women representing themselves as single on traditional dating sites. Also, an affair with a married woman is much less likely to result in impact on the rest of your life, though I’ll agree that an escort is likely safer still. Similarly, the women I have met were not terribly promiscuous (assuming they were truthful – but we talked enough for there to be a decent chance of that). Three or four extra-marital partners seems the most common.
For some people, an escort may give them what they are looking for – which is great. For me, and the women I met, some small level of social interaction before sex makes the sex more fulfilling – chatting on IM, followed by dinner, for example, and then sex with the same person a few more times. For me, sex with a professional doesn’t satisfy (though FWIW I am very aligned with this blog’s position’s on sex work in general).
As for some of the comments:
Why would I care if they won’t let users delete profiles for free ? Just hide it or empty all info. Doesn’t cost anything.
As a guy, women are not going to look at your profile unless you send them a message (with a single exception in my case), but that’s down to the ratios. The women get lots of messages, so why should they bother searching ? Really not hard to figure this out.
So, that’s an anecdote, not data. But it does demonstrate that AM is not necessarily a scam if used with a little intelligence. But if used without intelligence – well, as you say, a fool and his money are easily parted.
Yes,I totally agree with you. Thank you. I’ve also tried a couple of other sites with the same shit. They are; our time n pof. I hope someday these idiots stop steeling money from honest hardworking guys like me.
Be careful on backpage. Fake ads have been posted as an entrapment technique. Call or text a girl on the site and your phone number is posted as John. Found out the hard way after the website texted me and said for $500 they would remove my name and phone number from their website. Extortion and threat of public shame are what the world has come to. My advice, buy a burner phone never use a number or email tied to your real identity. Don’t fall for scams and extortion attempts.
I registered and started receiving messages from men thanking me for favoriting them. I never added anybody to my favorites. When I checked the sent box, there were pages of names of men that I supposedly sent messages to. There were either prewritten wink messages or messages saying they were on my favorite list. This site is a big fat SCAM! Men, don’t be fooled by these people. They send out fake messages making you think a woman is interested only to get you to respond (and waste your credits so that you can spend more). I received many wink messages and favorites too but I am wondering if it’s also part of the scam to get me (women on that site) to write to the men. WHAT A SCAM! Don’t waste your time or money with these money hungry people.
Being on AM myself for about a year, I only recently had that mass sent wink thing happen. And it was while my profile was supposed to be hidden.
But, I search the male profiles and have sent a wink or two. I am planning to meet my 4th contact this week. The previous 3 we quickly took to regular email – met for coffee, and chose not to pursue anything, though I have remain friends with one of them.
As with anything, proceed with caution, understand your risk, and make smart choices. Being in my early 50’s, I have hit a time where I really feel the need for the intimacy I don’t get at home. He has medical issues, as do alot of men his age. If I am lucky and find a mutual agreement with #4, then I will appreciate this site all the more.
If all you’re looking for is a part-time connection with clear boundaries (imagine a mistress but one you only support part-time*), then yes by all means go to a professional. As Maggie pointed out in August 2013, find “well-reviewed escorts who have been in business for at least a year.”
If you’re looking for a stronger romantic connection — one that a professional might find creepy or alarming — then I would advise OK Cupid. Messaging is free, and the site is comfortable with unconventional relationships and connections.
Yes, men don’t get a lot of answers there (either), and yes, women get inundated with messages there (too). But at least nobody’s paying cash money for the privilege.
If you are lying to your partner, and if you don’t mind having a (similar) “stronger romantic connection” with people who lie to their partner(s), PlentyOfFish is also a (free) option. My impression is that that site has a larger number of “cheaters” as members than OKC does.
(*Maggie, would it be appropriate to offer a time-share condo as a metaphor? One that hosts several different visitors, who pay only a portion of the costs of the condo?
Since that uses real estate (property) as the core of the metaphor, I hesitate to throw it out there without asking for feedback about its appropriateness.)
Well after replying several time to this thread over a long period of time, I have to say I stopped using or seeing anyone I met on AM . It did a few things . Made me feel used no matter what , and made me feel like I should be getting paid for this ( not sure why ) . Plus several times the sex was so rough that I was afraid I’d been injured. I still have safe companionship with my strange husband and I became a pretty successful PSO on several platforms. I get paid and I can flirt and do all kinds of things . I even have a pretty good flock of regulars and I do not fee used .. I just couldn’t escape that feeling .
[…] Maggie McNeill, a former call-girl who blogs at The Honest Courtesan, puts it this way: […]
Hi all, my 5cents worth…
been on Am for 6 months.
once I worked out the proper logistics, and avoiding the pitfalls, all i can say is it works.
Out of my last 30 credits I met and had affairs with 2 ladies
A third was very close when something happened to her last minute that scuppered everything
So, thats pretty good rate of return I feel
tom
I recently renewed my Ashley Madison account.Within hours I began receiving “gifts” and “messages” from attractive single women in their 20’s, from places hundreds or thousands of miles from me. I am 59 and live on the East Coast. And in practically every case, the sender did not show up in my “Viewed Me” list. So– attractive young women half my age contacting me who have not seen my profile? I don’t think so. I think these are fraudulent computer-generated messages designed to trick men into spending money on the return e-mail messages. Turns out that when you join AM, they quietly sell you (without telling you clearly that they are doing it) a service that permits you to reply to these bogus emails for free– but the service costs $20 per month. When I joined AM the first time, I would get one or two views per month of my profile. At the bottom of the page telling me I had no recent views, there was always an invitation to sign up to get more views by becoming a “Priority Man.” So– I pay my fees just to have other men jump ahead of me unless I pay more? Total rip-off. One last observation– I don’t know whether this is true in all markets, but in Philadelphia, where I live, I would estimate that 35-50% of profiles are women looking for a “sugar daddy” or even overtly offering sex for money. This doesn’t bother me as much as the aspects of AM that I consider fraudulent.Nice to hear from Tom that he has had success on the site.
[…] things to come out of this is a look at how Ashley Madison actually functions. There have been allegations for years that Ashley Madison was overpromising, to say the least. There were allegations that the […]
Excellent and concise writing. Honestly I was interested in the site because there are things I don’t like about marriage: besides always wondering beyond monogamy never getting to hang out with women EVER, even if they were good friends before marriage. I thought this AM would be useful and not compromise my relationship, but it doesn’t seem worth it. Your point about risking everything with an ’emotionally damaged woman’ was spot-on. In either case, if you want company or a charged-up night of sex, doesn’t seem Ashley Madison is the way to go.
-Thank you