It is not every question that deserves an answer. – Publilius Syrus, Sententiae (#581)
It’s time once again to answer questions posed by you, my readers; if you have a question you’d like to see answered here just send it to the address listed in the right column.
Is there a right way to go about engaging a prostitute’s services? As much as I fully agree that it’s insane to think all sex workers are being degraded, how can I make sure that a lady is in fact doing this because it’s her choice – and not because some pimp will harm her if she doesn’t?
Though some sex worker rights activists might be angry at me for saying this, the best way to minimize your chances of running into a girl who has been coerced is to avoid streetwalkers. Though only about half of them have pimps (and most of those work for the girl rather than vice-versa), the possibility is still higher on the street than in indoor settings. Even among streetwalkers without pimps the incidence of drug abuse, poverty and other factors which many think of as disallowing truly free choice are dramatically higher, and beside everything else there are more police client stings (which are growing more popular as the Swedish odor pervades the land) involving fake streetwalkers than fake escorts.
Your best bet is to join one of the “hooker boards” like ECCIE or Big Doggie, hang around for a while, cruise the girls’ ads and look for one who appeals to you and fits into your price range (it’ll probably be about $200-$400 depending on where you live). Then read her reviews; a very small percentage of low-end girls may have “management”, but you’ll be able to tell from the reviews because guys will report that suspicion. Also, the older the escort the less likely she is to be “managed”. The chance of running into a coerced escort is pretty low to start with, but using those guidelines you can pretty much eliminate it completely.
I kind of get the impression that you would advocate anyone in the business adhere strictly to a referral system. The problem I see with such a system is that it becomes a closed loop in which no new clients can ever enter because they can’t get a referral. Obviously, in reality, there are constantly new women moving into the business and they may be willing to see someone without references, but are they really inclined to provide them to others?
Fortunately for new clients, different girls have different comfort levels where referrals are concerned; agency escorts don’t generally expect them and some independents distrust them unless they know the referring girls personally, for the simple reason that some escorts seem unconcerned with the safety of others and will give a flippant “he’s OK” even if they can’t remember the client at all! And since some others never bother to respond when asked, some escorts consider referrals more trouble than they’re worth and prefer to screen by other means.
A perusal of escort boards will reveal some girls, often highly sought-after ones, who are “newbie friendly” (i.e. they’ll screen by means other than references). In general, these are girls who are more worried about “stings” than about bad clients; they trust their instincts and ability to manage difficult customers to get them out of tight spots, but it’s hard to get around fifteen armed men who mean to abduct one. Once you’ve seen one of these “newbie friendly” girls, you can use her as a reference to see others who are more adamant about referrals and before too long you’ll be set whether your prospective date wants a referral or not.
If I make a comment on your blog and then realize I said something I really shouldn’t have, do you mind deleting it?
We all occasionally type replies online and then, at some point after hitting “post”, realize that due to anger or giddiness or exhaustion or booze or just plain bad judgment we’ve said more than we should’ve. And then comes the “Oh, shit!” moment where one realizes that he’s provided information which could compromise his privacy, or acted like a total ass, or just written something which makes no actual sense whatsoever. When the mistake is just a plain typo most people simply make a second comment, and I delete that one and incorporate the correction into the first. But if the offending post is a complete embarrassment to you, please send me an email pointing out the reply in question and I’ll edit it as you desire or delete it completely if that’s what you want. I’ll still delete the problem-post even if it’s been replied to, but in that case I’ll first ask you to consider editing rather than total deletion so that subsequent replies still make sense. Note that though I’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time here lately, it’s not always that way so if you happen to send your deletion request on a day when I’m busy it may take some time before I see it and can perform the requested action.
Seems reasonable enough. Something like “don’t go to a poverty-stricken country and hire a skinny, poorly-dressed twelve-year-old” I would expect we all know already.
Great initial starting quote.
What kindnesses and courtesies will help make me a good client? After paying promptly and in full, of course.
I invite the professional ladies who read this to respond now, and I’ll gather their answers – and mine – into an essay for next month’s Q & A. But in the meantime, you might be interested in my previous column on the subject. 🙂
Hello CSP Schofield.
As a working lass, the most irritating question I am asked (and unfortunately 90% of clients ask) is for unprotected sex.
Not going to happen and if you are a true gentleman and don’t make a fuss over wearing a condom then it is greatly appreciated.
The whining ‘oh I can’t feel anything, I hate condoms’ just makes me feel as though a) you’re a bit of a dickhead, b) my vagina is some kind of volumous cave that barely touches you or c)) you’re a bit of a dickhead.
Secondly, hand OFF heads. I’m performing oral on you, I know what I’m doing, please don’t push my head down. This isn’t porn and you really don’t want the contents of my lunch on your lap now do you?
Let your escort guide the flow of the foreplay, the amount of men that I see who gruffly kiss me, grope a breast then flip me over expecting me to be aroused to wetness is just ridiculous. I genuinely enjoy most clients and if you let me warm things up properly it can be much more fun.
That is all I can think of thus far. xxA
In response to C.S.P. Schofield, I find that if a client follows similar guidelines to what they would use when dating any non-pro woman, they’re likely to get the most enjoyment of their time and money.
*Be well-groomed and clean; trim fingernails and shave (unless you already have a beard)
*Ask rather than demand–most people prefer requests to orders, and whores are no different
*Don’t overstay your welcome. If we’ve contracted for an hour, don’t wait until 50 minutes have passed to attempt a second round
*Do your best to be engaging and respectful.
*Lastly, NEVER grab the back of my head during fellatio and attempt to force it down. There is nothing more likely to get you a second-rate experience and a quick hustle out the door…
The fact that you’re taking the time to ask this question means you’re well on your way to becoming a stellar client 🙂
Question for the professional ladies:
1) Do you ever enjoy the sex? And if so, on what level?
2) If you do enjoy the sex, do you tell your significant other that?
Scorch, that’s going to vary by the lady AND by the experience. First question, generic answer: Most of us enjoy it on a purely physical level some of the time, and some of us enjoy it for other reasons (sympathy, affection, etc) with a few customers.
Second question, specific answer: My husband wanted to know when I did, so I truthfully told him; it never caused any trouble between us as far as I know.
[…] Sooooo…I was reading Momma Maggie’s April Q&A earlier this morning. Read it. […]
I think as a working girl in the industry that definitely depends on how you treat the girl, and it all starts with that phone call, give her everything she needs, trust me we won’t ask for impossible stuff and will respect your privacy, at least most of us, there is always the crazy ones like in every other profession.
But just follow her rules and you will e pleasantly pleased, that will make you a good client.
Great article,
As someone who see escort/SW in the Britain on a regular basis. I always find it hard to spring up the courage to see a lady when I’m stuck in the States. I’m just used to the UK system. I just don’t trust or like. the “referral system” used in the states. Like you said Maggie,
“The problem I see with such a system is that it becomes a closed loop in which no new clients can ever enter because they can’t get a referral.”
It’s true.
I don’t like the US escort boards either, some you have to pay a fee, and then they call your place of work, no thanks. That wouldn’t work for me as I’m self employed/ free lance. Which means you either have to try to date ( I’m too much of a introvert for that), which I hate doing (especially when I’m living the states.) or go without. Which gets me very frustrated, anxious, and depressed. It becomes quite the pickle, and leaves me in dire straits. Which is sad because I’m a really nice and respectful fella too see ( not bragging)