We cannot even reproduce our thoughts entirely in words. – Friedrich Nietzsche
My column of one year ago today, “Terminology”, was a glossary of terms used by whores and clients; many of them come from the escort review sites which have become very popular on the internet in the past decade. Today I’d like to look at a few more such terms, including some that I’ve only learned since my first column on the subject; many of these are acronyms used by internet “hobbyists” in reviews, so I simply never encountered them until I started reading more about review sites and corresponding with internet independents.
BCD: Behind Closed Doors. This refers to the portion of a date which is spent in the bedroom, i.e. the sexual portion of a session. It is thus used as a collective reference to sex acts (“BCD activities”) or by girls referring to special “meet over coffee” type deals (“no BCD time”).
BFE: Boy Friend Experience. It is obviously built on the pattern of “Girl Friend Experience”, which I defined in my previous column; a client might be described as a “BFE” if he’s very nice and easy to deal with, avoids being pushy or demanding, doesn’t haggle and tries to make the date pleasant for the escort by booking multiple hours, taking her to dinner and/or giving her a gift, carrying on an interesting conversation, etc.
CIM: Cum In Mouth. The use of “cum” to mean “semen” is an American vulgarism dating to the 1920s, and the extension of the vulgar spelling to the verb “come” (which has been colloquially used to mean “have an orgasm” since at least the late Middle Ages, just as the equivalent verb is used in other European languages) is more recent still, dating to perhaps the 1960s. I don’t think I need to tell any female reader how much ejaculating into a woman’s mouth excites most men, but in the post-HIV world very few whores would allow this. Unfortunately, as I discussed in my column of February 28th,
…in the last decade as escort review sites became steadily more common, many escorts wanted something which would set them apart from the competition. But the trend really took off just over two years ago when the economy went belly-up; a lot of part-timers lost their regular jobs and therefore needed to bring in more money from hooking, and a lot of amateurs who had never before directly asked for cash flooded into Craigslist and Backpage. The amateurs had no sense of appropriate professional conduct and the part-timers were desperate to make up the difference from their lost jobs, and so they started to offer things which, while not extremely dangerous like unprotected intercourse, were nonetheless more personal and “edgy” than what had been the norm even as recently as 2007. And once that happened even many full-time professional escorts were forced to change their policies in order to remain competitive.
Though most escorts who allow this still spit or dribble afterward, there are some who offer “BBBJTCNQNS”, which means “bare back blow job to completion, no quittin’, no spittin’”, which I personally consider most unwise.
DFK: Deep French Kissing. Yes, we didn’t used to allow kissing, either; see the entry for CIM above.
DNS: Do Not See. Most often used in the formulation “DNS List”, a personal list of men an escort refuses to see because of personal experience, warnings from other girls or statements the listee has made on review boards: “Any man with an attitude like that goes straight onto my DNS list.”
FBSM: Full-Body Sensual Massage, a combination of therapeutic massage with sensual touching. See also levels of massage.
FIV: Fingers In Vagina, an activity which I’m far from alone in disliking intensely, though some girls do allow it.
LEO: Law Enforcement Officer, i.e. a vice pig. Sometimes “Uncle Leo”.
Levels (of massage): A Level 1 (L1) massage is massage with a “happy ending” (i.e. hand job). Level 2 (L2) massage includes a blow job, and Level 3 (L3) is full service.
Lurker: A “hobbyist” who reads escort boards, but does not generally post on them. Most of these are the good sort of hobbyists, unlike the bad ones who use their experience and that of others to learn how to cheat, manipulate and intimidate inexperienced escorts.
Manmades: Augmented tits, often abbreviated MMs: “Maggie has a spectacular set of manmades”.
NBA: No Blacks Allowed. Escorts with NBA policies will not see black clients for reasons I already discussed at length in my column for September 18th of last year.
NCNS: No Call, No Show. A client who neither showed for his appointment nor called to cancel; a deadbeat.
Nuru massage: This is not “massage” in the normal sense, but rather consists of the masseuse erotically sliding her naked body up and down against that of her client with the assistance of nuru gel, an odorless, tasteless, colorless and extremely slippery gel made from nori seaweed. The gel does not dry up and so must be washed off with soap and water; nuru massage thus always ends with a bath or shower. Nuru massage originated in Japanese bathhouses, or “soaplands”.
Outing: Publicizing the real name of a client or escort, usually to that person’s family; it is considered one of the most reprehensible actions of which someone is capable and will usually result in the total ostracism of the offender.
Roses: A rather silly slang term for “dollars” used in the advertising of inexperienced low-end escorts: “I expect a donation of 150 roses”.
Spinner: A very thin, petite escort, so called because of the joke that a man can “pick her up and spin her around” while she’s doing cowgirl.
Time waster: A man who has no real intention of paying for an appointment. Some of them are lonely and just looking for conversation, and others might like to see a girl but are too nervous or frightened to follow through, but most are just cheapskates trying to get free wanking material.
TOFTT: Take One For The Team. This refers to a hobbyist taking the risk of seeing an unreviewed girl in order to report back to his friends about her.
YMMV: Your Mileage May Vary. This phrase, borrowed from American automobile advertising, refers to an escort whose performance varies considerably from client to client depending on how she reacts to each individual.
LEO: Law Enforcement Officer, i.e. a vice pig. Sometimes “Uncle Leo”.
Uncle Leo – this reminds me of Seinfeld’s Uncle Leo. I wonder if the term is a reference to that character?
Lurker: A “hobbyist” who reads escort boards, but does not generally post on them. These are the good sort of hobbyists…
Why are Lurkers more likely to be the good sort of hobbyist than the ones who post on escort boards?
Independent escorts who post frequently on escort boards could probably explain it better, but the basic issue is that many (though by no means all) of the guys who post frequently on escort boards are prone to looking for “deals”, haggling, sharing ways to scam escorts with each other, trying to bully inexperienced girls into giving them freebies or cut rates in exchange for good reviews, threatening them with bad reviews, or generally playing pimp. Lurkers are the guys who are busy with real life and/or turned off by the locker-room behavior of many of the more board-active hobbyists, and thus only use the boards for information.
“Lurker” here … and I agree with you 100 percent. I don’t even think that the escort reviews can be relied upon in most cases. I tend to think that a guy who’s an asshole on the internet is going to be an asshole with a girl – and so that may negatively impact his experience with that girl.
I’ve noticed, a few “hobbyists” that are very pleasant natured and very civil to others on those escort forums tend to have a high number of glowing reviews and speak very favorably of girls personally. On those occasions where they have bad experiences – they tend to blow it off by saying the girl is probably very good under most circumstances, but their experience wasn’t thrilling this one time. Even in a bad experience – they’ll find a way to compliment the girl on her looks, or her personality – or some other positive trait she possessed.
NBA’s – many escorts in Europe have that policy too – some go farther with an exclusion against Arabs also.
Kama of Kingston had a “No Republicans” policy. If you voted for Bush, she didn’t want you. Had to do with foreign policy, India in particular. I have no idea how she feels about Obama, I don’t know much about him and India, and because her website is gone. She may have another, idk.
If she was adamant about that, I’m not at all surprised she’s out of business.
I have to wonder how you enforce such a thing. You don’t get tattooed with R, D, I, or whatever when you vote. Which means she wasn’t having sex with honest Republicans. Ones who lie could still get some.
She was also picky about shaving.
I was able to find an interview with her, but I think it’s from a few years back.
Exactly. And it would be a ridiculous basis on which to exclude customers even if one could tell; if I had avoided every client whom I thought to be stupid, misguided or guilty of poor judgment I would’ve been a destitute prostitute.
Sure some punters do exactly as you describe. But the bullshit/scams goes the other way as well. eg fake positive reviews, false advertising etc
Oh, dear, I would have hoped you had noticed by now that I’m always fair; my column on bad girls was over a year ago now, last August 24th.
Uncle Leo is that bad uncle you don’t want your parents to let babysit you. Unless he works in the space program, of course. Uncle Low Earth Orbit is a good guy.
Maybe, but he’s such a drag.
{groan} 😉
In canada we have a few more that are used in ads. MSOG = multiple shots on goal. Which means you can go as many times as you can in the time period. Very standard here for 1 hr appointments not 30 mins or 15 mins which some offer incall. LFK is light french kissing.
MSOG and a number of other terms were covered in the previous column. And I’m not saying CIM is “new”, what I’m saying is that most high-end escorts in the United States used to avoid it in the ’80s and ’90s but have recently begun to offer it again.
But, in reality – is “CIM” any more dangerous than “BBBJ”?
Men always dribble a bit before they shoot.
It all depends on what the girl’s doing while performing. Speaking only for myself, I absolutely never let anything go any farther than my mouth.
Lol is your husband fine with that?
That was past tense, love, and I was speaking of professional interactions rather than personal ones. You may rest assured that my husband has no complaints. 😉
Lol your husband is a lucky man. Wish I got a chance to see. U b4 u retired 🙁
Thank you, JJ! 🙂
I dont think CIM is new. In NYC it was very standard for years.
How many confirmed cases of HIV derive from heterosexual unprotected oral sex?
For either party to the act.
None. But there are serious diseases other than HIV.
So what percentage of hookers do kissing nowadays (if you even know)? I can still remember the first time I heard (from Phil Donohue) that most hookers refused to kiss. I was utterly shocked, and to this day I still find it hard to believe that one could get many customers with such a policy. I would think that kissing would be one of the most important parts of the experience.
Maybe I’m a little weird, though.
All that advertise as GFE, which is certainly over half. And you’re totally wrong about the avoidance of kissing being a big problem; there’s a vast difference between announcing “I don’t kiss” and simply avoiding it. I kissed only clients I really liked, and even then I’m not really much of a kisser, yet I was the most popular escort in New Orleans for years. A friend of mine who is an internet independent tells me she largely avoids kissing, yet has plenty of regulars and “DFK” appears in all her reviews.
On posters versus lurkers: Some posters tend to be chest beating, cock swinging, narcissists wanting to show off to the other guys. What many don’t realize is we read the posts and will “DNS” a guy based off of what they say on the boards (for the reason stated above by krulac).
To add a few more terms if I may:
TGTBT – Too good to be true. If you see an ad (usually on sites like backpage) of some hot looking young thing that could be a supermodel in Brazil, it’s usually TGTBT and it’s either a sting or a bait and switch.
GPS – Golden Pussy Syndrome. Usually complained about by guys who really want to see her but consider her overpriced for their budget. Therefore they accuse her of GPS, saying that she has priced herself too expensive.
SDS – (this is a term I made up) Special Dick Syndrome. A guy that thinks he is so great he deserves a discount or that any rules you may have don’t apply to him.
LOL, in New Orleans our term for what you call “GPS” was “platinum pussy syndrome”; I mentioned it in my column of last August 24th.
As for the last one there, I used to take pleasure in popping the balloons of (usually young) pompous guys who said stupid things like “I’m young and good-looking, do I get a discount?” by responding with something like, “Oh, you’re young? We charge more for guys under 30 because they’re much more difficult to deal with.” We didn’t really, but I enjoyed hearing them backpedal.
Lurker: A “hobbyist” who reads escort boards, but does not generally post on them. These are the good sort of hobbyists…
The forums are my Facebook. I don’t want to see pictures of or hear stories of peoples grandchildren. We have a lot of good natured kidding on ECCIE. To think that I am thought of in a negative light because I enjoy posting is really not fair.
I certainly didn’t mean to imply that all the clients who post are bad ones; in fact you might look at my original definition of “hobbyist” from one year ago today, which points out that many hobbyists are among the best of clients! I merely meant that a certain group of those who post frequently are dedicated to bad behavior, and that the lurkers are usually outside of that.
It is true, however, that I’ve heard many escorts make blanket negative statements about hobbyists, so perhaps those like yourself who are concerned about being included in that should make an effort to rein in those who engage in the odious behaviors.
i wonder why kissing is so important to men… hell they can’t even do it right… i do not mind but some guys kiss like it is their first time in the back seat of the car,,, way too aggressive can’t control their tongue and then half of them want to stick it in your throat… get a grip
A lot of women complain, outside of their hearing, that the men in their lives are bad at this, that, or the other thing. Inside of his hearing they tell their men that they are sexual supermen.
So why do you THINK men don’t improve their technique? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, and we’ve all been told by the one person who should know that it ain’t broke.
I took up the new hobby about 6 months ago. I am in my 60’s and my wife closed up shop about ten years ago. Prior to that, I was monogamous. Three ladies into my experience, I am delighted and feel so much better about myself. I always make sure I am welcomed back, through a respectful demeanor and gifts. I am lucky to have met them! Also, your deciphering the various acronyms is VERY helpful!
ROSES, this used to mean $50, because a $50 bill is red. This was standard pre-internet language in classified ads in papers, you could not mention money in any way, so rates were always quoted as a number of roses. This recent use resurgence of roses to mean dollars is very silly.
Only in Canada, Dave!
Only in Canada!