A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. – The Sherman Brothers
In my column of September 18th I related the story of how my 17-year-old self tried to gently explain to a very unattractive young man (whom I called “Ralph”) what he might do to make himself less so; it wasn’t easy because while I was trying to tell him the truth, I was also trying very hard not to hurt his feelings. That’s very important to most normal women; we don’t really like distressing people, especially not men, so when put into a position where something unpleasant has to be said, many women simply lie to spare the other person’s feelings. Those who don’t lie outright generally attempt to soften the impact, often by downplaying the most painful aspects or using humor to cut the sting.
One of the things I said in the aforementioned column was, “Unfortunately, Ralph wasn’t really all that unusual; there are a lot of men who admit they don’t understand how women think, yet angrily deny any explanation a woman tries to give them.” One of the most common denials takes the form of “that’s just your opinion”; by pretending in his own mind that the woman’s explanation is not a fact but a mere personal belief, he can still convince himself that many (perhaps most) women feel differently. That’s the reason for the “racism” defense to the NBA issue; by accusing the woman of “racism” he pretends that the problem is based only in her (bigoted) opinion rather than in reality, and his ego is safe. Most of my male readers are pretty open-minded guys, and judging by the comments I think most of y’all recognize that I know what I’m talking about and I’m careful to distinguish my opinions from things I’ve observed as fact or discovered through research or analysis. Even so, there are probably a few of you out there who have your doubts about the whole women-look-at-sex-differently thing, so today I’d like to call your attention to a pair of recent essays from other women (one pro and one amateur) which back me up. I think it’s important to do this because there are very few honest essays about this subject; neofeminists lie about it to promote their agenda, many sex-positive feminists misrepresent it for their own reasons, and most regular women lie or avoid the topic so as to spare men’s egos. But these ladies have tackled it, using humor to provide Mary Poppins’ spoonful of sugar.
The first is an August 28th blog post from an English escort named Sensuous Amanda, which I discovered via cross-posting on Harlot’s Parlour:
If I had a penny for every time I’ve heard “I reckon I’d make a great male escort, don’t you think so?” I’d have a significant amount of pennies. What’s your point/the problem? I hear you ask. Well, there are several, to be honest. For starters, the men who have the most unshakeable belief that they would be perfect male escorts, tend to be the ones who are 5’2”, average looking and (most importantly) humourless little personality vacuums…
Whilst I won’t say there is no market for straight male escorts, I will tell you that it is a teeny tiny market and it is awash with bright eyed hopefuls. As far as I know, even the successful guys do it part time and have another job to pay the rent. My guess (and that’s all it is) would be that there is a small demand for two types of male escort:
1) The educated, well spoken, reasonably handsome, good listener. The perfect gentleman who can listen to your problems, massage your feet, snuggle up on the sofa and can accompany you to any social occasion without drawing attention to himself for the wrong reasons and will have your fellow W.I. members frothing at the mouth with jealousy. Not because he’s a young stud, (women – in general – don’t really work like that. We would point, laugh and pour scorn upon the woman who turned up with a 20 year old shag toy)…but because he was the perfect gentleman. The coveted Mr. Darcy.
2) The 20-30 year old buff, tanned shag toy…[who] won’t be taken out in public…
The thing is though, that in general, women don’t want the first type to be a charade. We want a man to be all of those things to us because he wants to be. Not because we’ve just handed him a wad of twenties…Anyway, the point I was going to make, which has got completely lost in an avalanche of waffle, is this. Boys, go for it if you want, but don’t rely on it for income. For instance, my ex – a tall strapping chap, pretty good looking, in his early 30s at the time – advertised his services. He’d seen what I was earning and decided that he wanted in on the action. He never made a sodding penny. Nothing. Not so much as an email or a call. Not even a timewaster. However, he missed a trick. He was bisexual and if he’d announced that in his advertising, things may have turned out very differently. And THAT dear wannabe male escorts is the thing. You wanna be a male escort? Fine, you go for it sweetie. You wanna make real money as a male escort? Lube up, bend over and take one for the team.
The second one was a September 15th post on The Gloss which I discovered via a link on Tits and Sass:
The phenomenon of hiring a male stripper to celebrate your impending nuptials is a hard one to explain. I, for one, do not quite understand the void that it fills in the life of the soon to be married woman. In fact, if aliens arrived on this planet and the first thing they encountered was a greased up naked man tossing around a group of women, they would probably annihilate the lot of us, for being a superfluous species. And yet, women continue to enlist oiled up muscle heads to entertain them at bachelorette parties, so clearly I am missing something. I had a strict No Penis Policy at my own bachelorette party, a theme which one of my friends pointed out may have gone too far when we ended up at a strip club with topless ladies dancing around for us early Sunday morning.
But to be honest, female strippers just make more sense to me than male strippers. They’re (usually) hot ladies who take their clothes off while (mostly) men watch. Men are highly visual beings, and there are actually a surprising number of body types on stage at the strip clubs I’ve been to…Male strippers are much different. For starters, I’m sure some women lust after bare chested juice heads. But most don’t. And that is the standard model male stripper that arrives at your door…Simply put, women aren’t as visual about their desires as men are. I think I can prove this with a simple comparison. Men love magazines filled with scantily clad women. This fact has kept Hugh Hefner wandering around a mansion in his pajamas for the last six decades. Women? Not so much. This is probably why Playgirl is a magazine for gay men.
All of that might also explain why male strippers don’t just dance for their patrons. Often times they toss women in the air, rub themselves on their privates and bend them into positions and shapes that resemble terrible yoga poses. If women weren’t paying for the pleasure of such treatment, these things would likely be considered criminal in a court of law…what you can expect when hiring a male stripper…[is] more like a gay cabaret show than anything involving my sexual fantasies. And yet, women continue to pay for the pleasure of being swung around by these men before their friends get married…
And there you have it. If you’ve got the time, I suggest reading them in unedited form because they’re both quite amusing and the pictures on the male stripper one are priceless, and there’s one feminist commenter there whose tail-chasing performance (trying to convince the female author that her feelings and experiences are wrong because they contradict “social construction of gender”) is a lesson in itself.
One Year Ago Today
“One Step Forward” reports the Ontario High Court decision, still being appealed by Ottawa a year later, which struck down Canada’s dangerous and tyrannical prostitution laws.
ROFL. “The thing is though, that in general, women don’t want the first type to be a charade. We want a man to be all of those things to us because he wants to be. Not because we’ve just handed him a wad of twenties…”
Substitute “woman” for “man” and “man” for “woman” and you have a pretty good idea why I’ll probably never end up seeing as escort professionally, no matter how much I might enjoy the company of such interesting ladies socially. Perhaps men and women are not SO different after all.
Fortunately for the finances of millions of ladies worldwide, you’re unusual in that respect. 😉
On the other hand, there’s one lady who’s probably fairly happy about it. 🙂
Even though Ralph may have never thanked you, I do because you tried to tell him the truth in a palatable manner so he would accept the advice you were giving him. I don’t know how many right or wrong answers you gave him, but at least you genuinely tried which is all anyone can ask. Too many people don’t know how to take advice, be self aware and self critical without becoming too depressed and also genuinely trying to change for the better.That’s always a danger. Do you say too little and not tell the ugly truth which is always more real and 100% or do you say too much and repulse them?
You’re right about men becoming escorts, prostitutes and strippers. Most don’t have what it takes. You need to be either very high on being Mr “Smooth talking” Darcy or you need to be physically the most handsome man around. Actually you need to be both. Very few men are one and even fewer are both. That’s why men fail at selling themselves in a heterosexual strait manner in the sex industry unless they go gay homosexual. Men also fail at selling themselves to women for sex work because it’s not typical for women to hire men for this as women will not typically question their desirability and egos in this manner. Women can typically afford at least while they are young and pretty enough to not realistically question themselves and not shatter their egos mainly because their is almost always a man who will say or do anything to have sex with them. Sometimes the women may get confused and think they can translate their short term desirability from a man into something more like a long term relationship.
Men typically can not afford such illusions even when they are young and handsome. Men usually know that they have to do something like seduce or pay for sex. Men know that if they are not desirable on some level that there is no short term sex and then there’s also no long term relationships either.
If a man is that socially smooth like Mr. Darcy, why wouldn’t he be a woman’s jigalo at least and husband at most instead of an escort? It’s true that virtually all women would cringe at having to pay for such services as companionship, witty banter, sex etc. Most women can punch above their weight for a date if not a long term relationship almost for the asking to get such men. That’s something men do.
As far as the pretty boys are concerned for stripping or prostitution, most women would cringe at it. Most women can easily punch above their weight and not have to spend a cent for sex or naked dancing men without having to pay for it. Often she can get the man to pay for being pleasured by her and her friends. Maybe you can enlighten me as to why women would hire male strippers or prostitutes. It’s done, but much less than men doing the same. It’s at best a very small percentage and at worst virtually statisticly insignificant. The only thing I can think of is a small percentage of women “get off” on using these men like they are live sex toy slaves and enjoy some degree of humiliating them and “getting these men off” at the same time like it’s party porn or CFNM(Clothed Female Naked Male Porn). I really don’t know the answer and am just throwing something, a theory or idea,out there in the dark as to why women would hire men for sex work. Maybe you can enlighten us.
In my experience, there’s usually one woman in a group of friends who is always the one agitating for male strippers at anyone else’s parties or events. If a group of friends has no such member, their gatherings will be blissfully gay-cabaret-performer free. And even when there is such a personage present, most women are just laughing at whoever it is he chooses to pick on or else minding their own business. Doug had a male stripper service in addition to his escort service, and eventually the boys started refusing to do “bachelorette parties” (an obvious candidate for a top-ten list of the ten stupidest neologisms of the 20th century) because they said “women are too cheap and are more interested in the buffet than the stripper.” That’s why I think my second picture is so priceless.
Thankyou for the response and confirming my suspicions. I felt that it was about humiliating him by either ignoring him, laughing at him or worse. I was born in 1968, and I’ve only known 2 men who were ‘pretty’ enough to have a snowballs chance in hell for doing the escorting or stripping for strait women and even their chances were minimal. They’re rare to find.
One was a latino from California from my Iraq deployment in 2007-2008 who honestly told me that one female soldier offered him money for sex and another offered him money to strip. I knew the one who offered him money to strip and she was physically attractive. He was too embarrassed to say yes. I’d see women hit on him all the time and even give him second chances after he said the wrong thing that almost no man would have been given. Many of these female soldiers would all but drool looking at him Women approached him all the time and loved it when a USO hypnotist told him to act and sing like Ricky Martin before Ricky Martin admitted he was homosexual.
Another was a White man of Eastern European descent from my home area of Chicagoland. Strippers would walk up to him while they were working and offer their phone numbers and a chance to date them without him even saying a word to them. These same strippers would usually pay for the date or at less often go dutch just because they asked him out. He went out with a dozen of them this way. He even tried to hide in the strip club in a corner, but they would still find him.
I used both of these men as examples to illustrate how good looking a man would need to be in order to even have a chance of making some money in the sex industry. Both men would get women to spin their heads and take another look and the women would squawk even worse then men about what these women wanted to shamelessly do to them. Virtually no man is this pretty. Virtually no man could do it. Virtually no man is that good at seducing women with their sweet words either.
Women especially if they are young and/or somewhat pretty or even a little below average can delude themselves about how desirable they are to men to a much greater degree than men can and get away with it to one degree or another. Even the ugliest most vile personality women will be able to find a man who will have sport sex with her. A long term commitment which is what her true worth to men as far as quantity and quality is another matter and the one she should pay attention to. An ugly and/or vile personality male has almost no chance for even a short term fling unless he pays for it. Men can not afford such delusions in the Sexual Market Place(for marriage, long term relationships, dating, one night stands etc), SMP, for lack of a better term. It’s sad and hilarious to watch men engage in such delusions when one sees it though. Men are forced to be more realistic in the SMP or suffer the consequences. Needless to say virtually no man can be an escort, prostitute, stripper or other sex worker for strait women.
In the early 2000’s there were a few men working as hosts in host bars or cabarets in the sex industry in South Korea. It was quite a scandal when these men and their female customers were arrested. South Koreans were shocked .as it was always female sex workers and male customers. Even though there were very fewer male sex workers, people were dumbfounded by their presence. It turned out that most of the female customers were female sex workers themselves who just wanted the thrill of turning the tables. It seem these female sex workers while admitting that most of their male customers were pleasant also stated that some were unpleasant. These women were payiing these men to be physically, emotionally and/or verbally abused and humiliated especially in a sexual manner. It seems that these sex worker women “got off” on humiliating these sex worker men when these sex worker women payed these sex worker men. I must add that these men were reputed to be very good looking and socially savvy and charming as well as very few in number.
I didn’t say they were laughing at him; they’re laughing at her and/or the ridiculousness of the situation. It’s not a mean thing, more a group bonding thing. As for guys claiming that women offered them money, volunteered phone numbers on a regular basis, etc: believe it when you see it.
I believe you that they were laughing at her or the ridiculousness of the situation. I’ve actually witnessed this men getting phone numbers from the strippers without saying a word to them first. nor asking for it. It’s extremely rare, and I’ve only seen it once in my life, but it does happen. He was that good looking and had enough social savvy and charm too. I probably will never see it in my lifetime again and expect virtually no men or women ever will. I’m also a 43 years old veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan who has seen many strange and sureal things both in the Army and out of it, and it was one of the strangest and most sureal things I’ve seen. I would have never believed it had I not met him and seen it for myself.
I’ve never seen a man who was such a statistical outlier in his desirability to women in all my life. Not even the latino man over 15 years later from California was, and he was the next closest thing and even he was a far away number 2. The Latino man was probably number 2 because although he was tall he wasn’t as tall as the White man, and he also didn’t have quite the social savvy and charm which is even more important. My point is even good looking and socially savvy and charming men to the ladies are probabaly deluding themselves if they think they can even make some money in the sex industry serving women. Even this man I told you about may have not been able to do so, and he was far above all other men including myself and others in his attractiveness to women. Like you said before, in a large enough poulation you will find the extreme exception to the general rule and an extremely exceptiomal outlier. However, it is statistically insignificant just like this man was. Gentlemen, don’t think you can ever be this man because you can’t and won’t. I can’t and won’t either.
Most police men who did the arresting thought it would be a fun idea to be a male sex worker for these women until to put it politely they saw the undercover vidoes, the multiple women abusing the men and the strap on dildos. Most South Korean police at the time had no idea what a strap on dildo was at the time. They also had no idea of how abusive women could get during sex or even the notion that a gang of women would gangbang a man for a lack of a better term. Needless to say the policemen were highly embarrassed, and most refused to say anything because of their embarrassment. Even the few policemen who talked wished remain anonymous, were reputed to have blushed a lot and spoke sheepishly to the reporters.
I should add that these Korean female customers of these male prostitutes were paying more to be sadists and the men masochists than for the sex. The women were paying to humiliate the men or laugh at the men or laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation or to watch women make fools of themselves by paying for it.They were also paying for the men to go away and not embarrass the women. Even if a man could work as a heterosexual sex worker only, he would have to consider this is what women would be highly likely paying him for.
I always thought that women did it out of some misplaced desire to be “equal” or to say, “look, we can do that too.” Because of what I know of women, very few seem to actually get off on it the way men do…it seems to be, as Maggie said, more fun to have some illicit semi-sexual activities with their friends.
It’s not like women would ever be hard up for seeing as many naked, buff men as they wanted, *for free.*
Oh, I’m sure some do. But a lot of the girls I’ve known who did it seemed to have the attitude that it was just something ridiculous to do for kicks, and maybe to embarrass the bride/birthday girl/whatever. When I had my bridal shower I issued an edict much like that of the woman in the article: “If you’re going to hire a stripper, she better not have a dick.” Fortunately, my friends knew better and my shower was a nice, traditional, sausage-free affair.
I don’t have a lot to say, but am posting a comment so that I’ll be subscribed to this post.
Holy cow, so much to say!
But must of it has already been echoed, in that Maggie has been clearly telling us the truth all along, which is why I’m glad that I met her.
-The average woman has one-tenth the testosterone of the average man.
-The average woman is interested in some form of security as well as attention.
-Women fall in love with their ears much more than their eyes.
-More than anything else, the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.
Maggie has helped me understand things I’ve struggled to grasp all of my life; I came here angry, and have since become enlightened, so how hard can it be?
Of *course* there’s going to be some overlap…of course there are horny women(hornier than the average), and of *course* there are men who want to be wanted and don’t feel good emotionally about paying for their company/favors.
But. The bottom line is…even if a man *does* fall in love with you, it’s still going to involve a strong physical component…and if a woman *does* fall in love with you, it’s going to involve those things I listed above. Women don’t have to pay for sex, and don’t *want* to pay for love.
It’s really not that hard…we just have to let go of our fantasies.
…even if a man *does* fall in love with you, it’s still going to involve a strong physical component…and if a woman *does* fall in love with you, it’s going to involve those things I listed above. Women don’t have to pay for sex, and don’t *want* to pay for love
I’m not sure on this one: I think women will never be willing to consume sex in the same way men do. I DO think that a women who is completely secure financially and relationally, completely confident she is beautiful and will always be loved by faithful but boring hubby, she could be completely satisfied by the purchase of a well-crafted, erotic fantasy, completely devoid of authentic desire on the part of the male escort.
It’s the same though for men, isn’t it? I mean, every escort/stripper/whatever has had her fair share of single/unhappily coupled clients who “fall in love.”
At the end of the day, though, it’s all about fantasy – male fantasy is just a lot easier to realize; and men have always had more financial and relational security than women…and thus the ability to want pure fantasy.
I really do think that a male escort agency, if branded correctly, could make a killing. No half-nude photographs, no references to sex, all references to fantasy; and an incredibly detailed questionnaire to prep him for the gig.
You could call it “Mr. Darcy’s”. 😉
“I DO think that a woman who is completely secure financially and relationally, completely confident she is beautiful and will always be loved by faithful but boring hubby, she could be completely satisfied by the purchase of a well-crafted, erotic fantasy, completely devoid of authentic desire on the part of the male escort.”
-First of all, not possible for a man to be completely devoid of authentic desire, because he couldn’t get an erection if he didn’t desire her.
-Second of all, Maggie has spoken of female neurochemistry, and how it takes a certain natural fortitude combined with professional training to stop a woman from falling in love with someone that she’s physical with; couple that with a scenario that is designed to make her swoon, and how many women could walk away from that emotionally unattached?
When you said that it’s “not the same for men,” I submit that a lot of men just THINK they’re in love, because their physical desire is so strong, and as I’ve stated most men can’t separate the two. Time and experience, after you’ve gotten used to having sex, is what lets a man know if it’s anything beyond that initial and common-to-males desire; it’s the difference between young boys and more mature men.
Men have two levels to their fantasy…a woman that will *let* them do what they want, and a woman that acts like she *likes* what they’re doing, and the second one is way more powerful, hence the power of porn. But men will definitely take the first one, just to get off. I don’t think there’s a corresponding equal exchange for women. I don’t *think.*
“I really do think that a male escort agency, if branded correctly, could make a killing. No half-nude photographs, no references to sex, all references to fantasy; and an incredibly detailed questionnaire to prep him for the gig.”
I don’t. I don’t see there being, based on what Maggie’s taught me, enough women that would have both the finances & the desire for such a thing. Not enough clients available to sustain such a business.
I always got the feeling that women only want strippers at hen nights as just a rite of passage a sorta “gotta do it once in my life” sort of thing?
Also what happened to Ralph did he ever mend his ways?
lol @ the picture.
I promised in my column of the 18th to tell the rest of Ralph’s story sometime soon. 🙂
I would say that if an attractive man wants to make money off of women fawning all over them, become a film actor. Even if you can’t act for shit, if you look good, have a nice body, and don’t sound like a total dumbass you can have a nice career getting women to watch/buy/support your films when they otherwise wouldn’t. Mr. Vincent CarEngineFuel, I’m looking at you.
But male stripping or escorting? No, unless you can really tap into that niche market.
Or Richard Dean Anderson. He plays himself in every. single. role. And I will *still* buy/watch anything that man is in. I just like *him*. He’s refreshingly realistic about it though, openly admitting that he has very limited talent for acting but that for some reason his fans (read:women) like him enough to keep him on the air and he thanks them for the opportunity and career it’s provided him, that he wouldn’t have otherwise on talent alone.
Which just kinda makes me like him more.
Oh I love RDA! He was the heart and soul of the Stargate series and while it was still entertaining after he left, it wasn’t the same. I also liked MacGuyver growing up, mostly because my parents watched it. That said, I’m not quite Patti and Selma Bouvier in my love of Richard Dean Anderson, but I do like him a lot.
Thanks Maggie!
I think attempts to reproduce a model of commercial sex oriented towards men, and just swap genders, is forever doomed to fail.
What I think is/would be incredibly marketable is a male equivalent of a high-end, phd+ call-girl, with sex optional, for slightly less money.
There is a Japanese phenomenon of male hosts which I think is along this line–one host described it perfectly– “What they want and we provide is caring. Kindness. The knowledge that someone is thinking of them…It’s more about research, brains and lots of hard work.” (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,193635,00.html#ixzz1ZOCgrd6D)
I’ve thought about it…and I would hire a male escort if he were able to perfectly reproduce a fantasy: to be audrey hepburn in roman holiday or scarlett ohara in gone with the wind. He would have to have the gregory peck look down pat too…and memorize the style of speech, certain dialogue cues, body language, a way of looking at me. He would, essentially, have to be perfectly in tune with me.
I think one breach would destroy the fantasy…which is why I would never hire an escort.
I do know a half-dozen men (actually, they’re all gay) who would be amazing at this.
A very sweet and sweet-natured column today, Maggie. The picture of the three distracted girls *is* delicious.
But since I can’t bear to write a comment without at least a tiny tug on your pigtails, I’ll say: be careful when you imagine that there are only a very few women who crave the “male-stripper” type.
It’s true that many women will only laugh at that type in a social setting; however, in private we have a strikingly different situation, which can become rapidly and alarmingly rapturous if the man has other virtues.
When a high-test man has a high-g brain, there’s suddenly the prospect of even the haughtiest librarian becoming — well — thoroughly dewey.
Actually, I have nothing against the male stripper body type; I prefer my men tall and muscular. But I also prefer them masculine, which male strippers generally aren’t; their behavior is creepily effeminate, and in fact I’ve read a LOT of women saying stuff like, “I’d like male strippers better if they didn’t ape female stripper moves”. If I were the sort of girl who enjoyed looking at half-naked musclemen, I’d just watch action movies.
It’s rare for the average man to survive any formless contemporary “dance” with his masculinity intact. Waltz for me.
I will say I’m glad to see some form of the cringeworthy word “creepy” doing unusual work.
So what you’re telling us, essentially, is that all the stuff we knew instinctively in middle school and high school is correct, while all the B.S. we learned in college about “gender construction” is crap.
I agree with you, but I think you need to bring these lessons to college women — specifically, teaching them to unlearn all the crap they’re getting taught in women’s studies and sociology classes.
Since when have colleges been make us stupider?
PS: For a real exercise in feminist tail-chasing, check out the current New York magazine “Mothers of a Certain Age,” which actually puts forth the argument that first-time mothers over 45 are superior — and throws in a baffling (and questionable) study claiming the death of a parent is *beneficial* to children.
Not to mention the fact that we knew it all through history. In fact, even non-human animals can tell the difference between men and women, which is one of the thoughts I plan to explore in a forthcoming column.
I’m sure they can smell the difference.
Precisely. Smell and recognize.
You mean recognize the different smells of men and women, correct?
I mean recognize females as female. A rutty male animal will try to “flirt” with a human woman, but not with a man; he recognizes her as female because the pheromones are similar enough between all mammalian species.
Works both ways. A girlfriend of mine had a female cat who was in the habit of… um… presenting to me when she was in heat. Awkward to say the least.
LOL! I imagine so! But not as awkward as a hundred-kilogram billy goat trying to get a sixty-kilogram woman “interested” in him by repeatedly pushing against her.
I have a friend who seems to bring out the worst in primates. He doesn’t do anything, but it seems that the dominant male will come over to the window and give him the middle finger salute. Which he will then follow with an offering of fecal matter. (It’s a good thing that these were windowed rather than barred cages.)
One time, zoo security accused him of 1) teaching the gorilla how to flip the bird and then 2) antagonizing him to bring on the fecal donation. Everybody in the room told the security guard, “No, he’s just been standing there.”
Have you heard and do you credit the notion that a woman, early in her pregnancy, seems to attract disproportionate attention from dolphins in those swimming excursions that are on offer in the Caribbean?
I definitely credit it, and I know enough about male bottlenose dolphin’s sexual proclivities (not to mention their fearsome sexual anatomy) that I would never be foolish enough to trust myself to their tender mercies in the water. Yet some people are just willfully obtuse; I remember a decade or so ago there was a male bottlenose who frequented a Mexican beach and was always rubbing up against women and girls, but was very aggressive (sometimes dangerously so) to men. A so-called “dolphin expert” consulted for the article said “we don’t know why he acts that way”, to which I replied that he was either lying or no expert.
My coolest encounter ever with one of the great apes was when I met a female chimp who was nursing; she and I met each other’s gaze for several minutes and then she held up her baby to show me, for all the world like a proud human mother. It was one of those moments that makes life worthwhile.
That’s why male dogs seem to like the human female in the couple who have the pet and the female dog is more possessive of the human male.
I have a feeling “Mothers of a Certain Age” will be showing up presently at the Chateau.
Good find.
Mr. Darcy’s – love it. I think I’m only going to hire gay men.
You know, I think prostitution has opened me up sexually. what I mean is that every girl wants to know that they are desirable–that’s sort of the point-one.
But then a certain amount of paid sex later, it’s like, okay, okay, well then, I’m desirable, I know how to please men.
So the idea of paying for a fantasy is no longer, for me, an expression of lack of desirability. Maybe like how a guy who has been able to get lots of free one-night-stands might not feel negative about buying it.
And like the “confident man,” the ability to get exactly what I want (and this has nothing to do with an orgasm or sex…it’s all about fantasy) rather than dealing with amateurish incompetency…may be worth the cash.
But self esteem, financial stability and disposable time and income really does have to come first.
Bingo. I think that’s a part of bachelor parties as well: embarrassing the groom to some extent. I had some friends who had a ball and chain the would attach to the lucky man. But men in relationships can dispel the myth of the male stripper in one go. Next time you come out of the shower and pass your SO, flash her and make “woo-hoo” noises. She’ll laugh and/or roll her eyes (make sure no one else is in the room). If she isn’t reduced to a lustful bowl of jello by her man acting like a stripper, why would she be turned on by a stranger doing it?
I know very few women who have had a bachelorette party as its shown in male-written TV or erotica. Almost all the women I know prefer a “hen’s night” where they hang out, do manicures, give more naughty presents than they do at a shower. And I knew one couple who just combined their parties to go bar-hopping with friends. It was a great time.
Frankly, the point of a bachelor party is to tease the man about what he’s giving up – the potential for partying with hot women. Never mind that for most single men, a wild night consists of eating nacho dip while watching men’s tennis. What is a bachelorette party supposed to do? Firm up a woman’s resolve to get married by having her groped by naked sweaty strangers?
Oh, absolutely; I used to have great fun taunting the groom when I did bachelor parties. And I knew a couple of girls who had a whole routine designed for maximum humiliation. 😀
I dunno, I always enjoyed the male strippers just for the sheer, old-fashioned, scream-laughing fun of it. It had nothing to do with sex or lust or horniness, because dog knows that my preferences don’t come in stripper form – it was all about girly time and giggles and drinks and just having a tacky night. We would always joke and laugh about the experience the next day, and never once expressed a sexual interest in any of the men. Sometimes entertainment can be non-cerebral in nature. It’s just silly fun.
I’ve said it before and I’ll day it again: barring a preternatural level of attractiveness, rarity and charm, no man is good enough to earn money as a male prostitute for women with options (and given the knowledge that even fat, facially warped and otherwise unattractive women **ahem ahem Alyssa Berenzak ahem ahem** have no issue with spurning average-looking guys, the men who’d warrant paying for PIV are rare indeed.)
That being said, as a man who’s been “paid” in dinner, beer and the occasional train ticket for sex, the idea of there being a “perfect” male who the average woman would be glad to slide 5 $20’s over his palm for sex isn’t thoroughly unfathomable. The question isn’t for his existence, its his client base. I posted about a casual buddy of mine who’s a masseur “with benefits”. Despite having a clientele in the double digits, he *still* doesn’t earn enough to pay his rent (in NYC, the rents are too damning high!) I have another buddy who works as a concierge for an exclusive hotel. Despite looking like the slightly taller and more muscular offspring of johnny Depp and Russell Brand, he learned that the easiest way to avoid being hit on by interested women was to tell them that he was worth $100/hour in his off time (has he been *gifted* with the random Benjamin or vial of cocaine/bag of cheeba? Yes. Would it be enough to keep a roof over his head or a perennial buzz? Hell no, and this guy’s pretty!) Once a month, our paths will usually cross (when I see him, he’s always with a different foreign woman who’s treating him like property *ahem*.) Seeing as how he takes his clients to the same bar (yet the bartenders claim to see him at most twice weekly), I’d say that he’s netting about $800/month to show 8 women a good New York Night (after he pays for their entertainment and food and drinks and transport and…)
Even the “Rent-A-Dreads”(the black men who can be found hanging out at any Caribbean/African/Asian resort that has a sizeable peri-menopausal client base who’s looking for porn-sized penises) can count on earning less than $500/month in cash from their “sugar mamas” (the real pay is in the clothes/electronic devices/assorted gifts, not the money.) Let me repeat: men who are so well-known for acting as gigolos (with the suave demeanor, listening/dancing skills and massive cocks as implied) that they’ve been featured in movies don’t earn as much for their skills as a fry cook. There’s a YouTube channel that featured a West Indian gigolo; after expenses for physical maintenance, he said that he earns about $1000 American a month in cash. This is money that he earns from the *thousands* of women who show up on his island (looking for *anonymous* sex), but there are men in America who honestly believe that they’ll be able to sling enough schlong to women (and only women) to pay their bills? Hilarious.
I very much enjoyed your description of the “Mr. Darcy” type
“The perfect gentleman who can listen to your problems, massage your feet, snuggle up on the sofa and can accompany you to any social occasion”
Apparently Mr. Darcy has read his Heinlein, because the simple, stand alone advice “Rub her feet” Is straight out of “Time Enough For Love”
I will eventually get through all your old columns at the rate of 3 per day, and I will love it. Austen and Heinlein all in one shot – how can you beat that?
I’m afraid I can’t claim credit for that; I was quoting Sensuous Amanda there. 🙂
I agree, although I like male strippers precisely because of that “gay cabaret” aspect. But then, I prefer homosexual pornography in any medium, and have always been drawn to gay men. I realize there’s no point trying to persue a relationship with one, but if I can hire the act for a night, why not? There’s also the aspect that women aren’t welcome in male homosexual clubs (for good reason), so there’s not really much outlet for this outside of bachlorette/shower parties.