Experience is the teacher of all things. – Julius Caesar, The Civil War
As I pointed out in last Friday’s column, one advantage of properly-run brothels is that they allow women to group together for support and defense; they also allow experienced girls to give advice to younger ones. Good escort services also facilitate this; for all of Pam’s bad traits, I must give her credit for allowing and encouraging girls to talk and learn from one another, and I was always happy to provide advice to new girls (my typical interview was over an hour long and I always tried to make time for questions and problems, especially from girls under 25). The internet has allowed a much larger fraction of whores to be independent, and while that’s good because it allows them to keep more of their money and to avoid exploitative agents (such as unethical service or brothel owners), it also promotes isolation and makes it harder for a neophyte hooker to obtain guidance from her elders. Some escort message boards such as ECCIE have “provider only” sections where women can share their experiences and post questions for others to answer, and some escorts are fortunate enough to have friends in the business they can rely on; however, those who are not yet in the business can’t access those private board areas, and may not have (or know of) any friends who have done the work. So as you might expect, it’s not unusual for me to get emails from readers who are contemplating a career in harlotry and want advice.
Now, my first advice to any woman considering this is: read a few dozen of my columns; understand that hooking is not “easy money” no matter what the “whores are lazy” crowd may think; recognize that sex work has its good points and bad points like any other kind of work; and keep in mind that it’s not for everybody. But if you really feel like it might be the job for you and you’d like my advice on some point, please feel free to email me and I’ll answer you as quickly as I can, usually the same day. Here are a couple of recent examples which may help others thinking about it; you might also comb the Q & A category to see if anything else catches your attention.
The past few months I’ve been considering becoming a whore, but I’m a pretty shy person and not very confident, so I don’t know if this is for me. Is it possible for someone like me to enjoy this type of work and be good at it? In your experience are most clients easy to please? I really worry about not being that good and letting someone down.
It’s possible for a shy woman to be good at sex work, providing she isn’t so shy she can’t face strange men naked; some people find their shyness evaporates when operating from a different brain region, just like many stutterers don’t stutter when they sing. Have you had any experience with stranger sex before? If you have, and had no problem with it, doing the same thing for pay isn’t a whole lot different; you may even find that it builds up your confidence. Most clients aren’t at all hard to please, though of course there are exceptions. My greatest concern is your inexperience; I think it might be a good idea for you to start with an agency if possible rather than going it alone. This will give you the opportunity to learn from more experienced girls and to have backup, and if you do like it you can go independent later.
I was wondering did you ever have a client who physically repulsed you? What did you do then? Because I am considering “harlotry”: we are poor but I have quite grand aspirations and need money for them to be realized. The fact that I might find a client disgusting is my only apprehension, so could you put this to rest?
I had many clients who physically repulsed me; it goes with the territory (one of the strongest examples is detailed in “No Other Option”). However, you’d be surprised how little it matters after a while; the job itself becomes one’s focus rather than the client, and his looks cease to matter. The one thing most whores find it hardest to overcome is a repulsion to bad smell, since our reactions to such tend to be more visceral; fortunately, it’s extremely rare that a man meets an escort without bathing first, which reduces the number of such cases to a minimum.
You said “we” are poor so I’m guessing you’re married or in a relationship; if so, I warn you to consider very carefully before going into escorting. While some men react very well, others become much more jealous than they thought they would be, and still others get “pimpish”, trying to take control of your money (or just spending it wildly) and becoming lazy themselves. So you really need to watch carefully for signs of either extreme, even if you think your man “isn’t like that” (jealousy and money do strange things). Also, please consider working for a service at first, or at least joining an escort board where you can learn from more experienced girls and ask them for advice.
There are two more bits of advice I’d like to offer both of you ladies, and any other aspiring whores reading this: First, don’t ever go into a call without somebody dependable knowing where you are; it’s best if you check in with that person as soon as you’re paid, because as I explained in “What the Hell Were You Thinking?”:
Not only does a callout give one an excuse to escape from a situation which has become uncomfortable or potentially dangerous, it also sends a clear message to the man: People know where I am and how long I’m supposed to be here. Most of you have probably heard the saying “Locks don’t stop a thief, they just keep honest men honest”; this is the same thing. It’s difficult to stop someone who intends to commit a crime with malice aforethought; what basic protective measures do is to deter opportunistic crimes. Locks prevent morally weak people from being tempted to easy thefts, and the knowledge that others know a woman is with him might stop a man with poor impulse control from succumbing to the desire to rape her. It’s not foolproof, but it does work; I can remember a number of cases in which a “creepy” client’s demeanor changed when I checked in, or when a man who was slipping out of my control was shocked back into civilized behavior by the ringing phone signaling his time was up.
Second, you might consider investing in Amanda Brooks’ Internet Escorts’ Handbooks; Amanda knows her stuff and I’ve heard very good things about these volumes.
One Year Ago Today
“Another Example of Swedish ‘Feminism’” demonstrates the disgusting truth about what Sweden represents as policies of “female empowerment”.
Yeah – but most of the escort websites are absolutely horrible unless the girl is “high-end” and can afford someone to do it up right for her. There is a very famous Czech escort, named “Carolina Aurora” who works in Prague and is also an IT expert and does her own web design – she has the best site I’ve really ever seen, most functional and informative anyway. Anyone interested can google to find her. She also has videos on YouTube. Very entrepreneurial girl.
New escorts …
Well, I read a story about how some porn agents introduce new girls to porn. They seem to have a system that slowly graduates a girl through the levels of porn. For instance, the first “boy / girl” scene will always be with a good looking guy who’s not an asshole. Not all the girls get this kind of treatment but the ones working for certain agents or production companies do.
It’s too bad there isn’t something similar for new escorts. I agree that working for an agency at first would prolly be a better option – but then again, you’re being thrown right into the deep end with the first call aren’t you? Which could be a good experience, or a bad one. Too bad there isn’t some kind of system where you could pair a new girl with a known, safe guy who isn’t unattractive and could give her constructive feedback on the experience.
There can’t be any “system” in escorting because every agency is different. However, I always tried to send neophytes to see regulars if one called in the first few days, and if none did to send them to see someone I perceived as safe or low-effort. It never has anything to do with looks, though; even if I knew what clients looked like (which I obviously couldn’t), what possible difference could that make?
Substitute “isn’t unattractive” with “isn’t gross”. 😀
That’s what I mean.
I mean, I know you always say that looks don’t matter – but I was running the strip bars in Honolulu once with a gang of guys in a bachelor’s party. Anyway, one of the assholes I was with was going up to the dancers and propositioning them for “services” for the prospective groom. I didn’t condone this and thought it was juvenile conduct – first because the strippers weren’t supposed to be hookers and second – if a guy hasn’t gotten other women out of his system before the night before his wedding – he’s fucked like chuck anyway. Which pretty much puts him on par with the rest of us in the “Married and Fucked Like Chuck” club. 😛
Anyway – most of the women asked first what the guy looked like and a couple even responded that the price “depends on what he looks like”. Then again – these were dancers not duly ordained hookers. 😀
He found a willing dancer but – I’m not throwing any of my cash toward some action I’m not getting a piece of and can’t deduct off my taxes and many others in the group were the same way. I mean, if some deep social value could be found in this then maybe – but I just couldn’t see any. So we had to tell the busybody he’d have to fund the initiative on his own – which he wasn’t willing to do and that ended that.
Strippers in their late teens are not exactly a representative population of whores.
Roger, Copy all!
I wish I could figure out exactly what makes a good whore, but we’re all so different.
Shyness isn’t all that big a deal. I’m no big talker, and no life of the party. In my younger days, I thought my accent hopelessly northern and working class, until I learned that in the USA, any British accent is considered classy.
Since I did the PSE type session, (I was doing that before I ever even heard the term) I don’t feel as if I had to talk as much as a GFE. I certainly can’t pretend to be capable of what Maggie is, a true courtesan style, that requires a lot more education, sophistication and personality than I’ve got.
One thing to realize- This is an economic type thing, and sometimes the customers will be critical. Sometimes they’ll have unrealistic expectations. They get on these boards and talk. And they can be mean. I was pretty lucky with that, but I’ve seen them really trash some women. and you can’t let it get to you.
That’s one big drawback of internet escorting; it puts a lot more power in the clients’ hands. I know more than a couple of older escorts who even feel that the internet “ruined” the business due to the possibility of false bad reviews, pressure to do more (kissing, CIM etc) and endless message-board drama.
I’m old enough that I went through the transition from the old way of doing things (pre-Internet) to the new way of doing things. Heh, I can remember driving over to a nearby drugstore (I was still in college and living at home) to set up incall appointments using a pay phone so my Mom wouldn’t know who I was calling. Nobody had cellphones in those days!
The Internet coming along did make it easier for me to avoid ripoff artists, so I appreciated it for that. I always had the habit of being a regular rather than seeing a lot of different girls, I wonder if my habits would have been different if I had had the Internet in those days? I doubt it, as I am a creature of habit normally in all the other aspects of my life, I like to set up a routine and stick to it.
Of course, one thing that did come along with the Internet was “Operation Flea Collar,” (a message board sting operation that was quite elaborate… my tax dollars at work!) which ended up creating a lot of discord and sending a girl I really liked to a new town.
The critical clients tend not to have an appreciation of prostitution as a profession, unfortunately.
Comixchik–
I LOVE Northern accents. 🙂
I used to watch Last Of The Summer Wine all the time. Even though most of the early episodes weren’t very funny, I would watch it just to listen to how everyone talked (not just the accents, but the grammar and creative phrasing, too).
Well, I wouldn’t know ‘Owt about Nowt.”… (Yorkshireism. Over the years, I’ve mostly lost my accent, at least relatives and friends in the UK think so. I lived in Southern California for a while. But thank you.
Callout is a good. Even if the woman is working solo, she can call her own answering machine and say something like “Yes, I’m at the address and with the client now. I should be done by ____ . I’ll call you when I done.” or something of that sort.
“I had many clients who physically repulsed me”
That’s why prostitutes provide such a needed service: men like that couldn’t get any if it wasn’t for them.
This is something you won’t hear as part of the popular stereotype- But I was fortunate enough to have a steady group of regular clients, and those were some really fine men. Oh, physically they weren’t all so fit, but I got to know them and began to look beyond that. I still miss them, and getting to know those men was one of the best bits of the business.
Non-whore women also give this needed service. I’m 1 of them. Disability has never been a negative factor with me as far as helping out sexually goes. Appearance and income amount never have been either. There’s a movie about non-whores who help people out sexually at literally no charge:
http://www.hancinema.net/a-sex-volunteer-open-secret-1st-story-for-the-disabled-in-director-s-debut-23073.html
ALL who help deserve acknowledgement.
Above post was to The Real Peterman. I forgot to mention: the movie I posted the link to is about disabled people getting sexual help for free, i.e. from literal “sex volunteers”. Thank God for them!
Emotional detachment: plenty of jobs where the “clients” aren’t at all wholesome. Think of nurses emptying bedpans; or just having to clean people sufficiently for the docs to look at them (inbetween them doing colonoscopies). Sometimes, you just have to put any personal or emotional ideas away and just get on with the work. Because, if you didn’t, you’d rapidly go bonkers. Even better if you could have switchable anosmia.
I just thought of something: I’m a pimp! Since I live off of disability checks, and since disability is paid out of taxes, and since prostitutes pay taxes, I’m living off of the avails of prostitutes. I’m a pimp!
Have fun at the Players’ Ball!
“Have fun at the Players’ Ball!”
Well, the A-KON rave… I mean, weekend dance with glowsticks and electronic music which is absolutely not a rave!!
“What it comes down to is this: the grocer, the butcher, the baker, the merchant, the landlord, the druggist, the liquor dealer, the policeman, the doctor, the city father and the politician–these are the people who make money out of prostitution, these are the real reapers of the wages of sin.” – Polly Adler
I must say, that your site has been invaluable to me since I started working as an escort. It provided me with much to think about before I got started and has made it easier for me to enter into in this line of work.
Thank you, Jen! I’m really glad I could help. 🙂
I know this is an old thread but I imagine your Q & A is popular. I doubt there are any escorts who have never been physically repulsed by a client. For me there wasn’t much I couldn’t get past physically but I did have the occasional client who had poor hygiene. These men appeared clean everywhere but their genitals. As luck would have it, they always wanted oral sex to completion. Most escorts would have no problem telling them to wash their junk but I am not one of those people. I one of those “sweet” girls who is almost NEVER rude to anyone. I go out of my way to make sure people feel comfortable-sometimes to the point of resentment. I am also painfully empathetic which is a quality I HATE about myself. To me, telling a man that his package is rank was impolite and would cause him embarrassment. It took performing fellatio on some dirty, smelly cocks before I stood up for myself.
But the reason I am posting a comment is because of situations where clients are the opposite of physically repulsive. I have had clients whose bodies are close to perfection. They have like 3% body fat with sculpted muscles and chiseled abs. There is a scene in a movie where the female character (Emma Stone) is about to have sex with a guy (Ryan Gosling) and when he takes off his shirt his body is so ridiculous she claims he looks photo-shopped. She then says she is too insecure to get naked and have her body next to his. That is how I feel around these clients. I struggled with anorexia as a teen and bulimia in my early twenties so I already have body-image issues. I always feel fat even when I am not because I have huge breasts. I never put too much thought into my issue with super fit men until I realized it was getting in the way of my service to a particular client. He was constantly requesting that I shower with him after sex. I always said no, usually using my long hair as an excuse. This was a twice a week client and I was refusing him something so simple. So he actually brought me a shower cap. Sexy, right? So I finally told him why. I told him I felt unattractive next to him and that his perfect body was also a reminder of how I failed to get to the gym on a regular basis. I didn’t tell him that his body made me so insecure that I would pick the least revealing lingerie for his appointment and I would try to keep as much on as I could get away with. I didn’t tell him that I avoided the missionary position with him because I hated having his 12 pack abs in my face. He was a good sport and took to telling me how beautiful I was constantly (as if that was all I needed to hear) but he never got me in the shower.