Honest advice is unpleasant to the ears. – Chinese proverb
Cultural literacy is a funny thing. We all share a stock of common knowledge which is not directly taught to us by parents, teachers or peers, but rather simply absorbed from our surroundings, taken in like air. Because the process is so subtle and pervasive, it’s generally safe to assume that everyone who lives in a given culture for a long enough time is familiar with all of the common cultural elements even if he has no particular interest in some of them; for example, though I’ve never had any interest whatsoever in football and have never watched more than a few minutes of a game, I still know the basic rules and many of the particulars. I didn’t have to read about it, research it or study it; I simply picked it up unconsciously from other people’s conversations, seeing games on television in the background, and other such means of involuntary learning. In fact, it’s difficult to avoid familiarity with popular cultural elements even if one might prefer to; for example, I know who Honey Boo Boo and Justin Bieber are (and can even recognize their pictures) despite not having watched broadcast television in a decade (and despite wishing I could allocate the memory space devoted to them for something more useful and aesthetically appealing, such as a catalog of domestic animal parasites).
So it’s always a bit strange to discover someone who has somehow never learned about something which everyone else takes for granted; in this particular case, the way advice columns work. It’s not like they’re something new; the first such column appeared in the Athenian Mercury in 1691, and they rapidly proliferated throughout the 18th century. Nor have they vanished with the newspaper; if anything they’ve multiplied, and the freedom of the internet allows modern agony aunts to answer questions with a frankness that would have been completely impossible just twenty years ago. Advice columns aren’t even a novelty on this blog; I answered my first reader question within weeks of starting it, and the Q & A columns were a regular monthly feature by the third month; since the beginning of this year, I’ve answered at least one reader question nearly every Wednesday. But despite all this, a reader recently sent me a very nasty letter for publishing his question and its answer in my column, despite the facts that A) he didn’t ask for confidentiality, and I hid the few identifying details anyway; B) it’s the way I’ve always done it; C) it’s the way advice columns have been done for 322 years; and D) in my email reply to him, I specifically told him the date it would appear in the blog! Apparently, this is not an isolated case; just over a year ago Amy Alkon of The Advice Goddess had a letter from a similarly-misinformed reader accusing her of “asking for your readers to write in with their problems so you can take your ideas from them (also called stealing) and write your own column.” The mind boggles.
Given two not-dissimilar cases only a year apart, I am forced to conclude that there really are some people out there who honestly don’t know how advice columns work; it would therefore seem prudent to put my own policy in writing for the benefit of such readers. First of all, I try to answer every letter I get which asks for a reply; if I get behind in my work due to holidays, travel or other such events this could take as many as three weeks, but most of the time it’s more like three days (or three hours if the answer is short or I’m all caught up). Not every question makes it into a column, but anything which I think other readers will find interesting or illuminating almost certainly will; however, I always remove identifying details and slightly rephrase the language (if necessary) to simplify and/or broaden it. For example, if a reader mentions that he lives in a particular European country I will change it to “Europe” (or else leave it out entirely if I don’t think that’s significant to understanding the answer). If you would like to ask a question but don’t want it to appear even in disguised form, all you have to do is say so; I have answered many questions confidentially and would not even dream of violating such a request. Most importantly, I think honesty is the most important quality of advice; though I answer questions as politely as I can, I am not going to lie to spare your feelings; would you really even want that? It’s better to take the bitter medicine which may cure the ill, than to swallow a sugar pill and continue to suffer. One last thing: if your letter does appear in the blog, I suggest you read the comments left by other readers; it never hurts to get other opinions, and sometimes a reader may add something that I hadn’t even considered.
Don’t know if you’ve read Miss Lonelyhearts by Nathanael West but I reckon it should be required reading for agony aunts – even self-employed ones.
It’s a short read and here’s some links free downloads.
BTW, I’ve haven’t shared a house with a TV for almost thirty years and spectator sport bores me to tears but I sure hear you regarding filling your head with trash culture despite your best efforts.
Hmm, HTML and grammar failed me.
Here’s the link the easy way.
http://bookos.org/s/?q=miss+lonelyhearts+west&e=1&t=0
Can you clarify WHAT television you DO watch? You’ve said often that you don’t watch “broadcast television” – what is your definition of that? Mine is NBC / ABC / CBS – I don’t watch those either.
For a while I thought you were living like an Amish – no TV at all. Or maybe you just watched DVD’s from the 80’s or something.
I DO watch a lot of cable TV though. Especially SciFi stuff that’s interesting (and not all of it is). Yeah, I do watch “Duck Dynasty” just simply because my wife is addicted to it and same thing for “Dance Moms” – fuck me it’s so wrong. 🙁
Last night I watched a show on advanced military hardware of the U.S. – stuff like drones, the Navy’s new P-8 submarine hunter, and the B-2 bomber – I had to pleasure myself afterwards it was so good! 😛
Which reminds me – I picked up a VHS tape in an El Cajon gun shop of bikini-clad busty women firing M-14’s, M-16’s, Uzi’s, and MP-5’s in the desert. Someone please explain to me why guys like me get INCREDIBLY TURNED ON by scantily clad women firing automatic weapons? My head almost exploded watching it. I don’t understand this – these weapons weren’t around when our sexual desires were programmed by evolution.
Football – used to not get into it. You, however, know what city I’m in and you KNOW how fanatical people are about the team here. The pre-season games have all been on Saturdays so far – when I’m working the bar and I have a big screen right by the door where I check ID’s – so it’s hard not to get into it when you have all these fanatical fans drinking beer and cheering around the TV screens.
Maggie you don’t have any automatic weapons do you? And … maybe like a video recorder? 😛
Freud already did.
If you want me to do so specifically and in more detail, my analysis fees are A$270/hour.
I doubt Freud was right about that. I think it’s just that most men are attracted to competence and confidence (or at least the appearance of such) in women; a lot of them like Amazons, kung fu chicks and superheroines as well.
Test: Krulac, are you turned on by scantily-clad women firing guns incompetently?
I’m turned on by sexy klutzes… but not with guns, that would be a horror show.
*waves hands* Biggest klutz on earth.
I’ve only been shooting once in my life, at a firing range in Maine. When it was over, I took the fellow home and pounced on him like a crazed Amazon.
While he was still too terrified to defend himself?
LOL Win!
Good test drachefly, but what if someone (whose blog handle may or may not begin with ‘k’) really wanted to be a woman but was unwilling to give up the power and competence he imagined was manifest in his penis?
Or if he wanted to be raped by women with penises?
Penis/firearms competence would still be a requisite to such a person.
This the sort of thing you charge $270 an hour for?
Nah, but the last time I took a formal computer contract I charged $135/hour for programming and analysis.
I figure it would be twice as difficult and unpleasant to debug krulac as it would a legacy NSW DETYA system running on a DEC Alpha network.
Hey what does Freud say about a Beta Male who has an Alpha Male living in his head rent free?
Just curious. 😀
Another LOL.
What if all that? Sounds like the singularity can’t come too early for such a person (assuming we don’t all get turned into paperclips).
Dude I just got laid … TWICE! My ATF ROCKS! She’s my Wednesday sweetie!
You can’t get to me! 😛
It’s not “power” and “competence” manifest in my penis – it’s more like all the secrets of the universe are manifest there. 😀
Just ask all my girls and they’ll tell you! 😀
God … I’m in such a good mood right now!!
We can tell! 😀
krulac, reading your comments plays hell with my bipolar.
Sometimes, like now, I’m grinning so much my face is splitting.
Other times I’m typing a response by hammering my head against the keyboard.
Wow, I wish my forehead could type so well. Usually all I get is wfro’/wg”P
It helps to have a pointy head.
Most of them in the videos ARE firing incompetently – so yeah – I’m still turned on.
I think you guys are over analyzing this a bit. Freud attempted to analyze and explain complex human behavior – but I’m not “complex”. My avatar is a gorilla for a reason – I’m probably more like a gorilla than a man. No, I’m not hairy but a few females and some leafy foliage to chew on is about all it takes to keep me happy.
That – and maybe a nap every now and then.
Which is why I’m always in a GOOD mood. 😀
So it’s more likely I’m attracted to the bouncing boobs and jiggling bootays of the girls firing the SAW rather than some desire to be violated by a leather-clad hooker with her strap-on. 😛
Although – I was a submariner – so perhaps there could be something buried down deep in there for the strap-on. But I think it’s hella deep boys. 😀
“Most of them in the videos ARE firing incompetently”
You mean the prone position with one leg up in the air isn’t the way it was taught in the Navy?
Throughout most of human existence, the threat from other animals was considerable. Selection pressure would tend to favour females that could at least scare off dangerous animals. Males who preferred capable females over more helpless ones would have reaped the evolutionary rewards.
Except that for most of her evolutionary history the most dangerous animal in woman’s life was the big headed ape chasing after her.
Are you implying that a typical human male was a bigger threat to her life than a nearby hungry lion?
In the last few millennia, patriarchal systems of oppression have become a problem; but that is a small fraction of total human evolution.
I’m certainly attracted to competent women and I’ve also known women who are competent with firearms (my sister top-scored her training platoon with the F1 machine pistol – but she’s married to a very big Australian soldier, krulac).
But sticking a gun in anyone’s hand doesn’t imply competence to me and there’s plenty of competencies I find far more interesting in women than shooting (and not just what Freud would say everyone is thinking about right now).
About 1980 I stopped watching the three major networks of the time (ABC, NBC and CBS); I only watched PBS and stuff on independent stations, and some cable stations once those were available. By the early ’90s I was getting pretty selective about which of those I would watch, and by the end of the ’90s I was down to a couple of shows on Sci-Fi, movies on TCM and the occasional exception somewhere else that struck my fancy. But all this time our movie and DVD collection was growing; when we returned to New Orleans in January of 2004 we didn’t get any TV service (just a DVD player), and since Grace was also watching mostly DVDs by the time we came home, I decided to stop paying for satellite service about five years ago (though I myself hadn’t watched it, except to set up movie recording from TCM, since 2003).
This reminds me of that scene in Jackie Brown.
I have no TV at home. I doubt the Amish have computers at home, though.
‘The Advice Goddess had a letter from a similarly-misinformed reader accusing her of “asking for your readers to write in with their problems so you can take your ideas from them (also called stealing) and write your own column.” The mind boggles.’
I’m old enough to remember when Ann Landers (or was it Dear Abby? I guess my memory is failing) was accused of making up the questions for her column.
I wonder if the person who sent in that remark was actually just trying to be funny. Stating the obvious as if he was serious?
Some days, I’m that optimistic about humanity too.
Definitely not; follow the link and you can see the whole letter.
Take my ideas — Please!
(Sincerest apologies to Henny Youngman’s ghost.)
I watch more TV than movies these days… I find the storytelling much more interesting and of a higher quality. In fact Maggie, I am working on a blog post about working girls on some of the better TV shows (Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, Deadwood, House of Cards, etc.) and how they are presented.
Let me know when it’s published so I can link it.
It’s fun watching pretty girls in bikinis do most anything, and the recoil of those guns does tend to make the girlflesh jiggle in some interesting ways. But other than that, it doesn’t do anything for me. Let her climb a rock wall, demonstrate some martial arts, or wear a costume she designed and made herself (I’m panting… I mean looking at you, Yaya Han), and I’m there.
Oh, also wanted to say that yes, I do know who Justin Bieber and Honey Boo Boo are, and Beiber looked familiar in that photo. I had no idea who the little girl was until I hovered the curser over it.