I haven’t been an escort very long, and though I’ve screened clients by email before I just did my first phone screening. There were several awkward pauses from the gent, like he was waiting for me to ask him something else (or maybe wanted to ask me something but couldn’t find the words). I was friendly, but have been warned not to talk about details about sex…still, shouldn’t I go into do’s and dont’s, like I don’t do anal or BBBJ? Or is that a no-no? Also, is it OK to ask if they’ve seen escorts before if they don’t have references, but pass screening in every other way?
Some men are just nervous and awkward on the phone. That’s actually a good sign; if you feel he’s sincerely nervous, he probably isn’t a cop because they won’t be (they do, however, often claim to be newbies so they don’t have to provide references). If I were you, I’d stay away from any kind of sexual talk on the phone, even veiled references; just be friendly and cover things like when, how long a session, etc. Most good clients won’t push you for sexual details; since both parties know what they’re there for, what’s to discuss? Yes, it would be good if we could both be specific about what he wants and what we will or won’t do, but unfortunately that’s much too dangerous in the current legal climate.
In the long run you’ll have to decide for yourself whether references are important to you, but I suggest you start out by asking for them; other girls can often warn you away from a bad or iffy client, tell you what to expect from a marginal one, etc. While it’s certainly true that many newbies may be excellent clients, the only way to discover that is to see them for yourself…and as I pointed out above, that carries a heightened risk of his being a lying cop. They’re hunting us very aggressively these days, so please be careful and don’t be afraid to ask other, more experienced girls for screening advice. Here are some basic screening suggestions, but until you get a routine you’re comfortable with it doesn’t hurt to listen to what others have to say on the issue.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
Brilliant advice x
Not all escorts will give honest references. Hell, not all of them will give references at all. You have to find the ones you can trust. I think it’s better if you’re plugged into something like ECCIE – where you can at least get an idea of who the reputable escorts are in your area. Some girls approach references pretty casually … “Yeah he’s fine” … having seen the guy only once for 30 minutes. That might tell you he’s not a cop – but it won’t necessarily tell you he’s not a violent guy.
There’s been a few cases where escorts gave positive references on COPS – having met them only for coffee. You can’t give a positive reference on a guy who never “broke the law” with you. There’s a few escorts I’ve hung out with in the bar – but I never did anything with them beyond conversation and buying them drinks (and I’ve bought A LOT of drinks). These escorts can’t give a reference on me beyond “Well, he seems like a nice guy”. But I’ll bet that if I used one of them they’d give a lot more than that – because they like me and I buy them drinks and they THINK they know everything about me (which they do … but then again … just because I’m a safe guy doesn’t mean every guy like me is).
Your boundaries … it helps if you have a website (or again, ECCIE) where guys can discover what they are before they see you. Then you don’t have to talk about them on the phone or in digital comms – you can just refer a guy to where the info is online. A good client will check that stuff out before he even calls you – so there’s no need to discuss that stuff. I don’t walk into any session without knowing the girl’s rate and what her boundaries are. Not that I push boundaries – there’s really only one I’m concerned with … CBJ … ’cause CBJ just kills it for me.
Some girls can be real particular. One girl in my area states on her website … “You will have to explain to me why you are drawn to me.” Weird request … but whatever, I told her why – why not? She was smokin’ hot and I would have jumped in front of a Mac truck to get to her. LOL
I wouldn’t be offended to be asked by a provider if I’d seen other escorts. That seems like a perfectly legit question to me – especially if I didn’t have references.
Guys will come up with all kinds of seemingly legit reasons why they don’t want to provide you with certain kinds of personal information. It’s really up to you if you’re going to ask him for that kind of information. Some girls don’t, I suppose, if the guy has good references. Obviously, I’m not an escort – but that’s not how I’d do it. I wouldn’t care if a guy had 100 refs … I’d still want to know (at least) what his real name was. Maybe that’s not practical, I dunno – ask an escort.
But if you think you need the info – don’t let him off the hook for providing it. Yeah, he has privacy concerns but you have safety and law enforcement concerns and being female – you’re almost always going to be the weaker party – and extremely vulnerable if the session blows up. In the beginning – you may have to take some chances because it’s harder for HIM to screen YOU. Hard for you to demand too much info from him when he can’t really get ANY on you either. After you’ve been around awhile and guys know you and you’ve been “reviewed” then you can be real selective with clientele. If you’re good and you know it – and your reputation proves it … there’s no reason to take chances or see “iffy” customers.
That’s my opinion and, caveat, most guys think my advice skews too heavily toward the providers. These guys claim there are a lot of corrupt escorts out there that take advantage of guys or rip them off. Well, I have never been ripped off by an escort – and that’s because I don’t dig into BackPage to find the latest 18-year old “hottie” in the neighborhood. I don’t pick escorts with my dick … I research them thoroughly before I even contact them. Guys need to do their screening … Girls theirs. If they don’t – they’re going to get burned.
Matter of fact … when I was a newb … I didn’t pick the escort that turned me on the most – but the one I was 100 percent sure was honest and not LE. I think I even emailed Maggie about the girl just to see if she thought she was legit. Of course, she was … she had such a widely known reputation. And she was so nice she became my ATF.
Also – on this “boundary” thing. I just don’t understand a guy walking into a session to “discover” what they are. Saying … “Hey is it alright with you if I put this here?” kind of kills the illusion of romance for me – so I like to know before the session if it’s alright or not. A surprised look from an escort also would kill it for me – you know, the kind of look you’d get from a girl when she’s unsure of what you’re about to do or whether she should try to stop you. This only happened once, with a girl in the Philippines (in my early 20’s). She thought I was doing too much foreplay. I guess most guys just saddle up and hop on. She asked me … in broken English … “Are you okay?” And I said … “Of course”. Well, I understood what she was saying … so I proceeded to the main event … since that is what she was expecting. But it was totally mechanical and not as fun as it could have been.
Maybe I wasn’t doing the foreplay right. And no – I wasn’t doing “oral” but other kinds of foreplay things … like kissing.
Maybe I suck at kissing? LOL
Maggie, but how can u suspect that a guy is a cop? Can u give us any tip like a special behaviour or a question u can make? Girls here dont go with muscled men, bcause policemen use to spend a lot of time at the gym. They also walk in a way nodoby else does. In fact we can even say that (most of them) have written in their face that they are agressive, unfriendly people.
It’s mostly a gut feeling, a sense of that cop personality type (which is the same everywhere); they’re often too aggressive, too sure of themselves (especially if they claim to be inexperienced with escorts). Also, many of them will repeatedly try to get the woman to say certain things like “you will get sex for your money”, but others are smarter than that, so I hesitate to recommend it as a test of coppishness.
Doaaahhh! If you were still in the biz you would get sooooo burnt with that attitude one day. Rule #1 – never put your opponent into any neatly defined “box” !!! 😛
She doesn’t have to – they handle that pretty well on their own.
Yep, I agree with Maggie. Cops basically are sociopaths, specially those who work in immigration and prostitution issues. They think that they are better than the rest of the people and treat others as they were the shit on their shoes, they can’t avoid it, its in their nature. We say that “lo llevan en la sangre” (“they carry it in their blood”).