Last Tuesday I alluded again to the howling things shut up in boxes under my mental stairs; what I didn’t tell you (though you may have guessed) is that they tend to be a lot more restless when I’m asleep, and every so often one of them actually gets loose and it’s all the knights of the Sacred Order of Sanity Defense can do to get it jammed back into its crate by morning. And that, dear readers, is why I do not sleep well unless sedated; if there isn’t something (diazepam, diphenhydramine, cannabinoids, etc) keeping me asleep, I tend to wake up after about three hours or so and can’t go back down. I’m not a classic insomniac; I never have any trouble getting to sleep. The problem is staying asleep after the critters start their nightly racket. C’est la vie. But as I’m sure you can imagine, this makes awakening a slow process. The lingering effects of the meds require movement and caffeine to clear away, and my dreams may require processing; I also find that my noisy mind tends to be much quieter first thing in the morning unless I had an actual nightmare, and I really enjoy having that time alone…having my breakfast, reminding myself of whatever I have planned for the day, checking my emails and Twitter. I absolutely won’t see clients before noon, and even noon is a bit of a push; I try to schedule my earliest appointments (work and other kinds) for about 1 PM. No description I could easily pen would truly capture how much I loathe waking up to an emergency, bad news or bullshit; in fact, presenting me with any of those can ruin my whole day, and doing so is thus a very effective way to get on my shit list.
On the other hand, discovering nice things in my mailbox (electronic or physical) has the opposite effect; reminders that I’m loved and admired help to dispel any gloom my nocturnal intruders have left behind, and put me in a good mood that can last all day. So I really like it when friends from time zones east of mine (i.e. most of them) send me lovely messages, or guys start their work day by sending appointment requests for me to find a couple of hours later. And one of the loveliest things I like seeing while my tea is brewing is an email (or multiple emails) from PayPal letting me know that a payment has come in from one of my subscribers. There’s something very comforting and flattering about getting those regular emails month after month; they say to me in no uncertain terms, this person admires you and cares about your work. So if you can spare a bit of change every day, would you consider subscribing to this blog? As you can see in the right-hand column there, you can sign up for as little as 10¢ a day, and it really does mean a lot to me. You might think that I need it less now that I’ve returned to work full-time, but that isn’t true; the support Matt sends me, though very generous, is a good bit less than the roughly half of his paycheck which was at my disposal when we were married, plus I have a lot more financial obligations than I did when I first posted those subscription buttons. And that’s not even counting the extra expenses from living in Seattle (not one of America’s more economical cities, I’m afraid). So yes, I really do value those small but very regular payments, not just because they help pay my bills and remind me that people put a high value on my writing, but also for the reasons I’ve described today. And if that’s something you’d like to do for me, I’ll be very, very grateful.
Excellent. I have wondered where subscriptions sit in your appreciation-scale (they are rather low compared to, say, booking your services for an hour), so it is good to see that they express exactly what I intend to do with mine: An expression of continued support. (Does not mean agreement in all things, of course 😉
Heads up on a new book on prostitution in turn of the century Colorado
My life as a whore : the biography of Madam Laura Evens 1871-1953/ Tracy Beach.
Sorry to hear about your trouble sleeping. Just know that you are not alone in this. If I don’t have SOMETHING to knock me out, I will not sleep at all. Then after 3 or 4 days of no sleep, I start to go crazy and the stuff from bad dreams starts showing up in my awake world.
I got myself into trouble with alcohol because of this and was barely able to quit after many years. Now I take prescription medication but that stuff makes me feel awful.
I wish pot were legal. That worked far better than anything else I’ve ever done. Definitely better than the meds.
I’m surprised and sorry to hear you have a long-term sleep problem. Using paypal to process donations should contribute to your difficulty staying asleep because PP can and does block people’s accounts arbitrarily and without warning, and the California BBB will defend them even if they offer no explanation whatsoever. Witness the PP account of Wikileaks/Julian Assange, in which $60,000 in donations were blocked, as well as my own personal experience soliciting donations for the Breast Pride Education Foundation.
You might try this. it’s two (well 1 and 1/2) non-narcotic suppliments
https://www.grc.com/health/sleep/healthy_sleep_formula.htm
this HSF is designed only to provide relief to those who awaken prematurely.
I cannot solve a problem I don’t have, and I never have any trouble initially falling asleep. So, unfortunately, this formula was not designed for, nor do I expect it to be useful for, anyone whose insomnia is of the sleep initiation variety. Approximately one hour is required for this formula to establish an effective consciousness dampening effect, which then persists throughout the night. Taking these two tablets 60 minutes before planned sleep time might be effective, but you should then be in bed, winding down and reading in dim warm light, able to go to sleep when it happens.
Nope. Melatonin-based formulations only work for me if I take them no more than once or twice a week. If I exceed 8 or 10 doses in a month they stop working.
Well you might try diphenhydramine and niacinamide
1) If you will look in the text, you will see that diphenhydramine is on the rotating roster of meds I use. It’s effective if not taken too often.
2) I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I’ve learned what works for me and I don’t feel the need to alter it. It’s not like I’m an addict just because authoritarians frown on one of the things I use & give the side-eye to another. .
No problem, if you’re fine no need to change. I just found the niacinamide allows me to wake use the bathroom and go right back to sleep.
Last comment I’ll make on this.
It’s you on both sides of the gate of Hell, pressing against it. One tries to keep the demon in, the other, to overcome the demon that keeps her from getting out. The face of your rapists is just the mask you give to it. Its true face is your own.
If the gate bursts open, you’re in danger of having an epiphany, and becoming the biggest neofeminist of them all. All it takes is a moment of weakness. If you keep things the way they are, or look for another solution, is up to you.