Just imagine if you opened this blog one day, and saw nothing but that on the page. Or if you’re a subscriber, and you opened your daily email from me to see nothing but that. Or if you follow me on Twitter, and I sent out a tweet containing nothing else but those two pathetic letters, followed by…nothing. No other explanatory tweet, nothing at all. Just “Hi”. Or “Hello”. Now imagine if you didn’t know who I was, and you just got a random email or text or phone call from some strange person you know nothing about, with nothing else to go on. Just “Hi”. How would you respond?
Sex workers deal with this maddening waste of time every day. A phone call, text, email, private message or whatever through the number, address or account one uses for work, with nothing else to break up the vast sea of white space but those two idiotic letters (or five, or a few words & letters like “how R U doing”, usually without punctuation and often without capitalization). Guys, we get that y’all are on average less verbal than women, really we do. We don’t expect love letters or long introductory epistles. But y’all need to give us something to work with. I mean, is it so hard to type, “Hi, I’m John Smith; I saw your ad on Eros and I’d like to know if you could see me next Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon”? I mean, if you were calling a doctor’s office or an auto parts store or a pizza delivery place, would you respond to their initial salutation with “hi” and then dead silence? What are we supposed to do with that? How would you feel if the lady simply responded with the same blah nothing? Because I’ve tried that, and you know what usually happens? Nothing. I get the dreaded “hi” and respond back in kind, and then…nothing. At all. Ever. Because clearly the “hi” guys can’t think of how to respond to such a nothing either…so what do they expect us to do with it? I’ve tried responding by going straight to business: “Hi, are you calling about one of my ads?” or the like, and you know what I often get back? Oh go on, guess. That’s right: nothing.
The other day a dude called, opening with “Hi, is this Maggie?” No problem there; I replied with “Yes it is; what’s your name?” He answered, then mumbled something I couldn’t make out at all. When I said, “excuse me?” He returned with “What?” and when I clarified that I couldn’t make out his previous sentence, he said clearly “I must have the wrong number” and hung up abruptly. What the fuck? What was even the point of that? Was it specifically intended to annoy me and waste my time? Because I honestly can’t think of another goal such an interaction could be reasonably expected to accomplish. Please, guys, you don’t need to be Shakespeare. But if you’re not even able to introduce yourself and provide the most rudimentary hook for us to hang a conversation on, what the hell do you think that tells us about what you’d be like as a client?
Hi.
LOL. May you prosper and stay safe Maggy.
“..if you were calling a doctor’s office or an auto parts store or a pizza delivery place, would you respond to their initial salutation with “hi” and then dead silence? ”
Having worked for decades in different industries I can say the answer is. “yes”.
Have you tried some kind of acknowledgement of the other person’s nervousness?
Potential Customer: “Hi.”
Maggie: “Hi”
(Long stretch of nothing…)
Maggie: “You seem kind of shy. Are you texting me about my ad?”
Yes. Sometimes it works, mostly not.
Yeah, it seems like they screw up their courage to say, “hi” and then immediately descend into guilt-ridden silence.
Like Troutwaxer, I think the initial phone call is where you have to be somewhat forthcoming and direct while calming the potential client. I know it is a drag, but even the most macho man can get freaked out when confronting a situation like this. I like the line about the ad because it’s probably true and yet is non-committal. And Maggie, as someone who has been in executive sales most of his life, most people still can’t get started correctly on the phone. It’s as if they draw a blank the second someone answers. (Don’t forget, the first time you hear a stranger’s voice it can be both exciting and scary. I always tried to lighten the situation by purposely keeping my voice light and non-threatening.)
I think it’s fear and awkwardness making them go silent or hang-up. It’s much easier to find your ad/number number and dial when caught up in the moment/fantasy. It’s another thing entirely to speak with an actual person who you’ve admired, confront and then express your own repressed sexual desires.
So they find a conversation starter that isn’t likely to be a “No, go away pervert”, something like “is this the number i’ve dialed?” or “Is this Maggie?” and then have nowhere else they can go conversationally without taking that first big step.
Frankly these people aren’t ready to actually meet you, in-person interactions are much harder and they’ll likely no-show even they did struggle through the call. They need to do more soul searching, become more mature, come to grips with their desires, get over being so terrified and only then call you.
Sorry they waste your time. Maybe it’ll help them grow up get their act together.
Hugs,
-Darla
Approaching a woman for sex is hard. Even if its a commercial sex provider. Especially where it’s illegal.
Oh sure, after a few times you learn the drill, the protocol. Here in Oz where it’s legal and so there’s no need for elaborate secret handshakes, I would ring and say “Hi, my name is Paul, I saw your ad in The Times and I was hoping to see you later this evening.” Job done. The lady would reply “Yes, I’m available tonight, I [canned description of herself], I do massage, oral, and sex, what time did you want to come over?” I had a criterion that was important to me, so after that I would say “Before that, I’d like to know your age and your rate.” If she was in her 20s, or a little out of my price range, I’d reply “No, a bit young for me/out of my price range. Thanks, good luck for the rest of the night.” If it was all good, we’d pick a time, she’d give me the address, and that’s al there was to making a booking.
No problem, none whatsoever.
These messages are from guys who have never done this sort of thing before. The solution is – well, articles like this one actually. Education/public awareness.
Oh BTW – tip for young guys. Young dudes on the phone can sometimes talk a bit flat and monotone. Make an effort not to do that: it’s offputting. A simple trick is to smile when you speak on the phone.
Perhaps it’s projection from my youth, but I’m reading this as intense shyness, introversion, and/or insecurity. When you aren’t comfortable with women, approaching one you’re attracted to can be scary. You have no experience, which means that each encounter seems insanely important: This is THE girl that’s got you excited and you’ll be devastated if she turns you down.
That dynamic doesn’t change as much as you’d think when dealing with a pro. I was pretty nervous the first time I went into a strip club and had to talk to a naked dancer. I’ve known guys who had to build up their courage to go up to the stage and tip the dancer. It sounds silly if it’s not a problem you have, but it’s intensely scary when it’s you. Texting that “Hi” might practically have been a minor act of courage, the result of days of staring at your pictures and reading your site.
You may not want to deal with that, it may not be worth your time, but if you do, I think Troutwaxer and luigidaman have good ideas: Identify the problem and call it out by name, and don’t mock them or yell at them for wasting your time. Also, try being explicit about what you want: “I need you to take the next step and tell me why you contacted me.” Or at least try to get them to try again: “I appreciate that you’re interested enough in me to reach out. I hope you’ll do it again when you feel up to it and maybe we can chat a bit.”
I don’t mean to lecture, but man that sounds like someone I almost could have been.