Whores are the most honest girls. They present the bill right away. – Alberto Giacometti
Yesterday I talked about wife-swapping, and pointed out that a married female “swinger” is essentially a whore who works for barter. But they’re not the only women in modern society who are not called prostitutes and whose trade is not illegal, yet are more profoundly immersed in whoredom than I ever was. They call themselves dancers, models, actresses, hostesses, party girls, students and even professional women, and most of them do actually spend time at some other “regular” job outside of hooking. But most of them make far more money from selling sex or trading it for “presents” and “help” than they do from their “real” jobs, and they are immune to police persecution because they pretend it isn’t a business. In other words, society rewards them for their dishonesty. This isn’t the first time I’ve talked about this; it was the subject of my third column back in July, and featured prominently in the ever-popular “How To Be a Stupid, Greedy Whore” about a month later. I’m not planning to break any new philosophical ground here, so if you haven’t read those two columns you may wish to do so now. What I want to look at today is the price these harlots-in-denial pay for their immunity to legal persecution, and to point out that many of them are far sleazier and much less trustworthy than those of us who are not ashamed to call ourselves what we are.
Because only prostitutes advertise openly, whores-in-hiding have to attract customers by looking pretty and hanging around in places where they can be seen by men, preferably wealthy ones; this is why most of them are strippers, models, hostesses and the like. But others choose to seek customers more subtly, and so hold down “regular” (i.e. non-sex appeal related) jobs by day and spend their evenings and weekends hanging around nightclubs, casinos, etc. All of this is, of course, tremendously time-consuming; though small fish are fairly common it might take days, weeks or even months to land the sort of big fish needed to justify the time expenditure. Even those who are making money as models, waitresses, etc have to spend lots of time at a lower pay rate between good clients. And this means that, as in all other walks of life, the price of increased safety is decreased freedom. In order to protect herself from arrest and the social stigma attached to prostitution, the semi-pro has to give up a great deal of her free time and work for somebody else. The “party girl” has it worst of all; since she has a “respectable” job unrelated to sex, she can’t really troll during work hours and so has the equivalent of a second full-time job. And the most successful of these stealth strumpets pay the highest price in freedom; they become the mistresses or “kept women” of wealthy men and must be at the beck and call of their patrons. Call girls get these offers as well, but few of us accept them; as I told the occasional men who offered me such deals, “I already have a car, and I prefer to decide for myself who has a key to my house.” And when I did at last accept such an offer, it included love, trust and marriage rather than being decided entirely by mercantile concerns.
As you might expect, half-whores need to be very physically attractive in order to attract clients; since they do not openly promise sex, their looks alone have to carry the deal until the bargain is struck. And this means that a large percentage of them are empty boxes; they think their looks are enough, lack the skills and ethics of true professionals, don’t depend on repeat business and are not subject to bad reviews because most of their clients are as deeply in denial as they are and like to stroke their own egos by pretending they don’t pay for pussy. Unlike real whores (who have lives of our own), many semi-pros are only interested in shopping, “beauty culture” and the like, and it’s not uncommon for them to take payment in drugs or expensive trivialities such as garish jewelry and designer clothes. I’m not saying all of them are like this, but it’s much easier for a girl with no responsibilities, plans for the future or real personal depth to get by in this manner than it is for a woman with kids, a mortgage or a retirement plan (who can’t afford to take payment in cocaine or Prada) or an actual personality (who would go crazy if she had to spend all her time around rich losers in expensive public places).
Besides the lack of character, skill and professionalism, there are several other disadvantages to dalliance with a semi-pro, the greatest of which is that she comes with a blank price tag and no contract. A man has no real idea how much she’s going to cost him in the long run nor what he’s going to get for his money, and since she lacks both professional ethics and the Damoclean sword of legal, professional or social consequences for her actions there is no guarantee she won’t renege on the deal or even try to blackmail her patron (as in the case of Karen Sypher, the stupid, greedy whore discussed in the column of that name). Think of how many cases you’ve heard of in which a mistress exposes a famous patron vs. how many instances of call girls exposing clients and I think you’ll see where I’m coming from. Even when this doesn’t happen, the state of denial in which they continually exist creates problems of its own; for example, half-hookers will often dress in clothes no professional escort would ever wear in public because they pretend they have nothing to hide, while we know damned well that we do. Even worse, many of them think nothing of blurting out their job titles or even talking shop when introduced to their client’s friends, acquaintances or business contacts; if such a potentially-embarrassing meeting occurred in public I was always a saleswoman, secretary or whatever the occasion called for, but the dancer or model might very well answer truthfully when asked, oblivious to the fact that she has given away far more of her client’s business than she should have.
There is, however, one type of harlette with whom a gentleman can avoid most of the issues and probably come as close as possible to a professional experience without actually hiring a full-fledged prostitute, and that is the sugar baby. This arrangement, which once required both hunting and luck on the man’s part to obtain, has now been made much easier by the internet. A quick Google search will reveal a number of websites in which young coeds or shop girls can advertise for gentlemen who wish to patronize them (and vice versa). The two meet and discuss details, and if they can agree on how much money he will pay her per week and how many times she’ll provide sex in that period, a bargain is struck and she gains a regular prepaid client, he a young, low-volume whore. Obviously, such girls lack the skills (and usually the open-mindedness) of real professionals, but for sugar daddies the attraction engendered by the youth, inexperience and dependence of their nubile mistresses outweigh their sexual deficiencies. And for the girl who lacks the nerve, pragmatism and disregard for conventional morality necessary to become an independent whore yet still needs free time for her studies (or just wants it for a real social life), the sugar baby arrangement is a satisfactory compromise.
Though we’ve necessarily discussed halfway whores in their modern forms, they are not by any means a modern growth; for as long as civilization has existed beautiful but low-born young women have risen in condition by becoming the concubines or mistresses of wealthy men, and in tomorrow’s column we’ll look at one form of the arrangement which was both common and accepted in New Orleans of the 18th and 19th centuries.
Here in NYC, nightclubs pay for young women to merely show up at the club, because not to have pretty young girls at the club means that it loses business fast. So I guess that would be a form of sex work.
Of course, all the obfuscation would be unnecessary if prostitution was decriminalized.
Absolutely, on both counts. 🙂
I read your earlier article on your opinion that marriage came before patriarchy to “corral” men. I was always under the impression that in matrilineal cultures the offspring was taken care of by maternal uncles (and male cousins) rather than by fathers. This would make all that “corralling” unnecessary. Of course, if there was a lack of male role model in the maternal family, marriage would’ve arose from that.
However, I heartily dislike the idea that women readily accepted slavery because they didn’t want the responsibility of making decisions. There had to have been some resistance, at least at first. You don’t give up your freedom so readily when you’ve had it.
The problem with feminist theories about lack of paternal influence is that they fly in the face of both logic and biological & historical evidence. Men do bond to women with whom they have sex, and it has been shown that female sex drive increases for about 18 months after starting a new relationship so as to cement that bond. Even recent cultures such as the Picts (who were matrilineal up until the 9th century) had marriage, which rather blows the theory of marriage as a specifically patrilineal custom out of the water.
I dislike it too, but unfortunately it’s human nature. Most men and women alike rush lemming-like to give up their freedom in exchange for the promise of security, as is happening right now all over the modern world. The people who now accept constant surveillance, theft of large portions of their income, removal of their right to defend themselves and even the right to not have their persons violated by “officials” are genetically and psychologically no different from their ancestors who submitted to husbands or kings. Were there women who resisted becoming chattel and men who resisted becoming serfs? Absolutely, but they were shouted down by the majority “for their own good” just as 80% of the population approves of TSA body scanners today. 🙁
“pretty young girls”
…The source of all American hypocrisy.
How do you get that? American hypocrisy is just a specific form of Judeo-Christian hypocrisy; it has nothing to do with the girls themselves and everything to do with male reactions to them. You might as well blame a diamond for being stolen. 🙁
OFF TOPIC:
Let us know how many people you can get to submit a story for the anthology. If you’re having difficulty with that, just let the other sex worker blogs know about the project and they might be willing to contribute.
I was planning to do that; I just haven’t got off my lovely bottom and done it yet. 😉
Well, you can scoot your lovely bottom over to Renegade Evolution’s website, aka The God Emperor of Rome. She has a lot of sciencefiction/fantasy under her belt, although I don’t know if it pertains to sex work. But I’d wager she would want to contribute a piece:
http://theger.wordpress.com/
Thank you, Susan! I think I’ll devote column space to the project this Friday; some readers read the blog through subscription emails or the SWOP aggregator and thereby miss the comments, so I want to announce it clearly where everyone can see. Once I’ve done that it’ll be a small matter for others to link the column on other sites and thereby spread the word virally. And I’ll definitely shoot an email to Renegade Evolution! 🙂
Just wanted to make the comment that this is a terrific blog. I followed a link from the Agitator and will definitely be checking back regularly. You’re an excellent writer and a good arguer, too. Please keep it up!
Thank you, Rick! Since writing is one of the three things I feel I do exceptionally well I appreciate being complimented on it as much as I enjoy compliments on my cooking and, um, professional skills. 😉
Oh this is a hot topic. So many girls in denial, including strippers who don’t think they’re strippers (much less sex workers). Oy.
I’m all for straightforward self-honesty in this realm, life’s too short for self-created drama. Too bad it scares people.
In reading about the sugar baby thing (these words now make my skin crawl), I came across a guy who writes advice to sugar babies. Basically, they’re REALLY unprofessional escorts who act badly and need to grow up. They’d be ahead of the game if they read my first book! It really makes me wonder why guys continue to waste money on this self-abuse when they could spend less and get a quality professional. That whole denial thing is an interesting wrinkle, huh?
XX
It depends on what you believe as a man. It completely depends on what your expectations are.
With “sugar babies” I think it’s less denial and more the desire to have a concubine; I think the lack of quality, the dependence and immaturity, may be part of the turn-on.
But for all the other types? Oh, yeah, serious denial.
But if the guys are complaining (and they ARE) about their babies, then how is that a turn-on? This guy was talking about BASIC things, like grooming. Granted, not all pros have a solid grasp of the basics either, still, you tend to get what you pay for in the professional realm.
I also have a feeling these babies, as part of being in denial, probably don’t practice safer sex as rigorously as a pro. In which case, humanscorch, what exactly ARE the men looking for? Something they’re not going to get from a pro that requires a doctor visit?
As a pro, I don’t have to worry about money. My time is taken care of as requested. After I’m paid, everything is wide open. I imagine a baby who is not certain of her income is probably MORE fixated on the money aspect than anything else and I bet the average baby discusses money 100x more than the average pro. Just a guess, of course. I haven’t dated any babies. I am certainly assuming they do it for the money, otherwise they’d be on AFF or Match.com looking for hookups.
XX
My guess is that the men start out with some kind of Lolita fantasy about a younger, naive PYT that they can “break in,” mentor, teach, instruct in all the ways of love, etc. – because, you know, we men are all so damn good at it. Like buying a blow-up doll but more responsive. Then they find out no one ever taught the poor dear how to clip her toenails.
And, Maggie, I almost snorted my morning Coca-Cola at “a woman with. . . an actual personality (who would go crazy if she had to spend all her time around rich losers in expensive public places).” All other little considerations aside, that’s what I really want – a woman who would feel that way. You can’t spend all your time in bed, or at least, not at my age. I am extraordinarily lucky to have married such a one. 🙂
🙂
Wow, I misunderstood what you meant; I figured they were just complaining about their sexual incompetence, not basic stuff. It sounds to me as though these guys want to have it both ways, professionalism and skills without having to deal with a professional. 🙁
Completely off topic.
But this was on the air in Argentina.
Yeah, outside of the US they don’t labor under the delusion that all TV has to be appropriate for eight-year-olds. 😐
[…] makes it hard for us to imagine sex work as a way to meet husbands. But even for Western women, the Honest Courtesan has also made the argument that the professional standards of sex workers are more honest and ethical than those of the many […]
Another post I never commented on! I do remember reading it, but wow, I thought I’d left at least one comment on ever post, if only to be sure I got updates.
Guess I didn’t, huh?
I’ve really enjoyed the weblog, however this one entry seems a little tit for tat and nasty, unlike your usual standard of calling what is it without having to resort to slinging mud. I don’t that deny that these other sex traders denigrate those looking for their payment straight, but this seemed to me as much as an attack as a warning or revelation.
Biggest group of semi-pros is the single mothers, especially in small towns, with older men friends who she calls up when she is having money problems: “If I could just get $200 to fix my car, everything would be so much better in my life…”
[…] it is not happening at home, why leave it to chance that someone like a halfway whore (to rejected men: beware of those supposedly offering “freebies”) will come along? […]