No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious. – George Bernard Shaw
My monthly dip into the electronic mailbag for questions from my readers.
Maggie, I live in (an American city), do you know someone who works here? I don’t know how to find someone like you. Can you tell me how?
Most of the escorts I’ve known personally lived in New Orleans, and because there’s a fairly high turnover in our profession I probably couldn’t help you directly even for that city. I can give you some general pointers, though. You can always go to the phone book for an escort service, but nowadays unless you’re in a rush you’re probably better off going to the internet. Eros Guide is a popular escort advertising site, but it’s mostly limited to larger urban areas so if you’re not in one of those it’s not very much good. If you Google “escorts” and the name of your city you’ll see ads for escort service sites there, and of course there’s Backpage; the disadvantage of that site is that, though some quality girls advertise there, there are also a large percentage of part-timers and very low-end escorts. Your best option if you’re patient is probably a hooker board; there are a number of large ones such as The Erotic Review, Big Doggie and ECCIE which vary in popularity in different parts of the United States, plus a whole host of smaller regional ones. Besides the escort ads, there are also customer-generated reviews of most of the girls which will give you an idea what to expect from them.
The disadvantage of both escort boards and Backpage is that cops can find them just like you can, and can create fake escort ads on Backpage or fake client profiles on the boards in order to further their usual sleazy attempts to victimize hookers and/or customers. Big Doggie was the subject of a major sting a few years ago and Montgomery County, Maryland infested TER last year, so use caution and only contact established escorts with a number of reviews.
Would you please give us a few pointers on how to perform oral sex on a man?
I think I can do this without being pornographic; at least I’ll give it a try! The problem most women have with fellatio lies in the unconscious assumptions they make about it, and if you correct those mistaken assumptions you’ll be well on your way to a professional performance with very little instruction from me or anyone else. The two most important things to remember are: 1) Your mouth is not a vagina; and 2) A man’s penis is analogous to a woman’s clitoris.
The first one may seem obvious, but it’s apparently not; I’ve done enough couple calls and two-girl calls to see a lot of really amateurish blow jobs. Now, I have heard many guys say “there is no such thing as a bad blow job,” and though I believe them I also recognize that there’s a vast spectrum of experience between “not bad” and “fantastic” and if you didn’t want to be closer to the “fantastic” end you wouldn’t have asked the question. Though both mouth and vulva have lips, only those on the face have the power of volitional movement, and the vagina has neither tongue nor teeth (legends of vagina dentata notwithstanding). From a mechanical standpoint and psychological considerations aside, if you aren’t using your lips, tongue and (very gently) teeth you might as well just be doing cowgirl.
Most of my readers probably knew about the second factor as well, but let’s look at what it really means from a practical standpoint. All fetuses have a “sex button” which, if exposed to testosterone, develops into a penis. But from a neurological standpoint, this development is a lot like blowing up a balloon; the number of nerves doesn’t change, they’re just stretched over a larger area. Compared to the clitoris, the nerve density in the shaft of a man’s penis is actually pretty low; the area of highest comparable nerve density is in the glans penis, or “head”.
Given these facts I think you can figure out for yourself what’s wrong with the typical woman’s technique. She uses her mouth as though it were a mobile vagina, forgetting she has lips, a tongue and teeth (the latter often to her male companion’s great chagrin), and she spends most of her time stimulating the least sensitive part of the penis. Start by concentrating on the “head”, using the lips and tongue, and paying attention to his reactions; do more of whatever gets a good reaction and less of whatever gets little reaction. The well-known bobbing motion is good later in the process, but it’s a mid-game maneuver rather than the whole thing as many women seem to believe. Don’t worry about deep throat or other fancy maneuvers; you can learn those later. Concentration on using the right part of your anatomy on the right part of his is at least 80% of the secret.
Why do so many more escorts kiss nowadays? It used to be pretty rare.
There are also more who will do Greek and more who will allow unprotected oral sex to completion. We started to see that in the last decade as escort review sites became steadily more common; many escorts wanted something which would set them apart from the competition. But the trend really took off just over two years ago when the economy went belly-up; a lot of part-timers lost their regular jobs and therefore needed to bring in more money from hooking, and a lot of amateurs who had never before directly asked for cash flooded into Craigslist and Backpage. The amateurs had no sense of appropriate professional conduct and the part-timers were desperate to make up the difference from their lost jobs, and so they started to offer things which, while not extremely dangerous like unprotected intercourse, were nonetheless more personal and “edgy” than what had been the norm even as recently as 2007. And once that happened even many full-time professional escorts were forced to change their policies in order to remain competitive. The good news is that (judging by the chatter on hooker boards) there is still almost universal censure of the rare, desperate whore who will offer bareback full service; let’s hope it stays that way.
I remember you said that the Internet has allowed a lot of women who would have been streetwalkers get off the streets and work more indoors. This would mean that an even smaller percentage of hookers than before are actual out-on-the-street girls, like most of us still think most hookers are.
Very true. I’ll bet the percentage of bona fide streetwalkers is down to 10% or less now.
I must differ with you on one aspect regarding performing oral sex on a man. I would have to say that 80% of the secret is not so much technique as it is attitude. Approach that penis with gusto, relish, like it’s the best thing you have ever had in your mouth since the invention of Dove chocolate. Suck it, lick it, stroke it, use lots of slobber, and don’t forget to pay some attention to the boys underneath. Lick it like a lollipop slowly from the base to the head and then devour it like your afraid it’s going to run away. Remember that guys are very visual, if they see you worshiping their manhood like it’s Brad Pitt’s then technique won’t matter as much as seeing you enjoying it like those old Herbal Essence shampoo commercials. It’s a huge turn on for them.
And ladies, if you do it this way there is not much repetition so you get tired or cramping in the jaw a lot less. 🙂
If I didn’t know any better, Brandy, I would think you had done this before! 😀
Hehe.. once or twice 🙂
The orgasmic shampoo commercials are back.
It’s very nice to see women giving such great advice on blow jobs. It may sound selfish but I certainly would be open to advice on how to improve on oral from my end as well. 😉
{adds question to March Q & A list} 🙂
Sweet!
I’ll second that… 😉
One thing this makes me think of is if one of the effects of destigmatization (assuming it will happen) would be to flood the market with new beginning whores attracted by the “new glamour” of the profession. Wouldn’t that flood the market and make things bad for already established professionals? (I suppose that depends on the number of women who would want to enter it if it were destigmatized, i.e. what the actual percentual increase would be in the number of sex work providers).
None whatsoever. This is a fallacy believed by men (who don’t understand female morality) and claimed but not really believed by female prohibitionists. I wrote about this once before (on December 12th) and the figures back me up; no jurisdiction in which prostitution is decriminalized ever shows a noteworthy increase, and New Zealand showed a slight decrease.
I delved into that subject on one of my posts in my blog (which I can’t access right now, gotta pay the bill 🙂 ) Relate it to emergency room work… some people thrive on the adrenalin and the rush with the blood and guts and bullets and some people wouldn’t get near bloody scratch with a 10 foot pole. For most women, it’s not the stigma or the (il)legality of it – it’s the eww, that’s gross factor that they have stuck in their minds. Sure, some women will try it I believe but they will soon find out (like right after the first unattractive or morbidly obese client) that the job isn’t for them regardless of how society feels about it.
That’s because no “new glamour” has set in yet — prostitution is stigmatized, which is different from being criminalized or illegal; and the stigma is not going to disappear any time soon, no matter what the law books say or don’t say about it.
Brandy, to me, the “eewww” of it is the stigma; like the “eewww” of homosexuality that often leads to anti-gay prejudice and stereotypes, even when the gay person in question is one’s son or daughter.
Something similar may have happened in the artistic professions. When (theater) actors were still looked down on as part of the scum of society (from the late Roman empire to the Commedia dell’Arte), the “eewww” factor probably kept many people from such a career — even if they had raw talent. Women weren’t allowed to be actors — so they said at the time — because this was beneath them. Being an actor was, well, like being a whore. 😉 Later this changed, and today actors and actresses and other performers are more often than not glamorized — which attracts more prospective actors to the profession.
On second thoughts, though… what happened was that thespian entertainment split into several directions: high-brow and low-brow, theater and cinema and television and performance art… but one can’t say that the market was flooded. Most people still don’t want to be actors. Likewise, I suppose that even if prostitution ever becomes as glamorized as Hollywood stardom, still most women and men won’t want to be prostitutes.
Brandy, re-reading your post I see you meant a different kind of “eewww”, as in ER crews and what they have to face there. Fair enough. But there’s the “eeewww” that prostitution gets from many a person that’s more from what they imagine that it entails than from what it really is.
What do you think? Did you have expectations/stereotypes/’everybody knows’ ideas about what prostitution was going to be like before you became a prostitute, and did they involve ‘eeeww’? Did it become different afterwards?
Oh, now THIS is going to be interesting! For that matter, when did you (or Maggie) find out that there was more to prostitution than streetwalking? That you could be a “lady of the evening” without standing on a street corner in fishnets and big hair saying, “hey mister; you lonely?”
Maybe you knew since you were six years old that this wasn’t the whole story, but surely many women are surprised by what they find.
I think I first encountered the idea of a call girl in my early teens, not long before I first read about Phryne.
The first time I heard about it as something other than streetwalking was when I was around 14, and my older brother hired one, and I saw her leave the house and asked him who she was. He told me.
Cool. Now that I think about it, I first heard of call girls at about that age, because call girls were showing up quite a bit on TV in the Eighties.
So now we’re back to “Has the depiction of prostitutes changed in the popular media over time, and if so, how?”
Really, somebody could write a thesis on that and get a good grade.
Probably so, Sailor. And it probably should happen. (Part of removing the stigma would be making it more acceptable as a topic, in the media and for academic research, from various viewpoints, not just the prostitute-as-victim or prostitute-as-harpy ones.)
It’s all in the build-up- good head starts between the ankles. A little anatomy helps: the most sensitive part of the penis is the very line inside the S-curve where the glans meets the shaft.
Fun fact: the glans is a shovel, to scoop out the previous primate’s semen. It’s optimized for Sloppy Seconds.
So are you saying that the reason escorts didn’t kiss so much back in the day was because of hygeine concerns? I thought it was something to do with keeping some acts private for personal relationships – is that not right at all? I had the idea that more escorts offer kissing now because they discovered that it is what men really want, and will pay good money for “girlfriend experience” etc. Has consumer demand nothing to do with it?
No, the kissing issue was never about hygiene (not for most, anyway); it was about kissing being just too personal, and too face-to-face. Kissing is not needed for a GFE; I was highly in demand and regarded as a GFE, but didn’t usually kiss. The difference is how one goes about avoiding the kissing; it has to be subtle rather than a flat rule-like statement. The only thing consumer demand has to do with it is that once some girls started offering it, the others had to give it as well in order to remain competitive; had the market been less competitive that wouldn’t have become necessary. One of the dangers health officials have warned of for 30 years now is that excessive criminalization (such as under the Swedish or American models) which is aggressively applied can reduce the number of clients to the most visible and vulnerable prostitutes, who then become more desperate and more likely to cave in to customer demands for unprotected sex.
Once AIDS and some of the other diseases are cured and/or vaccinateable, condoms won’t be necessary. But for now, only a fool would offer extra money for less protection, and only a girl who is desperate would take it.
Condoms won’t be necessary? In the 1960s many people thought that STDs had been done away with, vanquished, never to return; which was sadly untrue.
Condoms have the great advantage of preventing transmission of new (or unknown) STDs, such as mycoplasma or the more recently discovered classes of polyoma. It would take years – if not decades – for new diseases to be cured, and by then, a great many people would have been infected if protection was not used.
The misuse and overuse of antibiotics and antivirals, overpopulation and unprecedented world travel mean that resistant pathogens are becoming more common and problematic. What we should be doing is putting serious money into alternative techniques, like bacteriophages and gene therapy.
There’s nothing here for me to argue with. Except that I think the speed with which cures and vaccines and such will be discovered is accelerating, and will do even more of that in the near future. But yeah, it won’t be AIDS and everything else all at once.
Maybe somebody will invent a condom that makes the penis bigger and harder. Then guys will WANT to wear them.
Thank you very much for that. I see. I saw an escort for the first time two years ago, and was quite unprepared for how things transpired. I was first utterly taken aback when the girl that turned up was literally stunning and sidelined as a catwalk model (which I found a little intimidating in fact, at first), then by the fact she was chatting away (a 19 year old mind you) to me about European literature (she was/is a student). But what blew me away completely was that when back in my room (me terrified!) she lowered the lights, stepped over, and kissed me. I was gobsmacked (err…that was an accidental pun, sorry). I had no idea that would happen, and I was quite overwhelmed. Nothing at all what I expected, and I wondered why my expectation was so out of line with the reality (it was all lovely btw, and I still see her, and buy her lots of nice things when I can’t see her).
“Why do so many more escorts kiss nowadays?”
An intriguing question is: why are so many johns looking for this? Are relationships these days so lacking in basic affection?
If I were hiring, I’d probably be willing to pay a bit more for a girl who kisses. Laura’s very much into kissing, so it isn’t that I can’t get kissed w/o paying, and I’d be willing to hire a non-kissing girl, but a kissing girl would be even better.
For humans, sex is for more than procreation; and it is for more than physical sensation. The reason humans (as a species) have so much sex (compared to most other species) is because it offers us a sense of connection, a sense of bonding.
Speaking as a male … we humans are not powerful as individuals: we do not have claws, or fangs, or blistering speed, or tough hides. We are only powerful when we hunt and defend in a group. From our earliest days as a species, to be alone has meant death; and to be connected, bonded, has meant survival.
So. Why do clients look for someone who will kiss? Well, why do they look for someone who will hold them? Why do they look for someone who will listen when they talk?
For that matter, why would someone want to have only one person who will kiss him? Why would someone want to have only one person who will hold him — only one person who will listen when he talks?
Why would someone want no one else to kiss him, to hold him, to listen to him?
“Why are so many looking for this?” Why would they not?
IMHO, this is not something for a client to demand. But, IMHO, I think I see how it can be something that a client might welcome, if offered.
No, there is such a thing as a bad blow-job… I once had an experience that I can only describe as my dick being used as a teeth-sharpener – not pleasant. At that point I wished I could fake an orgasm too, just to make it stop. Then there was the one who tried to (literally) squeeze the contents of my nuts out through the use of oral pressure – pain! Bless both they’re hearts, but in my opinion, no blowjob is better than those ones.
[…] there aren’t that many (I saw exactly two in my entire career). So when you do your research (these two posts shouldhelp you there), don’t just look for ladies who specifically state that they will see […]