I have the rest of my life to learn every curve of your body and what makes you laugh and cry with joy. – from one of my husband’s love letters
This is the second part of an interview with my husband using questions provided by my readers; if you missed yesterday’s column you ought to read it first. All the words in non-italic, non-bold type in today’s column are his. If you have a question not covered in either column, ask it in a comment and he’ll answer it sometime in the next few days.
Are you wired in such a way that your wife being with other men or women turns you on?
I am now, but not at the beginning. It did bother me, but I felt I didn’t have a right to say anything because after all I started as a customer myself. Once we went into dating mode but were still having a long-distance relationship, I tried to keep myself busy when I knew she was working so I wouldn’t think about it. There were even a few times when I thought to myself that I should break it off because I felt it wasn’t “normal”, that “if she really loved me she’d stop” and stuff like that. But due to my love for her I stuck it out, and what really turned it around for me was a client she had in the spring of 2004 who wanted to do a two guys with one girl thing. She asked if I was game and I said “what the hell?” I was really nervous but found it turned me on to watch her with another guy, and as time went on I liked it more and more.
As far as my being turned on by seeing her with other women, well yeah, that goes without saying!
If you are turned on by it, why would you want to know when she enjoys it? Is that another turn on?
That’s because I love her and would rather her job be pleasant than unpleasant.
I am not big on statistics, but I know a lot of escorts report a self esteem boost from the business. Do you also get a self esteem boost, being a provider husband?
No. In some ways it was fun, but I also felt bad about not providing enough of an income for my wife to not have to do it any more. It wasn’t my fault that we got in financial trouble, but it still didn’t feel good that I couldn’t solve it alone. Still, big dreams require big money, so I had to come to grips with it.
Tell me the single worst thing about being married to a provider, and the single best.
The worst is the fear that something might happen to her, which is worse at some times than others. The best part is getting to meet other sexy women in the industry, and sometimes…
Was your fear for Maggie’s safety a constant nagging, or just occasional? How did you handle it?
There were many times I was afraid, but I had faith that she could take care of herself. Still, the odds were that something would eventually happen, and she’s told you about the time she was arrested. What made me really angry was that when something did happen, it was because of the people who are supposed to protect us.
Were you ever “outed” as a provider husband?
No, the only people who knew were those who already knew she was an escort, and I did tell my best friend that she owned a service (but not that she was an escort herself).
Any friends ever make an “indecent proposal”?
No. Since very few people know the odds are small to start with, and we chose who we told carefully. I think a man who would ask something like that wouldn’t be much of a friend.
What special things does a provider know about her husband, that a non-provider wife is not likely to know or understand?
I think an escort is much more likely to understand a man’s need for variety, and also to understand that when a man looks at another woman it doesn’t really mean anything. A lot of non-escorts get upset if their husbands even look at somebody else. I think escorts are much more mature about it.
What’s the biggest differences between being in a provider marriage, as opposed to what I would assume would have been a non-provider marriage?
I really can’t see a difference, except for what we’ve already discussed and the fact that a provider wife is often gone in the evening instead of being home all the time. It’s kind of like being married to a doctor who’s on call.
What have you learned sexually that you think other men wouldn’t know?
That there a lot more bisexual women out there than most men think, and if you play your cards right, you might end up in bed with your wife and her hot friends.
Postscript
Though nobody asked this as a question, I want to say a little bit about how I feel about prostitution in general. In all these questions I think you can see a theme, that working girls aren’t any different from anybody else. Many years ago, before I was married the first time, I once saw a streetwalker in my home city. She took me to her hotel, and asked me to wait while she went around the corner to do something. This of course made me very nervous, so I peeked and saw her shuffling a sleepy little boy of about eight into a different room. She then came back to get me and we went back to her room, and I could see that one bed was still made while the other one (obviously the little boy’s) was turned down. I didn’t stay any longer than necessary because I wanted the little boy to be able to get back to his own bed, and when I left I tipped her an extra $50. I still remember that like it was yesterday because it was the thing that really showed me that everyone is just doing what they have to do. Everybody thinks streetwalkers are dirty or drugheads, but she was a human being like all of us trying to get through life as best she could.
I completely understand your fear for Maggie’s safety when working. Even though I can never really romance my fav girl, I do fear for her safety and want her to be happy & healthy. I care about her well being.
I was recently with another provider who is very sweet, and found that a week earlier some guy had been rough with her and she needed a week off to recover. It really bothers me that because of the societal mores around this business & the illegality of it, there is absolutely no legal recourse to protect these girls. It’s not right and more than anything, these wonderful women need some sort of legal protection in the same way that any non-provider would have. They are regular people just like everyone else with hopes, dreams, families, bills to pay, etc. It angers me to no end to think that there are cretins out there who would harm these wonderful women.
You mention a very important issue. There are over 6 million men that patronize prostitutes of all levels in America. You all have “ATF’s” and girls that have been there for you and that you have enjoyed time with. You can help to protect them by supporting DECRIMINALIZATION. If sex work were decriminalized your friend, and mine that was brutally abused two weeks ago could seek help and justice.
One thing that clients can do right now to support Sex Workers is to support organizations that support sex work.
If you have a business, consider that Village Voice Media is losing advertisers for taking a stand for our freedom of speech. They are supporting Decriminalization, so taking an ad on their paper is a good way to help.
Also look for Sex Workers Rights Organizations and throw them a couple of bucks anonymously in the mail.
Or, just read the news and post your views in the comments! We must speak up against the mistreatment, and criminalization of Sex Workers and their clients.
Sorry for off topic…. but he makes a good point….
@Maggies Man– Good insight. Thank you for sharing your point of view, and I love the image of “playing your cards right…” Lol.
I really enjoyed these two posts. One thing I took out of it, oddly, was just how much trust working girls have to invest in their clients. I think about that last story. If he’d been a cop, she would not only have been busted; she would probably have lost her child.
You’re right,Mike; in fact, that’s one of the reasons we have so much trouble recruiting girls into activism. Most hookers have kids, and the government will abduct them at the drop of a hat; it’s one of their chief weapons to keep us in line. 🙁
Thank you for these two posts. The depth and quality of the love you obviously share many people will only ever experience in their dreams. Lucky you <3. Let's hope it's contagious 🙂
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if it were? 🙂
This series was awesome!
Look, you know – no matter what your opinion on this subject is – I think everyone would agree that being a provider is tough – very tough work. I personally don’t see anything wrong with it but I don’t think just anyone can do it.
I did two combat tours in Afghanistan and Iraq and I really got shot at and I really saw some bad stuff happen. How these women can go off on a call and not really know for sure what kind of individual they’ll meet amazes me. I’m assuming many of them do this unarmed. Hell, how do they do it? If I were a woman I’d show up for calls in fatigues and a flack jacket – with at least a Colt .45 in the full ready position and wouldn’t put it down until I felt comfortable with the guy who called me. Not very sexy … and I probably wouldn’t get many calls!
And you know … I think this is probably why most people buy into the myth of providers being “destitute” and “without options” or “exploited” … because it’s hard to imagine for most people that anyone but the most desperate would earn a living as a provider.
Yet – I have known providers – and the one’s I’ve known were not desperate and even claimed to like their jobs. I think most women know men better than men know women – but most women can’t even approach the knowledge of men that providers have. Which is another reason I admire providers – they really know all of the deep dark secrets of men – and they seem to embrace them!
My oldest daughter just broke up with a guy I liked. He was a former Marine and I really liked him but – she caught him surfing porn – probably more than once too. Now – I trust my daughter – and maybe he was surfing some really bad stuff or maybe he was one of those types who are incapacitated by porn to the extent they ignore more productive and wage earning activities …
Or maybe he was just an occasional sufer looking at some pretty benign porn. Whatever – I told my wife … “She does realize that if she’s looking for a man who is NOT a pervert – she will be a very old woman before she finds one?”
I think my wife understands this because she had quite a bit of experience with men before she met me – and well, being married to me has taught her a thing or two I’m sure. But …
I digress.
A big thanks for this series and to Maggie’s husband for answering these questions!!
I guess it helped that you were familiar with the business before you propositioned Maggie, so to speak.
How else to get by, I wonder?
Husband of Maggie,
I guess you don’t consider yourself a rapist for hiring a prostitute, then?
Lol well according to Ashton Doucher “real men don’t buy sex”. Because apparently real men get sex for free…..
Anyway I was just wondering if either of you had thoughts about having children. Before you groan lol don’t worry I’m not one of those annoying people that asks a couple who has been together for a long time “why don’t u have kids”.
The question I’m asking may sound similar to people that pest couples with the lame question “why don’t u have kids”. But I’m simply just asking if you guys had thoughts in your mind about starting a family or prefer it to be just you guys.
I think the question “why don’t you have kids” (especially the way some people ask it) can sound arrogant and make it seem that people HAVE to have children because it is the norm and it makes them weird if they god for bid don’t want children.
Sorry if I’m running in circles here or getting too technical, I just want to make it clear that I’m only asking what is both your feelings on having children in marriage…
Hope its not too late for another question
I originally did want kids, JJ, but Mother Nature had other plans; I had a hysterectomy at 28 due to a uterine abnormality which made it impossible to carry a child to term. After seeing the horrors inflicted by “child protection authorities” for the past 17 years, though, I’m beginning to think that was a blessing in disguise.
sighs.
All men buy sex, its just a matter of what you use to buy it, strait up cash, a house in the suburbs, or a few rounds of drinks for her freinds
So out of curiosity, yesterday you stated “she has allowed me to see other women on a number of occasions, and sometimes even provided girls for me.”
My question is are the other women always other escorts or does it matter? I was in a relationship once where it was fine and dandy for him to see professionals but it bothered me if he picked up a girl in a bar. This reaction even surprised me at the time.
Oh gawd… don’t say Maggie “provided girls for him” next the alphabet boys will be raiding private homes arresting cool wives for human trafficking for “providing women” for their husbands….
Clearly, Maggie and her husband are in violation of a huge number of laws and are woman haters. I mean Womyn Haters.
Maybe they should brand Maggie with a big P on her forehead and cut her hair, dragging her through the street tied to the back of a dung cart.
She’s such a traitorous Sister.
Also a pimp. And victim. And strumpet and homewrecker.
Egad!
You forgot “witch” and “anarchist”. 😉
Witches are popular these days, and anarchists aren’t technically illegal. Our resident lefties love them.
So, … these are pluses on your overall resume of general depravity, debauchery and sisterhood betrayal.
But be afraid. Your judges are convening in their Star Chamber to decide whether or not to recall your Vagina and strip you of one of your X chromosomes.
Lefties love anarchists? Hah! Most of the people who claim to be on the “left” these days are mega-statists, the exact opposite of anarchists!
But your last sentence is the stuff of nightmares; if we really were all connected in one big hive-vagina, maybe they could send horrible little soldier ants like the Zantis through hyperspace to come out of me during the night and carry me off to a grisly fate. Good thing I don’t believe in that. 🙁
And bear in mind. Maggie–
Every time your husband touches you, he’s guilty of rape. If he looks at you and desires you, it’s objectification, and therefore he’s supporting rape. He also hired you, so it’s therefore rape. He raped you in the past. Be afraid!
And if you procure other women for him, YOU TOO are a Rapist.
I don’t know whether or not you should go to jail as a Human Trafficker – maybe even be Executed by Neofeminist Tongue Lashing – or be coddled like a delicate little flower, a simpering child in need of a hug and some drugs to dispel your false consciousness.
Clearly, in any case, you can’t to be allowed to be free and you’re not thinking properly. Maybe you need counseling.
Your husband, however, has to be tarred, feathered and chemically castrated. I mean, he probably looked at you tonight. Or something.
Excellent interview, and I hope you two continue to have a good marriage(though I’m against marriage itself I won’t knock those it’s working for) that was unfortunate to read Maggie’s comment about working women with children being strong armed by the croo- I mean the govt, but hopefully their stranglehold will be loosened sooner than later.
I love love, and you two have it. Best of luck, live long and prosper, and all that good stuff. Both of you.
Here’s a video on decriminalizing prostitution. It isn’t a documentary, just some footage of an event. Contains nudity, in case that bothers anybody here. 😉
http://www.channels.com/episodes/show/12149549/Decriminalization-of-Prostitution
Leftists are NOT all opposed to prostitution. Most I know are in favor of decriminalization, just as with drugs, and for the same reasons. People should be free to do as they please to have fun or get high, and the criminal organizations causing 90% of the associated evils will melt away when the money goes. Then maybe the cops could try to solve real crimes for a change. (LOL SRSLY). I’m also a feminist! A crazy feminist who worships vaginas and…wait, no, I still want to legalize prostitution. Because I want women to retain control of their bodies, remember how we get all het up about that? If you control your body, you can sell sex for money. It’s your body, right? In an America with legal sex work, women could report being raped or abused by johns without fear that their children would be snatched away immediately by the very government agents sent to protect them.
Where I live in SE Asia there is truly evil child prostitution and forced sex slavery. But for real. Not here in Singapore–well, only rarely, but in Cambodia, yes. That shit is straight fucked up and calls for immediate enforcement of existing laws; the problem, as usual, is corrupt officials getting bribed by brothel owners, or brothel owner/military officers just cutting out the middle man. Men visiting these countries should NOT use the services of ANY sex workers, as even the OK-seeming brothels (everyone at the front apparently over the age of 14) have little kids for sale in the back. But in rich first world countries where feminism has been successful in getting women the vote and educating them to an equal standard as men, then any citizen should have the right to peddle her or his ass as he or she desires. That’s the feminist party line. Talk to real feminists sometime, rather than the straw feminist you seem to have constructed rather hastily and with scant care. She seems to be muttering that all heterosexual sex is rape, which is really a serious misunderstanding of something this one feminist in Canada said once, 30 years ago.
Thanks for this series, it has been very interesting and informative.
Unfortunately, Belle, there are still a LOT of those “straw feminists” in the US, though I’m very glad to hear that they’re practically nonexistent in Singapore! In the US they’re so common that they constitute the majority of academic and politically-connected “feminists”, and many intellectual women refuse the label “feminist” because they don’t want to be connected to fanatics.
First: THANK YOU for sticking up for the lefties! American Democrats, who expend a great deal of effort trying to prove that they are NOT leftists, liberals, and now some are running away from “progressive,” are NOT a good example of what a liberal is. Just to be slapped with the label in the next election anyway. You’d think they’d learn. Really, when somebody is afraid to claim it, is he a good example of it?
Feminists: I’m afraid Maggie is right about this. Not all the feminists in the US are that way, and there are feminists in the US who will even CALL themselves feminists who are not. But they have to tack on all sorts of qualifiers so that we know that they are NOT like the ones that Maggie’s always getting her panties in a knot over.
If I ever visit Vietnam, it won’t be for the hookers. There are some beautiful, sexy Vietnamese women, but I can find them right here in Texas. We’ve got some pretty good Vietnamese restaurants here too. If I ever go to Vietnam, it’ll be for the landscape and the history.
BTW, “landscape” includes CAVES! There’s a cave in Vietnam with a freaking jungle inside it. Yes! a jungle! There are caves with waterfalls, and some with ledges you could build a house on and still have room for a small deck.
I doubt Maggie is getting her panties in a knot about anything all that often; she seems very calm. But really, my friends who went on to be profs with (in one case) joint Women’s Studies/English departments appointments are all…staunchly pro-legalization, pro-COYOTE, and went to paying parties with me in favor of the unionized sex workers in some of SF’s finest peep shows and burlesque shows. They’re like the official feminists of EVER. Pandagon’s Amanda Marcotte? Why did she play so bad when exposed to big time media, after the Edwards campaign appointed her? Pro-abortion, for one. Wrong on the Duke rape case, for another (it was still in process, but clear to all by then). Pro-decriminalization of sex work, that was a stickler. Lots and lots of liberal feminists think that the dangers facing sex workers are unacceptable, and the bullshit they put up with from the police who should be protecting them is beneath contempt. Sex workers of all sorts, from porn actors and actresses to local girls on the street deserve safe working conditions, police and prosecutors who will go after the criminals who so often rape and assault them, and a fair wage.
Maggie has the good sense to untie the knots before appearing in public without so much as a visible panty line. 😉
I don’t see anything in this post to disagree with.
Singapore has seemed to me for some time to be a place I’d like to visit some day. For one thing, it’s the only independent city-state I can think of off the top of my head.
OK, a quick look at Wikipedia tells me that Monaco and Vatican City are both city-states. I’d like to visit them, too.
It’s not Republicans who are going to agitate for any of that, I tell you what, not in a million years. Leftists. Feminists. Real libertarians. That’s who. That’s all.
[…] The conclusion to an interview in which my husband answers questions submitted by readers. […]