A dream to some; a nightmare to others. – Merlin (Nicol Williamson) in Excalibur
One of the central goals of this blog is to help people realize that prostitution is completely natural female behavior; it actually predates marriage in human development and similar behaviors appear even in non-primate species. Most women will not hesitate to use their “erotic capital” (as Catherine Hakim calls it) to get ahead, and many have no qualms about openly using sex for material gain. About 10% of all women have directly taken money for sex at least once, and about 1% have actually worked as prostitutes at some time in their lives. As George Bataille put it, “Not every woman is a prostitute, but prostitution is the natural apotheosis of the feminine attitude”; in other words, full-time professional prostitution occupies one end of a whole spectrum of female behaviors on which it is impossible to draw a line separating the whore from the non-whore.
Obviously, only about 5% of all women (the historical percentage of the female population involved in the trade at any given time) feel comfortable enough with formal, professional prostitution to be able to actually make a living at it; in my column of one year ago today I discussed Amanda Brooks’ theory that such women, who often feel drawn to the profession from an early age as I did, might actually be genetically predisposed to it. In other words, there might be a “hooker gene”, and harlotry might be a sexual orientation just as homosexuality is. The comparison is an apt one: just as some men find ecstasy in homosexual activity while others are utterly repulsed by it, so for some women whoring is a dream job while others find it a total nightmare.
Those who consider homosexuality “unnatural” might be inclined to use the comparison to argue that prostitution is equally unnatural (despite this view flying in the face of facts); for those who are so tempted, let me point out that motherhood is as natural a role for women as one could ever imagine, yet I doubt any sane person would disagree that there are some women who are totally unfit for it. No life-path or career is suitable for everyone, and as long as those who are unsuited to a given role avoid it there is no issue. But when a woman who is repulsed by motherhood becomes pregnant, or one who has difficulties dealing with people is forced into a job in which public contact is unavoidable, nobody should be surprised when serious problems ensue. And if a woman who dislikes men or has sexual hang-ups (or both) is forced by circumstance into prostitution, the result can be an unmitigated disaster.
I’m not talking about women who simply aren’t cut out for whoredom; there are lots of those, which is why 10x as many women have tried hooking as have actually stuck with it for a time. The majority of women who directly take money for sex once or a few times simply decide it’s not for them (for whatever reason) and find some other way to make a living. But there are a small number who should never have even tried it in the first place, yet are driven by necessity, desperation or actual coercion to practice it for weeks, months or even years; such women are among the worst enemies our profession ever had. Because they hate the work, they tend to see and remember only the negative aspects. And because many of them are emotionally damaged even before entering prostitution (due to whatever trauma caused them to hate men and/or sex), and virtually all of them became even more damaged by having to endure what for them was a loathsome existence, they either become fanatics on their own or are easily driven to fanaticism by the prohibitionists. These are the women who call themselves “survivors” and learn to “reframe their experiences” (i.e. lie to make their stories more lurid and to more closely conform to anti-whore rhetoric). They are the mainstays of “john schools” and provide ammunition to prohibitionists who represent their highly-embroidered claims as typical of sex work and even multiply the accounts by changing small details so as to make them sound like different-but-similar tales rather than one repeated ad nauseum. The very worst of them (as typified by Somaly Mam) are so obsessed with their own darkness that they are willing to utterly destroy the lives of any real human beings who get in the way of their quixotic crusades against private behavior that is literally impossible to eradicate as long as humans remain human.
In a world where individuals were allowed control over their own bodies and the decisions of adults (however strange those choices might seem to others) were always respected by the “authorities”, fanatics who were harmed through ill-fortune or harmed themselves through their own poor choices would have no power over other, less damaged individuals. But unfortunately we do not yet live in such a world; even in jurisdictions which have legalized prostitution to one degree or another, governments believe they have the authority to abrogate the rights of individuals for whatever excuse strikes their collective fancy (provided they can convince the masses to lie still for it). As we saw in Rhode Island two years ago, a small group of vocal fanatics can easily convince the “authorities” to strip away rights held without challenge for decades, and one of the chief weapons of such fanatics is the emotionally-damaged “reluctant whore” who refuses to accept that her feelings or experiences are anything other than typical.
What a great post!
My experience is that it is generally very easy to tell into which of the above categories a lady falls. I have been a patron of several young ladies who have been very frank with me that they really do (for the most part) enjoy it. Not that it is not still work, mind you, but that it is often very enjoyable work. (In fact, one of my lady friends is constantly trying to get me into threesomes with one or another of her or my hooker friends – if she hated doing this, do you think this would happen?)
Also, about the continuum, I recall when my girlfriend (now wife) and I were a new couple, she ended up being emotionally forced to leave her living situation while she had no income and was in school. I paid her rent and expenses at a modest apartment for her because I cared for her and could afford to at the time. How is that very much different from prostitution? I did not think of it that way at the time, but it is clear to me now.
Prostitution will NEVER go away. It is a necessary, universal, and noble profession when entered into and continued voluntarily.
Thank you, Bobby! The subject was suggested by regular reader Comixchik.
I remember my mother telling me about her time as a waitress in Madrid, Spain in the early 1950s. Before the brothels were criminalized in 1956 (thanks to pressure from the United Nations), there were brothel girls who would come in and chat with the other women. One in particular was very popular with everyone, and she later married an American soldier stationed at a nearby base.
All the women, whatever their background or politics, were interested in learning more about prostitution. Some were merely curious while others were enthusiastic, even excited; my mother was probably too squeamish to try her hand at the profession (she could not hear the word “gonorrhea” without visibly flinching), but she retained a high opinion of prostitutes and her favorite novel Yo soy Fulana de Tal was about a village girl that decided to become a prostitute.
My opinion is that the tendency towards harlotry is more common than male homosexuality is.
This is actually one of the greatest points of the teachings I’ve received from Maggie, that being, to understand & accept both the full range of the human sexuality spectrum, and that everyone accordingly has a different ‘normal.’
It makes a lot more sense to me now that some people would feel a natural proclivity towards sex work, as Maggie is not the first person I’ve heard say that, but also, as she points out here, the media & the anti-whore brigade will always highlight and accent the women that weren’t suited for it in the first place as completely representative of the entire profession.
Which makes no sense.
Whenever we find a bad teacher or a bad accountant, who had no business in their respective fields in the first place, we don’t then condemn the whole profession and everyone else in it. It must be the mysteriousness of sex, and its power, that freak people out.
I also find it strange that Americans seem to know that Thomas Jefferson had another entire family by his black slave mistress, and yet seem to think that whoredom hasn’t always been a part of our country as much as the other tenets we love to harp on so much.
Most women do it for the money when they volunteers for it. If you want to reduce the non-volunteer whores, then decriminalize and sensibly legalize prostitution. Most volunteer whores would walk away from prostitution if they won millions of U.S.dollars in the lottery. So would most other workers in all other kinds of work. A corrallary is most volunteer narcotics trafficers would walk away from the narcotics trade if they won millions of U.S. dollars and they knew noone could or would pursue them to harm them. You could also say the same of cops and military. The list goes on and on.
Still most need to earn a living. Some women are suited to prostitution. Others aren’t. Some love working for the military or police, and others don’t. The list goes on and on.
You are so right about where does prostitution begin or end. there is a whole range of human sexuality. Where does one thing about sexuality on any measureable or even unmeasureable behavior begin or end? Noone fully knows. It is part of the reason why prohibition doesn’t work and is wrong. Someone quoted Lysander Spooner I believe. He stated that a vice is something bad one does to oneself. a crime is something bad done to another person. If two(or more) mutually consenting adults engage in prostitution, then it is a vice and not a crime. It is uncoscionable to legally make that a crime.
The stuff about female motivation is very well written, Maggie – but it made my head hurt. Trying to figure out women is just beyond me – maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
I have talked to hookers who did it to pay a relative’s medical bills – a South Korean woman comes to mind. I have talked to hookers who did it to try to dig their entire family out of poverty (some Romanian gals come to mind here). And then, I have talked to hookers who swear to God they do it because they like the sex and also the thrill and power of being paid money for sex. Probably all motivations are valid there.
But – honestly, I don’t see a “hooker gene” in any of that.
I can see a “promiscuous” gene that could exist – but I don’t really think promiscuity has anything to do with a woman’s willingness to become a hooker. Maybe I’m wrong here – but the promiscuous women I’ve always known seemed to like to picking their own sex parters – from the best options available given the moment and circumstances. That’s a lot different than sex with a stranger.
I think women who like “hooking” have a lot of things in common with me. I like to do things no one else likes to do. Dirty things … dangerous things … difficult things. I’m not a college educated guy but, I can earn a good living doing these things (that no one else wants to do). My boss wanted to travel me during Christmas last year … I told him “Yeah – you don’t ever have to ask me – just tell me when my plane leaves.” People think I’m crazy but I love it. And because I love it – I’m good at it – and people tend to get out of my way and allow me to take charge of things for myself. They don’t want me to quit – or they’ll have to do the job themselves, so they’re nicer to me and get out of my way.
I think hookers are the same way – it’s not really a gene – it’s more like a “Pioneer Spirit” – am I right here? Or even close? I mean, I wake up every morning and just can’t believe my incredible luck in having a job and loving a job no one else really wants to do. I have a feeling that a lot of hookers wake up with the same feeling each morning. Being able to convert sexuality into “Benjamins” at 100 percent efficiency has to be intoxicating (I would think).
Well, I’ll work harder on figuring out women after I’ve figured out men. I’m on travel right now and just got back from a dinner at a restaurant with the rest of my guys. When we left the restaurant … they all told me in the car … “Dude – you were totally eyeballing and flirting with that waitress”. I thought … “So what? Didn’t you guys like her too?”
Apparently not. She was older than me and married too – they informed me.
“So am I the only one that saw something sexy and ‘doable’ in her?”
They all nodded their heads … “Yes”.
So not all men are alike either.
Maybe I’m in my own “5% category” here – but I’m happy – she was a hot waitress.
Krulac, you were looking for *her* sexy, not *your idea of sexy*. That’s a difference in your thinking between you and your guys. Subtle and profound, you “big lunk” 🙂
Let me put it this way: a truly stupid Marine has the life expectancy of a glass hammer. You’re still here, right?
I think I’m trying to get at the idea that, if one looks with “see positives in people” glasses, one finds something admirable more often than not, yes?
This is some serious food for thought. Prostitution as a sexual orientation…
I don’t know if I buy that or not, but it’s certainly a different way of looking at things. Imagine if it were still socially acceptable to bad-mouth gays, and in fact if the general opinion in society was still that gays are either evil perverts out to recruit the rest of us, or sick victims in need of a cure.
Now imagine that some straight man, due to poverty, bad luck, and maybe an overbearing gay man with money to burn, ends up having sex with this guy, just to stay alive. When he is able to get out of that, he’s liable to be the biggest “homophobe” of all, and if the politically-active anti-gay organizations get a hold of him, well it’s not going to be good for any fledgling gay rights movement.
Now, none of what he went through changes the fact that homosexuality is normal and satisfying and beautiful to many men, but that straight fellow is going to do a hell of a job selling it as sick, unnatural, evil, disgusting, and so on.
Yes, food for thought indeed.
>I think hookers are the same way – it’s not really a gene – it’s more like a “Pioneer Spirit” – am I right here?
Well, hookers were some of the very first women to venture into the American west.
Over the years, I’ve seen quite a few women who just weren’t “cut out for it.” Two in particular come to mind-
One was on a video set. I’d never seen her before, and she was clearly stoned out of her mind. She couldn’t follow direction, couldn’t focus, and ended up angering everyone. I saw her once more, again on a set. This time she was so stoned she couldn’t function at all. They just sat her in the corner and re-wrote the scenes. I have no idea what ever happened to her.
Another was during my hooking days. She made quite the entrance to town, advertising some acts quite graphically. The customers all thought her an undercover cop at first, but gradually someone must have taken a chance. She kept a very high profile, always starting some kind of aggro on the message boards. She first came to my attention when people told me she was talking me down, trying to steal business. For some reason she saw me as competition. She wanted to join a phone tree we women had, to alert each other of cops or bad customers, and was refused, she was seen as just too much of a loose canon. Then it became clear that she was offering some sex acts without condoms. I never actually met her, only saw her across a room once, but I came to know way more than I liked about her, There was another incident that involved her trying to send a bad client my way.
But truth outs eventually, and her drug habit became known. Her behaviour scared off too many of the good clients, and she relocated to Las Vegas. After that, I thought good riddance. I did hear that she was dying of AIDS, probably from unclean needles, about ten years later. Another sad tragedy.
So yeah, there are train wrecks, and you can often spot them coming, It’s a job certainly not every one is suited for,
Thanks Maggie, great column as usual.
You’re welcome. Thank you for the idea. 🙂
Wait, is that an actual comic cover?
No, it’s a parody of one of the old EC horror titles from the early ’50s. It was so cool I just had to use it.
🙂
I kinda thought it was a parody but I’ve seen so many ridiculous things lately, I honestly can’t tell sometimes. I can imagine that cover being used seriously, sadly enough.
Tell me about it; after all, Foreskin Man was deadly serious.
” As we saw in Rhode Island two years ago, a small group of vocal fanatics can easily convince the “authorities” to strip away rights held without challenge for decades,”
Actually the truth is much closer to the fact that the “authorities” wish to extend their domination and control over people and are looking for excuses to do so. Some bunch of vocal fanatics will do just fine. Useful idiots.
This is why I rescinded my consent to be governed. I do not agree with the legislation of most countries and so I refused to be subject to it. Shame so few are willing to do this.
Hi Maggie,
“One of the central goals of this blog is to help people realize that prostitution is completely natural female behavior; ”
Nice to see some women say this. It is called matri-MONEY for a reason. In part the woman is exchanging access to her body and promising to only have babies with this man in exchange for life long protection and provision. I see no difference at all in paid by the hour prostitution and pay by the lifetime prostitution. In both cases men are paying to have a woman around.
Alas. The level of cuckholding that has gone on over generations shows just what a womans word is worth. I have never had a decent answer from a woman as to why they feel they have the privilege of lying where “a man is as good as his word”.
When I first came here I made a joke that I knew all about prostitutes because I was married to one for 18 years and that I just didn’t know it. Some woman here called that offensive which only showed that she had a bad attitude towards prostitutes. I don’t. I think prostitutes are a good step up from my WIFE! Indeed many wives.
Given that my ex was given 95% of assets in a clear crime and all the other western women cheer that result the description prostitute is accurate. The exception that it would have been much cheaper with a paid by the hour prostitute rather than a pay by family court prostitute. On a per hour basis sex is VERY expensive for a married man with kids. I drum that into the heads of the lads.
Though I must admit I do not get the GFE bit. I would really like pointers to mens comments about GFE. Do you know any good pointers on that subject Maggie? I just don’t get how you get GFE while paying. Do men really suspend their belief so well? That is really the only question I have about prostitution. How does GFE work from the mans point of view?
The fact is that MOST men I know have nothing at all against prostitutes. When men talk in private it is “Well, each to their own, just dont tell me about it so I never have to lie to your wife.” In Asia, where I worked a lot, it was open and accepted. My managers would offer to hire a girl for the night in mixed company, it was not seen as an issue. Men would make jokes about prostitutes and prostitution in mixed company. Not a problem.
It is only in the puritanical west that it seems to be much of a problem.
The only thing men like me really have a gripe about is that we were LIED TO by our women (especially our mothers) as to the deal of marriage going into it and we are raped in the courts coming out of it. Hardly equal at all. Our gripe is MUCH more about the dis-honesty than “prostitution”. We are fed total bullshit about how our wife to be loves us and blah, blah, blah. But once wify has the number of babies she wants? Sex is off the table. A man tries to get what he needs? He is facing 10 to 15. He goes to a prostitute? He is facing career ruin. Eliot Spitzer? The number of men I have talked to over the years telling me the same story….very little sex or intimacy after the kids come along is amazing. What do you sex workers hear? You MUST hear married men come along telling you the “I cant get what I need at home” story, right?
Its the LIES that we object to. Men who have been brought up all their lives told “honesty is the best policy” BY OUR WOMEN only to find out our wives lied to us and ALL THE OTHER WOMEN support those lies is a big “shit sandwich” to follow. We have been betrayed by our women and we know it. And as that comes out it is going to drive a LOT of young men to wards sex workers because those young men will not believe a word women tell them. Tom Lykis has LOTS of shows where women call in and then tell a WHOLE BUNCH OF LIES on air and then wonder why us men do not trust them!
Western women have no credibility any more. They deserve none. They know what is happening in the divorce courts and they stay silent. Even the prostitutes to an extent. When 99.9% of western women condone perjury there can be no doubt as to the trust worthiness of western women. Zippo.
A woman on spearhead asked me why us men have such low expectations of women. The short answer was “they can not make it to honest, why would we have any expectations over and above that when they can take 95% off us in the courts?”. She was a bit shocked at that but it is true.
Men punish men who are dis honest or dis honourable….or at least we try current criminal politicians not withstanding. Women praise and cheer women who are dishonest and talk about “one for the grrrls” and “smash the patriarchy” or “paid them back for all their years of oppressing us”. Really. I kid you not. Women LAUGH at me that the courts acted based on Jennifers KNOWN perjury. LAUGH. Do they not realise the damage they are doing? Do sex workers not realise that as women they will be tarred with the same brush for staying silent about the women of divorce? You don’t get an “I am different and innocent” pass just because you are a sex worker. You are a woman first, right?
And by the way? Women have never been oppressed by men. MEN have been oppressed by men.
Women have traded their “erotic captial” and baby making ability to have the cushiest job any society can give anyone in the safest possible arrangement the society can organise…the family home. It is made as safe as possible because it will contain 2 year olds who can injure themselves with considerable imagination. Women have had the EASIEST job for all of humanity and they still moan about it like they were down a f***ing coal mine. Go down a coal mine and tell me you would rather work there than in the family home. Women whine and bitch and moan about EVERYTHING. They are NEVER happy and men are starting to realise this and figure out it is no longer our job to “make princess happy”.
It is normal and natural for women to trade what they have to gain access to the mans excess labour capability. Without a wife and children to labour for most men just make do for themselves. Ask ANY Ukrainian woman about that!
Why cant women just be honest, eh? Is it really too much to ask? Even my fav#1 has lied to me….not on anything important. But what is it with women they have to lie to us all the time? And why would you “demand respect” while we know you are lying to us?
You can’t expect any respect or any trust until you are able to be punished for breaking your word or breaking your contracts. And we all know that when a man breaks his word he is punished severely. When a woman breaks her word she gets the house, the kids, the car, and most of this future income. This is “equality”. I think you sex workers are going to be seeing a lot more clients come your way as men simply give up on western women.
I disagree with a lot of what you are saying; however it seems to me you are coming from a position where you have been used and abused by the women you’ve loved and trusted in your life and I am sorry that happened to you.
I’m glad to read this article. While I love your blog I am sometimes worried about what seems to be your lack of empathy for those who are forced/coerced/sold into prostitution.
Like any other issue there are two sides; with whoring especially there are people/situations where it can be good as well as abusive.
It’s not that I’m unsympathetic, Anna; it’s that lots of women falsely claim to have been used thus, just as many people claim to have been Satanically abused or abducted by aliens. As long as governments use such women as the excuse to restrict the rights of millions, we have no choice but to turn a cold, scientific eye to their stories. If someone’s claims of abuse at the hands of medical doctors were being used as the excuse to ban medicine, close medical schools, persecute doctors, etc, wouldn’t you want those claims proven? How sympathetic would you feel toward the “victims” who got in bed with evil, ignorant people working to inflict tyranny on everyone in order to further their own twisted religious beliefs? Not very, I’ll wager.
Simply put, I’m sympathetic to women who have truly suffered, but once they align themselves with dangerous, aggressive enemies, I can’t afford that empathy any longer.
That makes sense.
It’s a tough issue for me; I’ve worked with lots of victims as well as non (both when it comes to prostitution, domestic violence and BDSM, etc), and to me they’re almost completely separate things. I’m just not sure how to think about having sex as a business as the same issue as sex trade.
Have you ever read my columns “A False Dichotomy” and “Thought Experiment“? They might help you a little.
Will do–thank you!