Archive for July 17th, 2012

When I was a call girl, men were not paying for sex.  They were paying for something else.  They were either paying to act out a fantasy or they were paying for companionship or they were paying to be seen with a well-dressed young woman.  Or they were paying for someone to listen to them.  –  Roberta Victor

I recently received an email from a gentleman with two friends, each with confidence issues that my reader thought might be ameliorated with the help of an experienced professional.  This is not at all unusual; in my early column “Madonna and Whore” I wrote,

I have gently coaxed sexual response from the impotent or inhibited, or those sexually shell-shocked by disastrous relationships; on a multitude of occasions I have provided a man with some sexual outlet he needed, yet for which he could not or would not ask his wife (usually because she had turned him down cold when the subject was mentioned).  I have given much-needed intimacy to men so deformed most women couldn’t bear to look at them, held men while they cried because they were too ashamed to do it before their wives, and played mother-confessor for a host of sins.  I have lent a sympathetic ear to clients’ problems, given them relationship advice, comforted them when they were in pain and reassured them when they were overcome by uncertainty.

I’m not remotely unusual in this respect; most whores can say the same.  Though prudish American culture prefers to deny it, sex has a powerful healing function (especially for men), and sex professionals can often do far more for a man than a doctor, psychiatrist or priest.  In addition to the basics like massage and release of debilitating tension we give virgins their first experiences with women, minister to the sexual needs of the disabled and even help to relieve stress in men who have suffered through traumatic situations; in the following questions we’ll look at two more cases in which a talented professional would be more therapist than tart.

My first friend is a gentleman in his late 40’s who has not been with a woman in the 3 years since his divorce.  His friends believe he is completely over his ex, but we have noticed an uncharacteristic lapse in his confidence; we’ve tried to reintroduce him to dating, but it’s as if he doesn’t remember how to behave around women and he pulls back within his shell.  Do you think it a good idea to arrange for a discreet professional to meet with him as if by accident and accompany him for an evening, but conceal the true reason for their serendipitous meeting?

Though you can probably find a lady who would be willing to playact with your friend, I’m not at all sure that would be the right thing to do.  I’m a big believer in honesty, and though there are certainly some circumstances in which duplicity for a good cause is acceptable, I honestly don’t know if this would be one of them.  My concern is that if he ever found out it could be even worse for his self-confidence, and there are a number of ways in which he could find out; it might happen during the date due to perceptiveness on his part or a slip on her part, and what happens when he asks for her phone number at the end of the evening (as he certainly would)?  Or what if he goes surfing escort sites (you may think he doesn’t, but what if you’re wrong?) and discovers her pictures online?  Spending an evening with an experienced call girl can do wonders for a man’s sexual self-confidence, but I honestly feel it’s better for him to know what’s really going on rather than being fed a fantasy.

My other friend is much younger (in his late 20s) and has almost the opposite issue; he gets so excited that he finishes much more quickly than he would prefer.  I shared with him some tips to calm himself, and though he said one of those suggestions has truly helped him it only increased his time from immediately to a few minutes.  His last girlfriend moved away and now he’s afraid to deal with another one because he doesn’t want to embarrass himself by “being so disappointing”.  He can’t really afford a sex therapist, so I was wondering if a lady of the evening might help him?  If so, should he let her know exactly what she’s signing up for? 

It’s possible you may already have corrected his problem.  You say he used to climax immediately, but now can last “a few minutes”; how many is a few?  Because as I explained in an interview with the London School of Attraction,  most women don’t want nearly as much actual intercourse as most men seem to think we do.  If your friend can go for five minutes that’s enough for most women, especially if he takes the time to give his partner all the foreplay she wants.  A good escort might indeed help him, but maybe not in the way you’re thinking:  she might be able to teach him to slow down if necessary, but more importantly she could help him develop his confidence and foreplay techniques, and let him know if he really is too fast or just thinks he is.

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