So many, though reluctant to admit it, shun clever men, and rather suffer fools. – Ivan Krylov
Zimbabwe was once a great nation. From the 13th to the 16th centuries it dominated the region and traded with the Arabs and Portuguese, and its capital (now called “Great Zimbabwe”) was the largest pre-modern structure in Sub-Saharan Africa; the ruins of that city are so impressive that early European archeologists refused to believe it could have been built by black people and instead credited the Phoenicians or Shebans (thus connecting the area’s gold riches with the legend of King Solomon’s Mines). This kingdom gave way in the early 17th century to a succession of shorter-lived empires due to a combination of factors including wars with neighboring peoples and incursions by the Portuguese and (in the early 19th century) the Zulus; in the 1880s the area was invaded by the British South Africa Company of Cecil Rhodes, for whom the area was named “Rhodesia”. A series of struggles for independence (some political and some military) throughout the 20th century eventually resulted in the election of a majority-black government under Robert Mugabe, whose increasingly-despotic regime still rules the country 32 years later despite frequent civil unrest, drought, economic crises, epidemics of cholera and HIV and rampant corruption.
All too often, tyrants try to draw attention away from insoluble problems and dramatic failures by persecuting minorities for supposedly encouraging “moral decay” which supposedly creates or at least exacerbates all the visible problems. We need look no farther than the United States for many excellent examples of this, but Mugabe’s commitment to establishing Zimbabwe as a world leader in the persecution of sexual minorities (especially homosexuals and sex workers) deserves recognition as well; for a country of only 12.5 million people (about 50% larger than New York City) it manages to produce an amazing number of stories about police persecution of whores, many with the sort of bizarre elements which make an article noteworthy. Mugabe would be right at home as an American politician; when confronted with UN advice that the spread of HIV could be controlled by decriminalizing prostitution and homosexuality, Mugabe swore that would happen “over his dead body”. Another member of his government suggested that a better solution would be to force women to shave their heads and refrain from bathing, while still another insisted that all men be injected with drugs to reduce their libidos. And the solution to the “prostitution problem”?
Zimbabwean activists protested…systematic arrests targeting women, often wrongfully accused of loitering, soliciting for prostitution and harboring criminals…Dubbed…”Operation Chipo Get Married”, police in the capital are said to indiscriminately nab any woman they find on the streets alone at night. Protester Rudo Chigudu, an educated and well-heeled socialite…said even professional women who worked late hours were not being spared the indiscriminate arrests and harassment…Harare police spokesman James Sabau defended the infamous policy saying officers were merely enforcing the law and protecting civilians…
Zimbabweans resemble Americans not merely in their self-destructive puritanism and their love for giving pompous military-sounding names to petty harassment campaigns, but also in their embrace of American “sex trafficking” hysteria and the “gypsy whores” myth:
Government is in a dilemma on what to do with commercial sex workers who are expected to troop into the country for the United Nations World Trade Organisation General Assembly…next year…Tourism and Hospitality Industry permanent secretary, Dr Sylvester Maunganidze…[said] it was inevitable that prostitutes would flock into the country for the assembly…[and that] anyone suspected of being a prostitute would be arrested…”but if you put stiffer penalties, delegates will go back angry…We have a requirement that condoms should be put in hotels and we received criticism from devout Christians…some of them when they get into their hotel rooms and find condoms in their drawers they throw them through the window and then monkeys will have a feast with those condoms”…
But condom-eating monkeys are the least of Zimbabwe’s sex problems; how about man-raping, condom-hoarding harlot witches?
Three sex workers accused of raping 17 men in Zimbabwe have been freed…[they] were arrested last year after…a police…search of their vehicle revealed more than 30 used condoms…men…said the women forced them to have sex while brandishing weapons. However, DNA evidence…disproved any link between the women and [their accusers]…[there was] widespread speculation that the sex workers were collecting semen for witchcraft.
Nor are the magical powers of Zimbabwean whores limited to forcing erections out of unwilling men:
A Zimbabwe man has told a court that the prostitute he hired turned into a donkey overnight, and now he is “seriously in love.” Sunday Moyo, 28, was caught having sex with a donkey early Sunday morning, according to the New Zimbabwe news website…Police said they found Moyo having sex with a donkey…Moyo…explained that the donkey was in fact a prostitute he had earlier hired for $20 at a local nightclub. “I don’t know how she then became a donkey,” Moyo is reported to have told the court. “I only came to know that I was being intimate with a donkey when I got arrested.” The experience appears to have been a sexual awakening for Moyo, who now says he is in love with the beast…
Alas, there are no witches, in Zimbabwe or anywhere else, with powers great enough to make human stupidity, ignorance and bigotry vanish.
Very good article and amusing, sadly for the wrong reasons with the level of ignorance
So, whores in Zimbabwe are shape shifters? Or was she a weredonkey? Whores have all the fun and magical powers.
Well, all whores are shapeshifters, but usually not that literally. Maybe it was a curse inflicted by a rival witch-harlot, which would explain why she hasn’t changed back yet.
Literal shape shifting is more fun to think about.
I want to know people are learning all this transformation magic and practical black magic. I want to smite my enemies damnit!
No one is going to arrest a donkey for prostitution. So it seems like a viable police avoidance strategy.
My theory is that the “magic” lies in some substance he consumed beforehand.
Why are you picking on Robert Mugabe?!
I’m sorry, perhaps you weren’t aware that this “Man Full of Win” was asked by the United Nations to be their “Leader for Tourism”!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/may/29/robert-mugabe-un-international-envoy-tourism
Well? You know he HAS done such great things for tourism in Zimbabwe!
LOL – he’s also under a travel ban for his abuses of human rights.
Zimbabwe is a perfect microcosm of how political leaders use hatred and distraction to lead the “sheeple”. It is so obvious to any visitor – that it’s almost a “caricature”.
Krulac,
You are under the mistaken assumption that UN acts independently of the US. It doesn’t. The UN gives these petty positions to leaders of countries the US wishes to invade. It was the same with Qaddafi before they slaughtered him under UN auspices. The purpose of these positions given to leaders is to make them let down their guard, not to accept them as statesmen
You made some good points below – but this is a bit “tin foil” in my opinion. Using this logic … I can blame the US for everything.
Russians invade Georgia … well the US told them to do it.
Famine in Ethiopia? Of course, it’s caused by the United States so that we can “invade” under the flag of the Red Cross or something.
UN rejects Zionism? Of course, it’s the US’s doing – somehow we secretly don’t support Israel.
I mean – seriously.
Personally – I and many others would love to see the US withdraw from the UN – and kick the whole organization’s ass to the curb. It hasn’t done much for us except be a platform of constant anti-Americanism, which I guess again – is actually orchestrated by the US to serve some sinister international purpose of conquest.
It would be more correct to say that there is a faction of the US power structure that wields the UN, and another faction of the US power structure that doesn’t have much influence there. You can tell because when one faction gains control of the government, they love the UN and try to use it for every “police action” they want to pursue. However, when the other faction gains power, they attack the UN and try to minimize it’s role.
Example: I could see GWB wanting to get rid of Qaddafi, but I think it unlikely that he would have used the UN for that. If he had tried, he might not have gotten it to go along. Clinton, on the other hand, seems to have the UN wrapped around her little finger.
Off topic, but have you ever heard of the Selous Scouts? They were an obscure but very successful unit of the Rhodesian Army that were probably the main factor in Rhodesia lasting so long.
A question: do the men in Zimbabwe believe that sex with a virgin will cure HIV/AIDS? It seems to be a common belief in some parts of Africa.
Yep. In fact, the idea is MOST prevalent in Zimbabwe.
Thanks for the link; I rather guessed that this weird idea was prevalent there. I just wish I knew how someone on an island far away could usefully assist people there; how Mugabe’s lunatic economic ideas could be successfully challenged (inflation was 2000% p/a before they moved to the US $). But my island was under British* rule for even longer, and we still struggle to break free. (*read English: perfidious Albion)
Well, Mugabe kicked out the white farmers who, under Zimbabwe law, legally owned their land. Their land was stolen and they were not compensated.
Yet Mugabe is still treated like a hero by Black Nationalists who think the Mugabe of thirty years ago still exists in the person called Mugabe today. Never mind that the white farmers were producing enough food not only for Zimbabweans but for export as well. Mugabe “stuck it to whitey” and that’s all that matters.
But . . . he kicked out the white farmers so now he has to find new scapegoats. The new scapegoats are not quite up to the caliber of the white farmers, though. Black whores don’t have the same colonial aspect to them.
You hit the nail on the head sister!
Prior to Mugabe, Zimbabwe (Rhodesia) was an agricultural nation that out produced any ten nations its size combined. Ever had a cup of Zimbabwean coffee? Damn – it’s the best shit in the world – seriously. Rhodesian coffee was a major export but under Mugabe – only way you’ll get a cup of it now is to GO THERE and get one.
In the mid-70’s Rhodesia had the largest black middle class in all of Africa and a GDP comparable to Malaysia – and all this was during the years after UDI when Rhodesia was under sanctions by virtually everyone. Today – the GDP of Zimbabwe is less than that of Haiti.
Here’s the way Mugabe works – and, believe it or not – he’s not out to get “whitey”. He was fine with the white farmers until they started supporting the opposition party – and that’s when the land grabs began in earnest. Prior to then, he only used whites as “bogeymen” to keep his Africans in line with him. Mugabe is the ultimate crony capitalist. Anyone who supports him – is on the inside and he’ll ensure they’re capable of enjoying what little riches the nation has to offer. To those that don’t support him – he puts them on the “outside” and demonizes them. That’s if they’re in an urban area. If they are living in rural areas – he’ll cut off food and medical supplies to a whole community. He won’t announce it – they’ll just stop showing up. This is how he keeps “thinking” people in line.
For those who don’t think – they usually believe that Mugabe is “plugged in” to the most powerful African witch doctors on the continent – and many believe he has supernatural powers himself. They believe that he can see everything that goes on and is capable of extreme forms of paranormal vengeance. I kid not here. Zimbabwe is a full-on acid trip.
I’m referring specifically to Zimbabwe and not Rhodesia, although your points are interesting.
When Rhodesia became Zimbabwe, the white farmers had to purchase the land they farmed from the Zimbabwe government, because the land was considered stolen under colonialism from Black people (which it was, courtesy of Cecil Rhodes). The farmers agreed to this. So under Zimbabwe law, they owned the land legally when they purchased it. Yet Mugabe frames his theft as “compensation for colonialism” when it is nothing of the sort. The compensation for colonialism occurred when the farmers purchased their land from the Zimbabwe government back in the early 80s, NOT when Mugabe harassed and terrorized them into leaving. And he HAD to terrorize them into doing so, because he didn’t have a legal leg to stand on, anywhere.
Oh – well, those are points I didn’t know. I did not know the white farmers actually purchased the land.
I’ve suspected for some time that the ruins of Great Zimbabwe were the inspiration for Edgar Rice Burroughs’ lost city of Opar. The name, the gold, and the apes are from the Biblical Ophir, but the look of the place I think is from the grand old ruin.
I wonder how many of the old kingdoms and empires of Sub-Saharan Africa had a tradition of sacred prostitution? Not too very many after the spread of both Christianity and Islam, but before that? Ouled Nail were from Northern Africa, but… it’ll be something I look up if I try again for an African campaign setting for D&D. Maybe they’ll be shapeshifters.
That picture had me wondering WTF b/c I saw it before reading the text. Condom Eating Monkeys – just wow.
I’m curious what other regimes prosecuted whores to draw attention away from their dilemmas. I sense a Maggie history lesson forthcoming.
This has to be one of the most bizarre set of stories you’ve ever posted. We can’t have condoms because monkeys will eat them. A few prostitutes forced a group of men into having sex with them. And that story about the donkey … words fail. That has to be the worst excuse for bestiality I’ve ever heard. Everyone knows that prostitute turn into cats at night. Well, some turn into owls, but not many.
Also, condom-eating monkeys would be a great name for a band.
Yeah, that’s what inspired the column; I get so many bizarre stories from Zimbabwe I decided it was time it had its own heading for future TW3 columns.
LOL! 😀
Wow. The man on the street in Zimbabwe is almost as stupid as a cop or ADA from Los Angeles.
Reblogged this on The Commenter and commented:
… you just gotta love this woman …
… loved this post …
Reblogged.
… from this blog …
Zimbabwe? “Only in America, dude”. 😉
Seriously though, all these hysterical donkey shaggers, accusations of whorecraft (er sorry) witchcraft, HIV myths, etc?
This is what happens when male libido gets left to fend for itself for a significant amount of time, as Maggie has observed elsewhere. Sexually frustrated, we get, well, … wierd.
Mercy, Ladies, Please 🙂