It’s probably rare that men forget that strippers & porn performers are entertainers, but for some reason they frequently forget that whores are, despite the fact that for most of human history we were often musicians, singers or actresses in addition to providing sexual services, and despite the fact that “entertainer” is sometimes used as a euphemism for “prostitute”. And so, when approaching us to book our services, they often veer off in directions that merely waste time and may even frustrate the lady, rather than simply following her instructions and giving her the information she asks for. This isn’t to say that one shouldn’t be friendly and polite when approaching an escort; of course one should, just as one should be friendly and polite to a contractor, a medical professional or any other professional one wishes to hire. But your flirting isn’t actually going to accomplish anything without money; she’d much rather hear about your name, your references, your job or whatever other screening info she requested than about how tall you are & how good looking you imagine yourself to be; and even though you might be very interested in telling her what you’d like to do to her, you’ll have a much greater chance of actually getting to do it if you keep the porn in your head and just tell her how long a session you’d like and when. Remember, this isn’t some naive amateur you’re trying to charm into the sack; this is a professional who is doing this to make a living. Her wares consist of her time and her company, and she is no more going to appreciate your trying to steal them than a baker would appreciate your picking up a dozen doughnuts and walking out without paying. Furthermore, if you stuck your head into that bakery several times a week just to say how delicious everything smelled, but never actually bought anything, how long do you think it would take for the baker to view your comments as distracting annoyances rather than welcome compliments?
Look, I get that not everyone has enough disposable cash to see escorts frequently, but most of us have social rates and even lower phone rates, and if a lady is kind enough to brighten your day by chit-chatting with you on Twitter, you could at least get her something from her Amazon wishlist (some of my items are as low as ten bucks, and I’m not unusual in that regard) or make a donation to a cause you know she supports. But it isn’t the people making small-talk who are really the troublesome ones on social media; I enjoy interacting with my readers in that way, and most understand that I’m just going to make a few replies before moving on. No, the real time thieves are the entitled arseholes who think they have a right to demand that activists “debate” them individually (by which I mean “refute the same old tinned and unsubstantiated prohibitionist bullshit that’s already been refuted a thousand times”). Yes, I’m an activist, and I make no money from that; in fact I, like most prominent activists, lose a fairly hefty sum every year in both time and cash. I rely on my skills as an entertainer to pay my bills, so if you want me to entertain you by “debate” you can pay up like everybody else, $100/hour of nonsexual online interaction. And if you don’t want to pay, I suggest you do the same thing you’d do if you wanted sex you couldn’t afford: find an amateur you can con, and stop trying to get a free lunch from businesswomen.
I think one problem here is that these people that insist on getting all their arguments addressed personally have some problem that prevents them from doing research in the archives of your site. They also have an inflated sense of their importance, of course. I had some similar experience with supporting an open-source software component on a mailing-list: People were never looking into the archives, and they kept asking the same questions over an over again. That you describe the problem here will not change that, because these people will not find this.
What finally fixed this is that I wrote a Frequently Asked Questions document and just referred people to it, often to a specific item or group of items. That did cut the time needed to answer down extremely and it also stopped the complaints about “not getting help”. If you think it feasible, you may want to do the same thing. I mainly did it by collecting my answers in the cases where I could not yet point to an existing FAQ item. The relevant part of your posting today would make a fine start to an FAQ.
There will still be some complainers (I do get them), but I do the same thing you do, namely point out my hourly rate. And, of course, if somebody has an interesting question, they do get an individual answer if they are reasonably polite about it.
Dear Ms. Mcneill,
How often would you get questions and inquiries that inherently navigate one towards debate? Also does this happen more often than not? I am sure you continue to state and elaborate that you are not here to discuss those topics but topics of a nature that involved commerce and interaction between two consenting adults. I am sure when someone tries to dominate and drive the conversation in a way that has no potential to promulgate business you tend to articulate this message.
I am thinking since you live in a vicinity that is highly technical with those who are practitioners in software development you could develop a program on your website when people start to use word that promulgate argumentation or antithetical points of view it would immediately shut them down from the site. Perhaps if one or more people get the boot, then that should get the message delivered to those who would need it. It also would allow you to engage those who are there for the exact reasons why they should be there.
1) You’re assuming I’m only talking about me; I’m not. This is a common issue for prominent sex workers.
2) You’re assuming I mean this blog. Look around; you won’t see that kind of thing here because I moderate the comments. Twitter is another matter.
Dear Ms. Mcneill,
Does this happened to a lot of your colleagues who happen to be highly visible and outspoken on as many topics within the demimonde? Also because of the fact that twitter happens to be more of a pandora’s box for the variety of things that can be discussed, would it only be on social media such as that where you and others would encounter dialogue that would navigate you to debate on certain subjects where they would take up your time without compensation?
The baker analogy is dead-on! I get a lot of “OMG I really want to meet you in person, you’re so sexy!” on social media and inquires. When I ask them to put their money where their mouth is (pay a deposit for a date or do a Skype session), they ghost me. The same man that told me every day how delicious and mouth-watering my pies smelled actually blocked me on Twitter after I gave him my rates and told him I don’t give out free samples ; )
I ruined the fantasy that we hang out all day looking for that one perfect customer who appreciates our baking skills, therefore worthy of getting free cookies.
Clients: we aren’t fishing for compliments (you showed up at the bakery, we know you’re excited and hungry!) We’re ready to serve if you’re an actual customer, but if you’re here to just talk to the baker all day, please get out of our kitchen.
Well put indeed. 🙂👍🏻 If im seen as a freeloader of your time email and say so and i will get the hint. Wasn’t born yesterday…. i agree with all you said in the article. I’m just broke alot these days. Can’t even afford $10 donation to anyone. Like you I’ve lost money and recovering it is difficult most times every year. But I do enjoy reading your articles and what you say makes sense to me. Its why i read alot of your stuff 🙂.