This was written at the request of a sex worker who wanted to explain the business to someone close to her who objected to sex work and believed most sex workers were trafficked. The writer is a well-known person who wishes to remain anonymous.
As part of my job, I have interacted with bankers, lawyers, doctors, government officials and diplomats of the highest professionalism. So it is no exaggeration when I say that sex workers are among the hardest-working professionals I have ever met. It takes great skill to be a successful sex worker; the physical act of sex is only a small part of the job. You have to be a therapist and a mind-reader, anticipating your clients’ moods and needs. You need to be an entrepreneur and a time-management specialist. You need to always be on your game, because word of a bad experience quickly gets around; unlike most other jobs, you can’t keep screwing up or your clients will ultimately stop seeing you. You also need to keep yourself in shape and pace yourself so you don’t burn out. You’re often working by yourself, so you have to ensure you don’t get too isolated. Most women get into sex work for the money, but who doesn’t seek the most money for any job? This is one job where success leads to more success and even higher rates. You don’t wait for a promotion; you promote yourself.
Despite lurid headlines about sex trafficking, there are relatively few examples of that in the United States. Statistics show that virtually all sex workers in the United States are in the business because they want to be sex workers; even Asian massage parlors are filled with workers who want to be there. (Occasionally you may read about a bust, but then the charges are quietly dropped later because prosecutors can’t prove the women were coerced.)
Here are examples of some of the sex workers I have been privileged to know:
- A gifted PhD from an Ivy league University, with well-respected published papers under her name, who decided she could make far more money with her beauty and charm than working in a think tank after getting her doctorate.
- A zoologist who supplements her income with sex work so she can afford a nice apartment.
- A single mother who found that sex work allowed her to finish her college degree and provide a better life for her son.
- A high-profile business executive who does sex work when she’s traveling on business in other cities because she gets a kick out of it.
- A life coach in her late 40s who turned to sex work because a bad investment left her short of the money she needed to build her core business.
Each of these women had their own reason for deciding to engage in sex work, but they all loved doing it. They got to meet many kinds of men, from different walks of life, some of whom become close friends. They are empowered and set their own schedules to fit their lifestyles. And yet this is what some want to call “exploitation”.
Nice to see some other guys stepping up to the plate and offering some support to the “ladies underneath the lamp posts”.
Prostitution is certainly a fascinating phenomenon in many ways – arguably where the rubber meets the road in more than just a prosaic sense, life being something of a “quid pro quo” all the way down.
And I sure do have to doff my hat in their direction for the many “tender mercies” I’ve received from many of them over a span of some 3 or 4 decades. The “services rendered” – often encompassing far more than just the physical that was freely given – have often been literally a lifesaver: a bargain at twice the price.
Thank you ladies. And to the odd guy or two.
I am a client who runs a 1-person customer service business. 70% of America goes to work and gets a paycheck handed to them. Running your own business takes high levels of skill in multiple areas in addition those needed to ply one’s “profession”. The people I have had the pleasure to meet have been professional in the business aspect of SW and delightful and engaging when the lights dim (or stay on, as the case may be). I’m comfortable stating that my encounters have allowed me to meet people who are more professional and intelligent than the vast majority of my clients and IRL friends are. I use “people” because that’s what SWs are, how I look at them, how they should be treated at all times, and what they are unfairly denied of by stigma and criminalization. Thank you very much, SWs.